


Chained Wings

by Frantastic1993



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Beyond the Walls, F/M, Swearing, Titan Shifters, Torture, Violence, prisoner
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2016-10-22
Packaged: 2018-04-12 10:00:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 94,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4475117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frantastic1993/pseuds/Frantastic1993
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Found stealing supplies; a harsh, bluntly tongued woman, is captured. Left to dwindle in a small cell, she longs for freedom, to return to her life beyond the walls as a shifter. She now has to hold her own against the fury of Captain Levi, tasked with deciphering her identity. She does so, but can't last long. Either her spirit or body will break, she'd prefer it to be her body.<br/>Slow-Burn style writing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there reader, thanks for looking into this piece. Please review, either positive or negative; i'm here to learn. Thank you very much, I hope you enjoy! - Fran
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan, I'm just having fun with characters etc.
> 
> Set after Trost/courtroom occurrance. Shifters have only just been discovered. This will very LOOSELY follow the anime for the time being. Though I will always warn for spoilers from the manga.

The green canopy whirls past me, the big ass trees are my playground and I cheer as the air swirls my short brown hair around. This was freedom. My heart pounds in my ears as I swoop down, watching a seventeen meter Titan dawdle through the undergrowth. It lazily steps here, then lazily steps over there. It pays me no heed and I do the same to it. It exists, I exist. Simple.

My base comes into view, my little haven, going on ten years I'd been here. Long may it continue. Those rats are happy with their 100 years of peace? Little do they know that it's only 100 years of imprisonment. I aim and shoot the wire once again, getting ready for a fresh swing of momentum. I was like a bird, I was free.

I wonder when I should next properly stretch my legs. Hadn't properly done that in a while. Perhaps I could see how fast I really could run. Or even see if I could find that place they called the ocean? Though I'd have to steal a map. That could cause complications. Of course, before I did anything, I'd have to check the Scouting Legion wasn't on the war path. I laugh, what fools they were. I flip round, and sigh as the cold wind whips past me. I had strong wings, and I had even stronger possibilities. Yes, I would stretch those muscles again, and soon. A smile spreads over my face as I sink below the canopy, green flickering past my slightly ajar eyelids.

Bliss.

"Wake up."

Pain engulfs my mind. The trees and freedom; it's stripped away. I'm falling, the canopy getting further and further away as I descend towards the unforgiving earth. It's all gone; my freedom, my wings, my possibilities. It's all smothered into darkness, and I feel blood spill down my chin. Again. I'm dragged back to reality, and stare at the cold cell floor. It's rough, and unforgiving against my knees as they quiver a little, droplets of blood pattering against the stone like new rain. My cell is small, though big enough for this prick to get a good swing of his leg. Then again he didn't need much room.

Little legs, for a little midget.

At least this time I hadn't gone deaf in one ear. I shift my weight a little, my handcuffs rubbing against the open flesh on my wrists. Ugh, just heal already, this was getting tedious. I can't even heal properly right now; exhaustion, and blood loss were a damned inconvenience I was growing weary of.

"I said, wake the fuck up."

"No, you only said wake up." I tried to use his low voice, but the fact I hadn't had water in several days, meant I only squeak and crackle. Still, it was clearly annoying enough to justify another kick. It was probably the only breakfast I was going to get, so I savour the pain as it echoes through my gut. Delicious. Nutritious.

"Cut the shit, brat. Give it up, tell us who you are." He growls and I sigh, the taste of iron coating my tongue from blood.

This prat really wasn't going to let up, but really I had no other answer to give. Not to him anyway. I look up, and grimace at his lack of expression. At least look angry, hateful, happy, something! But no expression just underlines the fact I mean nothing, it demonstrates the fact I can rot here, and no one will know. Ah. I see why he holds no expression; that's exactly how he wants me to feel. I clear my throat, and continue my crackling.

"I already told you."

"'I'm nobody', is not an answer."

"Well… it's mine."

"Name. Full name."

"You have no god damned right to keep me here."

"Well we don't think that's true. Now give us your name or I swear—"

"You'll what?" I hiss, looking up at him as I strain against my cuffs, anger spilling over. "Kick me in the face? The stomach? Whip me? Hang me? Just get the fuck on with it then. I have done nothing wrong, and yet you lot seem to think you have the authority to drag me back inside this cage and torture me? Wings of freedom my ass, wings of suppression and pain more fucking like it."

I ignore the fire singing my nerves, fresh blood trickling over my hands as I sit up and bare my bloodied teeth at him. If only I wasn't so damned weak right now; I'd show you, I'd show you what real fear is. You prick. Those steel grey eyes would snap wide open, you'd see your pathetic little shit of a life flash before you as it's reflected in my rage.

I'll show you.

You just wait.

Of course he just stares down at me, those grey eyes, unmoved as always. This man was made of stone, and I was sick of being in the path of his rock-slide. I was used to being the main force of nature in my life; and I didn't play well with others. He kneels down slowly, grabs my hair and wrenches my head back till I'm sure he'll snap it clean off. I wonder if he could. I also wonder what would happen if he really tried.

He tightens his grip in my hair, pain splintering over my skull but I just grit my teeth.

"You claim you haven't done anything, you little shit."

"What am I meant to have done? Other than living outside the fucking walls. Didn't think that was illegal." I spit blood at him, and it lands on his cheek. He drops me, grunting as he straightens up, and kicks me once more.

"Fucking disgusting rat." I look up through a curtain of hair as he pulls out a crisp white handkerchief, and wipes his face. I just sneer. "You're suspected of being the Colossal Titan, you know this, brat."

"And as I said, that makes no fucking sense. Humans can't turn into Titans you crazy bastard."

"We have recently learned otherwise."

"You keep saying that, as if I'm meant to understand it!"

"I do believe I'm speaking the same language." He hisses, kneeing the side of my head with a grunt.

"A slightly rougher dialect, but yeah, the same language. Look… If I was the Colossal Titan, then why wouldn't I have changed already?!" I cough as blood fills my mouth, and gasp for the bitter air. I can feel him smirking. "Also, I would point out, I'm female? That fucker was a man if I recall correctly."

"The sheer size of that thing could well render that a moot point."

"Mm… I suppose a pair of jugs that fucking big would be fairly hilarious." I cackle as my consciousness ebbs a little. Damn this pain was ridiculous. He presses his foot down on my knee, and I clench my jaw against the yelps in my throat. Sadistic bastard.

"You won't risk getting stuck, that's why you haven't changed."

"Or I haven't, because I can't."

"Yeah, yeah."

"I'm not the Colossal!" I shriek, my cuffs rattling against the pole as I lean forward.

"I don't believe you." He hisses. I huff, and sit back against the pole I'm attached to.

"Evidently." I say through my teeth, looking across the splattered ground. The pattern of my fallen blood, criss-crossing all across as I'm kicked from left to right, up and down. I had a lot of flair with my blood distribution. I wondered what I could see there, hidden in the random splodges and stains. What did it say about me if I saw a long, serrated blade that would be perfect for slitting his skinny throat? Nothing good, that was for sure.

I sigh into the momentary quiet, this was pointless.

"Don't push me, brat. You will explain yourself. No one lives beyond the walls."

"It doesn't matter what I fucking say you prick," I say quietly, calmly and with my eyes closed.

I lean against the pole, and try to move my wrists away from the harsh metal. It doesn't work. He waits for me to continue as I draw a careful breath, not drawing too deeply as my ribs flare angrily.

"You want someone to blame besides yourself for the people you weren't around to save. And you're determined for it to be me, because that's easier than accepting the fact you don't know who it was. But I'm sorry… it wasn't me."

"So you—"

"So beat me, kill me, leave me here to die, whatever the fuck you want. But I didn't do it, and no amount of my blood covering the floor and your boot, is going to change that. Pig."

I keep my voice calm and level, I can sense him tensing but I just stay still. If he was going to beat the life out of me, I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of watching me flinch. Not if I could help it at all.

"You—"

"Levi..." A new voice rumbles into the air, but I remain unchanged, guessing that this is the voice of his superior. It has that arrogant slant to it. Nice of you to show up, you chump. Don't want to dirty your own hands, but you'll gladly leave this animal to beat your prisoners to death. Makes you no better. Just makes you a coward, as well as heartless. Not that I'm all cuddles, sunshine and rainbows; but I at least don't hide behind a bullshit crest and false promises. Instead I had an entirely different facade, only it wasn't used to hide. Not often anyway. I fight a smile, the taste of blood ringing in my memory.

"Commander." My tormentor's voice is strained, I almost look up to see if his face is matching the emotion. But I know it won't be. So I just stay as I am, I can tell it's annoying him, so it just makes it better for me.

"You're obviously not getting anywhere with her, just leave it for the day. I'll send Hanji in to clean her up."

"No. Leave her to stew." The voice hisses before the bars are slammed closed again. The lock clangs into place, and I just hear a heavy sigh before heavier footsteps walk away. Upstairs? I can hear slightly forced breaths in front of me, beyond the door of my cell as he watches me. Seemed odd that it was the animal looking into the cage.

I just wait.

I can crumble once those grey gimlets aren't watching.

Beyond the fact that he had just tortured me for three hours straight, prior to my passing out, I had to admire his passion. He was clearly dedicated. He was an asshole, who I would enjoy choking the life out of, but he had a small touch of my respect.

Prick.

"You going to leave me to stew, or are you going to stand there watching me all night?"

"This isn't over, you little shit."

"Oh really? I thought the whole situation was resolved. My mistake."

"Fucking brat."

"Have a good night Corporal, enjoy the company of your demons."

He storms away, muttering under his breath. I'm sure I hear his noises ascend. So I'm definitely underground. Well, information was information. It seemed my exhaustion and inability to use my potential, wasn't so much of a loss. It wouldn't do me any good down here anyway. Not without causing a lot of irritating bruising. Finally a door slams shut, and another lock is put in place, echoing down into my lonely tomb.

I carefully open my eyes, and wearily look around my abandoned cell. Only lit by a small lantern on the far wall it is grimy, cold and lonely. But the solitude means I can finally give in a little. I let my head hang forward as I breathe deeply against the searing pain. Small whimpers escape me. My whole body is screaming at me, every muscle sore from being kept in this awkward position, my skin is raw from beatings, and my mind is scattered. This was one hell of a day.

I shouldn't have fucking stuck around, but I couldn't help it.

It had been about two years since I moved within the walls of Maria, having previously been outside those before the Colossal turned up to the party. Being a little closer to civilisation made resupplying less of a chore. It meant I was technically inside a wall, but I was still out-with that caged society. It was something.

When I finally gave in and headed for supplies, I waited till dusk had come and gone. Darkness made the Titans weary, slower and easier to dodge, but it also meant I would go unseen by the idiotic humans. Really they were the ones I wanted to avoid. They were the real enemy. I checked my gear, and took a deep breath, time to fly. I fired up, and began my ascent. The wall was cracked and worn, but I figured they hadn't seen the need to maintain this wall with Maria in place. Now it was a different story. I'd have to find a new spot to go over once they began their work. That was tedious.

As my thoughts are jumbled up, I rather stupidly don't notice the small group of soldiers watching me. Waiting for me. And little did I know the little grey eyed ninja was amongst them. A boot, probably his, swung round into my temple as soon as I stand atop the wall. I stumbled a little, swinging my blades around blindly as I tried to back away, but soon found myself just falling towards the city below. Well… shit. The ground is rushing up to meet me, like an overly attached Aunt desperate for affection. This hug would hurt.

And then I stop.

I'm suspended mid-air, arms reaching towards the ground's embrace. Blood rushed to my head as I hung there, confused and weary. And then I felt it. Warmth is spreading down from my calf, and I scream as the pain hits me. Some bastard had shot his wire down to catch me. In that moment I wished he'd had the good grace to hit me in the head, or through the chest. Then it would have been quick at least. And not even I had the self-control to avoid using my potential then. But no, the damn leg. On the pain goes, burning as they hoist me up clumsily. I sob and wail, pride long gone as agony thrashes my body with each tug. Damn them. Why couldn't they just leave me be?

In my cell I shift till I'm sat on the floor, my legs finally stretched out in front of me. My bandaged leg aches, but after three weeks it was beginning to heal properly. I had wanted to let that heal straight away, but as I'd already decided, if they knew… I'd be proper fucked. Though I definitely needed a fresh bandage. Not much chance of that, I was being left to stew after all.

A door opens. The sound trickles down to me.

I quickly right myself, back into my original, and painful, position. Light footsteps head my way, and I stare blankly at the door. They wouldn't know my cracks were showing. This was one prisoner they weren't going to fucking break. They could torture me, question me, even kill me. But they wouldn't break me.

The lantern light flashes off a pair of glasses, and I tense.

Not this woman again.

I don't show it on my face of course, but as she enters my cell, I wish I could break this pole free of the ground and swing it in front of me as defence. She rambles a lot about Titans, and whilst I care little about the monsters anymore, her fascination is a little unnerving. And the fact she studies them makes me wary, she might well figure me out. But that was a stretch. Damn cell was making me paranoid.

"Calm it, kiddo." She sings wandering over, a tray of food and supplies in her hands. I look her up and down, still leaning back as she kneels down, and sets everything in front of her. The food makes my mouth water, and stomach give a traitorous tell-tale grumble. A weird look comes over her. Is it pity? She slowly raises the bread to my lips. "Here, take a bite."

I hate that I do it, but I bite into the bread, and greedily chew it down, choking a little as my dry throat tries to deny the food passage. She holds up the cup of water and I sip, careful not to gulp in case I puke from the shock. This continues for a few minutes till the ache in my gut is dulled, and I can see clearer. Damn this place was even grottier than I thought.

She was mad, but right now she was my angel of mercy.

She sits down with legs crossed, watching me as I lick the blood from my lips. The box next to her snaps open, and she begins to gather medical supplies together. Along with a few damp cloths. I lean back.

"I thought short-ass said I wasn't to get cleaned up."

"And you care about his orders?"

"I do if I'm the one who gets the punishment for them being ignored." I mutter, flinching as she dabs at my forehead first. Again the glasses flash, and a grin spreads across her face. Despite being an angel, she was damned creepy too.

"I told him where to shove it."

"Brave."

"As far as I'm concerned you're innocent till proven guilty."

"Aren't you the forward thinking one…" I hiss through my teeth as she catches the bruising on my cheek. "Sorry… I appreciate it, really. I do."

"You're allowed to be a bit grumpy."

"Yeah but you're not the one pummelling me for something I didn't do."

I wasn't planning on making friends, and braiding the woman's hair, but I could at least appreciate the fact she wasn't as awful as the rest. She wasn't perfect, but then again, she was human. I try a smile, but flinch against the blossoming bruise. I wonder how swollen I am. Do I even look like myself right now? Not that I really know what that is anymore, I haven't had a mirror in a decade. She pats my leg, and I shift myself awkwardly to sitting position, she begins to unravel the bandage, and smiles a little to herself.

"I may be able to help you out with that."

"Excuse me?" I lean away a little, does she want to be the one hurting me? The one pummelling me into the stone floor, and spreading my blood like jam. I think she feels me quiver beneath her touch, and she looks up with an apologetic look.

"Sorry, let me be clear. I meant, I think I can convince shorty that you're telling the truth."

"How?"

"Can I take a sample of your blood?"

"Uhm… well there's plenty on the floor?" I say, still confused, but as she takes out a syringe I cringe but nod. She jabs my arm, and draws out my blood, holding a swab to my skin afterwards. She then returns to her work on my leg. "So how is that going to help me?"

"We've recently acquired a Titan shifter,"

"Acquired?"

"Yeah… it's the reason you're a suspect in the first place."

"Oh… great… I'll have to thank that person."

"Well, we didn't know humans could potentially do such things till he came along, but now that we have him on our side and in our regiment I can—"

"Compare our blood." I sigh as the bandage falls away and the cold air caresses my leg softly. It's the best feeling, it makes a real smile break across my lips. And then makes me flinch against my bruising. Worth it. Though of course, with this new found bliss is the unbridled panic. Problem is, I could hardly refuse her taking my blood, could I? Then I'm just holding up a big ass sign, and proclaiming it to the world. Problem was. I was 'shifter' as they called it, but I wasn't any damn Colossal. What the hell do I do now? She sees none of this panic on my face. Just smiles.

"Before I do compare this though… can I just as you outright? Are you the Colossal?"

"No." I notice she didn't ask if I was a shifter. She was very specific. Could I maybe persuade her that I wasn't a threat? I hold her gaze, and let her read the honesty there. She has such big, open eyes, I see no malice there. Only curiosity. Perhaps I could strike some kind of deal, let her study me, in exchange for her silence. I just had to ask her right. I just had to suck it up, and be brave enough to take the chance. It was either that, or hope she was shit at her job.

"I believe you." She sighs, sounding almost disappointed.

"Sorry?" I laugh, and she waves a dismissive hand. "So that'll clear me, if you find that I'm not a… shifter was it?"

"Yeah, that'd do it… of course…"

"Of course what?" I encourage, hoping she might even come up with the solution herself. Come on Glasses, figure it out. Help me, and even help yourself.

"Nothing. You'll just have to be patient, but that'll be helped by this…"

"By what… ow… what the fuck was that?" I hiss as another pinch goes into my arm, and she gives me a slightly unnerving smile.

My vision blurs a little, and I make to throw another curse her way but my jaw feels slack. God damn it. A sleeping agent? Suddenly my angel has become a demon. I mumble, and feel my world turn to darkness. Though at least I can't feel the pain anymore.

Silver linings were important when left in a shit-storm.

I can hear echoes around me, the clang of metal and clink of chain. But then I'm lifted by my arms, I'm being dragged? I try to ask where we're going but can't. I can't move a damned muscle. My heartbeat is slow as it drums in my mind, my breathing deep, whilst stairs catch against my feet. More jostles and echoes swirl around, and I feel the darkness deepen a little more. It's like I'm in a weird bath, sloshing in and out of consciousness.

But soon I feel a chill run over me, I give a gasp as the icy air nips at my nerves, but soon I feel a blanket thrown over me, covering my head as well as my body. Not exactly caring, but it shielded me from the harsh wind.

Did I hear the rattle of a cart? Was I in a cart? Where the hell was I being taken?

Hands grab my arms again, and once more I'm dragged along, unable to ask or move. I listen to stone, and steel moving. Another cell? I feel a soft mattress beneath me, but soon realise its thin and worn, but still it was an improvement. And then the shackles return. They're thicker than the other ones, harder against my skin, but I think they move less. I might actually be able to heal a little. How gracious of the bastards. Heavy chains slide into place, and I feel them tug my arms down a little. I'm lying on my side, knees tucked up to my chest, arms held outstretched crucifix style, but not tightly. A little freedom was being given. I wouldn't voice it even when able, but I was grateful. I felt a little less like an animal. Not much, but a little.

"I don't know if you can hear me kiddo, but I hope you know that you need to start co-operating."

Not fucking likely, love.

"Shorty has a temper suiting his stature. You're only harming yourself."

It was sweet, such affection for someone she didn't even know. For all this woman knew I was a crazed psychopath, and was the creature who decimated the 100 years of peace. They didn't know I wasn't yet. I knew I wasn't. But it was sweet that she had such faith. I hoped she wasn't as naïve in all areas, otherwise she'd end up dead pretty fucking quick. And annoying. Naïve people were fine in small doses, anything more, they made you sick. Plus, if she was as stupid as the rest, then as soon as she looked at my blood, she'd fly off the handle and have me burned at the stake. She seemed manic enough. But not stupid enough, from what I'd seen.

"I think you'll have the Commander down here soon enough offering you a choice."

What choice? Live or die?

She then redoes my bandaging, cleaning the scarring flesh, and replacing with fresh linen. I can't move, but I hope my smile shows.

"He'll ask if you're willing to join the regiment. He's impressed with your use of the 3D gear, plus the fact you survived out there so long… he's eager to recruit you."

And the other option is? I'm guessing I can't just return home?

"And just so you know, it's not likely he'll let you go home. Sees it as irresponsible or something. I know you'll be enraged by all this… to be fair I haven't really seen you soon anything else… understandably so, but still, just so you know, I'd love to have you on board. Even if you're not a shifter!" she whispers this into my ear, and I further believed the fact she's mad.

Brilliant.

But mad.

And potentially a useful ally. I feel a little less worried about her finding my blood as abnormal, as their 'acquired' shifter friend. It might just make her day. She was already assured I wasn't the Colossal, so she might just want to find out what I am instead. Now it was a case of how brave she was. Or how much she cared about her military career.

What a prat this Commander sounded though.

Basically join up or stay in prison? Great. One cage for another.

"It really isn't so bad, Kiddo. I promise… plus you're hardly going to object to dealing with the Titans right?"

No, but I object to being given orders.

"Ah… still, you'll prove amusing." I can hear her grin, and imagine her glasses flash as my regard for the woman grows. She was clearly a few hens short of a roost, but she seems well intentioned. I also wondered if she was psychic, or was so used to talking to herself, she was imagining my responses. Either way, she was growing on me.

A little like a weed.

Time is fluid. I have no idea how long I sleep for; days, weeks, months? Echoes come and go, footsteps, grunts and the sputtering of the lanterns. As my muscles ache I shift a little, surprised to find I can. It must have been a day or so, the way my bones creak as I roll over and stretch out. A yawn breaks my lips, and I cough a little as the musty air swirls down my parched throat.

"Finally awake. Took your fucking time."

I let myself fall limp, of all the things to wake up to, I was waking up to this prat? My bruising has died down, but it isn't healed by a long shot. That concerns me, even at my state of exhaustion and weakness, this should have healed by now. What was holding me back? I guess it didn't really matter, I couldn't do anything about it from here. Shit… Another round with him, wasn't something I imagined would do me any good. Hanji pops into my brain, and I will her to come by and visit. To stop whatever this madman was about to do.

But she won't.

That would be too damned convenient, and helpful. I need an escape, I need something other than stone walls and pain. This wasn't what I'd wanted out of life, and for ten years I'd lived simply and free. So why was I being punished for that? I imagine myself back home, high in the canopy, or prowling like the formidable hunter I was. All in all; free from this bullshit. Out there the biggest issue was whether to gut the dear on the ground or not. Drag its carcass up whole, or take all the little bits separately? Here though? Things got messy all on their own.

I hear the door open.

I hear the door close.

I hear him approach.

I hear him pause.

I brace, but it makes little difference.

He drags me off the bed, and throws me onto the cold floor. The best way to start the day. I accept the fact that this is likely to continue for a while, so I remain quiet, and carefully look up. I can't make out what non-expression he's wearing, and can only see a slight shine against his heavy lidded eyes. What was this guy's problem with me? To have such hatred towards someone you don't even know. It was incomprehensible. Even for a human. When he just stands there, looming over me as I fight the urge to get up, I feel my patience slipping away. If you're going to torture someone, then just do it? I give in, he wants me to start this dance. I make my curtsey.

"What can I do for you today, Captain?"

"You can tell me who you are."

"Already done that."

"Everyone is someone, no one is nobody."

"How philosophical of you."

"Name. Now."

"Or what?"

"You know what." He growls, kneeling down and taking a handful of my hair. He wrenches me upright, and bends back my head till I'm looking at the ceiling. I breathe through clenched teeth but make no move. There was no point, I was trapped, and he was freakishly strong, even for me. This wasn't a fight I would bother with. "If you're not even going to fight back, comply."

"Why fight back? What would be the point, you psycho?"

"It's called dignity, you rat."

"I have dignity, but I'm fully aware I can't beat you right now. So I'm maintaining said dignity, by just letting you vent whatever frustration it is today that has you here, beating on an innocent woman. Such a proud man you must be."

"I'm only here to get information. That's it."

"Sure it is, it's not in any way some sick form of therapy for you."

"You don't know me, rat." He pulls my hair even further, and I grasp his hand in an attempt to alleviate some pressure. He was going to rip all my hair out. I suited short hair, I wasn't so sure I'd suit being bald. I force my eyes open, and stare him down.

"Whose face do you see when you hit me, Captain? Hm? Whose voice do you imagine when you make me yelp in pain? Commander Erwin? Your wife? Your boyfriend?"

His hand is at my throat, and tightening.

I sense I hit a nerve, but I don't know when. I spoke quickly, knowing full well my speech time was limited, and if I had the opportunity to piss this guy off. I would take it. It was more than likely I would die in this place. Yet the sooner I got him mad beyond reason, the sooner I would be free.

Dead, but free.

"Boyfriend-it-is."

"None of this is your business, rat."

"I have nothing better to do."

"All you need to concern yourself with, is how many times it'll take for me to kick right through your gut."

"Judging from last time?" I cough, when he finally lets go, "About 43. Give or take a couple."

"Better get started then."

And on he goes. 1,2,3,4…

I feel old wounds be swaddled by new ones. I feel old breaks become new ones, and I once again seek the solace of my delusional daydreaming. I imagine myself having lost balance, and all that's happening is that I'm falling down a tree, hitting branches on the way down. Ow. But it was fine, I had plenty medical supplies, and a good store of food. I could stand a few weeks held up at home. It'd be boring, but peaceful.

Damn this was a tall tree.

But even then my mind revolts. It doesn't make sense. I'd have transformed by now, I'd have saved myself from this pain. I wasn't afraid of pain, but I knew how to avoid it. As the deluge continues, I long for my power. It was the first time I'd felt truly helpless in a long time.

Just kill me.

"Just answer me dammit. This is getting boring." Though his voice sounds more invested than ever, like he's enjoying his work a little too much. This isn't very surprising. "You stubborn, bitch. No one survives out there, and no one just disappears without a trace. Someone knows you. We'll find them."

I wonder if he thinks this is a trigger for me. Will I have someone I need to protect? Well, no, sorry little man, I don't. The emotional connection route is another, dusty dead end. I wipe blood from my eye, and grin.

"Good luck. Check the pubs." I spit, letting the bloodied spittle dribble down my bruising chin. He pauses, narrowing his eyes at my words, but he knows there's nothing much to be deciphered from them. I'm playing with him, as much as he's punishing me.

"Little sob story is it?" he mutters, stepping on my hand and pressing down, I wail and claw at his leg, leaving bloody fingerprints against his white trousers. He presses harder before kicking me away with a disgusted grunt. "Filthy rat like you… I bet you're from the underground."

"Gambler are you?"

"No, but I get the feeling I'm right."

"Used to being wrong then?" I chuckle, and attempt to get up.

Amazingly enough he lets me, and he stands watching me as I right myself, and brush off the debris of my cell. Despite its cleanliness, I had managed to get filthy. It seemed to be a talent of mine. He's looking me up and down, brow ever-so-slightly furrowed. He probably doesn't understand how I'm standing, and quite frankly I don't either. My healing isn't working, and yet I endured. But if it makes him pause, I'd keep it up without question.

"My story is just that, mate. Mine. And you, with your damned capes and hypocritical morals, cannot demand it from me. I have done nothing wrong, okay… I stole a few supplies here and there… but otherwise I am completely innocent."

"No one is innocent."

"My, my, you must have one fucker of a sob story yourself, small-fry. Funny thing is though, I couldn't care less about yours. Yet you're oh-so-interested in mine. And why?" I lean back, and crack my back before stretching out, and cracking my arms too. "Because I lived outside the walls. Who gives a fuck? One less body to keep fed and watered inside the pen. And—"

"One less person controlled."

Despite the fact I hate him, and despite the fact I have found no redeeming quality other than his blind determination or passion; I sense these aren't his words. I have no idea what kind of leader this man is, and in all honesty I can't comprehend why he was ever put in charge of anyone else's life but his own. However. There was a definitive sense of disgust there, he says the words, but he hates them. I spit out some more blood, and shrug at him.

"Well I'm here now, penned in, and controlled. Job done."

"You're in a cage, that doesn't make you tamed." He snarls, striding towards me. I hate that I do it, but my instincts send me tumbling back against the wall. My entire damn body is quivering. Shit. My mind is being obstinate, refusing to let fear in, but my body is not so strong willed. I'm shivering and gasping for air as my heart races off without me, but he doesn't seem to notice as he pins me by the throat. "I will break you, and you will obey me."

"You fucking wish."

"I fucking know."

"The day you break me? Is the day you literally break every bone in this body. And then what's the use?" I hiss and he tightens his grip. The room swims, and I breathe thinly, eyes rolling back. "You'll be controlling a corpse."

"Mankind needs saving, Erwin seems to think you can help with that. I would rather get straight to killing you. However, he's in charge. So for now, we'll be going down his path. Once he gets bored of you?" he murmurs in my ear, hot breath making goose-bumps spring up across my flesh. "And he will. On that day? I will break you apart, and I will fucking enjoy it. I don't trust you, but I will kill you. That's a promise." He speaks so harshly, short little bursts of hate as he speaks past those thin, pale lips and sharp little teeth.

He then chucks me onto the bed. I hear him wipe his hands on the sheets before marching out, and slamming the cell door shut. Without another poisoned word, he storms off. Once the far away door also slams shut, silence returns to my humble abode and I begin to weep. I clasp my burning through, and let the bitter tears fall.

Damn them.

Damn them all.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feel free to review either positive or negative; i'm here to learn, and appreciate it all.
> 
> Thank you very much.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.

A few more days of solitude pass me by without issue. Without change. Without life.

I lie there for a long time, staring at the ceiling and listening to the echoing noises of the HQ above me. I wonder how many of them even know I'm down here. Am I some big secret? Or a big deal that everyone is whispering about? I smirk, it didn't really matter did it? It only mattered if someone found out, and felt like freeing the poor creature brought in from outside the walls. Until then, it mattered very little. Until then I could imagine bursting through this ceiling, and mauling all of them. Of looming over them, and watching them scramble, pissing themselves as they scream for their mothers. Bastards. I wasn't a malicious person; but they had officially poked the proverbial bear. And she wasn't happy about it. A weird smile is on my face as I recall the sensation of power, the pure heat of unbridled rage. What a feeling. What freedom.

Once I can move an inch without being engulfed by pain, I get up, and start rebuilding myself. I pace as far as I can with my chains, I get down and do push-ups, I run on the spot. I may be left to linger here for months, even years, but I wasn't going to let myself dwindle down to nothing. The first real chance I got, I was going to take it if I could. I would get out, and I would take that short bastard down. I get up from my latest push-up session, and sit on the bed.

Would I rather kill him, or have freedom?

It may well be that I have to make that choice.

I imagine my hands wrapped round that neck, snapping it clean in two. Or pulling that damned cravat tighter and tighter, till there's a satisfying pop. My whole body shivers in anticipation. What if I got to the surface? Then I could transform, I could squish him beneath my foot. I could literally crush his life out of him. I could rip him apart, bone by bone. I think I need revenge, more than I need my home. I need his blood, more than I need freedom. Is that right? I scrape my hair back, and breathe the stale air in deeply. My heart pounds. My mind is scattered. Yet even now, as I imagine my home, and its simplistic existence, my mind immediately snaps back to those grey eyes, and the way that raven hair falls in front of them. Those thin pale lips, with pearly teeth bared behind. I am immediately angry, and immediately ravenous for violence.

Someone is barking orders in the distance. This is not a new occurrence, but the closeness is. I wonder if I'm about to have a fresh visit with my little tormentor, and I feel a thrill as I look at my clawing hands that wrap round the bars eagerly. The second he was in reach I'd claw those pale eyes out. I'd smash those teeth down into his gullet, and watch him choke on them. I'd— I hear rushing footsteps, and the familiar twittering's of Hanji.

What the hell…

I look at my hands, and back away from the bars.

My breathing is a little shaky, and I stumble back to sit on my bed. My mind cools, and my hands begin to quiver as I shake my head, dispelling the last of the hatred. I'd never known this kind of loathing. It was this kind of poisoned thinking that had sent me over the walls in the first place. It was this side of humanity I'd wanted to escape. I grit my teeth. No, he wasn't getting to me, he wasn't going to break me. I would not let him turn me into the beast he probably thought I was. Little did he know, I was much worse in some ways. I put my hand over my mouth, and fight the nausea. Memories wouldn't help me here. Not now.

When the familiar flash of glasses catches my eye I turn, and smile weakly at my one 'friend'. I can't bring myself to actually like her yet, after all she hasn't given me a key, or ticket out of here. But she did at least act humane towards me, and also treat me as a human. It was a big step up from him. Then again he was my only other point of reference. The rest of this damned regiment had steered well clear.

I recall Hanji's words from when I was drugged up. The Commander had a choice to give me. And what a choice it was. I lie back as Hanji enters the cell, that weird little grin in place all the while. When would the Commander come? And what the hell was I going to say? The word freedom didn't really apply to the choice. I was either in this cell, or in their uniform. I didn't really know which was worse. I internally scoff, yes I did. The cell was much worse, the uniform would simply be annoying. But also liberating. If I played along perhaps I could eventually return home, slip away on a mission. Then again, would I even need to? All the Scouting Legion was for, was exploring the outside terrain and then returning home with as many people in tact as possible. The only difference between here, and home would be the lack of thieving. And following orders. I smirk, Commander Erwin would surely be aware of the unlikeliness of that going well. My mind fizzes, perhaps this was a choice I could make. But I still needed time to think it through, the Commander would have something else up his sleeve, surely?

I'm relieved Hanji has come alone today, I didn't have the mind power to deal with the Commander's grand entrance. Of course I also needed to find out if she'd compared the blood yet. Was I found out already? Or was she still ignorant?

I sit up when Hanji is by my side. I then notice something.

She's left the door ajar.

I look at the slightly open threshold, and feel myself sigh. I was chained, and couldn't run off, but even the slightest ray of hope lightened my spirits a little. This wasn't a real chance, it was simply a glance at one.

Hanji taps my shoulder, and I give a small shrug to her sorry smile.

"Sorry, a girl can dream." Not that I sound like a girl, I sound like a 60 year old man. She passes me a glass of water, and I take careful sips. It tastes awful in my stale mouth, but on I sip. "Thanks… So where am I now? And what was with the sleeping draft? This is all very cloak and daggers…"

"Sorry, kiddo. But I didn't think you'd be co-operative, and I didn't fancy letting shorty have another go at making you compliant."

"Thanks I guess… not that it stopped him paying me a visit anyway…"

"This is HQ, until we know for sure what or who you are, you'll be staying down here. Sorry, not my ruling I'm afraid."

"I like that you put what, before who." I grin into the glass. Her glasses flash again but I just roll my eyes. "Haven't checked the blood yet have you?"

That was vague enough right?

"So Hanji… tell me about this Titan shifter?"

She tells me about a young boy called Eren Jeager, and then proceeds to gush about his abilities. This only makes my hopes grow; perhaps she would give me a chance. On she goes, blabbering about his victory for Humanity in Trost, and all the hope he had brought. I found it odd that this kid was being heralded a hero for actually being a Titan-shifter, and yet I was being beaten to a pulp, despite them not knowing for sure I was one. But then she confesses the fact he was also beaten to a pulp. I drain my glass and give a snort, a bitter smile warping my chapped lips.

"By twinkle toes, I assume?"

"Yeah…"

"Is that all he does?"

"No… and it did save the kids life."

"Uhuh… right. Hey Hanji?" She looks back at me as she locks the door to my cell. "Do you know when the Commander is planning on coming down here?"

"Huh?"

"I'd rather know when to get myself psyched up for his lamenting speech that he has undoubtedly prepared, in order to convince me."

"So you could hear me." She beams, and I give a nod, "I think he's coming down in the morning. You know what you'll chose?"

"Potentially… but I need to mull it over some more. Thanks for the heads up."

I had until morning to prepare.

I had until morning to think.

I was still unable to remain standing for longer than ten minutes, my back ached and my wrists had only just begun to heal. Right now was not when I wanted a pep-talk from the poster boy for the Gestapo bastards holding me hostage. But right enough, that was what I was going to get.

In the morning – or what I assume to be the morning from the six or so hours that trudge by – Commander Erwin Smith appears. Standing tall, outside my cell in all his golden eyebrow glory. He steps out in front, all imposing, and straight faced; whilst I sit and ignore him. With a dramatic sigh he bangs on the bar. I look up, and stare him down coldly. He may be a big shot here, but outside these walls he was nothing more than a blonde bug waiting to be squished.

Behind him stands Little Levi, leaning against the wall looking bored as ever.

Another little bug, waiting to be stomped into oblivion.

"My name is Commander, Erwin Smith. I've come to give you a choice—"

"Join your regiment or stay in jail? Hardly a choice."

"Luckily that's not what I'm offering." He says, a slight smile tugging at his thin mouth. I wait patiently, taking note of Levi looking away, a wrinkle to his nose. Whatever the Commander was about to offer, clearly didn't please the midget.

This may well prove a decent proposition.

"You can return to your home outside the walls, however you will serve a sentence to repay the supplies you have stolen over the years. Or, join our regiment permanently, and begin training soon. You clearly have talent, I hope you can see the profit in using that talent to benefit manki—"

"That's still jail or regiment you prick." I hiss, straightening up, and sighing as my back pops and crunches loudly. These old bones needed a proper work-out.

"But not indefinite jail."

"Yeah, yeah… Why exactly would I want to benefit mankind? When it's mankind I've been avoiding for the past ten years?"

"So that's how long you were out there…" he muses, arrogance heightening. I internally curse, hating my big mouth, but externally I just shrug and put hands to my hips. "By helping us free mankind, you can help shape its future, perhaps even change what it is you hate about it. Doesn't that seem like a golden opportunity?"

"No, it seems more like a shit leaden opportunity, weighed down by your bullshit, and everyone else's, but given a nice bit of gold paint for the sell."

"One person's gold is another's—"

"Cut the shit. I'll join."

"Why?" asks Levi with an almost grimace, I meet his eye and smirk, enjoying his discomfort and distaste. It was a simple thing, but I had a fairly simple mind. Both men seemed surprised, but I wasn't one to drag this kind of crap out. Especially when it meant having to listen to some contrived rubbish from the golden browlord. I also guessed this was all theoretical for now, they had presumably not heard from Hanji yet. They wouldn't be offering this to a confirmed shifter. Not when they still suspected her of being the Titan that brought on this new age of war.

"For one thing, you seem very keen not to have me around short-arse, so why not rub it in your pointed little face?"

"Rat."

"Secondly, you lot spend most of your time in the outskirts of the territory anyway, and thirdly you regularly leave the walls."

"So you can scurry back to your warren?" he snaps and receives a look from his superior. I don't see the look, but I feel the disapproval. Careful shorty, blondie here seems to like me. I keep staring down my little adversary, and roll my eyes dramatically at him.

"I lived in the trees you dumbass, warrens are underground? But no, I won't run."

"Sure you will."

"Look, by going out with you lot on expeditions, I'll pretty much heading home, but without having to nick supplies and with regular hot showers and meals. Win, win, really."

"A logical decision." Rumbles golden boy with a smile. I nod at him, and wink.

"Plus, I can always head off in a few years once the glory's novelty has worn off."

"That so?"

"Yep, either then, or once you're all dead in the ground, rotting away like the pieces of shit you are. Then I can just step over you, and head home. Either way, it's all good."

I enjoy the surprise that passes Erwin's face, and he glances at his subordinate who just kicks off the wall and walks away. He was throwing a tantrum. How adorable. Erwin turns back to me, taking a couple more seconds to overcome my blunt speech, and finally gives a reserved smile.

"You'll be kept contained till we know we can trust you, but you will begin training soon." He speaks so weirdly, concealing as much tone as possible whilst portraying sincerity. It was plain unnerving. I tilt my head, and chance it. No harm in asking.

"Decided I'm not the Colossal then, genius?"

"Thanks to Hanji's research you're cleared of those charges."

"Gee, thanks for letting me know."

"Though you remain under scrutiny."

"Oh I hadn't guessed by the fact I'm still in a fucking cell. What am I suspected of now? Being too good at surviving, such a travesty…" I laugh, internally running round in circles demanding answers. What had Hanji found out? Had the test simply failed? Did she know I was a shifter? Was she actually on my side, or planning on blackmailing me with this? Would I be experimented on? I shudder a little.

"Not many would survive as long as you did beyond the safety of the walls, we have to be sure you're not a threat. But still, welcome to the fight."

"Such an honour." I scoff, feeling the walls close in a little. He gives a salute, and I feel myself cringe. Then he lowers his arm, and frowns.

"Although… can you now at least tell me your name? It won't work very well not being able to refer to you by name."

"Don't see why not. Alexia Senefold." I give a small bow, and sit down on my bed, chains jangling as I watch him closely. He shakes his head.

"Why didn't you tell us before?"

"Because it was pissing off shorty." I laugh, wincing a little against my bruising. He nods slowly, looking off in the direction his subordinate stormed off in. A strange look passes over that chiselled face. There's a few moments of silence before he turns to me again, blue eyes tightening in a weird way. What was he planning?

"You're not afraid of him then?"

"What a stupid question."

"Is that a no?" he tilts his head, and I snort. My heart picked up at the idea of him bringing the little dog back here to check on my answer. Of that man getting anywhere near me. I lean back and put my hands out of sight, they're bloody trembling all over again.

"He's just a little dog biting at my ankles, I can handle him."

"I see…"

"Oh and in case you're wondering? Nothing will come up with that name. Just a couple parents… although they may be dead, not sure in all honesty."

"Surely they'll want to know you're safe." He frowns, his eyes clearing to only concern. I wonder what kind of man this is. He willingly lets his subordinate torture me for days on end, never comes to see me, probably hasn't even considered the fact I could be injured beyond repair. And yet he now wonders if my parents want to know I'm safe? He was either completely psychotic, or extremely clever. Perhaps he was both?

I can appreciate the concern, but the whispers drenched in pity just get my back up.

"Seriously, Erwin. Check the lists, you won't find a missing person report."

"And why not?"

"That really isn't something you need to know right now."

"You know, you really should refer to me as Commander, and respect the fact I am now your superior. Comes with the fact you're now a Scout."

"And how much did you really think that was ever going to happen? I'll follow your rules, do as bid, but don't expect me to use all the airs, and graces of these other puppets of yours."

"Very well, simply Erwin will suffice. However, I then order you to tell me why there's no missing report."

"Come on Erwin, let me keep some mystery? It's all a gal like me has." I wink, and waggle my eyebrows, well aware of the pit I had dug myself. But when faced with training, or these four cold mossy walls, I was willing to play dress-up in their silly uniform. I'd be paid to kill Titans, which I had been doing for free. The beasts were the least of my worries right now, but heck, I knew I could do it. So why not cash in before flying the coop?

I glance up, and see the golden-boy remains unsure, I groan and wave a hand impatiently at him.

"Consider me as you find me… a little runaway woman with a chip on her shoulder. Hey… Any chance of me getting a proper shower?" I ask sitting up, he seems to finally get the message that I wasn't going to budge on the subject. He sighs heavily, and oh-so-dramatically, before turning to Hanji, who had appeared at some point. The woman was like a ghost at times. I needed to talk to her.

"Hanji, be so kind as to escort Alexia and get her cleaned up. And give her a uniform, if you can find one small enough…"

The Commander walks off, not seeing me stick my tongue out at him.

My shackles are released, and Hanji chuckles a little as she walks next to me. I'm barely shuffling due to my aches, and pains, but she knows better than to reach out. Silently I thank the woman, my pride could only take so much. And now that I wasn't bound in chains, I wanted to scrape back as much of it as I could. There were three guards with us, I was still under 'scrutiny' as Erwin put, so I had to be well behaved. I also couldn't ask Hanji what the hell had happened with the blood. But then again, did I want to? I try and look around without drawing attention to it, but I think we're still underground. I still can't change. I yawn, and consider the fact I probably shouldn't even if had the option. I wouldn't get very far.

I noticed Hanji glancing my way repeatedly, so I met her eye with question. She looks me up and down, and frowns.

"Y'now kiddo, you're really not that tall."

Internally I'm bawling, nah, I wasn't in this form. You just wait, love, you just fucking wait.

"You expected me to be?"

"Well you're always calling Levi small…"

"My height has nothing to do with his lack of it." I smirk, and let my head hang a little as my neck fights against this new, strange idea, of holding my head upright. I groan and rub it, damn it, I better not have a permanent hunch. That wasn't intimidating at all.

It takes about an hour for me to shower, and be set up with a uniform, which is pretty baggy over my slight frame. I'm a strong little bugger though, I'd show them that. Though soon enough I'm chucked back in my cell, but at least spared the shackles.

One step closer to freedom I guess.

Before Hanji leaves me to my lantern friends, she whispers over to me that I'll soon have a companion. The Jeager kid was arriving soon. I find myself a little excited; this kid sounded fascinating. I'd never met another shifter. I wondered if he'd be a messed up little squirt, or a damaged and abrasive dick. It was usually one or the other. In all honesty though, I wasn't sure which I was any more… maybe I had become a mush-up of both? I then sink into my bed a little more; I won't actually be able to discuss anything with him. I'm still pretending not to be one. Damn it. I didn't get to have any fun these days…

It's a couple hours later when I hear a commotion coming towards my cell. A couple voices, and several sets of feet. I approach the bars but remain in my safe little pool of shadow. There's a rumbling, and a single set of feet approach. The little Captain walks over to the door of my cell, I'm gripping the bars to mask the trembling. He gestures me back with a flick of his head. I do so slowly, hands behind me, eyeing him as he unlocks the door, and steps inside.

What the hell was he up to now?

I keep stepping back as he turns, and relocks the door. My heart begins to race, and I hate the fact I feel fear consciously. It's broken into my head now. Shit. I remember Erwin's disbelief when I claimed to not fear his subordinate. But it was only now I felt I'd been lying. Right now I'm not bound, I could kill him. And right now I'm afraid that I could actually do it, I could snap that neck, I could rip those eyes out, and I could claw right through that chest. I could be a monster.

I hate that he makes me feel this.

I hate that he turns me into a monster.

But I can't give in, not when I'm so close to being allowed outside this cell. I have no idea how far away I am from the surface, or how many guards are between me, and the door. I wouldn't let him break me, not when I've made a deal for a portion of Freedom. And when sealed in an underground cell for as long as I had been, even a portion was something to salivate at.

I'm desperate to kill him, but I'm not so stupid as to risk everything for it. I recall my previous madness, considering forgoing freedom for the sake of this man's blood. I shudder. How could he make me so blinded by rage? Even now I feel my hands twitch, itching for something to claw at. No. I won't let him win. And his pathetic little life isn't worth it. I wasn't about to prove my parents right now. Not when I'd proved them wrong for so long.

"Not a sound, rat." He mutters, closing in, and taking hold of my throat. I don't fight it, I just hold onto his arm to relieve a little pressure as he lifts me off the ground. If I even think about making a move against him, the beast he's made me into will take over. I know this as I feel the burn in my muscles. "Erwin might be stupid enough to think you can be trusted, but I'm not. You aren't fooling me. Got it?"

I just gasp a little.

"You step even a toe out of line? I'll kill you before you even blink."

Again, I just stare down at him.

He clenches his jaw, and seems confused for a moment before dropping me, and shoving me with his boot. I roll, and cough harshly. My head is screaming at me. Why wasn't I pouncing on him? But I just stare at the ground, hoping he's said his piece, and will leave again. I won't let you win, bastard, I won't.

"No fight left, rat?" I look up, and see his disappointed frown, did he want a fight? Was he seriously a masochist, along with relentlessly aggressive, psychotically emotionless and unyieldingly hateful? It was a tall order for such a short bastard. "Have you actually become as pathetic as I believed you to be?"

"I won't let you break me." I hiss through clenched teeth, his eyes tighten and a smirk spreads over his mouth. He was enjoying this as much as the beatings wasn't he? My nails scraped against the stone floor. My resolve shakes.

"You really think you could do it." he kneels down, and grips my chin tightly, running his thumb where no tears fall. "That stupid little brain actually believes you'd win that fight. I can kill you in a second, flat. Keep that in mind, brat."

"Pride comes before a fall." I growl as he gets up to leave.

"Indeed it does." He heads for the door, and gives a small chuckle. "Pity Erwin had to go through the dramatics of pretending to give you freedom, in order to learn your name."

"Excuse me?" I get up in a flash, and rattle the door as he clicks the lock into place. He sneers for a split second before returning to his hateful mask of nothing.

He was lying.

He had to be.

Erwin had been so sincere, so easily read. My blood boils, and I shake the bars till dust falls from the ceiling. They hadn't fooled me, not this easily. I'd tear this entire building down if he spoke the truth. I was no fool, they can't have played me.

"You really are an idiot." Levi says, shaking his head in pity.

"Stop speaking in fucking riddles, what are you talking about?"

"Why the hell would he trust you? The second he lets you out of here, you'd run back to your treehouse. Like a wild animal." He looks me up and down. "Pathetic. Titan's probably left you alone because they thought you were just another beast in the forest."

"I'll show you how much of a beast I am." I hiss, clawing at him, feeling a ghost of his flesh as I skim past without making contact. He doesn't even flinch. Arrogant fucker. "You can't keep me here. This isn't right!"

"Am I supposed to care?" he narrows his eyes, and shrugs. "You're stuck with us for now, Alexia, you might as well get comfy. Once we're done with a full check on your name, the decision will be made."

"What decision?" he just stares at me before turning and walking away, steady pace and not a glance backwards. This was all lies. He was just trying to rile me up. I growl, unfortunately if that was what he wanted, I was giving him exactly that. I shove my face as far through the bars as I can, and shriek after him. My pride is gone, my dignity shredded. My desperation has taken over.

"You can't keep me here! I have don't nothing wrong! I only want my freedom, isn't that what you fuckers are meant to stand for! Can't you understand wanting freedom you heartless bastard!"

I don't even see him come back. Suddenly he's gripping my throat again. I fight against it, but he tugs me closer to the cold metal, and hisses in my ear.

"You lived out there for ten years. You've been free a lot longer than most. Be grateful for that, you piece of shit." And he throws me back, looking me up and down yet again, as though trying to figure something out.

And then it dawns on me.

I'd said it myself; he wanted someone to blame…

So much hatred had to come from somewhere. It didn't matter who you were, or how hateful a soul you had. There had to be some kind of reason, behind this much malice. I hadn't hurt anyone from the regiment, I knew that for sure, I had never seen reason to cause issue with them. So if I hadn't hurt anyone, perhaps I represented something he had lost? Had I managed to survive when someone he loved hadn't? He's still staring, little mind whirring away as I rub my throat, and smooth down my hair.

"So who was it that didn't make the cut?"

He widens his eyes for a split second, if that. But I saw it. I hit a nerve, his eyes flashed with fury for that mere moment, and I can tell I hit the nail on its pretty little head. I grit my teeth, and march back over to the bars, seething as I hold his cold gaze.

"Who was it that you took outside the walls into that big bad world? Who was it you failed to protect? Who was it you lead out there when they weren't ready? Who was it you let die?"

"Stop speaking shit."

"Shit is it? So that isn't why you hate me so much despite the fact you don't even know me?" he begins to walk away, hands in fists by his side. I drape my arm over the middle bar of the cell, and laugh darkly. "And that's why you enjoy kicking the shit out of me so much isn't it short-stack? You just love imagining your past self under that boot, demanding to know why you weren't good enough to help them? Who were they Captain Levi? Who did you lead to their deaths? Who is it I have managed to outlive somehow and—"

But this time when he makes a move to grab my arm, I'm ready for him. I grab his throat, and squeeze tight enough to almost break that little neck. But I want him to hear this, I want him to feel every damned word that slithers past my lips. I pull him up to the bars, and spit in his face. I won't be able to hold long, I can already feel him breaking my grip with his immense strength. But if this is to be my only chance at punishing him, I was going to milk it for all its worth. His eyes bore into mine, but I know the heat of my gaze is winning.

"If you are telling the truth? And this was all just to get my name? Then you'll find it pointless. I told you the truth you sack of shit, I am no one. I mean little, and you can't use me against any of your enemies."

"You would say that, rat."

"I lived out there, and I survived out there. I didn't kill whoever the fuck died out there under your watch. So don't pretend that I did. This world is cruel, and you're right, I had ten years of freedom." I throw him back, and he falls against the wall with a grunt. Fury burning in his silver eyes as he straightens up.

"How did you do it?" he demands, but I just ignore his question.

"I will have my freedom Levi. Trust that, even if you don't trust me."

"Like hell you will." He says through clenched teeth. "I'll kill you myself before you get anywhere near that stinking home of yours."

I stare at him for a long, silent moment. He's panting, he's about as much of a mess as I've ever seen him. Even after hours of pummelling me into the ground, now, he was dishevelled. His heart was practically toppling off his sleeve and plapping into the stone floor. Pathetic, loathsome man. So much determination was something I respected; but it was also dangerous.

I smirk at him. He doesn't look like he can believe it.

"I would've served alongside you. I would have helped you kill those meat-bags. I may be a no one, and I may be nothing but a rat in your eyes. But when I agree to something? I actually do it. I have morals, I have rules. And I hold to them. Something humanity forgot how to do a long time ago. So stand there and gloat, come in here, and kick the shit out of me. But I have already won."

"And how the fuck do you figure that?"

"Because at least I lived without regret for ten years." He cringes a little, but I don't understand why. I keep going, holding his gaze, and relentlessly keeping my cool. "At least I can die knowing I have done no one any wrong. And I left this world, no worse than when I found it. Humanity is a scumming parasite on this world, and until we realise that, and decide to do something about it? We deserve to be extinct. We deserve to be consumed by those mindless monsters."

"So why would you want to help fight them?"

"Because I thought the Wings of Freedom stood for something once."

"What?"

"But it seems that those pretty little wings have gotten smothered in shit. Weighed down by lies, and bullshit. Just like everything else. So congrats Captain." I make a low bow, and look at him from my lowered position, letting a cold sneer spread across my lips. "You fooled me, you got my name, but at least I don't lie."

"Moral high ground. How noble." He huffs, straightening his stupid little cravat. I straighten up and nod, blinkly slowly and giving a small chuckle.

"In this world where we're penned in from all sides? Moral high ground feels pretty fucking good."

He stares at me, hatred in his eyes as the silence drags on. I just wait, I know he has nothing to say. There's nothing really to say. He can't justify it, any more than Erwin can. If they had lied to me? And dangled freedom in front of my face for simply my name? They were no better than the bastards in the inner-city, they were no better than the 'monsters' they lived to kill. Heartless, bastards, they were all the same.

But if he had said that lie in order to break me? It hadn't worked.

Either way he had lost, and either way I had won.

What a view.

He finally breaks away from my stare, and storms out. The far off door slams loudly, and I listen as the echoes gradually die away. In the quiet I hold onto the bars, and breathe deeply. The walls loom over me, and I try to steady myself.

It had to be a lie.

He was just trying to break me down.

He was a psychotic bastard who couldn't accept that I had lived, whilst someone he knew had died. I didn't know who, but someone he cared for had gone out into that world, and died to the hands of a Titan. I wonder if they'd been on the run like me, or borne the Wings of Freedom as they drew their last breath. I kneel down, and put my head to the cold metal; I wasn't sure if knowing why he loathed me so much helped, or hindered. It gave him a reason, but did it make me hate him more, or less? But I smile a little, I hadn't killed him, I hadn't let him force me into throwing away my freedom. Unless I didn't have it to throw away anyway.

Shit.

A few rumbles sound above me, and finally the door opens again, footsteps approach.

The group arrives, and marches past, three men who I don't recognise holding onto a younger boy, with shorty making up the rear. He holds his stoic mask firmly in place, not even glancing my way. Piece of shit coward. He pulls out a set of keys, and the door next to mine opens before there's a tired grunt as the kid is pushed inside. Well they hadn't knocked him out whilst moving him; so he was presumably less volatile than me.

I only got a small glance, but clearly saw that the kid was bruised up. Though not to the extent I thought he would be. Then again, he probably still had his healing on the go. I still didn't understand why mine was on holiday, but at least this kid was on point. But this kid… he was clearly an innocent fool. In the small moment his bright green eyes had looked to me, I felt like I could see right into his naïve little heart. Damn that kid just left everything on show didn't he? Nerves open and bare. Either very brave, or very foolish. He was scared, but curious, determined and lost. All laid out on a silver platter. I sent him an encouraging smile, figuring it couldn't hurt to stay on the right side of a fellow shifter. I don't know if he saw it, but I saw surprise flash over his face before he vanished into the next cell.

Would they lie to him too?

Perhaps he would know if I had been lied to.

I slink back into the shadows, and wait for the steps to ascend the stairs once again. It takes a while, but eventually the door slams closed, and I hear silence retake the cells.

The lamps hiss as they burn on, and things creak, and groan throughout the building as usual. I walk towards the wall, and press my ear to it. Nothing. I think I can faintly hear someone breathing, but it's faint, and carefully controlled. I wonder if this is because he thinks he might turn, or because he's frightened of who he now lives next to. Either way, relieving the tension seemed like a good plan.

"Eren Jeager, right?"

"Y-yes Ma'am."

"Less of the Ma'am kid, I'm not that old."

"Okay…"

"You okay in there? Well… apart from being locked up in a cell, and being ruled over by a Golden haired Eyebrow God, and his little mutt." I drawl, and am relieved to hear him give a nervous laugh, only to clamp his teeth together with a snap. Yeah, I can understand his anxiety, for all he knew I was working with them. "It's okay kid, I'm on your side."

"W-why would you be on m-my side? D-didn't they tell you what I am?"

"You're a Titan-shifter yeah. Damned good trick if you ask me."

"Huh?" The disbelief in his voice worries me. What had those animals been saying to him? What had they been calling him? I can only imagine the looks he'd been given, or harsh words thrwn his way by complete strangers. I'm suddenly very thankful for my well-kept secret.

"Listen kid, I don't care if you can turn into a Titan, a horse or dragon. Hanji told me what you managed to do in Trost, so as far as I'm concerned? You're all right."

"Th-thanks…"

"Nah, Eren, I'm pretty sure it's you who needs thanking." He doesn't respond, though I'm fairly sure I can hear him blushing. I snigger to myself at the idea. "By the way kid, did they mention who I am?"

"They t-told me a little. That you come from over the wall, and that you're not to be trusted." He states completely bluntly, but without malice. He's just repeating what he's told. I can just imagine Levi spouting this garbage, stoic face in place as he lies on and on. Malicious little… I sigh, and focus on my conversation. He seemed to be loosening up a bit, stammering less and breathing easier.

"You believe that, kid?"

"Not sure what to believe anymore. I only found out what I was a few days ago, everything's a bit messed up right now. But you seem okay to me."

"Very quick to judge, kid. Sorry… would you prefer I called you, Eren?"

"Up to you, either is better than Monster." He sighs, and I hear shackles shift about.

I sit down, and lean against the wall between our cells. The kid looked about 15 or so, at least he can't have been much older. He couldn't even comprehend the size of the world he was being penned in from. I suppose that was a small mercy. You couldn't miss something you'd never known. Though the idea of that small letch beating into him made me grit my teeth, my jaw aching soon after as I stifle my outrage. This kid was so open and honest, he hadn't hesitated once when talking to me, and come right out, and said he'd been warned against trusting me. How could someone this openly naïve be dangerous? I look at the lantern on the wall opposite my cell, and sigh.

"How long have you been down here, miss?"

"I haven't the faintest clue, Eren. I was sort of hoping you might be able to tell me. They didn't mention anything else about me per chance?" there's a pause, and an uneasy one, I sigh and give a laugh. "It's not your fault if they didn't mention anything, kid. I was just clutching at straws really."

"Sorry, they didn't say anything except what I already mentioned. Though Captain Levi seemed pretty steamed when he had to talk about you. Commander Erwin had to get him to go calm down."

"I do seem to get shorty's knickers in a twist."

There's another muffled snort and I roll my eyes at myself, I was going to get this kid into trouble wasn't I? Oh well, at least I was making someone smile before they left me here to rot. Or maybe they'd kill me straight off? Shorty had mentioned some kind of decision needing made. Perhaps it was whether to let me live or die. I groan. This was maddening. Was I soon to be freed, and begin my pointless training? Or was it all a ruse, and I was being held here indefinitely till I croaked it? I never had made it to the ocean…

"What's your name by the way?"

"Sorry kid, it's Alexia. You might as well know, at least someone worth a shit might as well know it."

"S-so what did you do?"

"I existed."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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> Hope you enjoyed, have a great day!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again reader! Please review, follow or favourite if you feel so inclined.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.

"S-so what did you do?"

"I existed." I reply, laying my head against the stone wall.

This was all so messed up, even for this crazed world. I can practically hear the kids mind whirring away, trying to figure out what the hell I meant by that. To be honest I wasn't sure I should explain, the kid had enough to deal with right now. Did he really need a lamenting speech from a woman with my kind of issues? To know the fact that the Titans were the least of our troubles?

I smirk, no he probably didn't. But he'd ask anyway.

What I really wanted to do, was talk to him about his powers. He'd only learned recently, the other day I think he said. Such a big thing for such a young kid. And in the middle of this military mess. Not a great way to discover it. I wanted to help him, he was one like me, I'd never met another shifter. It was the first time, in far too many years, that I'd genuinely felt compelled to try and help. And yet I couldn't. There could well be a guard sat in the far corner, having been listening the entire time. I suddenly feel very selfish.

"Are y-you a shifter too?" he asks, almost hopefully. I grit my teeth, and push away the little twinge of guilt.

"No, kid." But then I smirk, laughing a little. "I'm an entirely different monster."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm the monster they fear the most. Someone they can't control." I laugh louder, and hear the door open far off. But the low voices remain far away too, they must be discussing something at the top of the stairs. Preparing their script? I clench my teeth. So much time was being wasted. "But don't fret kid, I'll be out of the way soon enough. They'll get bored, and kill me soon."

"K-Kill you? Why would they do that?"

"Already said that bit, Eren, do keep up. They can't control me."

"H-How long did you live outside the walls?" I'm confused by his question, wondering what it has to do with the discussion, but perhaps he just doesn't like to discuss death. To be fair, he was a kid. I was perhaps being a bit morbid. It was nothing new, but talking to a kid was.

"Ten years, round about."

"Y-You survived for ten years outside the walls!"

"No I'm actually a ghost, OooOoo."

"Surely you would be a great addition to the cause?"

"You'd think so, wouldn't you?"

"Don't you want to help?" he sounds outraged. However, I'm not sure if he's more annoyed by the prospect of them killing me needlessly, or the fact I might not want to help the Corps mission. This kid was so pure, I felt dirty all over. I mean, I was fairly dirty all over, but this was a more metaphorical filth. I hadn't felt guilt in a long time, and this kid was smothering me in it. Damn.

"Always thinking of the cause eh, Eren?"

"Kinda… yeah… why wouldn't I?" he sucks his breath through his teeth. "We have to kill them, we have to reclaim our world. Y-You could help with that."

"Why the hell do you want to help the bastards that currently have you chained to the wall? Are you a masochist, or something?"

"I don't. I want to avenge my Mother, I want to see the Ocean, I want to be free."

"Don't we all…" I breathe, wondering what awful things this kid had already seen.

I remember Hanji mentioning he had come from Shiganshina, this kid had probably seen way more than he should have. But he seemed resilient. I suppose he had to be, considering what he'd just discovered about himself. I remember my own confusion on discovering it. It had been a nightmare, despite it being during a time of peace. I look down at my hands, and remember the way my hatred had been poisoning me as I dwelt down here in the darkness. Even now, I'd found a part of myself I didn't fully know, or understand; what the hell was this kid feeling? I was afraid I might lose myself to hate, but this kid was probably more afraid of killing all his friends by accident. Perspective really gives you a kick in the face when it wants to.

"Look, Eren. I already agreed to serve in the Corps."

"Yeah? Then why would they—"

"I don't understand much more than you do, kid. Funny thing is, I can deal with Titans no problem, its mankind that trips me up."

"You talk like you prefer them to us."

"It's not a case of preference, kid. It's which causes me less strife, and which wants to hold me back more. Titans aren't caging me, humans are."

"That's not true."

"Yeah it is Eren, you might get it one day but…" a door closes far off, show time?

"But what?"

"Do me a favour Eren? Fight for your reasons, not theirs? And keep in mind that as soon as you've given your all, and done all that you can for them? They will turn on you in a second. You're able to turn into the thing in this world they can neither understand, nor contain, so as soon as your usefulness is worn through? They'll kill you in a second."

"Why're you saying it like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like you'll never get another chance?"

"A perceptive little shit at times aren't ya?" I chuckle, getting up and brushing myself down as the Commander strolls into view. Not a hair is out of place, and he gives a curt nod. Business as usual. Yet still I can't be sure whether or not Levi was lying. I haven't felt doubt in a long time either, in the outside world there wasn't much time for it. Everything was black and white, right and wrong, alive or dead, day or night. Here though, the world became murky and uncertain. Like trying to get a firm grasp on fog.

"Evening… Morning… Time of day, gents. Well… Gent and Levi."

"Good evening Miss Senefold. I see you've met Eren Jeager."

"I've talked to him yeah, but not formally introduced, handshakes don't work well through walls." I quip with a wink, I can practically hear Eren holding his breath. He's a kid, and therefore scared to death of these two men. I however am not. I lie – I do fear Levi, but not out of sheer intimidation, when you have a man's boot-print branded into your stomach, it's a little understandable. I think.

I approach the bars, holding the Commanders gaze. His face is an unreadable as Levi's, yet in a slightly less angry manner. He was definitely the more cunning of the two. But how cunning? Could those big blue eyes really have fooled me? I peer closer, but he remains straight-faced. Perhaps he could fool me. To the man's credit he was good at composure. And to my defence, I was a little rusty at even talking with people, let alone reading between their lines.

I see no emotion in this Commander's face.

There's no compassion, no sympathy, and certainly no empathy.

In fact I wonder if there's any humanity left.

Was this what serving in the Survey Corps did to you?

I look between them, both blank, both withheld to the point that, if it weren't for that fact I can see them breathing, I'd consider them dead. Was that what was waiting for me? Even if he had been sincere about his deal? I look down at my hands again, these hands weren't meant to dwell in chains. I was nothing special. But dammit, none of us were meant to be caged. We were meant to roam, we were meant to be curious, and discover things. Chains didn't allow such wonder, a life spent in chains might as well be a short one. Then I smirk.

Maybe that was why people joined the Survey Corps.

They knew life wasn't meant to be spent inside a wall, so they switched a pen for gilded chains, and fought till the last, short-lived breath. The Wings of Freedom. You fought, you died, but you got to fly, and taste sweet freedom. Even if it was fleeting. Perhaps it being fleeting was best, that way you didn't have your heart emptied like these two. I knew their names, I'd heard of their work; fuck sake, they were living legends. They'd lived too long in this torturous world, and seen too much of its reality, and so, now they had turned to stone. But stone was stubborn, and they both shared that undeniable fervour for what they did. Even Eyebrows had that going for him. Therefore, even though I hated them, and would happily watch them die. I can't think of them as petty, I can't think of them the way I think of the politicians and merchants. Not really. They were callous bastards, but they did at least have the balls to fight.

I chuckle, and scrape back my hair; small spaces made my brain think outside boxes.

I'll see where the truth lies, but I know as I stand there and look from grey to blue, I know by the end of today I'd taste freedom. One way or the other. They can keep me locked up, but there was plenty sharp edges in here, if they tried to test me, I'd cheat.

Silence.

The Commander's eyes flicker to the cell next to me. The kid stays silent. I can understand it. If I was as young, and unaware as Eren, I might feel inclined to stay on Erwin's good side. But I've already doubted that he has one. It didn't matter if I held all the properness of a dedicated Cadet, or treated him like any other sleaze bucket; he'd still look down on me. Therefore, I wasn't about to pander to this blondie's ego. I imagined Levi did that enough, kneeling down and drooling all the while.

My smirk broadens.

"So then, to what do I owe this odious honour?"

"I have come to discuss the terms of our deal."

"And why do I sense a backtrack coming? Perhaps you were telling the truth Levi?" I look to him but he just looks to the side, expression blank as he leans against the wall. It was astounding that this man could turn from stone cold blank, to fiery fury in the blink of an eye. I'd find it impressive if it wasn't so damned terrifying. That shred of respect I had found for him, was withering a little. He had drive; but he also had a long leash on, firmly attached to Erwin.

There's a slight furrow to Erwin's brow. I tilt my head and pout.

"Are you unable to continue our deal? Did the higher-ups stop you?"

"Miss—"

"Basically, it was all bullshit, and you never intended for me to leave this cell, yeah?"

"Miss Se—"

"Alexia is fine, my family name isn't needed right now. You don't care that I have a family, especially having got my name, and found out how damned worthless it is. Right?"

He frowns, and glances at his subordinate. Levi doesn't react. I keep my nerve. Either Levi had given the game away too soon, or, and this was the preferred option, Levi had spouted a load of shit. I wanted to know, but I wasn't about to beg. But as the silence ticks on I feel my nerve twitch. I set my jaw and make my demand. It wasn't begging, it was ordering. There was a difference somewhere, just give my pride a minute to find it.

"Just tell me. Was it all a lie, or does the deal actually stand?"

I drape my arms over the bars tiredly. I was all for having a fight with them, but at this point I was feeling exhausted. I'd been torn down, beaten up, caged and fooled, it was a long fall from the canopy. I really did seem to be hitting every branch on the way down. All that was left was impacting with the cold hard earth. I do wish I'd get one last chance to use my power though; once you got past the pain, and disorientation, it was a feeling unlike any other. Power. Such power.

"What difference does it make to you right now?" snorts Levi, rolling his eyes and shaking his head. "Making demands, when you haven't even complied with ours."

I look at him and hiss lowly, he narrows his eyes back.

"I told you my name, I agreed to serve in the Corps, what other demands had you? I have given you everything, despite being given nothing in return. Except for bruising."

"You only gave it up, after I kicked the shit out of you."

"Yes, and you're very proud of that, aren't you Captain. Now then, tell me. I like to know where I stand, you can at least give me that surely?"

"At our mercy. That's where you fucking stand, so watch your mouth." He snaps. I look at Erwin, and raise a brow.

"You feel like speaking for yourself there, Erwin? Or is your dog taking over the barking for now?"

"We came here to explain. Kindly listen." He murmurs, a dark look clouding his blue eyes. I hadn't expected malice from the Golden Boy, but I remain where I am, seemingly unfazed. His anger seems to be at both of us, I wonder if he feels like hitting our heads together. Like a mother hen or something. I instantly imagine him in an apron, nagging away as his hair is in curlers. I stifle my laughter, and give a bored yawn.

"Okay, I'm listening. Spout your lies."

"I'm not entirely sure where this hostility has come from Alexia, but I came here to explain the terms of your release." My heart quickens, but I stay stoic. "You will be escorted to new quarters by Sqaud Leader Hanji, when she arrives in a few minutes. That will be where you stay, with a guard outside your door. From there you will live amongst the cadets and learn our ways, as well as begin your training."

"Truly?"

"Truly." He says, looking offended at my insinuation. I find this laughable, we hardly had trust between us, so why look so shocked? He had knowingly let Levi torture me, and kept me locked away in the damp darkness for weeks, if not months by now. Then left me without any real indication of when I'd be released. I think that accounted for me being a little hostile. And right now, I was barely being testy. I click my tongue and smirk, that was clearly only half the terms. I'd prefer to have them all in one go.

"So you had to come explain that… why?"

"I didn't want you thinking I was no longer watching you,"

"Kinky…"

"I am not a fool Alexia, I am well aware you are not to be trusted yet." He steps forward, and looms over me, "However, I believe you will be a valuable addition to our cause, and therefore I am giving you some leash. Even think of strangling me with it, and I will not hesitate to cut you loose."

"Obey, or die. Keeps it simple I guess." I shrug, trying to ignore the shivering building at the base of my spine. Damn he was tall, I felt like an ant staring down a bear. But I don't show it, I won't let him know my anxiety. He could know some weaknesses, but dammit I wouldn't make myself into an open book. "And who'll be doing the killing, if I was stupid enough to try and escape straight away? Which I'm not, by the way, but out of idle curiosity?"

"Whoever's closest." Murmurs Levi quietly, and I feel the ice crawl up my back. Damn, I hated the fact he made me afraid. I hated it to my core. But there was a want there, lingering under the surface, I knew he wanted to do it. I wondered if he'd imagined killing me, as many times as I had him. I meet his gaze, and feel the hatred burn between us. He hated me for being alive, and in truth I guessed that was why I hated him. He was alive, because I hadn't been able to kill him yet.

I then look back to Erwin to look him up and down.

"And that's it? You'll train me up and use me, like any other Cadet?"

"You'll serve as any other Cadet. Yes,"

"C'mon Blondie, I ain't your hair-colour, what else?" I hold his gaze, and try to ignore his feeble attempts at intimidation, this prick just didn't get it did he? By this point, the amount of fucks I had left to give, were dwindling down to zilch. He then pinches the bridge of his nose and looks up.

"You'll be questioned on how you survived, and lived beyond the walls for so long. Along with any other information, we think you can provide."

"And there we have it…" I laugh, shaking my head and beginning to pace along the bars. "That's what you really want. You'll dress me up in the uniform, let me wander around, chat to people, explain how I learned the gear, and even do a bit of killing for you. But I bet, as soon as I have given you all the info I can? You'll toss me aside with the rest of the damned corpses."

"Why would I waste a valuable soldier?" asks Erwin, frowning deeply. I look at him with my brows raised. His priorities were noble, but still ever so slightly fucked up. Then again, perhaps as Commander he had to try and consider his Cadets as pawns, as simply armour swinging a sword, without a person inside.

"I really feel like you should have said, human life? But hey ho, beggars can't be choosers. You would waste me, if I become too much trouble."

"Your point? Rat."

"At what point do I become too much trouble? Because I'll save you some time, I am not good with orders, I won't be saluting every five seconds, and I may or may not bother with the YES SIR, NO SIR, shit. I'll do as I'm told when it makes sense, but the second someone is telling me to do something stupid? I'll be ignoring that retard, quicker than you can raise a brow Erwin. Got it? So if that's too much of an issue. Slice me open here, because I didn't change for the rest of humanity, so I ain't changing for you."

"Finished?" he drawls, and I lean back with an openly impressed smirk. Erwin had some sass after all. Really it suited him better than the scowl.

"Yup. I've said my piece."

"If you do your job, and kill Titans, whilst informing us of what we want to know, I care little for what you do."

"Oh really? Nice to be part of such a close-nit team."

"As long as you don't endanger anyone, do as you please. We are in fact a close-nit team, you however have made it perfectly clear, it isn't one you wish to be part of. Do your job, and everything will be fine."

"Or you could let me go, and get this all over with?"

"As a protector of Humanity, I can't knowingly, let you wander off alone into Titan territory."

"For my own protection, right?"

"Indeed."

I just shake my head, and go to sit on my bed, laughing under my breath. He actually believed that horse-shit that he just said. He really thought he was doing me a favour, by restraining me. I put my head in my hands. At least Levi had been lying, Erwin wasn't that cold, he had in fact meant it when he promised me partial freedom. This situation was shit, and it made me sick to think I'd be helping those sleazy merchants, and the shit of the patriarchy, but I'd just focus on my task. Don't think about who this is benefitting, except yourself. Don't get attached to anyone. Don't get in Erwin's way. Try not to kill Levi too soon.

It was all simple enough.

"All right Erwin, we have a deal. Shall I just sit here, and wait for Hanji?"

"I think that would be best… although… Cadet Alexia?"

"Just Alexia please, Golden Boy."

"Very well, Alexia. You will refer to me as Erwin, if you cannot manage sir. I won't have you undermining me in front of the other cadets. Consequences will be applied if you do not comply."

"Oh, you going to discipline me?" I snigger, but as the darkness returns to his gaze I shift a little uneasy, and dip my head. Shit, blondie had claws. I nod and lie back, ignoring the stare of little Levi before they both storm off and leave me to my thoughts.

I wait a lot longer than a couple minutes. At first I wonder if they've just pulled bullshit over my eyes once again, but then the guard comes down and explains Hanji has been delayed by her research. I try, and get some sleep, not thinking too hard about why Eren had suddenly become so quiet since the two Big Boys paid us that visit. But I don't press the kid. If he wanted some quiet, I wasn't about to object.

When Hanji does eventually turn up, the next morning, she has strange singe patches, and stains on her face and clothes. What the hell had the woman been doing? But as I open my mouth to ask, I decide I probably don't want to know. She leads me up, and out of the cells. It's still inside the HQ, but the sunrise still makes me stagger a little. Shit was the outside world always this damn bright? I feel like I have a hangover, as I brace myself against the wall, waiting for my eyes to adjust. I hear a snigger from the guard sent to accompany us. Oh man, this is not the woman you want to be mocking right now. I was doing well to deny the urge to transform right here, and stick to my word on serving, but I wasn't a saint. I have plenty people I want to kill, and I can easily practise on your stupid self.

"Something funny fuck-face?"

"Seems like Erwin picked one hell of a new recruit, staggering already." He sounds bitter, and fairly young. I wonder if Eren is the only person, except Hanji, that I wasn't going to fantasise about murdering.

"And you must be one hell of a Cadet, sent to babysit me. If I'm shit, what does that make you? Hm?" and I see the world clear at last. The prick, with a dusting of freckles across his nose, a smug little baby-face, and strawberry-blonde hair, blushes a little now and looks to the ground. That's right, don't start a sass match unless you're willing to finish it. Prat.

Hanji tugs on my arm, and leads me through the endless corridors. How big was this damned place? I feel like we've been walking for hours when we finally stop outside a plain wooden door. The entire corridor is lined with them, so I assume this is a dormitory.

"You'll be staying in here, kiddo."

She opens the door, and I enter the small box room. It was basically a better lit cell. But with a window instead of bars. I sigh, I should try and focus on the little things. It was all that was going to get me through this shit-show. I had no idea where this damned base was, or how far away from wall Rose we were. Until I did, staying put was the only option. Either that or I'd be taken down in minutes. I was scary in my Titan form, but these guys were good at what they did. I knew that well enough from watching them. I was eager to be free, but I wasn't really eager to be dead. I consider my alternate plan, had Erwin actually lied to me, and fooled me. Death had been an option, but it had been one held as a last resort. I truly doubt I'd have actually done it anyway, I was too much of a survivor to do that. Or too much of a coward, depending who you asked.

I stare at the little bed before me. Hanji puts supplies at the end of it; a small pile of uniform, a few bits of civilian clothing, and some leather straps. But I keep staring at the bed. It was a real bed with a proper mattress, pillow and full set of blankets. Holy shit; that was going to feel weird. I'd slept up in a tree for so long, I wonder how falling out of bed even feels like. I can't remember it. I'm almost looking forward to it.

"It's a bed, not a fucking torture implement."

"Depends who you share it with." I snap back at the shorty's comment.

I didn't know when he'd turned up, but there he was, standing across from the doorway in the hall. Foot up against the wall as he leaned there, staring me down blankly. I wonder where this ass's room is. I try to ignore him, and turn to my one ally currently present.

"So Hanji, I can walk around HQ but have to have my guard right?"

"Yup, that's the terms." She says and smiles, well aware that I'm mainly asking because I want to know if Levi will get the chance to knock me off sooner rather than later. I wonder if he would actually go so far, as to commit murder. But as I glance at those unyielding silver bullets I know he would. Whoever it was he had lost, they must've been important. I wonder if I look like them, or like the person that killed them maybe? Oh god, I hope I don't look like the Titan. That would just be gross. Those underdeveloped guys had such weird faces.

I turn back to Hanji, and rub my wrists.

"And no handcuffs?"

"You want be chained up?" He snorts, eyes cast to the side. I turn to him and put a hand on my hip. He was just itching for a fight wasn't he? I think back to his reaction of me mentioning his supposed love-life. I don't know if it's the fact I can feel the rising sun on my back, or that I can walk around a little freer, but suddenly I feel a bit bold. I look him up and down slowly, and tilt my head.

"Oh yes please Captain, tie me down in chains, you know you want to."

"I haven't had my shots yet, fuck knows what I'd catch from you." He sneers, getting up and marching over to me. He's a couple inches taller than me, and I think he enjoys the presumably rare opportunity, to literally look down at someone. I hope I buttoned this shirt properly.

"Haven't had your shots? How irresponsible, you could get the Commander sick."

"Do you want another kick in the gut?"

"How would you like a punch in the dick? If I can find the damn thing."

"In case you forgot, rat. You agreed to serve in this Corps, therefore, I am your superior. You will learn to obey. You will also learn to mind that tongue of yours. Fucking disgusting."

"Never mind my tongue, Captain, ya pervert. And listen, you may be my superior on paper, love, but that's it."

"You're an arrogant little shit, you know that?"

"And you're a bitter old fuck, in need of a lay, you're pent up tighter than a goat's arse."

I hear Hanji snort behind me, but I keep holding his gaze as his eyes flash a little. He wants to snap my neck right now, I can see his hand twitch, just itching to take hold of my throat and make it go pop.

"You want to do it so badly don't you?" I whisper, edging closer and whispering into his ear as he tenses. "You want to wrap those hands round my skinny little neck and squeeze, harder and harder till you've strangled the life out of me. Till I'm just gasping, desperate for release."

I'm pretty sure he just shuddered? Or did I just laugh?

"Well too bad shorty, Erwin has things he wants to learn from me. So go strangle something else, and wait your turn. Although…" I chuckle against his ear, a tingling sensation arising from the almost contact, "You might want to make sure when the time comes, I don't beat you to it."

He growls and backs off, grimacing as he turns and marches away. A door slams nearby. Is that his room? I feel the tension around me, and glance at my guard waiting just beyond the doorway. He's red in the face, and I wonder how well his trousers fit right now. Ignoring the little guard, I turn back to Hanji and grin broadly. This was going to be fun after all. Even she's blushing a little, fiddling with her glasses as I walk back over and plop myself down on the bed.

"So, kiddo… you're in here, in these nice quarters because Erwin wants you to actually want to stay here, so… so I'm here to look out for you. And try to keep you in-check, and as happy as possible."

"Hanji?"

"Mm?"

"Why is it Erwin is so eager to have me in his regiment?"

"What do you mean? Didn't he explain?"

"Kind of… But he doesn't know me, he's only seen a little of my gear skills. Why is he riding so much on me?"

"Because, like Jeager, you have presented a new edge for him. A new ally he can utilise. For Erwin, it's all about the mission. Oh and Alex? Please don't get me reprimanded by murdering shorty in his sleep?"

"For your sake, and your sake alone? Fine, Hanji. I'll not murder him in his sleep."

"Or when he's awake!" She says with wide eyes and grin, an accusing finger jabbing at my shoulder. I roll my eyes and hold up my hands as she finds my loophole. "Thanks Alexia. I'll let you settle in a little? We start your training as soon as you like."

"Let's go then."

"Huh?" she turns at the door. I get up and shrug, looking round the empty room with arms swinging about. The woman was brilliant, but a little dense at times. She still hadn't mentioned the blood, but I had resolved to wait until she did. Seemed the easiest way. She was talking, and joking with me, so if she did know, she was cool with it. And if she didn't know, then all was well.

"What do I have to unpack? I don't even own the clothes I'm wearing. Let's go kick the shit out of each other Hanji."

"I thought we'd start with dummies?"

"Didn't think shorty would train with me so quickly…" I walk past her, and wait a couple seconds for her to realise my meaning, and burst into little titters of laughter. The woman was adorable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think, and I'll see you guys next time!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Please review, follow or favourite if the mood takes you.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.

The compound feels so open, and huge that I stagger a little in the heat. The morning sun is already relentless as it bounces up off the dirt, and back in my face. I look around at the other cadets training, they're all dressed like me, but seem to immediately know that I'm not one of them. Did I have a big sign floating above my head: this one isn't to be trusted, watch her, she might just slice your throat open? I wonder how scared of me they are, or did they just think I was a little rat? I kick a stone, this was so much bullshit fitted into a small situation. It was beginning to overflow.

"So you sure you're okay, starting with hand-to-hand?" chirps Hanji, hopping a little. She was eager to learn how talented I was or not, I guess. Unfortunately I wasn't sure which way this would go.

I'm not fully aware of how skilled I am in hand-to-hand to be fair; you don't exactly square off with a Titan. Fists don't do much to something the size of a building. And when I was in my own Titan form I just grabbed, bit into the neck that was usually the end of it. Titans weren't, as a general rule, well trained in martial arts. I sigh, and shrug as we head over to a small patch of the compound marked with little rings. There's some steps behind us, and I glance back to see a few curious Cadets gathering. Oh fuck no. I didn't want an audience to this, come back when I'm on the gear; that was supposedly what I was impressive with! I stop and turn to them, they all stagger a little at my sudden turnabout. Boo.

"Fuck off." I snap. They look about themselves, not sure whether it was an order, or even something they should listen to. I lean forward and tilt my head. "Now."

"Look, lady, we just wanna see what all the fuss is about you."

"Well then you'll just have to wait, it isn't my hand-to-hand, sorry kiddies. Come back tomorrow when I'm doing the gear shit. Now then, I repeat myself, fu—"

"Senefold." A low voice barks and I look to the heavens, please no Brow-lord, I was trying to be good. Don't start pushing my buttons.

He marches through the crowd of Cadets, without paying them much heed. He looms over me, and looks to the ring where Hanji now waits, stretching and jumping about with little chirps of conversation to herself. I look over my shoulder, then back at the Golden boy, brow raised in question.

"I'm going to train with Hanji, what's wrong with that?"

"The Cadets are curious, humour them." He rumbles, a weird smile in place. I click my tongue, and shake my head. He seems displeased, but unfortunately for him, I really don't care. "Is everything going to be a confrontation with you?"

"Only when you're being a mor—" I stop myself, and take a deep breath, well aware his little ego didn't want me undermining his 'authority' in front of his herd of sheep. "I simply don't want an audience to the area of my skills unrefined."

"Excuse me?"

"I have no idea if I'm any good at hand-to-hand?" I summarise with another click of my tongue, it was becoming a coping mechanism against stupidity. He looks to the ring, and then to the side towards the Cadets. I feel like I'm going to see smoke in a minute. But then he smiles, no correction, he sneers. My back raises a little, what was this sharp little mind thinking now?

"I still don't see the problem, Cadet. Get on with your training."

"The point? In them seeing this?"

"They can learn so much, from the great and wonderful Senefold right?"

I narrow my eyes at him. That was the game eh? Have the other Cadets see that I wasn't such a big deal, and take me down a peg or two? Seemed a little odd after it was him that insisted I lend my talents to the cause. Then again, was this the only option he had thus far figured out, as a way to control me?

Oh honey, you foolish little bunny.

I smile, and straighten up with the sweetest smile I can conjure. It probably came across as more threatening as anything.

"By your admission sir. After all, it was you that insisted I join, so it was your call that I was worth the trouble. Therefore, if I'm shite in that ring, it reflects poorly on your judgement. Doesn't it?" I lean in, and hiss. "Sir?"

"Go train, Cadet."

"Disperse that crowd." I whisper, my teeth being bared just a little as my temper continues to flare.

My resolve on withholding my transformation is wavering. None of them are equipped right now, and there is a convenient patch of woodland a mere few hundred yards away. I could just… I stop myself, and throw the thought aside. It was pointless. With no idea where I am in relation to the wall, it was all pointless. Plus my healing was still on the damn fritz, so for all I know I'd just puff out steam and stand a few inches taller. Both embarrassing myself, and revealing the fact I'm a shifter.

Damn this body, why wouldn't it simply obey?

I look at the frown Erwin is giving me; I'm sure there's a similar thought going through his head as well.

I will not be your pawn, Erwin Smith. I may be here to pay back what little I stole, and I may be here under your jurisdiction, but I am by no means, yours. I am me, and you cannot take that. I will not be broken like the rest of these dogs. They gave their hearts to this cause, I however had chains wrapped round mine. You hold it, but it isn't yours. I want to scream all this at him, pummelling that smugly chiselled face into the dust beneath our feet. But I don't. For some reason he seemed to be well respected, and liked amongst his subordinates. They really must be stupid.

"Your choice Erwin."

"Don't push me, Senefold."

"Right back at you, sir." I can't keep the venom from my voice whenever that slips past my lips. This glorified slave trader was no sir, in my book. At least with Levi you knew you were dealing with a prick, it was plain to see for the whole damned world. But with Erwin? I still didn't fully understand what I was dealing with. This was why I preferred dealing with Titans. For all their size, and power, ultimately they were simple creatures. They wandered, they mumbled, they existed to hunt humans. Not for food, for sport. It was sick, but it was straightforward.

Humans were messy.

I smirk as he turns, and disperses the crowd with an angry order. The Cadets glance between him, and me, all confused as how the situation just flipped. When their gaze lingers on me, I raise a brow, and wave them off, sneering all the while. That's right sweethearts, do as told, Daddy has given his orders. They do as bid, albeit with pouts in place, and so I turn and head over to Hanji who is mumbling whilst tapping her chin.

"Ready Hanji? Or would you prefer to be left alone to finish your conversation?"

"No need to be sarky with me, Kiddo. I'm not the enemy. I'm a fellow abnormal." She bows low and I blush a little, "It's okay, I get that Erwin's grating on you."

"Really? I thought I was being so subtle." I glance back at the HQ but the blonde bastard is long gone. She sighs heavily and I look back at her, "When you say abnormal…"

"Look kiddo, I know you're not the Colossal, and I know you're not able to shift yet." She shrugs and enters a fighting stance. Either that or she has bad gas.

"But… why haven't you said anything to him?"

"Because whilst I respect Erwin, I also know his head gets awfully one tracked at times." She begins to circle me, and I shift accordingly. "We'll go through a few basic manoeuvres whilst you get the questions out the way, m'kay kiddo?"

"Sounds like a good plan…"

"No need to sound so surprised, thanks a bunch. Just keep circling, or he'll be suspicious." She speaks so calmly, not even a glance over at the HQ. I feel like every window has a set of peering eyes behind it now, waiting for us to slip up. "How big is your Titan form? Jeager's is sixteen metre as far as we know."

"I don't really know… but I have been able to look over the top of the canopy once. It changes… depends on what I want at the time."

"Fascinating." She hisses, eyes flashing a little.

This goes on for a while. Her questions come, and I fire back the answers as quick, and concise as I can. Can you communicate with other Titans? I've only ever met normal Titans, and I can't with them, but I don't know about shifters. Do other Titans hunt you? Occasionally. Do Titans fear you? After I've pummelled another one in front of them, sometimes. She mainly asks things about me in reference to other Titans, so I'm not too bothered. Any questions that get too close to personal, I dodge or ask that we pass. I don't want to downplay my gratitude, but thankfully she understands my reserve. The more information I give away about my ability, the more she knows how to kill me. Or what to tell Erwin, how to kill me.

"I think that'll do for now… thanks, kiddo… I can't believe you were so open!"

"You've saved my hide Hanji, I owe you a lot."

"I guess… right… let's get on with your training."

"Okay… Hanji, I pretty much fight in instinct, I have no technique."

"Okay, well we'll see what instinct gets you. Then we'll go from there. Though…"

"What?"

"Nothing…" she then gestures me forward, wanting me to make the first move.

Okay, I could do this.

I ready myself, and aim to knock her elbow back, to smack her in the ribs. I lunge, catch it, but she spins round and hits my back with her other elbow. I feel my lungs empty. Shit, she was fast. I was underestimating her. I stumble, but ready myself, and duck from her spin kick. I punch up at her knee, sending her back a bit. As she stumbles I reach out, grab her flailing hand, wrench it forward and bring my knee up. It cracks her right in the face, and she rolls away, grumbling in irritation.

I hope I didn't break her glasses…

But then she's coming at me again, and I flip back, to spin on the ground and punch out at her. But my hand is kicked away, and as I spin with the force, she pins me to the floor, face down in the dirt as she grips the back of my neck. The nape of my neck. Damn woman. This was why I didn't want an audience. I was fucking useless. I tap the floor, indicating the spar was done, and that I conceded.

"You really not had any training, Kiddo?" she laughs, brushing herself down. I stare at her, unsure of whether she's mocking me or not. She polishes her –thankfully – undamaged glasses, and then notices my silence. She then flinches back, raising her hands in surrender. "Seriously, not taking the piss!"

"Oh… okay. No, none. Isn't that clear from the fact I'm useless?"

"You managed to make me stumble! Not many Cadets can do that, y'know? I'm a decent fighter Alex, it's understandable that you wouldn't be instantly able to take me on. But you have good instincts, not entirely surprising considering… but all you need is a polish and you'll be good to go! And yes I mean it."

I squint at her, still waiting on the punchline.

"Kiddo, I meant it. But… ugh… you're not gonna like it, but really I'm not the one to be doing this. I only brought you out here to get you warmed up."

"Who is meant to be teaching me then?"

"Me, you little shit."

"Sweet Mother of the fucking Walls, no." I groan throwing my arms up at the heavens, demanding to know why they had to test my thinning patience this much. I'd already promised Hanji I wouldn't kill him, and that just took all the damn fun out of the situation. Along with this was the fact I could feel the potential re-entering my body. With the pain this man could inflict, I wasn't 100% certain I would manage to avoid transforming.

"Deal with it, rat."

"Is it rat, or brat? You keep changing that sick little mind of yours." I snap, turning and ignoring the fizz in my mind. No nerves, just now, you will man up and deal with it.

"Depends on the situation, rat." He snarls, shrugging off his coat and loosening his cravat to lay it on top. Didn't want to get his fanciness messy. What a prissy little goblin he was. And yet still, my shivering begins, despite my best attempts. "Go on, Shitty-Glasses, you can get back to your paperwork."

"Can't I stay, and watch?" she pouts, quickly narrowing her eyes at me. I think she half wants to avoid her paperwork, and half wants to ensure I don't go back on my promise. I guess she wasn't around for my speech about my thing about promises. Unfortunately it was a binding contract as far as I was concerned, although that didn't mean I couldn't maim him. If I didn't crumble into a pathetic whimpering ball in the next 30 seconds. Or on the other hand, give into instinct, and let my eighteen metre self, deal with the loathsome man. It'd be so fun to step all over him.

"I'll keep my promise Hanji." I sigh, and shrug off my coat, seeing no point in getting his stinking blood all over it. That was if I even managed to land a hand on him. I guessed from his size, and build he was fast, like a little bullet fired from Erwin's gun. I laugh to myself as I fold my coat; it was too easy to joke about those two. I wonder if they argue like a married couple.

"What promise?" He mutters, rolling up his sleeves. Hanji blushes, and begins to walk away. "Oi! Shit-Four-Eyes! I asked you a damn question."

"Girl talk Shorty, just don't hurt her too much m'kay? She has gear practise tomorrow."

"Yeah, yeah… thought you were meant to be some kind of big deal?" he nods towards me, chin jutted out as he scans me from head to toe.

I sigh and stretch my arms with a shrug. This was getting a little unfair, everyone seemed more than happy to infer that it had been me to claim I was some kind of miracle warrior, appearing from the mist of the horizon to help the glorious battle for mankind. What a load of shit. Erwin dragged me here, and shackled me in place, I had claimed nothing but my want for freedom. This was not my doing. But it was now my burden.

Humanity sucked sometimes.

"Erwin's claim, not mine. Now then, what exactly are you going to teach me?"

"How to not be absolutely useless in a ring."

"Okay, grand master of beating the shit out of people, teach me, turn me into a thug like you." I hold my arms out, ready for all his wisdom to be laid down. I hope he ignores the way my fists shake slightly.

Despite his grumblings and protestations, he taught me plenty as the day drew on into the afternoon. And all while staying fairly far away from me. This helps my damned anxiety. He shows me the proper way to stand, the way to properly throw punch. Hell I think he just helped my posture as well. He taught me the proper way to dodge, and a decent form of kicking. All the while I kept my smirk hidden; it seemed ironic that he was in fact training me in the art of how to kick the shit out of him. He was loading a cannon, to then go stand in front of it. Though it would still be some time before this cannon would be fired, he was a damn good fighter.

"Where'd you learn to fight, anyway?" I ask as we take a breather. He pauses, and looks at me sideways, before shaking his head and shrugging. The rat wasn't allowed to know that yet I guess. And then he walks towards me. I freeze. The pestering fear blazes and my vision swims. His eyes narrow, but as he comes closer I'm shuddering all over. He frowns, and reaches out. Suddenly he's silhouetted against dying lanterns, stale air engulfs me and I taste blood on my tongue. His angry voice rings in my ears, and my blood fizzes. I need to run. I need to change.

"No!" I gasp, flinching back, with a small whimper escaping. He stands there, staring down at me with a look that almost looks like disbelief. The fizz rings in my ears, and I fight it. My muscles ache, longing to burst forth, and reclaim my power. But I can't. Not now, and not here. And then I feel my own bout of disbelief. Had I seriously just done that? Flinching back like a damned coward. I clear my throat, and straighten up. "S-sorry… what were you going to do?"

"Apply the theory to… practise." He sighs, and clicks his tongue. "Just practise throwing those moved I showed you, aim at my hands. I won't move, brat."

"Oh… okay… you want me t-to…" I grit my teeth, and stomp my foot slightly. He's watching me, and he backs up a step, making it look like he's just shifting his weight. But I feel like I can see the waves of pity. Damn it. If I was a rat before, now I must be a very greasy mouse. "Hit your hands right? Kicks, and all?"

"Yeah, the lot. Don't hold back."

I do as he commands, hits cracking off his hands again and again. Eventually he stops me, rubbing his bruising hands as I catch my breath. I think that was a good sign? He hadn't said I'd done shit, so it seemed a fair enough assumption to hope I was at least on the right track. But then he has some notes; just posture, and power release. But as he gives demonstrations, the fear intensifies. It creeps up my spine as I saw the power lingering in that lean body of his. How was I not dead?

"You done staring yet? Creep." He mutters as he rounds off his explanation. I stare at the ground, sweat drenching me all over after the day long slog of training. My stomach growls. He huffs, and runs a hand through his raven hair, looking at me in that bored way.

"Who was it that decided I should be allowed to live?"

"What're you mumbling about now, brat?"

"You could clearly have killed me with your bare hands, and you clearly wanted to."

"And?" He snaps, and I'm glad that his pity hasn't got to the extent that he would pretend he hadn't wanted that. Because I know he wanted to. He'd been almost desperate to spill my blood.

"So why didn't you? Was it your choice, or Erwin's order?"

"Why would Erwin want you dead? You're his new toy, idiot."

"Not my question. He would have to had specifically told you not to kill me, I'm guessing, you seem the type to look for a loophole if it'll get you the blood you want. So did he? Or did you decide on your own not to kill me?"

The question lingers as a breeze shifts the dirt beneath us, hissing as pebbles skim along. He stares at me, expression still blank as he thinks it through. His eyes show his thinking, flashing a little as an answer becomes clear, and then he sighs and purses his lips a little.

"And it matters why?"

"I want to know what kind of man is supposedly in charge of me."

"Erwin isn't easily read."

"Exactly, so answer my question."

"Why the fuck would I help you understand him?" he tugs on his coat, and slings his cravat round his neck loosely. I see that we're done, and so sit down heavily, my legs too tired to walk right now. I draw a pattern in the dirt, and shrug my shoulders.

"I just get the feeling not everything between you and the Commander is all peaches and cream."

"Oh so insightful of you…" He sighs with an eye-roll.

"I just wondered if you'd help a gal out… it's a small ask Levi."

"I don't owe you anything, rat."

"Didn't claim you did. Just answer the question?"

"Don't think you know me, rat. Got it?"

"Yeah, I got it." I sigh, and ruffle my sweaty fringe so it doesn't stick to my forehead.

"He gave no order." He snaps as he walks past me, and back towards the building.

I almost missed it, but he definitely said it.

I stare after him, and frown. Why the hell hadn't he killed me then? I remember the hate in his eyes, the want to kill me. It's what made me want to throw up from nerves. The power behind those strikes. The want for blood. And then I remember hearing Erwin's voice, telling him to leave me for the day… but it was true, he hadn't expressed any concern for my life. Then Hanji came down of her own accord, not by Erwin's orders either.

I take a fistful of dirt, and let it slide through my clawing fingers.

Erwin was well aware of the damage Levi could inflict, he had to be. So he had knowingly run the risk of me being killed. Presumably that was when I was still suspected of being the Colossal Titan.

I grind the last few specks of dirt between my fingers.

So if I did become too much trouble, he probably would kill me. He had assured me that wouldn't be the case. But as I watch the Captain walk away stiffly, before disappearing inside the HQ, I feel a chill. The only reason I was alive right now, was the self-restraint of Levi. For whatever reason he had decided not to kill me.

Shit.

That also meant I owed the little shit.

Yet another reason holding my power at bay.

So I had two cold hearted bastards looming over me. One in charge; impossible to read, or trust. He would use me for his cause, but cared not for my life outside of its usefulness. He was ruthless, and barely human. And the other? I shrug my coat on, and look at the crest on my shoulder. The other was a torn up little man, filled to the brim with hate, contempt and rage, but somehow there was a kindness there too? I shake my head. This made no damn sense.

I head in for dinner, and ignore the continued whispering, and irritating habits of the Cadets. I'm technically also a Cadet, but I immediately think of these snot-nosed children still whispering and giggling, when I hear that damned word. Fucking children. Why the hell were they even here? And then I stand in line, and realise as I have my meal handed over. They were all Humanity had to offer. Otherwise, everyone was too young, or too old to serve. Those of my age, and then of Levi and Erwin etc. we were a dying breed. I sit down alone, and play with my stew a little. I guess I hadn't noticed when I lived in amongst the people, I only saw the mothers and old business men. But it hadn't occurred to me then. I was a few years younger than the superiors, but I considered myself in their generation at least. A small generation we were now.

Shit this place was depressing.

And yet I hear so much laughter. I eat the stew, and stare at the table as I do. Chatter and laughter all around, despite the fact they had seen battle, and a lot of their friends die. They were still snot-nosed, but I had to try and keep in mind, they had at least joined the fight. They weren't just getting drunk in a pub, and wasting their existence. I nibble on my bread and sigh, this murky world was tiring. When things were black and white, it was so much easier. It burned a lot less energy.

"Excuse me…" a small voice says next to me, I jump; suddenly dragged off my odd little train of thought.

I turn and see a small girl with mousey brown hair, and a dusting of freckles, she was a little taller than me, but very slight. She was a solider? My mind continues to fizz, till I realise she's waiting for me to acknowledge her. I clear my throat, and nod to her, not bothering to smile as she looks at me with those slightly bleary brown eyes. Was she crying? Kid, I was not the person to do that in front of. Emotions were not my area of expertise. In fact I was a bit of a dunce with them. Possibly even allergic.

"Yeah, kid?"

"I was wondering, a-are you the woman they s-say l-lived—"

"Over the walls yeah." The stuttering was fucking annoying. She jumps a little, but stays quiet. "Still would be if it weren't for this charming regiment. Why?"

"Did you ever see the soldiers left behind?"

"Bits of them, yeah." I say, and watch her cringe back, eyes shining more. Aw shit, was she seriously going to ask me about a friend of hers? Like I had a catalogue memory of all those severed heads, and discarded torsos? Well actually she wouldn't be far off, I remembered the faces. Those weren't something easily forgotten. No matter how cold I was, they were still people. I bite down on my tongue, and try to make myself remember this was probably a kid of… seventeen at most? Talking about death so nonchalantly, probably wasn't the wisest idea. Then I would have a tear show on my hands. Suddenly I ache to transform again; so I can run the fuck away from this teary tot.

"D-Did you ever s-see a b-boy with ginger hair a-and blue eyes?"

"Look kid…" I sigh, and turn to her properly, running a hand through my short hair as the awkward intensifies. Humans were so messy. "I saw a lot of soldiers. But they were all dead, and gone, so no, I never saw him wandering around. I lived out there alone."

"I-I only meant h-his body…" she whimpers but I give her a stern look.

"No, you meant, did I ever see him somehow surviving out there despite all the odds. If you knew for certain he had died, you wouldn't bother asking…" It was still harsh, but I wasn't about to placate idiotic daydreaming. She looks to the side, a blush appearing across her freckles. "I'm sure you miss him, and I'm sorry you lost your… boyfriend? But I never saw him, that's for sure."

"W-what about the soldiers that are still alive?" she whines, her voice is raising and people are starting to look. Aw shit, here we go. Hormones on the horizon. "Do you look at them just as coldly?"

"No, if they're still alive, but clearly in pain and not going to make it, I kill them." I reply with a frown, what else was I meant to do? Sit down, and sing a lamented song to their tortured souls? I was only a damned human like them, I wasn't any kind of saviour. I was a shifter, but still a damn human deep down. My selfish nature was testament to that sad fact. She grimaces, blush deepening still, but the bashfulness is quickly being over-ridden by anger.

"Y-you fucking m-monster."

"Oh no, you're right." I growl sarcastically, getting up, well aware I wasn't going to be allowed to eat in peace from now on. The judgement is screaming at me from all the watchful eyes, and I clench my teeth. "I should just leave them there to slowly bleed to death, right? I should stitch them up? Drag them to my home, and feebly attempt to help them live?"

"You could at least help, instead of living out there like a selfish piece of—"

"All that would be doing, is torturing them."

"But you could try—"

"You've clearly been out there, you've seen what happens to the human body when it's gone up against a Titan's hunger. It's destroyed. If I even thought to prolong those kids suffering, then I really would be a fucking monster."

"Bu-Bu—"

"So take your juvenile ideals, and get a reality check. I didn't kill your boyfriend, and you should just hope he had a quick death, because I certainly don't remember putting him out of his misery!" I bellow at her, slamming my hand down on the table top so hard it stings. The silence is heavy, and it is bitter as I breathe it in. I hadn't intended to yell, but my patience could only withstand so much. If I didn't vent like this, the other option was a lot messier.

"You remember them?" She breathes, breaking the quiet with her now soft, and confused voice. I straighten up, and smooth myself down, stepping out from my chair and picking up my tray, looking at her with disgust.

"Wouldn't you?" and with that I walk past her, discard what's left of my meal and pause at the foot of the stairs. I turn, and look at the room of young faces staring after me. Demanding answers like that freckled fool.

"I know you all find it easy to hate me, but for your fucking information, I didn't ask to be brought here and paraded in front of you." I shout, meeting several gazes sternly, not backing down from their nonsense. Fuck it. If they wanted to hate me fine, but I wasn't about to stay silent. I point over to the superiors table, at Erwin who is watching all this with barely more than a hint of a frown. And I think its disapproval of me, not his emotionally unstable Cadets.

"Your damned Commander insisted on keeping me here. You have a problem with me being here? Take it up with the Golden Boy over there. I am a fucking human, like you. I lived outside the walls, so sorry! But yeah, I fucking survived, and I'm sorry your friends didn't. But I didn't kill them! Keep that in mind you bunch of fucking ignorant children."

I see no change and so I just throw my hands up, and head to my room. I was sorry to see the concern in Hanji's eyes, but I couldn't stand it any longer. Even now, the stares burn into my back, and I girt my teeth so hard my jaw aches. I had entered their world, and become the perfect scapegoat. They couldn't blame the damned Titans, that was an abstract concept till you were in battle, so for now, they had the woman who had dared to manage and survive on her own out there.

How dare I live whilst their comrades die?

I lie in my bed and stare at the ceiling. Did it matter if I was any good? Surely the more skill I showed, the more I rubbed it in, that I had lived without so much as a stitch of training, whilst good soldiers had died. I roll over and give an angry yell into my pillow. It would be so much easier if I could just come out and admit I was a shifter. But I couldn't. They clearly didn't trust Eren, and he'd already shown his willing to serve Humanity. His devotion to it in fact. If I do reveal myself. I'm as good as dead.

I wanted to hate these kids for their unkind words, cold looks, and strange assumptions. But really there was no point. It wasn't their fault the world was so fucked, it also wasn't their fault they didn't know how to deal with grief. At their age they shouldn't even know what grief was. Yet it was clear they all did. If they hadn't seen their comrades die, they'd probably lost family at least. The Titans didn't care if you were a toddler, teenager, or old fogey; they destroyed you regardless. I sigh into my pillow exhaustedly.

Humans were too damned messy.

My door opens.

Didn't I lock that?

I tense but just wait and listen, perhaps Hanji had come to see that I was all right? But its more than one set of feet. I roll over, and scramble backwards, but it's too late. Hands grab me, and wrench me up off the bed, to cast me down on the floor. I see no faces, I only hear angry voices.

"Think you're better than us?"

"Think you're something special?"

"Fucking freak."

"Damn bitch, just go back over the walls and die."

"How'd you manage to live when they all died? Fuck you!"

They curse, they shout, they hate with all their broken might.

I just lie there, tensing enough to brace against the hits and lower the damage, but not enough that they think I'm fighting back. I want to hate them, like they hate me, but this world isn't black and white. My world was murky now. Boots crack into my ribs, they pummel my back, and I feel fists slam against my head, and chest. Blood trickles from my nose, and I'm soon coughing it up too. I gasp at the cold night air as they continue their torrent of 'justice'.

I was someone to blame for this violent life.

I was someone to hate, and seek revenge on.

I guess I was able to help humanity in more way than one, eh Erwin? I can kill some Titans, and be everyone's punching bag. A couple birds killed with one big fucking stone. My instinct is screaming at me; give in, change, they already hate you and are hurting you. Blast them away with the steam, and decimate this building. But I can't. Hanji is here, and what the little fools had in them, apart from ignorant hate, was bravery. I can't kill of the last shred of Humanities goodness. Then it really would be fucked.

"Ignorant children? Fuck you, you cold bitch!"

"Reality check? We watched our friends die out there!"

But then something else enters the room. I can't see much anymore, my hair is matted to my face in blood and sweat. But a shape enters, and begins sweeping away the boots and fists. They're torn off me, and thrown against the wall with audible wails. But they don't scuffle, they don't even try, and get back up. They just lie in a tangled heap, panting in small exhausted whimpers as their hate turns to grief.

I groan, and clamber to my feet, using the bed to haul myself up off the floor. I lean on the mattress as my head swirls, but soon it merely throbs, and the ringing in my ears is dying away. Without much care I wipe the blood from my lips with the back of my hand, and scrap my hair out of my face, flinching as fresh wounds object to the sensation.

"The hell does it take to keep you down?" I do a small double-take as I realise it's Captain Levi that turned up to peel the idiots off me. I manage a careful smile and shrug, but only a little as I realise my shoulder is partially dislocated. Shit.

"Fell from plenty trees in my first year, and you can't really linger on the ground with Titans wandering around. Not a luxury I had, lying down and whimpering. Turn that light on for me?"

He does so, and the lamp flickers into life. I look down at the four of them; three boys and one girl. They look at me with wide, bleared eyes. Their faces are stained with tears, but they aren't all fresh. I sigh heavily, and am about to walk over to them, when I pause and turn to my cupboard. Levi frowns as I side-step, and then he grimaces, as I ram my shoulder against the edge of the wood.

Crack, and then crunch.

Job done.

I grunt, and swallow my wails, it looked a lot scarier without complaining about it. Now at least it would heal correctly. I think my ability is slowly returning, but it's far from fully back. It sure was taking its sweet time. I then take another deep breath, and walk over. Levi steps out a little, giving me a cold warning look, but I just stare back at him sternly. I wasn't going to hurt them; he can see this as he steps back and leans against the cupboard door. I nod a thanks to him, and turn to my assailants.

Damn they looked pathetic.

"Got it out your systems?" I ask, clearing my throat as blood bubbles there. They look amongst themselves before back at me without knowing what to do, or say. I hold out a hand to the closest boy, his blonde hair is stuck to his sweaty forehead, and his pale blue eyes are ringed in red. Snot-nosed. He takes my hand after a pause, and I help him up with the arm that still worked.

"I-I…" he continued to mumble as I help the other three up, and then back up a few steps. But as the boy looks to his Captain, his face turns a little red, and I see the words forming on his lips. But I won't let him lie to me. Lying was below them.

"Don't apologise, you don't mean it right now. You might in the morning, but right now, you're glad you got to do it. You all are."

They exchange ashamed looks.

"I get it, I'm a good target for all the shit you've had to deal with." I shrug, and as they look amongst themselves in disbelief I decide to then hammer my point home. Levi remains quiet, and I can feel him staring at me all the while. "However, as you can see, I am not a damned monster. I am human, I bleed and I bruise just like you fuckwits. So kindly go, and let your fellow Cadets know. I am here to stay, I am not easily beaten down, and I will not treat the next group of brutes so kindly. Got it? If I even see a shadey look from you lot, I will be sorely tempted to take you out to the walls and dangle you down into the belly of a Titan myself."

"Y-yes m-ma'am…"

Why did they all think I was old?

They begin to shuffle out, and I wait till they've closed the door to go, and sit on my bed. The quiet is weird, and I look up at Levi who is still watching me without interest registering on his expression.

"Thanks for not joining in." I mutter, rolling my shoulder a little to stretch it out. That was going to be a bitch for a few days. He nods, and stands away from the cupboard, opens it and chucks some fresh sheets my way. I frown as they land at the end of the bed, but then glance at the material I'm currently sitting on. Ah. Blood smears here, and there from when I got up, and presumably having sprayed when the attack took place. Nice.

"They'll be punished accordingly." He murmurs, frowning down at the bloodied bed.

"Don't bother. I don't need you making me feel like a snitch."

"I don't give a shit what you need, brat."

"Noted."

"They broke the rules, and unlike yourself, they're meant to know and follow them. Go to the infirmary."

"I'm fine."

"You might not have had the luxury out there, Senefold, but here you actually do. Take it whilst you can, idiot. Plus you'll just bleed everywhere if you don't, and get everything filthy. Go get cleaned up."

"Yeah, got it." I stand up, swaying a little but I just shake it off and walk past him, stopping outside my door and sighing. "Where the fuck is the Infirmary?"

"Damn you're troublesome."

"Well if you will make your HQ a maze."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not having a great time of it, at the moment, is Alexia? Don't worry, it's 3DMG next time, and that's when she's in her element.
> 
> Thanks for reading, let me know what you think!
> 
> Have a good day!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Thank you for continuing to read, this story is still very much in the baby stages, but I highly appreciate the continued support, really helps me as a writer, and human being ;)
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.

"Tch, wait here." He walks a few doors away and knocks, a young woman appears with strawberry blonde hair and wide eyed look. It's like she was waiting for him to knock on her door. Late night visits a usual occurrence? Erwin would get jealous. She glances my way, and then back at Levi with concern. Another human being? I wonder how she failed to hear my attackers though, perhaps she didn't care so much to investigate on her own.

"Petra'll take you, don't give her any trouble, brat."

And then he walks away, probably in search of the brutes from my room. Petra walks over to me, her eyes still wide as she stops to give a nervous smile.

"I thought something was going on, what the heck did they do to you?"

"Nothing I can't handle, you heard what happened?"

"Well yeah, I ran and got the Captain for you… I sure wasn't going to be able to do much." She mumbles biting on her lip as she scratches the back of her head, blushing profusely. "Sorry I didn't get him quicker. It all happened real quick."

"N-No… thanks, you probably saved me a stay in hospital." I hold out my hand, and she looks at it a little oddly, before taking it and smiling broadly. "Alexia Senefold, the weirdo from over the walls."

"If you mean weird in the sense of amazing, then yeah!" she laughs, letting go of my hand and gesturing for me to follow her. I do so, and keep pace, despite a weird ache in my leg. Potentially a fracture. Then I realise what she just said. Amazing? Wow, that was the first compliment I think I'd got in this place that wasn't from Hanji, in a weird I-think-you're-amazing-can-I-watch-you-sleep way. Then again, had Hanji also told Petra? My heart quickens a little. No, Hanji wouldn't do that.

"Thanks… so you don't feel like venting on me?" I half-laugh, not enjoying the tense silence as we walked through almost completely dark corridors. She sighs and shakes her head, her hair shining a little in the moonlight. A pretty little thing.

"Don't understand why they seem to be doing that… sorry about that… they've been through a lot. But still, doesn't excuse it…"

"Like you said, they've been through a lot. They're kids."

"Yeah…"

"How long you been here?"

"A good while, I'm on Levi's squad. How is it you can be so forgiving?" she frowns and watches her feet, a blush still on her face. Was she really that ashamed of her fellow recruits? I would be impressed if she was. Then again, if she was on Levi's squad I guessed that meant she was pretty good at what she did. She probably felt a little responsible for the more green recruits. When I fail to answer her, she glances my way worriedly. I smirk.

"I assume everyone's a bastard till they prove otherwise. So as far as I'm concerned they only acted as I expected, really. Though… it doesn't always work… suppose you saw my little outburst in the mess hall?"

"Yeah, but frankly I wanted to give you a cheer." She snorts, and flicks her hair back behind her ear. I smile, I wonder what her story is. Shit. No, no I don't. I don't want to get mixed up in this regiment any more than absolutely necessary. I nod, but keep my eyes forward. Just because 90% of this regiment was out to kill me, it didn't mean I had to become fucking soulmates with the other 10%. Get a grip Senefold.

"So how come you're so open-minded, Petra?"

"I guess I've seen enough death to appreciate those that are still living." She shrugs and I stop dead, staring at the floor. My heart just swelled. No. Senefold get a damned grip; you're a soulless shifter, and you don't belong with Humanity. You won't amount to anything. Leave them alone. I stand there panting a little and she comes over, a hand reaching for my shoulder as her face is awash with concern again. Dammit no. "Hey, you okay?"

"No I'm not fucking ok." I growl, and scrape my hair back, tangling my hands there as I try to figure out how I'm meant to get through this shit. She backs off a little as my voice threatens her, but she remains concerned. Wide eyed and concerned. Like a damn fretting mother. "Look, do me a favour and just hate me like the rest. It's… it's simpler."

But when I start to walk again, she steps in front and stops me, suddenly looking very angry. Damn she was like Levi, one second fine the next furious. Okay, not just like Levi, he was overtly bipolar, but this was a strangely drastic transformation.

"What, it's simpler to just be hated by everyone?"

"Infinitely so, yes."

"Why the hell do you hate your own kind so much, exactly? The way Eren talked about you…" I look at her and frown, Eren? What the hell had that kid been spouting? He didn't know me, none of these dressed up dolls did. "What happened to you?"

"Shit that happens to everyone else."

"Let someone help."

"Look, I'm not here by choice so—"

"No, but you are here. So that makes you part of this regiment, whether you like it or not. And so in my book, that makes you important. So suck it up, and deal with the fact you have people caring about you. Got it?" she jabs a finger at me, and I stumble back a little. She was like a pissy mother, and I was her bratty teenager.

"It just… it just makes saying good bye harder." I mutter, shoving my hands in my pockets and flinching against the cuts there. A hand taps my chin, and I unenthusiastically look up into those determined eyes. She wasn't easily discouraged.

"Then don't think about that, think about right now. We don't get to dwell on what tomorrow'll bring, we never know when it won't come at all. So focus on now, and accept the fact you have teammates."

"A passionate little thing aren't you, Petra?"

"Damn straight." She now smirks and I feel myself mirror her. "Now then, let's get you cleaned up. Or you're never going to make training tomorrow."

"Yes, miss." I give a salute, and she just rolls her eyes, before putting an arm gently round me and leading me on.

This world isn't black and white. I was learning slowly to swim through this murky grey area of morality. These Cadets were on the front lines for humanity, they had a lot of passion, and in some cases too much. They had lost a lot already, and yet they still bore their uniform and prepared for the fight. I didn't understand their conviction for helping Humanity, as far as I had been concerned that ship had sailed, and sunk already. But as I met the few people here willing to know me as a human, and not a newfound freak, I felt my resolve shake a little. I wasn't used to this murkiness, but now, as Petra talks about her Squad with pride and smiles, I wonder if the murkiness won't soon become too familiar.

We head to the infirmary and Petra helps me get patched up; none of the nurses seem overly concerned about helping. They know who I am, and they similarly don't trust me. I begin to wonder if they think I have some weird contagion, but I resist the urge to go over and hiss at them, or pretend to bite them. No need to start a panic, tonight had been filled with enough nonsense. Petra stays quiet, but I can tell she's aching to keep assuring me. I can see it in her big, naïve eyes as she murmurs little, 'should feel better soon' and 'hope that helps' as she goes about the tedious task of applying bandages and ointment. She is clearly someone who likes to help, but I don't fancy being her next project. I realise she means well, but I wasn't in the charitable mood. Despite her scolding earlier.

Eventually all the new bumps, and bruises, are seen to and I can return to my little 'room'. Petra helps me change the bed, and weirdly enough tries to tuck me in. I almost regret looking at her as harshly as I did, but this wasn't going to become the mother-daughter relationship she wanted it to. I had no idea if I was older than her or not, in this place age seems a fluid concept, but either way, I wasn't about to babied. I'd just had the shit kicked out of me, I could hardly afford to become dependent on someone.

"Do you want me to see to getting a guard placed at your door?"

I stare at her, she tilts her head with an annoyed frown.

"Well?"

"Yeah, and while you're at it, let's just paint me coward yellow from head to toe, and attach some convenient targets to my ass and head." I roll my eyes at her, whilst her frown deepens and she makes a disapproving shake of her head.

"Pride isn't going to help you through this."

"And neither is coddling me. I can handle myself Petra, trust me. I appreciate your help, but there's no point in over-reacting. They'll have gotten it out their systems soon enough."

"Is that before or after you end up dead on the floor?" she snaps, and I flinch a little at the raw concern there. It was something that annoyed me, but I could tell under this, was more than simple concern for a stranger. This woman had presumably already seen a lot of life wasted, I was simply a life she felt she could help endure. It makes me half tempted to let her in on the big joke. I wasn't someone she'd probably want to keep alive. I was part of the enemy right?

"Time will tell I guess." I sigh, rolling over, hoping to end this pointless debate.

There's a lingering awkwardness, but soon she gives up and walks out. As soon as I hear her own door close, a little way down the corridor, I jump up and lock my door. The satisfying click calms my oddly panicked heart, and I linger there a few moments to listen to the hallway outside. Not even a whisper. I pull on the handle, but the lock seems to be doing its job now. I wonder if they picked the lock, or I had been stupid enough to forget. I guess it didn't matter now, the bruises had been handed out.

I lie on the bed, and stare up the ceiling again. Tomorrow was the 3DMG training, and it was there I was supposed to show my expertise. Or whatever Erwin had decided I had. My shoulder still aches, but the pain medication was helping and Petra had done well to bind it up. Everything might work out okay. Then again I might face-plant into a tree, and fall onto the ground, an entire troop of Cadets laughing their heads off at my failure. I roll over, and groan into the pillow. I could always just transform, murder them all, then nick whatever gear they had on them at the time? I laugh a little too hard into the pillow, before sleep finally visits me, and takes me under its numbing wing.

This place would be the end of me.

As soon as the sun peeks over the horizon my eyes fly open, they had done so for the past decade, so I saw no reason to fight it now. I get up, and stretch out my body. There's a few aches and pains all around, but I just focus on the fact Petra had suggested visiting Hanji before training. Apparently the woman had a knack for pharmaceuticals, as well as loving Titans too much. The idea of Hanji cooking up weird drugs made a lot of sense to me, and in a weird way I hoped she did. If that woman ran simply on her own odd steam, I shudder to think what happens if she drinks or ever does try a narcotic.

It takes fucking forever to get the damn uniform on correctly, the straps being little bastards about staying put. Today they really had to be done right, or else face-plantation was a guaranteed thing. I smooth down my hair, that refuses to not spike up, and shrug on my jacket. Another day, another set of bullshit. I'm not entirely sure if I'm late or early, but I see no reason to linger in my well lit cell. The smell of food indicates I'm at least in the correct area of time for breakfast, but the lacking bodies in the mess-hall only further clouds the situation. All late, or all early risers like myself?

"You sleep walking now, brat? Shift it." Snaps a voice I could have done without hearing first thing. I jump out the way, and let him pass me with a click of his forked tongue, shaking his head as he heads straight for the hot drinks. Doesn't eat much. Sort of explains the runt issue.

"Am I early or late?"

"No one told you the timings then?"

"Evidently." I reply, grabbing a tray with some eggs and toast. At least I think they're eggs, or they might have been before being brutally murdered and left to wither for a few months. As he's the only one here that I'm fairly certain has already had his fill of beating me up, I sit opposite the little angry man as he sits and drinks his tea. What a retarded way to hold a cup.

"Do I look like the sort to be late?" he grumbles, glaring at me a little sleepily. The heavy lidded look usually looked bored, but right now he looked almost comatose. Then again perhaps having all that rage withheld throughout the day, wore a man down? I smile at my eggs, oh I hoped so.

"No, but you look the sort, to not give many fucks if you were. So I wasn't sure. Your pent-up tight asshole routine tends to indicate an early riser though."

"You know, a simple thank you for saving your hide last night, would be sufficient. Brat."

"I already thanked you, don't push your luck."

"I assume you went to the infirmary?"

"Nah, grew the bandages myself, a very rare skin disorder."

"It is too early for your shit."

"My bowel movements are not your concern, sir." I snort, and take a big bite of my toast.

He rolls his eyes, and leans onto his elbows, looking as though he wants to crawl inside his tea-cup and sleep more, or at least escape me. I was probably what you would call a morning person, but sleeping in never worked well when Titan's got antsier the more sunlight they'd soaked up. Early bird avoids being trampled or gorged on by the big fat mega bird stumbling around. Or at least managed to clean up the mega birds, by transforming into a mightier mega bird and going on a killing spree. I smile at my eggs again. I was a mighty mega bird. Yay.

There's an odd, stumbling, running noise, from the stairs, before a loud yelp, and a small crash. I don't really need to turn round, I just assume it's Hanji. I thank her internally for saving me the trouble of trying to find her office, it only made my life simpler. This was potentially going to be not that bad a morning. Levi curses under his breath as the noise continues with her jabbering, and a few scraping noises as she collects her food and coffee. I wonder if this is a normal morning for her; and judging by Levi's lack of reaction I think it must be. I then snort a little. Lack of reaction from Levi was the norm, it was no indication at all on anyone else's actions. For all I knew this could be a completely new occurrence, and he was already bored of it. I wonder what it would take to make him do a double-take, then I snigger again. I don't think I did want to know that actually.

"The hell are you laughing about, rat?"

"You have food in your hair." I quip, enjoying the small frown, and reassuring touch-up to his hair that he does. He then glares a little more. People really were so easy to play with at times. I had to admit, the ability to make small-talk with people… and Levi… was something I was growing to like. I'd had many a conversation with myself, and of course squirrels were always chatty bastards, but it was nice to have more than a squeak, or echo as a reply. I'd never managed to communicate with the Titans though. Most of them ignored me, and a few of them, if downwind, tried to eat me, so I had to kill them. But no matter what I tried, they never communicated back. Either I wasn't able to, or Titans were incredibly anti-social. Even more so than Levi.

"Good morning early birdies!" laughs Hanji, sitting down heavily next to me, and nudging my shoulder. Of course I give a flinch, the partial dislocation making me a tad sensitive. The glasses flash, and she leans in. I could have sworn I heard her sniff. "What the heck happened to you?!" she then shoots Short-arse a look.

"Not my doing, Glasses."

"Then who the hell…"

"Cadets decided the rat needed a late-night visit." He shrugs, and sips his tea, staring ahead towards the food. Probably creeping out some Cadets as they gathered their breakfast. I think he enjoyed his power of creep too much. Hanji turns to me with wide eyes and mouth hanging ajar, I turn and tap at her chin, her breath smelling of old coffee. And ink…

"It's fine Hanji."

"Not one part of this is fine, stupid kids… why can't we all just get along?" she laments with a touch to her forehead. I glance at Levi with a raise of my brow, but he just shrugs and leans further into his cup.

"Yeah… listen Hanji, I was wondering if I could get some pain-killers? Petra said you had a knack for such things."

"That bad huh?"

"Not the lightest of beatings, no. But it'll be fine in a day or so." I smirk, and stare down the concern flashing once again in her big glasses. Eventually she seems happy enough to accept this, and hands over a packet of white pills. Efficient.

"I keep them to hand in case… hold it, what did you do in return to the cadets?" she looks around as though expecting to find severed limbs scattered around this room. I pop a couple pills, and sip my coffee. Her imagination was a little wild; I'd have cleaned up after myself at least, then stuffed the remains into Erwin's office. Or his desk. Oh, or maybe asked the cook to serve it as his breakfast. My imagination bubbles. I then realise I'm sat with a slightly sadistic sneer on my face, having not responded yet. The woman is sweating. I remove the sneer, and pat her shoulder reassuringly.

"Nothing actually."

"Really?!"

"Didn't see the point in entertaining their idiotic ways."

"How… restrained of you…" she murmurs, looking me up and down. Though I still think it's with the expectation of severed limbs; did she think I'd stow them in my uniform? Gross. I was a wild woman who lived beyond the walls, and hadn't been inside society for a decade; but even I had standards! "You still up for training today? I'm sure we could delay—"

"I'm now about to let those little shits mess with my schedule."

"Okay…" she says, leaning back from my angry snap. I sigh, and rub my temples, hoping the drugs will kick in soon, if only to take the edge off my temper. My body was still aching to use my power. Every time I thought it was dying down, I felt a twinge, quickly followed by a surge of energy. These idiots weren't at all being appreciative of my efforts. Except Hanji. I think she has an inkling of the situation, glancing up at the roof occasionally. She's a quick one; clearly aware I'd burst through that thing in a second, raining down terrible vengeance upon my enemies. If I wanted.

"The quicker I show off what I can do, and get the damned teaching out the way, the sooner I can be allowed on missions and get a damned glimpse of my home."

I didn't mean to let it spill out, but apparently my anger from the night before had not quite dissipated yet. They're both watching me; making me feel like a weird animal they caught and are studying. I then cringe at the accuracy of that idea.

"Well it's true. I'm assuming once I've shown my skill, I can actually begin teaching, and sharing information?"

"You're willing to do that now?" said Levi putting his cup down, still staring at it.

"If it lets me go on missions, and feel a little freer, yeah. Assuming Erwin is good on his word… which I feel like, might be a first…"

"So why be so damned… why not before?" His grey eyes still don't look up.

I play with my food, and feel Hanji look from me to him, and I can only imagine the amount of flashing going across the thick glass. Even now, with Hanji right there, him referring to our intimate time in the cells makes my nerves sing. This hardly helps with my resistance of changing. But the way he asked, it was almost as if he wished I had just spoken up. Despite him being a little more forthright that Erwin, I was still struggling to get a proper read on Levi. Was he full of hate? Or simply incapable of allowing anyone to see another part of him.

"Before… I was angry… I was being a stubborn ass to punish you lot."

"You were punishing me? That's how you saw it?" he mutters, shaking his head.

"Not quite, but it was something I could hold on to. You had no other reason to keep me alive, than finding out your answers. And I'm quite fond of living… so…"

"You stayed quiet, and took the beatings… just to stay alive… you're a fucking idiot."

"And you're a sadistic bastard. Glad we cleared that up." I half-laugh, turning back to Hanji. "I really do appreciate the concern Hanji, but I just want to get on with this."

I drain my coffee. Perhaps this morning would be just as shitty as I had expected. The pills seem to be starting to work though, my shoulder no longer aches when I breathe. And the song of my nerves dies down to a hum. Hanji is nodding, though still biting on her lip annoyingly.

"I get it Kiddo, sorry… just… just don't want to see you get hurt out there."

"Out there, in here, makes little difference. Bruises and broken bones heal, we just need to get on with it." I chuckle. "Plus pain meds always help."

"Glad to be of service!" she chirps, seeming happier as she then wolfs down her food. I shake my head at her, and return to my own meal, catching a glimpse of Levi suddenly watching me again. I raise a brow at him.

"Something wrong, Levi?"

"You sure you're all right for this training, Brat?"

"Careful Captain, your human is showing." I mutter, and think I see the faintest hue on his cheeks. But his eyes simply tighten, and there's a flash of his teeth for a split second.

"I just don't want the Commander pissing all over me, for damaging his new toy."

"Yeah, yeah, calm it shorty. I'm well aware you don't give a shit. No need to pout. I'm good to go, I'm not about to damage myself for that glorified—"

"Good morning, everyone."

"Speak of the devil, and he shall appear." I say, sitting upright and nodding at the Golden Shithead. He returns the gesture and sits next to his pet, looking pristine as ever as he sips his coffee and salts his eggs. It's like every action is predetermined, like a clockwork toy or something. At some point I would have to check his pulse; would it go thump, thump, or tick, tock?

"You done there Hanji?" I ask, hoping to avoid agonising chit-chat with Erwin of all people.

"Mm?" she swallows her last enormous mouthful, and burps a little. "Yeah, you ready to go?"

"Might as well get the gear on sooner, rather than later. You may well have updated it since I stole mine."

"Depends on how recently you achieved that specific theft." Drawls the Commander, a cold smirk on his lips. I stand up, and gather my things together. He watches me, and even now I can see things working through that shiny head of his. Did he ever stop scheming?

"Had the same gear the entire time I lived out-with the rat-race, sir."

"A whole decade with one set of gear? My, my, the impressiveness continues to mount up with you Senefold." His sarcasm is blatant and arrogant, but I just smile back at him and shrug my shoulders.

"Funny, I've been thinking the same thing about the shit that pours out your mouth."

Before he can moan, or bitch about my lacking formality I walk away to discard my empty tray. He was trying very hard to get a grasp on me, to find something to control me with. I smile. Good luck Blondie.

Hanji is close behind, quiet a she purses her lips together. Out of annoyance, or amusement, I don't know, but she shuffles me around the area that the Commander and his Dog still sit in. I think she's eager to have me out of their way, and their earshot too.

We head out into the compound and as the open sky is laid above me again, I find myself a little apprehensive. Today I would also have to deal with the fact that everyone was expecting something marvellous; I had never claimed to be anything wonderful, it was all Erwin's doing. Yet no one would remember that as I demonstrated my 3DMG skills.

Strangely enough, Hanji explains the Browlord was planning on being present at this training. He hadn't bothered to stick around for hand-to-hand. I guess he wanted to check for himself if his hopes for my skills were founded. It almost made me tempted to purposefully fuck up. But as Hanji helps me into the lighter, newer, gear, I remember the uncertainty of what would happen once I wasn't of use.

I'm all fixed in, and have had a quick practise with Hanji before the crowd begins to gather. I can feel Erwin stood, arms folded, staring at my equipment. I wonder if he's a little torn; he wants to be able to control me, and therefore probably hopes I make a mistake. However, he also wants a new weapon in his odd little crusade for Humanity, so he'll also be hoping I exceed his already high expectations. Poor little Browlord; which way to hope. Such a trying life you do lead.

I head over to the starting line.

A few other cadets have gathered, though Erwin keeps it to a minimum after our little spat yesterday. He was a prick, but at least had a decent memory. Petra explains the general idea; and warns me that some Dummy Titans are on springs or contraptions. Therefore some are in place, and some are being powered by Cadets. My bruises ache at this, the sadistic bastards might be after another go. I'd have to keep an especially close eye out for movement, really bring my A-game. Good thing I wasn't beaten half to death last night by four idiots, or else this might prove tricky… ah… shit.

They back up a bit and someone sounds a horn. I send off my wires, and am thrilled at the sensation of flight. It's like I've entered one of my daydreams, only this was real. I'm flying again, I'm zipping through the air free and fast. But I soon focus, not forgetting my reason for being up here. This was my world. It was time to show these ingrates what I could do.

I see a large shape in front of me, but keep focused on momentum on the approach. If there was another Dummy raring to pop up, I'd be at full speed. This would either make for an impressive take down, an incredible face-plant and fall.

There's the sound of wires behind me, but I know this is Levi and Hanji taking note of my performance as I go, no need to worry about the Cadets up here. Up here I was a force to be reckoned with. Just the ones powering the—I swing up, and slash down in an instant. One dummy down, and a disgruntled Cadet left with leather all over their greasy little face. Nice try though, kid, nearly got me. Nearly. I hear Hanji swear profusely down at the Cadet, clearly annoyed by their late deployment. But really she couldn't do anything about it. Even if it was fuelled by a want to hurt me, it was good practise for battle.

I then approach the fixed Dummy, and slice it down too, nearly taking the head off as I cut into the nape. Then I head higher into the canopy, getting a better view of the terrain. The branches are thinner, and not as reliable for gear, but I use the trunks of the trees instead. It's difficult, but suits my purpose. It might prove difficult for most cadets, but with my lightweight body, and vast experience using this technique; it meant very little extra risk to me. And at the same time, minimised the risk of any unexpected Titans popping up. Applicable here, and in the real world. Anything above sixteen metres was rare, and these trees were easily twenty or more. I'm not sure how many fake Titans are on the course, or how many I'm expected to take down, but I stay sharp. The more I 'kill' the more I can rub it in Golden Boy's smug face.

As I peer out across the course, I see three 'Titans' in a strange zig zag pattern. I angle myself, and shoot off, well aware more pop-ups will be on the way. Only I see a glint of gear before I hear a groan of rope and wood. Here we go. It appears from the side I hadn't expected, but I bounce off a nearby branch, and swoop down to make the cut. The branch falls with a crash, being a little less sturdy this far up in the trees. But the gasp of surprise from the Cadet below is very satisfying as I slice through the pop-up, using it instead as an anchor, and then rebound to do the next two fixed Dummies in succession.

My confidence swells, and I let a loud cheer leave me as I slice into the last fixed one, and laugh as the last pop-up appears directly in front of me. No room for swinging, or manoeuvre, so I let myself drop, swing round the fake arm, and land on the slight shoulder to slice away the neck instantaneously. The dummy's wooden bodies aren't very thick, so I'm balancing carefully, even if only for a moment. But I see Hanji grinning, and notice Levi frowning. I think even he was a little surprised at my technique. I was a rough round the edges little rat, but when I flew? Dammit, I had style.

I'm sorry to say goodbye to the small reprieve from the tedious compound, but I have reached the end of the course, and the end of my demonstration. Time to head back to earth, and back to reality. I grip my swords a little tighter, wondering how patronising Erwin would dare to be.

I land gracefully back on the finish line, that is also the start line as the course runs in a loop, and brush off any debris I had accumulated. There is a weird hush on the group as I wait for his little speech to begin. Erwin pauses, but then slowly begins to clap, a proud sneer taking over his face.

His new dog had done well it seemed.

"It seems your skills are as expected, exemplary."

"Thanks."

"It is this kind of technique I would like you to teach the other cadets, if even half of them gained your speed or agility, then our casualties would be greatly decreased."

"And are any of them actually willing to learn from a 'freak' or 'cold bitch' such as myself?" I drawl, forcefully digging the blades into the ground so I can smooth my hair back from my warm, sticky face. His eyes are cold, and his lips become a firm line. Was he really going to claim ignorance?

"To what do you refer, Cadet Senefold?"

"You know full well to what I refer, sir, so kindly don't play innocent. I'm willing to teach, I'm willing to help save lives, but that doesn't mean they're willing to be taught. And I won't waste either my time, or energy being ignored."

"You will do as ordered."

"Will they?"

"All Cadets within this regiment are highly disciplined, perhaps excepting current company." He rumbles, hands clenching a little. He wants to throttle me, I was completely ignoring his insistence on not undermining him, but his blatant ignoring of my attack last night was too much to push under the carpet. Everyone would trip over the damn thing, as it bulged and leaked. Too much shit had already gone unsaid. This would not be one of them. Levi will have informed him. That was obvious. He was a loyal little dog who barked when told to. The dog had teeth, and clearly there were issues between owner and pet, but still, for the time being, the dog was loyal.

"Highly disciplined… so does that mean you ordered them to come and kick the living shit out of me last night?"

My challenge rings in the air, and for a moment I see that I have gotten under that composed skin. He considers me sternly, but I simply glare back, wondering what kind of excuse will be slithered between those thin lips. Petra is looking at me pleadingly, but I ignore her kind sentiment. I wasn't going to take it out on the idiotic Cadets who didn't know what else to do with their grief, however. The simple fact was, Erwin clearly had a tight control over his regiment. He had just claimed that himself. Therefore, either he had a serious lax in awareness last night, or he allowed it to happen. Whether he ordered it or not, he turned a blind eye. If Petra hadn't gone for Levi, I'd be dead; either from the beating, or from transforming and being taken down. It was as simple as that. And if all I accomplished with this little stand-off, was chipping away the tiniest part of this man's saint-like demeanour, it'd be fucking worth it.

Come on Blondie, crack.

"I am very sorry for what happened to you, Senefold, however this is neither the time nor place. This is about your 3DMG ability, do not cloud the—"

"Oh, so you knew about the attack, and yet allowed this training exercise to go ahead? Are you actually a sadist full time, or is it a new found hobby to torture young women you've already kidnapped, imprisoned, and tortured?"

Strong arms clamp round my body when I make to lunge; my patience suddenly snapping. This damn man, and his damn games. I don't know who it is, but a small part of me is glad they're there. In all likeliness I'd have already been killed by attacking Erwin. He was a calm, collected bastard, but I could tell he'd be a damned good fighter. But on the surface reason has taken leave, and I fight against the vice-like hold.

"I agreed to help you, I agreed to show my skills and serve here in this fucking regiment. Now allow me to do that without these pointless games?"

"I think you're being a little paranoid don't you, Senefold?"

"I think you've had everyone dancing along to your little tune, long enough, don't you Erwin. Now then, get it through the heads of your Cadets, I am here to teach, not be the punching bag for Humanities damaged youth. I get that they have too much grief to deal with, but if they try anything like that again?"

"What Senefold? What's the threat here?"

"I'll kill them." I state, cold and blatant. In this instance? This is not their murky world, this was my clean-cut one. Right here, I was defining black from white, and showing where I stood. I see my sincerity sink into those cold blue pits of calculation.

"Why not do so last night?" He calls, trying to take down what he hopes is a bluff. I look at the Cadets, their shining eyes looking at their Commander in shock. That'd right kiddies, he isn't perfect is he?

"I let them go last night out of some last shred of understanding for Humanity. But if I get pushed again, I will let myself topple, I will let myself fucking lose it." As the words slip past my lips, again my body feels that surge, and the arms round me tighten again. I can feel it, the beast is hungry, and it's craving the taste of the blue-eyed demon.

"In the meantime, be sure to start teaching your technique to the cadets." The arms on me hold firm, and I fight the urge to snap them clean away from their owner, and use them to beat this Blonde little piece of cretinous shit into the mud. "You have a lot of potential Senefold, I'd hate to see it wasted on these paranoid delusions."

"Indeed." I laugh, shaking my head at his continued performance. He didn't even skip a beat did he? I wonder how long he had been playing this game, and how many opponents he'd already buried.

I may not do it today, and it may take weeks, or even months before I do. But when I know how to get out, and know that my transformation won't kill me, I will use it. I will loom over him, and his little house of cards and send it toppling down. He will scream like the little bitch he was, clasped in my claws as I make him watch his plans burn. I almost drool.

"You've already exceeded my expectations, you even beat Levi's original timing and score." His words bring me back into the present, and I feel that sickened sensation again. These people were turning me into a fucking monster. By being close to humanity, I was losing what little I had left. I guess my inclinations in the cells were right. When you joined the Survey Corps, you died a little inside.

I meet his gaze once again and smile, ever so sweetly. This wouldn't break me yet, I could hold out a little longer.

"Yay, that means so much."

"It should, it seems that a renegade from over the walls, defeats a—"

"You know what, sir, I think we're done here." I snap as his sneer widens. The arms round me don't move, and as I try and wriggle out, to no avail, I immediately realise who's restraining me. The only person with that kind of strength. Levi. "Let me go, please."

"You going to do something stupid?"

"For once? No."

He releases me, and I straighten myself out, fresh bruising running along my arms. I then walk back over to the starting line, and ready myself for another round.

"When you've got your Cadets in line, and ready to learn, Erwin? Let me know. Till then, stay the hell out of my way."

"You will learn discipline, Senefold."

"You claimed it didn't matter what I did, as long as I shared my knowledge."

"You haven't shared anything yet."

"Because you haven't asked. Instead you've tried to beat me into submission. Try the human route next time?" I hiss, and then fire off before he can bore me any further. I sense his annoyance of not getting the last word in, but it's soon fading into the distance as my speed increases, and the wind whips through my hair.

I really didn't know what Erwin thought he could learn from me, it wasn't like I understood Titans any better than they did; I just knew how to avoid them. In a way that'd be useful to them, but hardly ground-breaking.

I land on a branch and sit down. Knowing me as a human, he was already going to desperate lengths to control me. Allowing his cadets their madness, and not giving a hoot if I was hurt. Knowing me as a human, he was already treating me like an untamed dog. What would he do when he found out the truth? I lay my head against the trunk, and sigh, I think I'm headed for the chopping block no matter what. Or maybe hanging? Or a shooting range… I wasn't sure how they did things any more. In all honesty, he might rage-out and kill me on the spot? I have no idea what he'll do, because frankly I find the man impossible to read.

"Where the hell do you think you're going, Brat?" Levi lands on the branch, and we share a look for a few too many seconds, before he finally sheathes his blades. I stare blankly, trying to deduce where Levi actually stood in all this. Whose side? Someone simply wanting some freedom, or the power-hungry Browlord who sought out domination. I can't figure it out, and it's beginning to make my head hurt. "Answer me, Cadet."

"I needed some space before slicing that man in two."

"You agreed to this, don't start moaning now."

"I agreed to teach, I didn't agree to… this. To being a damned scape-goat, or the newest chess piece for that loathsome—"

"You agreed to be in this regiment, so that's exactly what you agreed to." He snaps, hand still resting on the hilt of his sword. I hear the anger there, and recall the words he spouted in the cell. The words that were not his own. I sense the dog is growing tired of his master. Patience wearing away a little more, each and every day.

"I should really pay attention to that small print next time." I sigh, closing my eyes.

"I'll get the damned brats to listen. I'm not going to put up with the juvenile shit any more than you, got it?"

"Gee thanks…"

"Not for your benefit, rat."

"I kind of assumed that, sir."

"Look, if you can teach them your techniques, and share even a little of how you survived out there, less people will be left to die. You're nothing more than a preventative."

"I'm well aware I'm nothing special, Levi."

"Yeah…" I hear him shift his weight, perhaps looking back over the course to see if anyone else had come along for a chit-chat. "Starting to get that idea, Brat."

"A bit slow, ain't ya?" I laugh, letting my legs dangle either side of the branch. "I'm willing to teach, as long as the fools are willing to learn."

"My Cadets are not fools." He growls defensively.

I can't deal with this shit any longer, my stupidity tolerance has officially run out. These military morons needed to figure out if they liked each other or not, did he hate his Cadets or did he love them? Did he pity them, or was he proud of them? Juvenile shit was what fools did, and yet having expressed his lacking tolerance for the Cadets juvenile shit, he now claims his Cadets are not fools. I'm so done.

I jump up and jab him in the chest hard with my forefinger.

"No? Seems like it from here, Captain."

"Don't cheapen their incentives just because you don't understand them."

"They aren't foolish for joining, they're foolish for joining and not being prepared to die."

We share a long, cold look.

I wait, but he doesn't seem keen to take the lead right now.

"I went outside those walls, fully expecting to be dead within days, but I still went out there, and thought myself damned lucky when it didn't happen. But I knew all along, and still do, that every second I spend out there, or thinking about being out there, the odds against my life grow."

"So you're suicidal?"

"No, but if that's the price of freedom? I'll pay it again, and again, and again." I say, choking a little as a lump forms in my throat. "Surely you can understand that? Where is it you come from anyway, if you can't?"

"The hell does that mean?" he grimaces, backing up a little. A nerve has been struck.

"Erwin was about to compare us when I'm afraid I got a little too tired of his shit to listen. He called me a renegade from outside the walls, but you were about to be called something? Where is it you come from Levi? What deal did you make with him?"

"Deal?" he spits, "You don't—"

"I don't know you Levi, no. But I know there's a history there between you and him. And I'm guessing it's to do with whoever it was you lost as well…" my anger filters away, realising I'm using him as my own scape-goat now. I sigh and look at him without malice for once. "I obviously don't know the situation, and I don't know you, or the people you lost, Levi. But I can tell you understand my want for freedom. You hate that you do, and that's another reason you may or may not hate me…"

"Where are you going with this, Brat?" He looks even angrier than before and I edge back a little, remembering a little too well what that look of rage can lead to. My ribs ache at the memory. My fear of him would take a long time to fade, it seemed. He watches me, demanding my answer as I think I hit a few too many nerves. I lift my chin up a little, and meet his cold gaze with my own.

"I simply want to understand how you do it."

"Do what?"

"Deal with that man, who you so obviously hate." I say, holding my voice steady, "He has some kind of hold over you, like he does over me, I won't ask what it is, or even try to understand it. But please, before I drive myself mad trying to figure it out, how do you stand it? How do you keep going?"

"You see, Brat? You really don't know me." He says, blank and reserved. "I keep going because I don't allow myself regret."

"Regret…"

"I'm responsible for my own life, decisions, and freedom." The anger is still there, but I sense it isn't at me anymore. I stand a little straighter as he avoids my gaze, looking to the side for a few moment before snapping back to me and shaking his head. "Freedom isn't something that comes cheap. You got it cheap for a long time, appreciate that, and now put in the fucking work."

I nod and fight back the tears, the chains around me seemingly reinforced, but feeling a little lighter all the same. I really hadn't expected him to humour my request, but it seemed a moment of kindness had taken over the cold man's mind. I wouldn't push my luck though, not when he was armed, and we were this far up. I was good, but he had received a lot more training than me, and I hadn't seen him in action yet. On the gear anyway.

"I'll do some planning with Mike, and we'll figure out a training regime for you and the Cadets you'll be teaching."

"Mike?"

"Tall, sniffs a lot. For the rest of the day, focus on your hand-to-hand. We need you at least passable before the next mission." He turns away and draws his swords for the return trip. It seemed that I was slowly, very slowly, becoming more of a Cadet to him, and less of a rat. It was almost touching.

"When's the next mission?" he waits and I groan a little, with cadet rank came the rest I guess. "Sir."

"A couple weeks. We need to test out Jeager in a combat situation,"

"The Titan kid?"

"Yes, we need to prove to the council we can control him. He'll be training with you today. Just don't turn him Titan, okay brat?"

I nod and he sets off into the canopy beyond. A sense of comradery had almost broken through there. Yet I still can't shift the anxiety. I reckoned that would be the case for some time. I'm not out of danger with this man. He was damned quick, and I'd bet he could suddenly throw me to the ground at any second, without so much as a missed blink. Again I shiver, but I just draw my swords, and make my own way back to the compound where I know more hand-to-hand is waiting. But at least a more interesting concept is promised for the remainder of the day as well.

Training with a Titan-shifter.

Perhaps today wasn't a total loss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> Thanks for reading, see you next time!
> 
> If you still haven't, and shame on you if you haven't, check out Adishailan and her BRILLIANT story "The Hunter" which I BETA read for, and am an avid fan of. Great writer, great concept = a great read! So go treat yourself?


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy!
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.

"Eren! Oi! Wake the fuck up!" I slap his overly peaceful face a few times, but he's just lying there, drooling down his chin. Being a shifter myself, I was thankful the blow to the head hadn't set him off, but also, as a Shifter, I couldn't believe he was knocked out. The two guards that had accompanied him are standing back, looking at me like I'm mad to be so close to him. But to be fair, if I wasn't a Shifter, I would have no inkling as to how dangerous it could be. I'm only playing on my innocence… as well as my slight guilt for sending the kid, to sleep land. "Could you two do something? Other than stand there looking like morons?"

"We ain't getting crushed if he turns Titan!" blurts out the ashen haired one.

"Titan's are actually fairly light, you wouldn't be crushed, but you will be pummelled if you don't help me out!" I don't bother mentioning the velocity of his transformation would probably do a decent amount of damage. But my priority wasn't their well-being. It was the kid's. I didn't mean to kick him that hard. I really didn't. But I guess it was all the frustration; it had built up beneath the surface, and unfortunately the kid was in the way when it was time for it to spill. It was that or turn Titan myself. I think this was the better option; for me anyway.

"Go get the Captain would ya? I'll help the brat." Groans one of them finally, and heads over, his oddly old looking face contorted into some kind of attempt at indifference. Really he just looked like he had a bad case of gas.

"I think he's sorting out cleaning duty… but sure. Be back soon, keep an eye on her."

"Just hurry it up yeah?" I snap as the other one warns his friend, as though they're dealing with a bear or something. Fucking gits. I've put my jacket under Eren's head, he's alive, that much was clear. He'd have one hell of a bruise on his cheek, but otherwise he should be fine. He said he was a good fighter, but I think my speed caught him off guard. Oh well, he had asked that I not be scared to hit him. I just hope he'd meant it.

"You better not try anything, y'hear me brat?" the guard drawls, and I look away from our patient to frown at him. Was that on purpose? He's glaring at me, still looking like he's in desperate need for the toilet. Did he know he was sounding like a pathetic Levi wannabe? I see the way he holds his eyes slightly narrowed, and hold back a laugh; that was beyond creepy.

"Are you trying to sound like Levi?"

"That's Captain Levi to you, rat. And no, dunno what you're talking about."

"Uhuh… what's your name? Not that I see much point in using it, as you won't use mine."

"Oluo, though you can just call me sir, got it?"

"Loud, and clear, numbnuts."

"You little—"

"Ugh…" Eren gives a little mumble, and Oluo, the big brave warrior that he is, falls back with a weird little whimper like noise. Really? This was a man assigned to guard Eren? If he burped, was Oluo going to piss everywhere. So intimidating, however would I cope with someone like this looking after me? But I look away from the snivelling wreck, and back to the kid, his eyes are flickering open at long last. Phew.

"Hey kid, can you hear me?"

"Yeah… what the hell happened?"

"I um… well… I kicked you in the head… kind of."

"Kind of?" he laughs, sitting up and rubbing the bruise, another groan coming out of him. I shrug my shoulders when he looks at me, a grin in place as he smiles back. "I'd hate to know how a proper one feels then. Shit… ow."

"Sorry…" I tug my coat back on, "I had a bit of a bad day."

"I'd have hoped so. Feel any better?" he chuckles, casting a wary look towards his now composed guard. Oluo stands up, and calls over towards a group headed our way. Probably about to tattle-tale on me to his idol.

"Yah… I do feel a bit better actually. Thanks, I'll come to you whenever I feel tense?" I snigger as Eren bites on his lip a little, "Nah, don't want to actually make you turn Titan. Think you made your guards a little more cautious of you though."

"Hmm? Oh those guys are okay,"

"They are? You've not had a great experience with Humanity either, have you?"

"They're not like the Military Police at least."

"The lesser of two evils, is still an evil Eren." I mutter as I help him stand. He frowns at me, almost in disapproval, but before I can ask him what the look is for I'm pinned to the floor. I can smell Oluo's coffee sodden breath before I hurl him back, flip onto my feet, and kick out at him when he makes another lunge.

"What's the big idea fuckface?"

"Not exactly keeping her contained are you Oluo?" Levi says having apparently also appeared. I stand straight, removing myself from fighting stance in the hope I don't get a beating simply for defending myself. Oluo straightens also, a hand rubbing his guts where I'd made decent contact. He turns to his father figure and salutes proudly, gesturing to me in the next moment. Levi looks unmoved.

"Little rat was conversing with the Titan kid, thought they might be conspiring, Captain." Oluo says with an attempt at a nonchalant wave of his hand. He just looks like he's trying to dispel his own BO. I try, I really do, but as soon as the words have slipped past his tongue I roll my eyes. Levi clicks his tongue, and I flinch a little, what now?

"He's an idiot, but he's still your superior, brat. 50 laps. Now." Snaps Levi, turning and heading towards Eren who is stood with his mouth slightly ajar. "Feeling normal?"

"Y-Yes sir."

"Are you serious?" I laugh, looking from Levi to Petra who just blushes and nods her head. But before I can simply head off, and get the laps over and done with, Levi spins round and takes my feet out from under me. I smack into the mud, and do my best to ignore the guttural chuckles from Oluo.

"Personally I get the issue with discipline towards these idiots, but second guess me again Cadet? And you won't be getting back up."

I guess that small sense of comradery was short-lived.

I don't look up, just nod and wait till he's moved a little further away. Out of kicking range, and hopefully far enough that he won't notice how I'm shuddering. This damned inset reaction to him was getting annoying. I had lived in Titan territory for a fucking decade, yet this little midget had me shaking like a damned leaf whenever he even frowned at me. PTSD for a midget. Wow. What a terrifying creature I was. My pride couldn't take much more of this. I get up, and try to ignore the pathetic look Eren is giving me. Stupid kid was probably trying to blame himself for this; but I'd snap him out of it later. For now, I needed to exhaust myself lapping the damn compound.

"Oi brat, when you're done come eat with us in the private squad room. There are things to be discussed." Levi calls over in his bored tone.

"Another room to fucking find..." I grumble, but turn to give an off-hand wave, making Oluo only glare more. "Will do Captain. Just leave me a damned map!" and I run off out of earshot before extra laps can be added to my punishment.

Eventually, once my entire body is on fire and my feet feel like they are dead and rotting in my boots, I finally finish as the sun sets. It takes a while to find the damn place, but at last, I flail into the small room. The Levi Squad all look at me, and I wave lazily, going over and sitting down heavily next to Eren, at the opposite end of the table from Levi. I don't even bother looking round as I lay my head onto my arms, and let my muscles enjoy the moment of sweet, sweet calm. It was painful, but in all honesty the exertion had almost felt good.

The eye-roll was still worth it.

"Feeling more compliant after that?" Oluo mutters, and I just peer at him over my arm. He flinches a little.

"Towards the Captain? Yeah, a bit. Towards you fuckface? He didn't say anything about second guessing you. So stop mumbling at me, okay?"

"Of all the insolent little—" he whimpers as he bites his tongue, and I laugh down into the table. Petra, the strange little angel that she is, pours me a coffee and slides the cup over. I take a long sip, and nod at her thankfully, casting a cold look toward oluo who sit sucking his bleeding tongue. Go on choke on it, I could use another laugh.

"Doing a bang up job of imitating your Captain there, Oluo. Congrats. So what's this little get together all about anyway? We gonna braid each other's hair and share stories?" I say, sitting up and enjoying all the bone cracking that makes its way up my spine. Glorious. Levi's nose wrinkles at the popping noises, but just sips his tea for a moment, before placing it down and nodding at Eren.

"We were discussing an upcoming mission that Erwin has planned."

"Sounds like fun. How many people is he planning on kidnapping?"

The room goes quiet, very quiet indeed.

"Look, mission planning is not part of my duty." States Levi, staring intently at his coffee mug all of a sudden. "But you can be assured Erwin has meticulously planned every aspect."

And there it is again, that inherent mistrust. He says the words, and intends them to be sincere, and everyone else at this table seems calmed by them. But I see it there. The conflict of interest. For some reason he doesn't trust Erwin; and I now wonder if it was partly Erwin's fault that Levi lost whoever it was. I'd crack you yet Levi. Just wait.

"So you don't know all the details?"

"Excuse me?"

"Kinda seems to me like you're wondering if you've been told everything. Does Erwin regularly withhold information before a mission?" I look all around the group with my loaded question. Eren just sits back a little, shrinking into his seat as he gets further out of his depth. The others look amongst themselves, not entirely sure how to answer that. Or how to dodge the question. When I get back round to Levi, I find him glaring at me. A cold sensation crawls up my spine. But I try my best to hold back the shivering. Not now, not in front of this lot. Especially Oluo.

"You have no right to question the Commander, rat."

"I wasn't, I was asking you if he withheld information. Not saying it's a negative thing, just seems a little odd, considering how in tune you all have to be presumably whilst out on patrol." I reply, finding the silence to thicken somehow. I drink my coffee, and wait for someone to be kind enough to explain what I'd said wrong now. For tough soldiers, this lot were oddly sensitive at times.

"And how would you know how in tune we are?" Levi grumbles, clicking his tongue in clear irritation. I look around the group again, and see them staring intently. They want to know too obviously. "You haven't seen any formation layouts, I've specifically prevented you from seeing them."

"I know because I've seen your formations out in the field obviously? I'm not blind. You've travelled through the forest where I lived many times, and always seemed to be in some kind of… formation or… planned out route. Heck, if I'm wrong, apologies. But that's what it looked like from where I sat."

"How often did you spy on us?" demand Oluo stupidly, I snort and raise my brows at him.

"I didn't spy, I'd notice you lot trundling along and watch. Made a change from watching Titans lumber about, or fall over."

"So lazy spying, but still spying, wench." He continues, growing a little red in the face. I laugh a bit, but when I see the rest of them watching me just as closely I groan. They were serious?

"Spying implies intent, I simply lived there and you happened to go by. Not like I ever did anything with the information, except elude you occasionally. Why? Worried I'll report to the Titans and tell them your master plan?"

The expression on Oluo's face almost makes me wonder if he thinks I can do that. I laugh a little, and shake my head at them all. This regiment, the hope for humanities survival, was just as clueless as the rest, weren't they? They were flying blind.

"You lot seriously need to get a grip, paranoia much?"

"Says the woman second guessing the Commander." Snaps Oluo, and I just put my head back onto the table, little giggles still leaving me at the idiocy of all this. I was too tired to pretend otherwise.

"Yeah I've been corralled, imprisoned, tortured and hoodwinked into service by that guy. Of course I'm a little apprehensive about him telling me what to do. Who the hell wouldn't be?"

"A good soldier." Snaps Levi.

"I've never claimed to be that. And I haven't done anything to make you distrust me. Except live outside the walls. Bit of a difference, isn't there? Along with the fact you lot keep looking at Eren in the same way, despite the kid's obvious dedication to your damned cause."

"Eren is a new concept Alex," says Petra quietly, almost pleadingly. I look over at her with raised brows. She's blushing, and biting her lip a little, but looks sincere enough. She wants me to stop digging myself a hole I guess. Can't be bothered with another trip to the infirmary. "It's not that we don't trust Eren, we simply don't understand him yet."

"Speak for yourself woman." Snorts Oluo, casting a shadey look at the kid. "I don't trust him yet, for all we know he'll turn Titan on us any second."

"Oh you're right, look at that evil little face currently blushing at being the centre of attention. Such dastardly deeds do linger behind those big green eyes." I drawl staring at Oluo, who is still turning redder somehow. Is he turning inside out?

"You won't be joking when he does it!"

"No, you're right… if he does it… I'd probably be dead? Not much joking then right?"

"Alex…" sighs Petra, putting a hand over her face. Again with the mothering. I yawn, and shrug my shoulders, this lot were no fun at all. It's not like we're fighting for the continuation of our species or anything. Then again…

"Tough crowd. Oh shit… how's your head Eren? I completely forgot to ask you."

"F-Fine…" he stammers, and I peer at him, seeing his eyes flicker from me to the Squad around us. He was still intimidated by them, even if he wasn't scared. He'd already told me they weren't treating him too badly, but they continued to belittle him. And distrust him. And generally look at him like he was a circus freak. Poor kid. He was going through adolescence rammed up to 200%. I understood their distrust of me, as much as I didn't like it; but this kid was so obviously on their side… damn they were idiots. How could you not trust that face? It was so pathetically honest.

"You're a good fighter, y'know?" I nudge him, hoping to raise his spirits. A small smile tugs at his lips, and he touches the paling bruise. "Just need to pick up your speed a bit."

"Suddenly you're an expert on hand-to-hand?" mutters Levi into his coffee. I click my tongue, and raise a brow at him.

"Nothing wrong with encouraging the kid is there?"

"The brat doesn't need your counselling."

"Probably needs it more than your contempt."

"Oh?"

"He's a kid, and this is all probably kinda frightening to him. I understand that you're the hardnosed badass of the Scouting Legion, but he's like… what, fifteen? He's already given Humanity it's first ever victory hasn't he? Cut the kid some slack."

"He's still an unknown potential threat, brat, don't forget that."

"And yet he sits here and looks you all in the eye, whilst Oluo here nearly wets himself if the kid sneezes."

"I did not!" blurts out the wimp in question, a little too loudly to be convincing. But as the smirks grow on his comrade's faces he snarls, and jabs an accusing finger my way. "Plus, you flinch whenever Levi even looks at you."

I send him a fierce glare but he just smirks at me. I quickly look at Levi, and find him still frowning into his coffee, though his mouth is pressed into a thin line. Supressing laughter, or perhaps feeling shame? I look down at the table for a moment before continuing my glare at Oluo; I doubted Levi ever felt shame. Though I wonder what his laugh sounds like. Or if he's ever managed a laugh before, the shock might turn his hair white.

"I don't," I mutter, "But even if I did, the guy beat the shit out me what… three, or four times? Defensive reaction is only human nature."

"Or damned cowardice."

"Look that isn't my point."

"So what is?" asks Levi.

"This kid has done nothing but try to help, to serve humanity despite it's disregard for him, or his life. He signed up as a soldier, even before he knew about his powers. The intent is clear for me to see, not sure why you idiots can't…"

"You're putting him on quite the pedestal."

"Well maybe that's what he deserves?" I snap angrily, but as Levis cold eyes go between me, and the now tomato red Eren, a weird smirk takes over the thin lips.

"Taken quite the shining to you, brat, watch out,"

"S-sir?" Eren stammers, and I sense where Levi is going with this.

"Careful, brat. She might get unsavoury thoughts about you."

"Oh you're right, Captain, me defending the kid obviously means I want to jump his bones."

"Just suck Jeager's dick already, rat. Get it over with." Levi's cold voice almost sounds jovial as he makes his little joke. Everyone else is agape, staring as their eyes flit between me, and the Captain.

Game on, Levi, game on.

I sit back and drum my nails against the table top, meeting his eyes straight on.

"Kinky, you wanna watch Captain?" I rise to his challenge, only wishing Eren didn't have to be part of this dick measuring contest. I knew I'd win. Levi cared too much about his cool façade in front of his subordinates. But he started it. He shoots a look my way, and I just raise a brow, tilting my head as I lick my lips slowly. There's a weird grunt from Oluo's direction.

"Well, if you're offering a show." Mutters Levi, also sitting back a little.

Trying to call my bluff?

I smirk, and shake my head at him, winking as my smirk widens.

"No, you're demanding one, Captain. Though… I wonder why…"

I get up, and wander round the back of the other chairs, slowly walking towards him whilst maintaining eye contact. He doesn't even blink. I bite my lip, and fiddle with my collar, hands lingering near the opening of my shirt. His eyes flicker there for a moment, before returning to my gaze, unchanged. I think.

"Feeling frustrated Levi?"

"Get back to your seat, rat."

"Or what Captain?" I walk behind his chair, and talk into his ear in a hushed whisper, though still loud enough for the small room to hear. "Am I going to be punished some more? Do you like watching me sweat?"

"Don't be disgusting." Did his voice just shake a little? I grin, and chuckle, my breath wafting against his skin, and creating goose-bumps.

"You seem awfully tense there, something making you uncomfortable?"

"Your breath stinks."

"Hmm… your dick doesn't seem to think so. Trouser's feeling a bit tight there, Levi?"

"Hungry are we, Alexia?" I ignore the surge in my veins as he growls my name, when he turns and gives the slightest of smirks I feel it intensify. At this angle our lips are practically touching, and we hold our shared gaze as determinedly as each other. Everyone else is dead silent. I wasn't about to be outdone.

"You'd like that wouldn't you Levi? Let off some of that tension at long last, feeling me wrap my mouth round that… frustration?" I slowly let my eyes wander down him, then gradually bring them back up as I raise a brow, and pucker my lips. This close, I see his pupils dilate a little. There it is, the tell not even he can mask. I then sigh, lean in a little and straighten up sharply. "Sorry, love, you're not my type."

"Really?" he stands, and squares up to me, and I'm thrilled at the little gasp that comes out of Petra. Yup, it's quite the tent in his trousers isn't it? I wonder if she has a thing for the nasty ninja. The way he's glaring down at me, has me shivering, but it's the damn reflex, I know that. I know at this point he could easily send me to the floor, crumpled and bleeding. My hands shake, so I put them on my hips to mask it.

"Disappointed Captain?" I laugh, thankfully hiding the quiver to my voice.

"Tch, hardly. Just surprised, didn't think filth like you had a type. Other than maybe, something with a pulse."

"Someone's grumpy," I coo, pouting as I roll back on my heels, and waggle my eyebrows at him. "Has the Commander not bent you over his desk in a while?"

"You're vile."

"And yet your boner remains." I walk round behind him again, grazing the nape of his neck lightly with my fingertips, a triumphant smile on my face. He shudders, and shrugs me away, an angry snarl on his lips. "You may have a good poker-face Levi, but your body betrays you. Good night everyone. Oh and Levi, enjoy yourself tonight eh?"

"Fuck off, rat."

"Gladly." And I then nod to the rest of the group; all sat blushing profusely with mouths hanging open. The rest of their meeting might well prove a little awkward.

I head for my room with a small skip in my step. It had been a mixed day, and that was for sure. But I'd had some fun at least. We had a mission coming closer, and it was clearly a test for Eren. But I did wonder why I was supposedly being involved. The way Erwin had talked, I was going to have to exhaust all my knowledge of the gear, and outside world, before even possibly having that opportunity. If I really wasn't to be trusted, why even take me along? I sigh and lock my door; this place seemed to pile on questions whilst never giving answers. How tiring.

The next morning I'm awoken by a strange squawking noise. It sounds like a goat, and crow mashed into one creature. I groggily rub my eyes and sit up, scratching my head as the weird noise gurgles around. Is it outside? My window's closed so it isn't likely. But then I hear it coming down the corridor, getting louder, and somehow squawkier. The hell was going on?

BANG.

Something makes harsh contact with my locked door, and then continues to thump against it. Eventually the squawking dies down to rambling words, a few of which get through.

Sawney.

Bean.

Dead.

The hell was Sawney and what was the problem about a bean being dead? I recognise the jabbering as Hanji, and so I pull on my uniform as quickly as possible and open the door. She falls into the room, and sits there looking up at me in desperation.

"Hanji what the hell are you doing? And why are you talking about beans?"

Apparently she'd been experimenting on two live Titans caught by the Legion. And now they had been found murdered. I head over to the holding pen with her, riding along as she continues to jabber about the injustice of it all. I nod, and pull all the correct expressions, whilst wondering what the hell she was talking about.

Murder?

Of a Titan?

Surely that didn't count as a crime, or as injustice? To them at least. I never pitied the creatures, but the way she talks about Titans, as real people. I feel like they might have been shifters. But I stop myself. A shifter would have escaped long before now, even if bound up. It was just empty Titans; mindless beasts. I knew the woman was oddly interested in the beasts, but it sounds like she's talking about a lost pet dog. A valued member of her family. For a moment this makes me understand her willing to retain my secret, she sees me as this valuable as well? But then it quickly gets weirder as she explains all the experiments she'd been doing. I had wondered why I hadn't seen her as much; but I'd never expected this as the answer. And I was very grateful she hadn't decided to experiment on me, although that could well change now.

As we arrive in the area flooded with Cadets, I see the steam still rising from two great skeletons. It hadn't happened long ago then. Everyone's whispering and looking around, a figure stood in a very obvious hooded cloak watches it all unfold. I head over, and pat Eren's shoulder. He jumps a little, but smiles when he sees it's me.

"Who do you think could've done it?"

"Considering my track record, I am withholding judgement, kid. As long as no one is pointing the finger at me, I'm good."

"You think they will?"

"Probably, despite the fact I didn't even know these things were being kept here."

"We didn't see the point in telling you, rat." Mutters Levi, suddenly appearing next to us. I jump a little, and give a small nod to the creepy man. He doesn't meet my eye, presumably sulking about our little exchange last night. It wasn't my fault, he started the damn stand-off. I simply finished it.

"Not an issue, just pointing out I can't have done it. Before anyone decides it had to be the crazy one from over the walls."

"You're not under suspicion."

"My, my, rational thinking? Whatever next…"

"We should leave, the Military Police will take it from here."

"And what, pray tell, are the fun things we get to do today? Laps? Hand-to-hand pointlessness? 3DMG demonstrations? Kicking Oluo?"

"Formation learning for Eren, and you'll be helping me tend the horses."

Well that takes the damn biscuit, no, it took the whole biscuit tin.

I was here for giving out information, that was the deal, and yet I was to be shovelling shit? I turn to him in amazement, realising something else; was I seriously expected to go out on a mission without knowing the formation? He just stares me down, finally meeting my gaze, but makes no move to explain this fresh idiocy. I glance around but see no sign of the Golden Boy, it seems I can still talk freely.

"And how am I meant to know what to do on the mission, when I don't know the damned formation beyond what little I've spied over the years?"

"You're going to protect Eren with your skills at killing Titans, as long as you're with Eren, it's all good." He replies, starting to walk away.

Well I wasn't putting up with that as an answer.

I squeeze Eren's arm, and chase after the Captain. This is bullshit and he knows it. We've already left the main holding area, and I catch up to him where the number of cadets is greatly thinned. He hears my footsteps and glances over his shoulder.

"Eager to begin your work, brat? Good."

"What is the big secret? And what's the problem with me knowing—"

"That isn't important. You're not allowed to know, leave it at that."

"Fine then, keep me in the dark. Though can I ask one thing before we go shovel horse-shit?"

"What is it?" he groans.

"If I do well on this mission, will I get even a shred of trust, or respect, from you or this team?"

"Why?" he asks, properly turning to me finally.

"Because otherwise what's the fucking point?"

"Excuse me?"

"Just throw me back in that cell, get all the information you want out of me, then let me go." I reply in a long sigh. If this was all just to wear me down, it made more sense to do so in a cell. There was also a lot less danger of me being found out down there. It didn't matter how hard I tried, nothing in the surrounding area showed me where the walls were. I didn't know any more now, than I did on my first day, where I was. And if this automatic distrust continued; no one would ever tell me either. Transforming on the mission wasn't a real option either; the entire formation would literally be in battle stations. I'd be dead in seconds.

With eyes narrowed, he looks me up and down.

"And it bothers you so much now because…?"

"Because if I can't at least walk into a room without getting some semblance of comradery, I might as well carry on despairing at Humanity from inside a cell. The playing pretend is getting tiresome."

"So you hate Humanity, and yet you want some chums?" he scoffs in a weird bark. I roll my eyes.

"I'm not asking for friends, simply some basic civility."

"My team are trained in survival. You are a potential threat to that, so of course they're wary."

"And the rest?"

"I don't control the damn regiment."

"But Erwin does, and he seems hell bent on maintaining this distrust of me. Why?"

"Because it keeps you controlled, you idiot!" he snaps, waving his hand in dismissal, but my reflex is to flinch back, hands up in defence as my body expects a swift slap to the face. I stand there, frozen as my heart hammers in my ears, and sweat forms on my brow. He's frozen too, staring at me, eyes slightly widened as he sees my reaction. Oluo's words echo around us, and I slowly straighten up, fighting back against the blush on my cheeks.

"Apologies, Captain, I'll keep that in mind." I mutter, making to walk past him before the weirdness can continue any longer. But as I pass him by, he catches my wrist, and unfortunately makes me flinch all over again. The quivering takes over my body, and I blush brighter. "L-Let me go."

"You're really that frightened of me…"

"Frightened is a s-strong word Captain, more like muscle memory." I snap back at his condescension. I won't be belittled for having survival instincts. "I can still take you down, so d-don't think—"

"Just shut up for once, idiot." He growls, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Look… I'm not sorry for what I did. I don't regret how I treated you in that cell, you were a suspect and I stand by my actions. Regret isn't something I allow myself—"

"I never asked for a fucking apology, Captain."

"I know you didn't. However…" he glances to the side, and I see Hanji stood with Petra, Oluo and Eren talking. "You could prove immensely useful to this team, if you stopped being an ass for five minutes. And I can't have a member of my team flinching whenever I go past. Fucking ridiculous."

"Y'know belittling me isn't helping this situation."

"I'm not. Least that isn't my intention. Just know though, in preparation for the mission, I have to consider you as part of my Squad. Therefore you are an ally. I don't trust you, but I'm also not going to turn on you. Got it?"

"Man up and stop flinching, loud and clear." I doff my head and make to move away, but he just holds onto my wrist tighter. "If you have something else to say Levi, please spit it out before you break my damned wrist?"

"You're right to be wary of him." He murmurs quietly, eyes still glancing to the side. I follow his gaze and see that Erwin has joined the group, stood with a hand on Eren's young shoulders, talking with a serious look. What the hell was he telling the kid? I look back at Levi, and see the dilemma in his face; he doesn't want me to be insubordinate, but I think he also doesn't want me to start doubting my suspicions. Was he trying to protect me?

"Thank you…"

"Just keep it to yourself a little more, okay Brat? He's a pompous ass, but a powerful one. Don't make an enemy out of him if you can help it. Doesn't end well."

"He got them killed didn't he?" I say it before I can really think it through. His grip tightens again for an instant, almost cracking my bone I'm sure, before he lets go and steps back a little. His eyes scan over me, a hint of disbelief in his sharp features. "Whoever it was you lost? I'm guessing he played a large role in their death. I won't ask anything else about it Levi, but I appreciate you telling me what little you have."

"You don't—"

"You're a prick most of the time, and I'd gladly return the favours you paid me in that cell. But under than I think you're a decent human-being, and that isn't something I've thought about a lot of people."

"Right…"

"I guess I'll earn your trust Levi, and I'll focus on that for the time being. If I'm on your Squad, then that's that. You're my Captain, not that blonde sack of lies, schemes and shit. I may not have yours yet Levi, but… shit… you just earned my respect." I admit with a weird smirk on my lips. He frowns at me, though the expression clears as I salute sincerely. "I suspected you were more than a loyal dog, and it's nice to know I was right about something for once."

"Let's get shovelling shit, shall we, brat?"

"I'd rather not talk to Erwin if I can avoid it, sir." I laugh, mounting my horse as he does the same. He shakes his head, but leads the way out of the holding area towards the stables, and I swear I see a small smile threatening to break free.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this counts as picking up the pace a little, don't want anyone getting bored!
> 
> See you next time; please review, leave a follow and or favourite if you so wish!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy, I don't own Attack on Titan, but I would love some feedback if anyone has the time/opinion

The conversation between me, and Levi veers off after that; becoming nothing more than a few snippets of chit-chat. I reckon he simply doesn't enjoy chatting, whilst shovelling shit, in fact he probably doesn't enjoy chit-chat in general. However I'm not all that bothered; I don't know what else to say to him at this point, and I don't want to push my luck. His warning about Erwin is right at the front of my mind, even distracting me from the fact a Captain was cleaning the stables. Why on earth was he here? For a split second I wonder if he's here for me, keeping an eye on me, or even wanting to spend time with me? Then I just snort, and work a little faster, that was plain stupid. He probably just likes horses better than cadets. And as I brush some dry hay into place, I see him lovingly brush down a jet-black horse. I think it's the first time I've seen real warmth enter those gimlet eyes. A slight quirk takes to his lip, lifting to the slightest of smirks as he tends to what I can only assume to be his own steed.

Affection.

The plot thickens.

"You done staring yet, creep?" he doesn't look my way, but he raises an eyebrow all the same. I blush a little, and finish up what I'm doing.

"Was just wondering if you wanted a moment alone with the Stallion."

"Didn't seem like you wanted to leave. Kind of seemed like you were content watching."

"Now, now, Captain, we know where these conversations go. Your pony might get jealous." I chuckle, wiping my brow, and replacing the broom in its cupboard. H continues his work, frowning a little, and I wonder if he's still a little put out from our last sass match. The air has become a little too awkward, even for me. I turn and rock on my heels. "Think I'm done here, okay if I go practise some hand-to-hand, sir?"

He pauses as the word slips from my mouth without issue. It surprises me in all honesty, and I taste no bitter venom either. For some reason, it seemed to suit him now. But when he glances my way, I make sure that my expression is as nonchalant as ever. Despite the fact, internally, I'm pacing round wondering whether or not that was the right thing to do. Would he think I was a push-over now? Nah, he wasn't that stupidly arrogant. Would he try and be an ass about me saying it? Nah, probably not, he might even think he imagined it.

"Not bad." He says, surveying my side of the stable. "I don't see why not. Just don't go knocking Jeager out again, if he happens to be there."

"Won't do. Not planning on making it a habit… though… if Oluo's there? Could I?"

"If you must." He sighs. "Just don't let him choke on his tongue?"

"I'll staple it to his chin instead, got it!" I call back as I head into the afternoon sunlight. It was a warm, muggy day, and I peel off my jacket before I even enter the ring.

Really I just want to do some practise; get my form right, and ensure my stance is strong. Having a stable foothold seemed important around here. Whispering came, and went with the light breeze; and for once it isn't about me. No one knows who killed those Titans, and I still can't help but frown at the irony. Usually they'd be so happy about two dead Titans. And yet I feel like I'll be seeing them wearing black any second. Then again, I think as I practise some spin kicks, it wasn't the dead Titans they were worried about, it was who had done it. Against orders. Against the regiment learning more in order to succeed. It was clearly an attack on the regiment, not Titans. Hence my want to get a good handle on my fighting technique. Somehow this place seemed to be getting more dangerous.

"Fancy a rematch?" I hear Eren call over, I wave over in agreement, not pausing in my movements. He heads over, hopping into the ring and shrugging off his coat. I halt my foot mid-air, it hovers just short of his nose when he turns round, and makes a small squeaking noise.

"Sure thing, kid. Just don't take a nap this time, all right?" I lower my foot, and head to the other side of the ring. He scratches the back of his neck, whilst his ears turn red.

"I'll give it my best shot."

"Glad to hear it, let's go."

We dance about, and he makes a good few lunges at me. He even cracks me on the ribs a few too many times, and I know a fresh bruise is blossoming there as we continue our dance. I've given him a dead arm, and sent him to his arse a few times too, so really we're pretty even at this point. The afternoon draws on into evening, but neither of us is letting up. Neither of us is tiring. Two Titans boxing it out; except I'm the only one aware of the even playing field. I'm almost tempted to let the kid in on the secret, his big green eyes swimming with guilt whenever he lands a hit on me. He thinks it'll hurt for a week at least, when really it'll only pinch for a few days.

How would he react?

I watch those intense, turquoise, orbs as they watch me, and try to deduce my next move. They were so open, so easily read, and passionate. Was he capable of listening to reason? Or did his gut reaction win every time? Did he hate all Titans without question? I have to do some digging. If this mission went awry, and I had to change it could be vital. Having him on side, might make the difference between the squad ending me, or allowing me back into my cell. I was under no illusion that I'd be accepted. They'd be afraid, they'd be furious. I shudder at how Levi would react, when learning I was actually a shifter. That I'd lied. It was in order to survive, which I'm sure he'd understand, but that amount of logic would take some work to break through his mania. I shiver. The silhouetted Captain chilling my bones as he looms in my mind. I need to get this sorted. And the kid was my only real chance.

"So Eren… seen much of Hanji today?"

"Enough of her, yeah. Why?"

"Just wondering how she's doing after her losses."

"She seemed to be recovering pretty well, she's still pissed off, but apparently I make a decent conciliation prize…"

"Her words?"

"Obviously." He smirks, and I make my move, swinging down with my legs. He squawks, lunges, misjudges it and lands on his arse. But soon enough he's up, and returning the attack. I dodge, I twist, but still he lands a few blows. He'd picked up speed since I mentioned it. Damn.

"How does it feel though?" I ask, inching closer to my real question. My real curiosity. He pauses, panting as he holds his hands up defensively, looking me over suspiciously. I think he suspects me of simply trying to distract him.

"How does… How does what feel?" he pants, shifting his weight all the while. He was staying on his toes this time, he was improving as fast as I was. Soon we might be decent fighters. Maybe.

"To be under her scrutiny all the time? To have her watch you?"

"It's weird… but I get that she wants to learn. She's just trying to help humanity. That's what counts. Why? I thought you liked Hanji."

"I never claimed that I didn't!" I laugh, jabbing at him, and bouncing back as he swings out with a kick. That would have hurt. "I was just wondering, I mean I'm under some scrutiny, but you're literally being studied."

"Better than being dissected."

"Was that seriously the alternative?"

"Yep, and joining the Scouts was always my dream. I just never realised I could be as much help as I think I will be… if I learn to control it…" he pauses, and lowers his hands.

Instinct tells me to strike, and strike hard, but this niggling return of my human side stays my attack. I see all the doubt he harbours for himself, past battles flashing across his young mind. I'd heard from Hanji that he'd attacked a good friend of his, that he hadn't even recognised the girl. The kid looked guilty at landing a few punches, what the hell was he doing himself over that? I shiver again, suddenly very thankful for my lack of human connection. Humans were messy.

I reach out, and ruffle his hair, the green eyes crinkle in a half-hearted smile.

"You will."

"You really think so?"

"The amount of sheer determination in you kid, could tame twenty Titans, you'll do fine." I assure him, and the green eyes almost seem convinced.

I flip the coin.

Do I tell him, or don't I?

"Do you really know more about the Titans? Or are you just trying to stay alive?"

He seems so open minded; he doesn't even seem angry that I might not know any more than him. He also doesn't seem annoyed that I could be harbouring vital information. Would he accept me? Would he still see me as a person? Really he was the one person that should. But he was still just a kid, logic wouldn't always apply. I'd never told anyone; no one fully conscious anyway. My parents had assumed it was another of their drunken dreams, laughing about it groggily the next morning. Hanji had found out on her own, and barely even talked to me about it. And I'd certainly never met another shifter, as far as I was aware anyway. Were we the same? Me and Eren?

He sees my dilemma, only he doesn't know the underlying question. He draws a long breath, sharp eyes glancing all around as he straightens up and holds out his hand. I go tense as I consider him having figured it out.

"Or am I about to shake the hand of another shifter?" he asks, calmly, with a hint of a frown.

I answer him with a choke. It was the equivalent of shouting yes, whilst jumping up and down holding a banner proclaiming the same in giant lettering. Whether he had suspected for long beforehand or not, he now knew for certain. His eyes widen, but his hand remains outstretched. It shakes a little, but it lingers. I swallow hard, and shake his hand, holding his gaze with sincerity. Two Titans, on an even playing field.

"I agreed to serve in this regiment, and that is what I plan to do Eren. Regardless of my biology. I've been assigned to protect you on the mission, and that is what I'll do." I hold onto his hand, and he pauses, staring at our handshake. His lips purse into a thin line.

"You're really going to help us?"

"That's what I agreed to Eren, and when I agree to something, I mean it. I hold to my word."

"I believe you… But what the hell are you gonna do when the rest find out? Hanji'll freak, she'll demand information, she'll—"

"She already knows." I sigh, finally releasing his hand as I pace round the ring. He watches me, looking me up and down, with his new knowledge ringing in his ears. "The only reason I was able to get out of that cell, was because of her clearing me as a normal human. Otherwise I'd still be under scrutiny for potentially being the Colossal."

"The Colossal?" he repeats in a whisper, eyes becoming glazed over as tears well up. I stop my pacing, and approach him again, putting my hands to his cheeks, and waiting till he's actually looking at me. I feel ice flow through my veins when he does. This kid had seen way too much.

"I'm not him, I didn't cause all this havoc. I despair at the ways of humanity, and gladly give them a kick in the gut when needed. But I didn't bring that hell to your door, Eren. I despise what humanity has become, but there's still a glimmer of hope in me that it can be redeemed. I just never believed I could help in that mission…"

"And so you left."

"Yeah… I didn't see any point in letting myself linger, and become just like the rest of them. So yeah… I got up, and left, never looking back."

"They really thought you were the Colossal…"

"I promise I'm not him Eren, please, please bel—"

"I believe you…" he sounds so confused by this. "What kind of Titan are you?"

"I…" I laugh a little, scratching the back of my head, stepping away from him again to allow breathing room. When Hanji had veered towards specific questions about my Titan form I'd felt defensive, worried, and above all frightened. Yet now, with Eren I felt eager to share. I feel my own prejudice staring down at me. I judged Hanji as a threat, because she wasn't like me. That was it. I swallow my apologies, which I'd have to voice to Hanji eventually, and smile at the curious boy.

"You don't have to tell me… sorry… I was just wondering."

"No, no Eren it's fine… I'm just not used to talking about it. Except with squirrels."

"Good conversations with them?"

"Surprisingly so actually… but in all honesty, I don't really know what kind of Titan I am. My height varies, depending on what I want to do… and I've only seen the wavy reflection from streams. So I don't really know what I look like…"

"Are you armoured at all? L-like the one that broke through the wall?"

"I am when I need to be. I got caught in a rockslide a few years back, so changed, very aware of the fact I needed armour. And there it was. Thick black shards of armoured skin… like crystal or something. And you know the really weird thing? It never disintegrated…"

"Huh?" he tilts his head, and I feel a small surge of excitement talking to someone about this at last. But I calm myself, not wanting to overshare, or overwhelm the kid.

"Look, Eren. Basically, I think my Titan is at adapting… I think. I'll tell you all I can Eren, I promise, this is some scary shit you're dealing with. And I won't pretend that I fully understand it… but… I at least know how to control mine." I say, and hold my hand out to him again. "Allies?"

"I'd prefer friends?" he laughs, taking my hand strongly and shaking.

"I'd prefer that too. Keep this between us, okay, kid?"

"Sure thing, old lady. Though… can I ask one more thing?"

"Shoot."

"Why didn't you admit to a shifter, but try and explain that you weren't the Colossal? You're pretty smart, so must've known it'd come out eventually."

We begin our little dance around each other again, sinking into our fighting stances as I consider my answer.

"Because at that point, they wanted an answer, more than they wanted the truth."

"Surely they're the same, Alex."

"Not when the answer you're looking for, is having the Colossal in custody, and therefore unable to make further attacks. And the truth is, neither they, nor I, know anything about that monster. Not when it'll attack again, or why it attacked in the first place. Answers, and truth are worlds apart. Lies can be answers just as easily, Eren. Never forget that."

"Wise old maid, aren't you?"

"Proverbs work very well on squirrels." I chuckle, and he joins in. He's completely right of course, it would come out eventually, and I'd pay the price. Whether it was out on a mission, or when I finally became unable to contain my temper. Then I'd have to face the music; and the Captain's fury. I focus on our fighting, trying to ignore the quivering at the base of my spine.

Despite my shivers, I feel like a weight has been lifted from my mind. If I had to change on this mission, if protecting Eren called for it, I would at least have a potential two people fighting in my corner. Defending my intent. Hanji would desperately plea to at least study me, and Eren would vouch for me as best he could. I didn't really know what to expect from the upcoming mission; I'd seen them on plenty, and watched them rush past, but I never really knew what they did out there, or why they came.

We dance, we strike out. But as the sun begins to properly head towards the horizon, we pick up the pace, wanting to finish off before we're left to dwindle in the darkness. I'm frankly surprised we'd been left to our own devices for so long. But then I glance towards HQ. There were plenty windows, and behind which lingered many eyes. We had probably been watched the whole time. At the idea of this, I grit my teeth, and swing a little harder than before. Eren squawks as he misjudges my trajectory again, and lands in a heap. Groaning as the day's work weighs him down.

I stand, and hold my foot over his throat, without touching obviously, but meaning for him to yield. Then we could go eat at long last. He lies there, staring up at the sky as it turns to a blood orange.

"You fucking did it again… damn it!"

"Hey you're still awake aren't ya—"

A red scarf invades my vision, and I feel two vice-like hands grip my arms to wrench me away from Eren. I only assume they'll be lunging for another attack. I drop and roll, flipping back towards the treeline, where I scamper up a few branches like a nimble cat. Cowardly, but nimble. But the woman - at least I think it's a woman... It could easily be a cannon ball in uniform, judging from the bruising now covering my upper arms. She looks at me in hatred. It seemed as though I inspired this emotion with very little effort. Quite the talent I'd picked up. I stare back, panting as I feel the blood flow in my arms start up again. Ow.

"Mikasa wait!" shouts Eren, stumbling over and putting a hand on her tensed shoulder. I'm still catching my breath, and thank my lucky stars I was still able to make a quick getaway. They'd held me prisoner for so long, I hadn't climbed a tree in ages. But apparently it was built in. The 'woman' called Mikasa, slowly loosens up a little, and turns her head to Eren. Quick, dark eyes scan his neck, then dart all over him as he stands holding onto her shoulder. He looks angry, before becoming confused. Presumably he wasn't sure where the hell she had come from either. Glad I wasn't the only one at a loss.

I sit down on the branch, and give a little wave to the psycho, who Eren is still trying to fully calm down. And I thought I had a horrible temper, sheesh. Her pale pink lips draw back over her white teeth, and she hisses up at me.

"Touch him again, and—"

"Mikasa stop!"

"But she hurt you." She states, turning to him blankly, though her dark eyes quickly scan all over him, once again checking for wounds. At first, I think she has to be his girlfriend, but the body language is all wrong between them. A sibling? They look nothing alike. Creepy cousin? I just stare her down when she shoots me a look. Can she hear my thoughts?

"Look love, we were training. He's okay. Nothing a dust down, and maybe ice-pack won't cure. Calm your tits?"

"You're the wild woman."

"I've been called worse…"

"The one they found over the walls."

"Alexia Senefold, painful to meet you." I wait a few seconds, but she remains just as tense, and just as ready to attack. I shift my weight a little. "Can I come back down there? You planning on keeping your hands to yourself?"

"Are you?"

"Touché…" I simper, and she stares at me for a long moment before giving a small nod. I jump down, and hold out my hand out to her. Eren shuffles over a little, so he's stood in between us, and he nudges the woman's arm roughly. She sighs, and shakes my hand; it's difficult but I manage to almost match her hand-shake with my own. A little irritation enters her eyes. Oh dear.

"You need to be more careful in training." She says everything so calmly, and yet I feel threat in every word. It was very unnerving. Once she has relinquished her assault on my hand, I take a small step back and shrug at her, ignoring the tightening of her eyes. She was formidable clearly, but had the sensibilities of an overbearing mother, who was the age of a toddler. I wasn't about to start putting up with juvenile bullshit, just because she happened to be a juvenile battering ram.

"Being careful isn't much of an option on the battlefield, is it?"

"You won't be fighting him on the battlefield though will you?"

"Time can only answer that question."

"Excuse me?" she spits, teeth bared for a second. And I wonder how much of a difference Eren standing there will actually make. I hold her gaze, and I sense she isn't used to someone being able to do that. Her dark eyes seem to glow as she waits for me to drop my gaze. But I won't. I'd looked down the barrel of guns, and I'd stared down everything from a Titan, to a damn mountain lion. Little girl, you were freaking weirdly strong, and admittedly intimidating, but I'm not the kind of monster you want to poke with a stick.

"I'm not saying I'm planning on having issue with Eren, but at this point I have way more enemies around here, than allies. Just not wanting to lie to you. Would you rather I lied?" I ask, tilting my head, and watching her compute my words. The dark eyes are still tight, but her mouth relaxes a little. Then she turns to march away, dragging Eren by the arm all the while. It had to be creepy cousin… there's a small group gathered near the end of the ring. I suppose they were enjoying the show.

"Just watch yourself, wild woman."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Brat! Get over here." I hear the angry call of the Captain and jog over, ignoring the look I get from the Mikasa Machine as I pass her, and her property by. Poor kid is blushing himself into oblivion. I stop in front of Levi, and give a little salute. He frowns. "I do remember saying, don't make him go Titan?"

"You said don't knock him out, actually." I reply, but step back a little from his unimpressed glare. I pout a little, pointing at the very much human sized Eren tomato. "He didn't turn."

"You nearly kicked him unconscious, again, we don't know yet what exactly sets him off." He's simply stating it, the other cadets, many of whom I don't recognise, all shrink back. They seemed to be brand new rookies, just arrived. Did they find that little speech scary? Oh come on, this was him calm. They were going to shit themselves when they saw him mad. Or sneeze.

"Well then, you can cross off a kick to the ankle. Landed on his arse with a squeak. But no Titan!" I laugh and he just stares me down, I sigh and nod. "I really did try and not break him this time."

"I'm sure it was a sterling effort." He drawls, nodding to Eren before turning and leaving, dragging Oluo with him before the sour-faced idiot can bite his tongue again. I watch them go and sigh, I wasn't doing laps at least. That was a win in my book.

I turn to talk with Eren, but find him gone. I look, and see the ghost of movement rounding the building towards the compound. Where the heck were they going? I jog after them, only slowing as I consider they might be together romantically. And I wasn't a peeping tom. But I hear a collection of voices; and feel fairly certainly Eren isn't into orgies. Not at his age anyway.

I round the corner and see him, with his personal body-guard, stood talking with a bunch of kids their age. But they don't bare the wings of freedom. More new recruits? Then it clicks. These were the kids from his class right? The ones who hadn't chosen a regiment yet. And they had… they chose this one? I walk over, hearing a vague conversation going on. These kids had clearly already seen a lot of shit, and yet they signed up for here. Either they were brave, and driven by loss to do their best for humanity. Or they'd seen enough, and wanted out the game altogether. I don't know whether to pity them, or do them a favour and slice their throats now.

But as I see Eren look amongst his friends, I see a new light enter those eyes. He's happy. I'd seen him amused, even elated, but never actually happy. I suppose these other kids, were the closest he had to actual allies. Then again… A sandy-haired kid, with a dark colour undercut is approaching him from behind, and he looks a little hostile. I approach the group, but know full well, the Oriental looking she-wolf will easily deal with a threat. I just don't fancy having to clean it up afterwards.

Eren turns to the grumpy one, and gasps in disbelief. Clearly he wasn't someone Eren had expected to see. So either he was crap at his job, or he was a well-known coward who wanted to go to the MP's in the Capital. I realise my own contradiction as I stand next to Eren, ignoring the confused looks from the other children as I watch the horsefaced one glare at my fellow shifter. These guys were maniacs for wanting to go out, and seek the Titans, and yet I considered the MP's behind the walls cowards. But the fact was, that was pretty much your only options these days. Suicidal psycho with a death wish, or cowardly schemer who only wanted to live as long as possible. Damn we were a noble species.

"Marco is dead."

"W-what?" Eren doesn't seem to believe the horse-faced one, and I look around at the pained faces. Whoever this Marco kid had been, he'd obviously been a decent guy. Or very generous with his rations. "You're just kidding right?"

"I wish I could tell you he died nobly, or heroically… but the truth is…" the grumpy kid grits his teeth, looking like he wants to puke. "Truth is I don't know how he went out… he died alone. No one was there to see it happen."

This just sends my head off in a spin. What bloody difference did that make? In what world would watching your friend help them die? I look around as his words echo on the sunset bathed compound. They all look so sad. So mournful at this fact. I see the pain in Eren's eyes, and I can see that he blames himself somehow. I can't help it. I'm genuinely confused right now; is it because I've had little to no human contact for most of a decade, or because I'm simply a heartless bitch? Either way, I didn't understand this.

"What difference would it make?"

"Excuse me?" the kid called Jean looks at me in nothing more, or less, than absolute disgust. I'm used to this kind of sentiment by now, of course, but the ferocity in his eyes is staggering. This Marco kid had clearly meant a lot. Like… holy hell, I feel like I just slapped this kid's first born child, and called it a pig.

"I just don't get why you seeing him die would make a difference?"

"It was more that he died alone, who the hell are you anyway?"

"She's the wild woman from over the walls." Mikasa is kind enough to state.

I roll my eyes at the 'wild woman' tag I seem to be getting. I wonder if I should grow my hair out, let myself get really muddy, and run around in a damned loin cloth. I wasn't a savage. Well, not most of the time. Though it was true, my dinner table etiquette could probably use some work. I simper a little; considering the outright disturbed expression of Levi if I did this. His precious clean floors. Such a scandal.

Jean glances at Mikasa with slightly wide eyes, slowly looking back at me, a weird sneer on his lips. Here we go.

"This is her? Wow, bit of an anti-climax aren't you?"

"Ugh, look I've already gone through this with the other Cadets… can we skip the whole, wow you're so disappointing, I expected some constantly Titan mauling machine with gnarled scars all over her. Damn you're short. I meant no disrespect towards your friend, I simply—"

"I guess being alone for so long makes a person forget what being human means." He snaps, sneer gone as I bring the subject of Marco back round. I didn't want to linger on it, but I also didn't want to leave more bad feeling between me and other cadets. Like I said to Mikasa, I had enough enemies.

"I guess it can, correct, but I just—"

"Marco was my friend, I hate to think that he died alone." He growls, looming over me, the heat to his gaze somehow further intensifying. I sigh and shake my head, looking up at his condescension with pity. He blinks at my lacking hostility.

"And he'd have hated you being there."

"The hell does that mean?!" He looks around, as though not believing the words that just plopped out my mouth. I just wait till he's stopped puffing, and hold his gaze with my own. The kid was just another lost soul, not knowing what the hell he was meant to do with this grief. He hadn't been prepared for it. I wonder if he had been prepared for anything.

"If this friend of yours died alone, that means he was the only one to die. Had you been there, you'd have also ended up Titan bait, wouldn't you?" I raise a brow at the kid, but he seems lost for words, his stubble free jaw opening and closing in a dumbfounded fashion. "I'm sorry you lost your friend, but just be thankful you're still here. Maybe being alone for so long, gives me a little more perspective… I dunno… we're all just trying to get by."

"I… I…" he stammers, blushing brighter and brighter as his false assumptions are brought to light. Practically every new recruit is blushing, even Mikasa looks a little sheepish as she looks to the side. Eren also blushes, but he's just ashamed of his friends I think. I feel like a bit of a tool right now. The only one who meets my gaze is a small blonde, with the bluest eyes I'd ever seen. Erwin would be pissed, there was a new blonde bombshell on camp. And he was adorable. Yet I still sense a little psycho there. Bubbling away beneath that composed little face.

"Welcome to the Scouts, kids. Oh, and for the record? It's Alexia, or Alex. As much as I like 'wild woman', I left my loin cloth costume in my treehouse. M'kay?" I say, backing away with a doff of my head. "I hope to get the honour of learning your names, before you die. Night!"

I see no reason to hang around, so I just head off, letting them stare after me. Weirdly I have the strongest urge to check on the horses. As though returning to normal chores, might avoid me getting a telling off for messing with new recruits. And funnily enough I find Levi there. He's putting a horse, not his own, back in its stall. He hears me enter, and gives a small huff of a laugh.

"Made yourself known to the rookies then?"

"A friendly bunch, I'll give them that."

"Really?"

"Well, they didn't jump me, or pummel me to the ground, so… yeah. So far they're definitely an improvement. Pass me the saddle, I'll put it away." He hands it over, and I brush it down before putting it with the others. I can feel him watching me. "So I'm guessing they're going to be coming along on this mission coming up in a day or so?"

"That's Erwin's intent, yes."

"Suppose this'll be the first time some of those kids have been outside the walls…" I mutter going over to the stable door, the top swung open to allow the sunset inside. I rest my arms against it, and sigh as a breeze shifts my spikey hair. I felt like today had been especially long.

"The formation will keep them grounded. Why do you care anyway, they're part of humanity. Thought you hated it."

"You know Levi, we've exchanged so many angry words by now, I find it amazing you remember anything I've ever said… but, really? I think my hatred towards Humanity has dulled a little, I'm just sick and tired of it."

"Of your hate, or Humanity?" he asks in his usual monotone void of emotion. He joins me, leaning on the door next to me, the sun is just sinking below the treeline now. Soon night will take over, and the mission will be one dawn closer. Soon I'll feel the free wind beneath me again.

Will I stay, or will I go?

I think of Eren all of a sudden; new to the shifting game. I didn't owe him anything, and yet I wondered if I really could help him. In fact, why do I want to? I rest my chin on my folded arms, and let my eyes droop, enjoying the setting sun's warmth on my face. I was getting too old for this shifting shit.

"Both?"

"Mm… Suppose you'll be eager to being closer to home."

"I think that's the first time you haven't accused me of bailing, Captain."

"This is the first time I don't suspect it. For someone so tired of Humanity, you seem to be having no trouble interacting with us now." I peer through my lashes, but his eyes are trained on the horizon.

"This Humanity, and the one in the city? Big ass difference." I mutter into my arms.

"Know what you mean… you think those brats are gonna fuck it up?"

"I think they'll serve to the best of their ability. They've lost too much already to not fight like hell."

"Didn't really answer my question."

"I'm not really able to, my crystal ball has been acting up."

"You should get that checked out." He sighs, pushing off and walking away. "This mission is likely to be a shit storm Senefold."

"I would assume they all were, sir."

"True… but… this one I think will be especially deep in it." He pauses by the stable door, almost seeming to want to say more. But as I straighten, and turn to him, he catches my gaze and immediately walks away. Whatever coin he flipped in his sharp little mind, it had presumably landed. Whatever it was, I clearly didn't need to know. Not yet anyway.

"Hey, Captain?!"

He stops, and looks over his shoulder.

"Any actual advice for a mission newbie?" I don't really know why I bothered asking, he'll just smirk and walk on. Or he'll get angry at me demanding things of him. I run a hand through my hair, with a shrug.

"For someone who lives out there for a decade, you seem oddly nervous." He says, turning and looking me up and down. "Why is that?"

"Used to being alone, not used to the responsibility of other people."

"Right. Well, at this point? I'd say survive." He replies with a small nod, eyes casting towards the drooping sun. I wish I could read him better, I wish I knew what was going on in that damn head of his. "Just use everything in your ability to do that, and you'll be good."

I flinch a little at the use of 'ability' but calm myself. He didn't know. He'd have killed me already if he did.

"What happened to following orders, sir?" I laugh, covering up the quiver to my voice. He clicks his tongue, and nods again.

"How about I order you to survive? Protect Jeager… and protect yourself. It's all any of us can do. Get some dinner, cadet. It's getting late."

And he walks away, walking a little stiffer than usual till he rounds the corner. I'm left to stare after him; wondering if I'd actually been knocked out by Eren during training. Since when did the Captain care if I lived or died? Or was it simply because I was on his Squad now? Did that really change things so much? I groan, hands to my head as my confusion deepens.

Would I stay?

Or would I go?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again readers, I hope you enjoy this next installment, where everything really gets going!
> 
> And also... sheesh I am so sorry about the lack of pairage, I really didn't mean for it to take this long. I swear! Coming soon I promise *hides in a corner*
> 
> Note: Spoilerage for No Regrets OVA, but nothing that isn't blatant about the content anyway, i mean... I say spoiler but... really if you don't guess at it, you have got to be kidding me! But still warning applied.

3rd Person POV

Captain Levi walked straight past the mess-hall, completely ignored his saluting subordinates, and didn't stop till he had entered his office. The watching cadets assumed the Captain had important work to be dealing with, it wasn't long till the mission after all. Either that or he was rushing to a meeting with the Commander, or the wild woman had annoyed him again. Whichever it was, they knew well enough to stay out of the way. His warpath was something many of them would gladly swap for a Titan's.

Little did they know the turmoil in his scattered mind.

The quiet flooded round him, and he drew slow breaths as the last of the days light disappeared, smothering his office in gloom. His fists were clenched as he stood, waiting for his mind to calm. He had just told the wretch to survive. No, he had ordered her to do that. What the hell was he thinking? H bangs his head off the door, and a snarl warps his lips. This situation was getting messier as each new day dawned. And he was sick of it. Sick of the lies, the charades, the constant tip-toeing around the point. It was tiresome.

It had been bad enough when they hauled her in; when she'd been so unruly, and out rightly hating them all. Yet as her demeanour calmed, as a slight sense of common ground was established, he felt the world get more, and more complicated. It was easier to hate someone, that actually consider them a human being. Yet every time she showed compassion, or a sense of morality, he felt himself shift. He felt regret haunt his mind.

This was sick.

He couldn't keep doing this.

Ever since the day they'd found out about that damned woman, Erwin had been fixated. Not only was she a suspected shifter, and one the Commander hoped to be able to utilise, if not prove as the Colossal and end this uneasiness. But she had supposedly survived out there for many years. The rumours of cadets spotting someone living in the forest went way back. A whole decade in fact. They had dismissed that idea right away, and yet she went and confirmed it. Ten years. This woman, a nobody from the depths of anonymity, had survived outside the walls for ten whole years. Levi gritted his teeth. So naturally Erwin wanted to reel her in, he wanted to use her, break her, turn her into his newest weapon in this fight. Without so much as a single though to the idea, she had her own life to lead.

Levi banged his head again. Since they'd agreed on all of it, since they'd tracked her, since they'd waited on that wall for her to come for supplies… he just couldn't get a grip. The composure he'd worked so hard to maintain whilst serving his dues. It was breaking apart piece by piece. Whenever he saw her; it all flooded back. The hate, the outrage, the intrigue, the fucking ridiculousness.

It was the life Isabel should have had.

It was the life they all should have had.

And yet she'd won it so simply.

This woman, so brash and unrelenting. He kicks off the door, and removes his cloak with careful fingers. It really had been a lot simpler when he had focused on the hatred. It was easier to hate, that anything else. She would be the end of him. He knew it. The way he'd thrashed her; his knuckles sting at the memory, his foot twitches, his knee aches. The way he'd tormented her, for hours on end. And all because her bright eyes had made him remember.

They'd made him regret.

And he'd done it, he'd stolen the light. Bit by bit, strike by strike, he smothered it in pain and suffering. Like she deserved? He clicks his tongue, the woman hadn't done a damn thing wrong. Not one thing. Okay she had stolen a few supplies, but from the damn Wall Garrison, what the hell did that lot use their gear for anyway? Other than running away when the time came. It was petty theft. That was all they could really attach to her name, and yet on he went, like a good little dog.

Persuade her, Erwin said.

Convince her, Erwin commanded.

Break her, Erwin demanded.

Levi sits at his desk, and traces the symbol on the back of his cloak.

They wouldn't want this.

They wouldn't want him to do this.

He sits back with a sigh, groaning at his uncertain mind. Every time she flinched back, momentarily showing that lingering fear, it made him sick. Not that she was afraid; frankly it was one of the few weaknesses he'd found. No matter the beating she took, she got up, no matter the despair she felt, she fought on. The woman was a damn machine. But those flinches, that instinct to cower, or shiver whenever he was a little too close. It made him regret. It made him feel like he was nothing more than that little thug, scrabbling in the dirt still. She did her best to hide it, but he could see it. Every time; fear gripped her all over. The wild woman he'd seen through those bars, on that first day… she had such fire, such passion. Had he really destroyed that?

"Idiot." He snarls at himself in the dark, scraping his hair back and removing his uniform to get in the shower. To clear his head. To clean away the day's confusion. He feared he'd destroyed it, that he'd broken that fire. But deep down he knew he hadn't. He doubted anything could. A smirk pulls on his lips as he steps beneath the hot torrent of water, and sighs as his muscles unwind a little. The quick remarks, the way her tongue lashed out like a whip at those who challenged her. He almost laughs. Nah, he hadn't broken anything. He'd just bruised her, and probably dug himself a nice deep grave when the time came.

He flips the coin.

Gritting his teeth as Erwin's latest order echoes round his mind, he begins scrubbing at his skin harshly, turning up the water's heat. He'd put up with a lot of underhand shit from that man, for a lot of years. Surely he'd paid his due by now, surely he could go his own way at long last? Levi watches the water pool between his cupped hands, and slowly lets it slip between his pale fingers. Time was so slippery. Perhaps Erwin had lost sight of the bigger picture, letting his obsessive ways get the better of him? Even if he did allow himself to go his own way, he wasn't sure where he'd go. He'd gotten used to this life, of teaching, serving, fighting. The concept of freedom had been one he longed for, for years upon years. But that had been with them. Now it was just him. Right?

Should she live or die?

Should he care or not?

He watches the dirty water swirl down the drain. The splatter of her blood across the floor flashed through his mind, and he flinches. The spilling of innocent blood. He sees big green eyes stare over at him beneath an unruly Auburn fringe. Isabel, stupid kid. The way the soldiers had come and dragged her, along with him and Farlan. The way they beat them down. It wasn't right. It hadn't been then, and it wasn't now. He scrubs harder, his vow to follow orders weighing down on him. What the hell was he meant to do? Time couldn't be rewritten. He'd already played his part of the cruel soldier, and beat her to the ground. Nothing could change that. She would loathe him until she died, or until she got to kill him. The water cuts out, and he roughly dries his hair.

Really it didn't matter what he decided here, in the safety of his own quarters. It would be decided in the moment; on the turn of a coin, or the flash of a blade. He knew this, he had lived that way for a long time. So why was it he felt the need to ponder over this?

Was it simply that she reminded him of Isabel?

Or was it something even more moronic?

The Captain shrugged on some civilian clothing, and sat on his desk. The past… he sighs, the past too many to count years, had been long and lonely. He had his Squad of course, and he valued them like members of a family. At least, what he figured a family was like. But he couldn't deny the reaction he had when being anywhere near that damned woman. It was strange; like his body ached all over, maybe she just gave him some kind of virus? He ran a hand through his still damp hair and went to open his window, the room seeming stuffy all of a sudden. Then there was those damn teases she did, the way her bright eyes burned as her lips said those ludicrous things. And yet his body reacted so vulgarly. He leans on the window sill, and breathes in the evening air. He couldn't deny the way she made his thoughts turn similarly vulgar, but he had to try.

It was pointless.

"Idiot." He groans, resting his head on his arms. He had always been so sure on the surface world, so aware of what he was doing, and why. But now? Now he wasn't sure at all, and it was pissing him off to no end.

He closed his eyes.

Humans were so damned messy.

This mission, the hell that would likely end up, would be the deciding moment. He wasn't sure at what point his decision would have to be made, but he hoped it didn't turn out to be the first regret he had to admit to in so many years. He lights the mini stove beneath his kettle, and waits for the water to boil. This mission had a lot riding on it.

He just hoped it was worth it.

The kettle gives a shriek.

Was it ever worth it though?

****  
NORMAL POV

It is too damn hot in this get up.

I fiddle with my cape's collar and shift on my horse. But on and on the sun goes, persistent bastard that it was. Relentless in its beating down of us, making us sweat through to the damn cobbles beneath us. How I longed for the cold stone walls of the HQ. I grip my reins a little tighter. No. I longed for the chill beneath the canopy, and a nice breeze high in the trees. Yes. That was what I longed for. Right?

"You ready for this Alex?"

"Why the fuck not." I gasp, hanging my head back with my tongue lolling out. Eren gives a little chuckle, and Petra grins, but Oluo shoots me a look. Probably jealous that I hadn't bitten my tongue immediately. "As long as we get moving, and create some breeze, before my ass is well done, I'm happy."

"Shut it." Snaps the Captain, and I sit bolt upright giving a reserved smile as our leader looks over his shoulder. There's no glare, just a hint of impatience. Perhaps the heat was even getting to him? I see no sweat on his brow though. Maybe he didn't allow such uncleanliness? I imagined his cape was doing a good job of hiding the tell-tale signs, maybe even turning that tight white shirt see through. I snigger a little, tempted to tug it off and watch Petra blush to the ends of her hair.

"Apologies Captain, just irritable in the heat." I say, dipping my head when he notices my smirk. He clicks his tongue and returns to looking forward.

"The gates will open soon. Quit your whinning and focus on the task ahead."

"You got it."

"We'll hit trouble early on in all likelihood, so stay sharp. We aren't to engage, that's for the outer formation, but stay sharp nonetheless. I'm not wanting any fuck ups. Got it?"

A salute rings round the group, and his eyes land on me as I doff my head. No salute in place. I had never agreed to that shit, and I wasn't about to start now. I had lived as a stubborn jackass, and if I was about to go down in flames of supposed glory, I'd be an ass then too. But as we all shift back into our riding positions, raring to go, I wonder if I will be going down. Or would I run free? To my left sits Eren, alert and eager to begin his work. He can't wait to be out there. Whilst at the same time shitting it. I reckon the latter emotion might take precedence once that wall passes over us, and the gate shits us out the other side. Titan territory did things to the head.

It changed bravery, to cowardice.

Determination, to desperation.

Affection, to hatred.

Comradery, to competition.

Saddles, to bed pans.

I wondered what those big green eyes would look like by the time the sun had set. Would they burn on with that gloriously youthful fire, or would it have all been pissed on by reality? I look ahead, and see signals being shown. The time was approaching. Perhaps before I either went free, or went out for good, I could do one good thing in this pigsty of a world. Perhaps I could keep those eyes, as bright as they were now. Hope was a dangerous thing, but in a head like Eren's I reckoned it might do okay.

Suddenly there's this big groan, like a stomach that's had too much rare meat. The gate slides up and I feel a gust of hot hair whoosh past us. Signals are passed down, and echoing shouts are heard. We're moving. It's slow at first, everyone filing out and into formation, but eventually we get up to beneath the wall, at a decent pace at long last. I hear the thundering of the hooves against the cobbles, and a slight breeze shifting my hair. It dispels a little of the hellish heat, and I grin as the wall looms over us. Good bye cage; I'm not sure if I'm coming back or not, but thanks all the same. You cold bastard. As we pass beneath the arch, I give a whoop, and raise my arms up to feel the cold, dank air whistle through my outstretched fingers.

"Cut it out rat!" Shouts Oluo, and I turn to flip the bird at him. Levi says nothing. I think he can relate to a sense of euphoria at a moment like this, at least I get that feeling, from my lack of reprimanding.

"Kiss my ass Oluo, we're about to enter hell, let a girl have some fun before fighting for her life? Oh and don't reply, can't be bothered listening to you whimper about your tongue."

"Is it just me, or did she get worse, in that small moment of leaving the walls?" groans the blonde man I think is called Eld. I grin at him, and offer a comradery wink. Before this all went to shit, I saw no reason to antagonise anyone else. Unless they provoked me, then fuck you blondie. Why were all these guys blonde?

As we pass through the city, squads assigned to protection of the ranks set off to deal with lingering Titans. But we don't help, we just ride on, leaving them to their duty. I hear their yells. I hear their blades. I fight the urge to change, to cut and run. In this open area it would be so simple. So damn easy, it would be nothing short of a walk in the park. But as I stare down at my hands that grip the reins, I know I won't. First off, there's far too many armed scouts around me, I'd die in moments. And for another? I look to Eren as he grits his teeth against fear. I had to at least attempt helping this kid out. I couldn't stand Humanity, and all the wrong it had done. But I had to hand it to this kid, he had taken on my secret with such sincerity. I had to pay him back somehow.

Even if I cut out straight after that.

"Looks like Miss Sass is having a little shake there!" Laughs Oluo, and I simply push my horse faster. More yells sound around us, but I don't think anyone has died yet. This city looks like a shell. I don't think I've spotted one whole building yet. They're all hollowed out, gutted, and left to rot. How disgusting.

"I was just making a personal bet with myself whether or not we'd make it outside the city ruins before you bit your tongue or not."

"Shut it you little—"

"Fuck you Oluo, now I owe myself money! That's just messed up."

We ride on in relative silence as the formation takes shape. They fan out far and wide, and it looks even weirder from close up. I remember how I'd looked out for those smoke signals the past few years, heading to the top of the canopy, or nearest edge to the forest as quick as I could. It wasn't that I missed human contact; holy hell no. But instead, I was curious about these humans willing to be out here, facing the danger head on. It was one of the few times in my life, I felt respect for a group of humans. It was an odd feeling, but not one I disliked.

At the time, from afar, watching them spread out like a drunk band of flies, I had thought to myself about the leader. I had theorised that the man leading them, was likely a good man, intent on saving his men from danger. I snort to myself as we plough through our current mission. Erwin Smith was many things, but a good man? He was driven, passionate to the point of lunacy, and ruthless. His goal was honourable enough, but his lack of human nature was simply too great. I couldn't think of him as a good man. Perhaps a good soldier. But that was all I could muster.

The plains open up around us, and I grin as I breathe the easiest I have for months. I was far from free, still chained to this regiment completely. But this was the best I'd felt in all that time I'd been captive. This was my world. This was where I ruled. And yet this was where I felt my indecision reach its peak. What the hell was I meant to do? I growl low enough that none of them will hear me. This was bullshit, I wanted to go home, and yet felt something holding me back. And it wasn't Eren. It was his words. I could really help them here, and I could really make a difference. I'd never known that until now. I'd always assumed, I was just another fly in the ointment for the world. But that kid, with his damn principles, and high held beliefs. He'd gone and given me guilt. I whip my horse on a little faster, I'd have preferred another beating from Levi I think.

"Wow… these rides are pretty fucking boring aren't they?" I say as we continue to ride across the plain without so much as a wrong footed horse. I was glad of the peace, but soon enough it became tiresome, and I was fighting yawns. I hadn't slept much, due to excitement and apprehension. And yet now I found myself wondering what the hell I'd been so worried about. I glance around, but they're all staring ahead, nervous and focused. I look around. There is literally nowhere that a Titan could be hiding in order to ambush us. Why were they shitting it so much?

"We have to stay alert Alex, you never know what's going to happen out here." Explains Petra with a small smile. I hold back my laughter. But I can't resist turning to raise a brow at her, waiting for the penny to drop.

It gives an audible CLANG.

She blushes.

Yeah… I used to live here? I can't say I'm all that nervous for my own well-being. I sigh, and let my head hang back a little, hoping for a few more clouds as the sun isn't even at its peak yet.

"If you're so eager to talk, brat. How about you answer a question?" The Captain asks, and I do a double-take. Where had this come from?

"Okay…" I look around, but no one else seems to know what the heck he's doing either.

"Where did you learn to use the gear?" he asks, not looking my way. I swallow hard, my gut aching a little as I recall the last time he asked me that question. Was that kick number 23… or 34? I can't remember exactly. It all got hazy after 29.

"In my hometown of Shiganshina." I answer, and I hear a few gasps. Especially from Eren. Yeah I'd lived there, whilst I was a kid. But as soon as I could, I ran off, in search of the world beyond the walls. It was technically my hometown, but I admit I felt little when realising it had been hit the worst by the Colossal. It mattered a little to me now, knowing the horrors it had held for Eren on that day. But in my own life, it had been nothing but bricks, thatch and water. With disgusting people lingering in between.

"Alright, let me rephrase, smart-ass. How did you learn? Did someone teach you... or what?"

"I taught myself." I reply, and try to ignore the disbelieving looks that the group is giving me. The only one I chance a glance at, is the Captain. And he's staring back at me like I'm some three legged Titan in a hula skirt. What was wrong with that? Why couldn't I have taught myself?

"Why?"

Why? Why? What kind of dumbass question is that? What did it matter why I'd learned?

"Because I wanted to know how to fly." I answer with a shrug, it being the most obvious thing in the world to me. "I won some gear from a drunken Garrison soldier, in a game of poker, and taught myself on the outskirts of town. None of the Garrison gave me any trouble for it, because they knew a kid had beaten one of their guys at poker. For guys with no pride, or dignity, they sure got embarrassed easily."

"You're a fucking wildcard, you know that?!" laughs Eld, shaking his head in disbelief. I hear a bird call out above us, and I feel the sun on my back. It was comment upon my character, but I had the feeling it was intended as a compliment. I wink at him again, and stand on my stirrups to take a small bow. "Why'd you wanna learn to fly so bad anyway?"

I stare at the blonde for a long moment. The lollop of the horses hooves slows, as my eyes meet his, and I feel very human all of a sudden. It made me feel a little hollow inside, and yet I knew it was real. This was a moment of sickening connection; but I wasn't one to back down from a challenge. I smile at him and dig into my past, remember how I felt as I first put on that gear and prepared myself for flight. To join those arrogant birds. To feel the air beneath me.

They'd laughed at first of course. The Garrison had watched me attempt, and fail, many times before I got the hang of it. But once I had it? Their laughter died in their throats, and I knocked their asses to the floor. I could fly better than they ever could. And I was just some kid right? Just some dumbass kid of a couple drunks, what could I ever amount to? What could I ever change? And what could I ever hope to make out of my life? I knew the answer. I couldn't change a damn thing, I was useless like the rest of the world. And yet I knew I could make something for myself out of this life. I could make freedom. I remember how I landed with a small huff, accepting the earth as the one place I would always have to return to. But that was before he said otherwise. That was before he offered me something new. Another option. Another way.

"What kid doesn't want to fly?!" I laugh, sitting back down, and gulping at the free air. We were still technically inside a wall, but I certainly couldn't see it on the horizon, and that definitely helped.

"I guess so…" Laughs Eld, shaking his head at something. He then looks my way, with an odd little frown, his quick eyes glancing between me and the Captain. I feel like I should have paid more attention to this guy up till now, he seemed an interesting type at least. Better than Oluo that's for sure. "Say… you from the Underground?"

"You don't have to be from the Underground to appreciate the big open sky above you!"

A weird silence takes over.

"I just shoved my foot in my mouth didn't I?" I ask, looking around for confirmation. Petra is giving a sympathetic smile, and I wince a little. I'd just accidentally made a dig at Levi hadn't I? Of all the people… I stare ahead at the slightly tensed Captain, and hope he doesn't pull his horse back, simply to clap me on the side of the head. I'd kind of liked that sense of comradery. I'd enjoyed the small talks in the stables. Heck, I was in danger of thinking of the man as more than a mindless thug. It was hardly affection, but it was the closest thing to it that I'd felt for a human in what felt like a lifetime.

And I'd gone and done it now.

"Sorry Captain. Didn't mean anything by it, just—"

"I'm well aware, brat."

"Oh…"

"If you wanted to be offensive, you're never as passive as that."

"Thank fuckery." I breathe and shoot a relieved look at Petra, who smiles kindly back. We ride on, quiet taking back over. I stare at the raven locks that bounce around with the movement of his horse. Captain Levi was from the Underground. That explained a few things, and his understanding of my want for freedom. But it didn't make me understand why he was here in the first place. It was rare for people to escape there; for them to get out, and get a normal job. Let alone a ranked position in the army. Then I realise what crest is on his back. The Survey Corps might be the one place, they would allow such a roughian into. I had no issue with someone being from there, who the hell was I to judge someone for anything? I simply knew how people up here thought. And they didn't understand the people living beneath them, and so they feared them.

Perhaps I could use that understanding, of mismatched assumptions to my advantage.

Perhaps I could make him listen.

A Cadet suddenly rides up, sweating and panicky. We all tense as he garbles his news. Spouting something about the outer watchers being wiped out.

Shit.

Already?

I mean we had been riding a good while, maybe an hour by now. But it had been so calm here in the formation. Perhaps we were near the centre? I look around but from down here it was pretty hard to tell. Everything had moved so fast once we were out the gates that I hadn't really been able to tell. Perhaps we were at the centre then. That explained the lack of indication, until now, about all the issues occurring. Which side did he say? The right? I only catch little bits at our high speed, but I see the colour drain from Eren's face. And that's without him knowing what it would look like. I swallow my grimace, and maintain composure for the kid. I was well aware of what that side of the battlefield would look like now. Once, about three years ago, an entire squad had been wiped out, a few miles from my home.

The stench.

The gut wrenching stench.

I swallow hard. Death didn't disturb me, I saw life as something meant to be fleeting, that being why we clung to it so damn tightly. But what disturbed me was the mess we left behind, the way we lingered on this earth, forcing it to remember us as we melt away slowly. Staring up at the sky in defiance. We had been here damn it. So go ahead, pick at my bones, and smell the stench of my death. Again I swallow. Being back out here was messing with my head. I had a job to do damn it, and I needed to focus. I needed to help Eren.

"Hey Eren?" I call over, and the Kid looks my way, kind of. His mind is miles away, to whatever friends he has lying on those outskirts, drenched in their own blood and piss. Damn it Eren, focus on yourself right now. Idiot. There was a bigger picture here, besides your damn friends. "What exactly is the plan for if you go all rogueing rage monster on us?"

"You mean you don't know?!" squawks Oluo, and I just throw up my hands to the sky.

"I'm the big meany not to be trusted remember? Kinda kept me out of the loop? No? No one is remembering this, how fucking convenient and—"

"We'll cut him straight out of the nape." Snaps the Captain, shaking his head a little. I watch Petra ride off to hand the message further up the command, and hope she gets back all right. Then I check myself. Why the fuck would I care? She's just another potential face to remember whilst looking over the bodies left behind. No matter how good she was at her job, that was all these people ended up as.

I shiver, and grip the reins like they're a rope holding me against a flood. My mind flashes back to my cell, the way my whole being had been swathed in hatred for the Captain. I'd been drowning in it, consumed by the need to kill him. And yet it had been so wrong to do so, so sickening to have been that human. I stare at the white knuckles on my hands. This wasn't me. Was it? Had I been so harsh and dead inside whilst out here alone? Or had me being alone allowed me to ignore it? Perhaps I had simply put it down to the echoes of the wind, not bothering to consider the fact that in escaping humanity, I had become a concentrated version of all that I hated about it. I look up at the sky, and feel my eyes warm up a little.

What the hell was this mission doing to me?

"Probably slice his limbs off in the process, but it'll allow him to survive." Continues Levi with a shrug, and I feel relief. I haven't felt relief in a long time. I don't quite know what to do with it out here. I look to Eren, who is still in a world of his own. Perhaps he too was drowning?

"Hey Eren! Am I right in thinking you'd just grow em back?" I laugh loudly, a little too loudly, but I think they'll be a little preoccupied with survival, to analyse my laughter level. Eren looks at me with a fierce blush, but there's the faintest hint of a smile as I bark out again. "Ya creepy Lizard bastard."

The Captain tenses in an odd way, but I don't understand why, so I just keep smiling over at Eren. He seems to be a better concept that my reins, the waters subside in my mind and I take a deep breath. He has once again become a tomato.

We keep riding, and keep changing course, but its clear the situation had remained dicey. Something is coming. An abnormal of some kind seems to be breaking through rank after rank. Heading straight for us. Streams of black smoke litter the sky, and I feel sick to my stomach. I was what would signal one of those, I was what they called an abnormal. And yet I knew that, and yet I had accepted that. And yet… I was okay with that. Humans inherently fear what they don't understand. Humans are just that; they make mistakes, then they keep going. Error is human to forgive. I can't even remember where I'd heard that, and yet it rings in my ears now, as more black smoke flies into the sky. Like Death sending up a flare for a damned party.

I look over at Eren again, and hate the fact I see his fear.

I can't do a damn thing.

Jokes won't help.

But some fucking answers might.

This is too simple. This was too fucking neat. It seems as clear as the damn sky above us, that this thing, whatever it was, intended to get Eren. I glance at the dissipating black smoke, and feel it in my gut. It's a shifter. This is some kind of ploy. And a sick use of a mission, to get a hold of Eren without detection. In Titan form we retain some recognisable attributes, but usually not to the point of easily being identified. I'd had Eren's form described to me, and apart from the wayward hair, and bright green eyes, it sounded like it looked nothing like him. I couldn't speak for myself, after all I barely knew what my form looked like, other than pale blank eyes. They were creepy, and haunted even my dreams. But they also made no sense. I had brown eyes, not white. But none of this mattered. Only one thing did right now, to me at least. I felt a little cold at the weight of it. So this shifter was coming for Eren, hoping to grab and go I suppose. I shift my horse a little closer to Eren's. Whoever they were, they were in for one hell of a nasty surprise.

I just hope I can fight properly.

I edge closer still.

I had never had reason to question my Titan form's performance; but then again I'd never had quite such an inauspicious audience. I'd never been under such scrutiny. But there was a first time for everything.

Petra returns to the Squad formation, and she along with all the others are watching me closely. But they don't voice their suspicions. They know I'm assigned to protect Eren along with them, and they know I'm not fully logged in on the formation crap. This was just me doing my job. That was the truth of it, never mind their paranoid assumptions of me magically disappearing with him. As far as they knew, I was just a human, so what they imagined I'd be able to do right now, is beyond me. But what I hope I can actually do, when the time comes, is change. If I can do that, I can get him out of the thing's reach, and take the beast down. My eyes snap to the Captian, and I feel ice frost my heart. And then he'd kill me. But of course that was if I was able to change. I hadn't gone this long without transforming, in over a decade.

What the hell was it going to do to my body this time around?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, see you next time!
> 
> Leave a review, favourite and or follow, I appreciate them all, and love to hear from you. What works? What doesn't? :) have a great day!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Folks, me again. 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Now then, here we go!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own AOT.

The forest swallows us whole, and sunlight is a distant memory. The canopy, once so familiar and homely, is now shrouded in shadow as we thunder onwards. I don't fully understand what's happening, but that isn't a new sensation anymore. I've been blinding pushing forward for months now. Except now, I had Eren to protect, and that difference made this all the harder. I could easily run off, and I could easily protect myself. But this hardnose, noble minded pain, would likely make escape difficult. But then again I don't even know if we need to escape, I don't know what's coming.

"Blades drawn. Now. It'll happen in the blink of an eye, be ready." The Captain says without so much as a backwards glance. They all obey as I stare around in bewilderment.

Ready for what? Shitting my knickers?

I look over my shoulder, and feel a chill as a pair of piercing blue eyes catch my attention through the dense trees. I was starting to seriously dislike that colour; from the Commander's cold, calculating gaze, to this thing's enraged mania. Blue and me, were officially having a falling out. I look to Eren, and I think the kid may have just lost his last grasp on sanity. Fear is throttling him. I think it's having a go at all of them, but I know I could take her. I can deal with this, I just need to figure out when would be best. When were they least likely to end up killing me in the process? I grit my teeth, that was not the priority right now.

Was it?

Ah shit… this was not a good day.

The thunder is everywhere.

I can barely think as I taste fear for the first time in… in a long time. The booming of this beast's feet matches the pace of my panicked heart. I cast my gaze over the group. They're discussing engaging with the thing. They had balls I'd give them that; big hairy stupid ones that would be pulverised in seconds.

Then we hear wires. I glance back, and wish the reinforcements instantaneous deaths, whilst the rest of the Squad seem hopeful of their success. For battle weary veterans of the Scouts, even they could be naïve. I can see it there, as that cold blonde hair swirls in the rushing wind, and those eyes flick between targets. There's a keen intelligence there, one that even has me feeling intimidated. The cries don't last long, and I feel my wish fulfilled as one by one, the cadets are sent into a bloodied oblivion.

And that's when this team starts to panic.

Determination warps into desperation.

Saddles pool into bed pans.

And faith turns to child-like dependence.

They need their captain to give orders, but I wonder if even Levi can handle this situation without breaking his composure. They yell at him, begging for guidance, but he remains silent. Come on man. Bring your fury, show this beast the power of Humanities Strongest. Or if you can't do that, at least pause before you slice my nape to ribbons?

He looks round at us, and I am amazed at the composure.

Not a hair out of place, so to speak.

God dammit why did nothing get to this guy? What the hell had he seen in his life to prepare him for this shit? His eyes catch mine and I swallow hard, his orders ring in my ears. Survive. I guess it was his focus that helped push all the messy noise out of the way. I wish I was capable of that right now, but my mind is scattered, panicked as I try and reason with my instincts, and logic against each other. Run or fight. Help yourself, or help them.

"Everyone, cover your ears."

Is he planning on serenading the bitch?

He raises his flare gun and an acoustic round rings out. I look back, but the thing is unphased. But he doesn't look disheartened as he reminds his team of their mission. I consider the fact he wasn't attempting to subdue her, but signal others in the forest. Perhaps this was more predetermined than it seemed. Perhaps this was yet another elaborate device from Golden Boy? How the hell had he known about… I stop myself, I really don't want to know.

They were all there to protect Eren. Of course they were, but I was the one to stick closest to the kid, because when push came to shove, I was expendable. I look around but see no sign of Mister Eyebrows. What was this plan, and where the hell was it leading? This bitch with the enormous wrack was catching up, and soon we'd all be smothered under those gargantuan melons.

"If we don't do something, they're all gonna die!" Eren cries out, having begun to question this madness. It seemed even his loyalty could win out entirely. It was true, more and more lives were being plastered across the undergrowth as we pressed on unharmed.

It was sick.

It was totally Erwin's doing.

I grit my teeth and try to bite my tongue against the retorts of the team. They don't appreciate his insubordinate attitude, and scold him for it. But I can tell they feel the uncertainty too. They're in the dark, and they don't like it.

"Stop whining, and do as your Captain tells you."

Petra, you're an angel of mercy, you helped me and allowed me the benefit of the doubt. Hell you even offered me comradery in this mad world, and frankly, with all bells and whistles put to rest, I love you for it. But that was over the line. So right now? Fuck you.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" I bark at her, and they all glance my way. "I get that you're all badass Levi Squad members, and therefore know everything about following orders, like fucking dogs, but this is a damn kid. Of course he doesn't want people to die, he doesn't see death as a necessary statistic, he sees it as it really is. Awful! Quit riding him, and tell him what he needs to do!"

"Trust us Eren!" Petra cries out, at last, eyes desperate in their pleading.

That was more like it.

Enough of this berating the kid for having a damn conscience.

Enough of judging a damn teenager for feeling the full brunt of the situation.

This kid didn't ask for any of this, and yet he continues to fight. I had asked for this, and I had run from the fight for a decade. I had a big debt to pay it seemed. And holy shit I'm sick of my newfound nobility. Humans are way too fucking messy. And I was beginning to feel the human side of my tremulous nature winning.

Now they're arguing with Eren over whether he should turn or not, that sense of trust turning to one of responsibility. I fight a smirk. The legion didn't exactly inspire trust. This wasn't a choice for a kid. This wasn't fair. Why should he have to figure out life, and death? I see a flash of silver far ahead, but it was stationary up in the branches. I see capes everywhere all of a sudden.

They're waiting.

What the hell?

I look at Levi and frown, this was a trap. That was the reason for the signal. They—we were purposefully leading this beast of a Titan here. I look over my shoulder and snort, she had far too much momentum for them to do a damn thing. She'd yank whatever contraption they had set up, clean out of the trees and keep on going. She'd wipe out this squad, and the kid in no time.

Unless someone slowed her down.

My muscles tense, thirsty for a stretch, and my mind fizzes as I contemplate how it will all go. Show time I guess. The coin was flipped, and I suddenly knew what I had to do. No. I suddenly knew what I wanted to do.

"Eren make up your damn mind!" roars Levi as I press my horse faster, till I'm next to the kid. I look at the Captain, and cringe. If I did manage this, without being killed in the process, he would probably finish me off. Then again, he'd probably too enraged to make it last long. Eren looks at me, green eyes swimming in dilemma.

So young.

So unjaded.

But the dilemma clears as he makes eye contact with me, and I feel my heart clench.

"I'm with you!"

He really trusts us.

Then that needed rewarding.

I grin at the Captain, and then at the kid who is begging for the latest dying cadet behind us to forgive his decision. Don't worry Eren, I'll make her pay in kind. I'll try my best to make this day worth a damn.

"Remember what I said Eren, fight for your reasons."

The others look at me in confusion and I smile at Levi's frown.

"Do me a favour Levi? Keep that idea of trust in mind. See ya, fuckers!"

And I do it.

I turn, leap from my horse and bite down on my tongue hard. I see fire, and I vaguely hear their confused shrieks. But soon it's drowned by rushing wind, crunching bones and hissing steam. I groan as the slithering sensation of newly formed searing hot flesh surrounds my consciousness, and I feel my rage solidify.

I know what I need to do.

I appear in my full form, reaching at least eighteen metres tall. Instantaneously I kneel down and brace for imminent impact with the blonde battering ram. The black crystal forms in great long spears from my shoulders, chest, and rib cage at the same time. The trap is now set. I grit my teeth at the pain of the lances formation, but turn it into a malicious grin as I meet her sky-blue, with my fiery red.

Yes.

Her determination becomes confusion.

Her sickening bloodlust melts into panic.

And her power becomes her undoing.

She smashes into me, with no time available for evasive actions. I tense against her speed and we skid along, friction searing my nerves as debris is thrown. We skid along and directly into the line of the trap. My feet burn, and my bones ache, but the crystal has done its job. I growl at the effort it takes to hold her in position, but I am thrilled to see each crystal lance having sunk deep into her. I make it grow outward, hooking into her innards, and flesh. She was mine. I had done my damned duty. We move a little, and she's shuddering as her muscles fights against me.

Little girl, please don't insult me.

You have no chance.

I give a feral roar as I straighten up, pushing her into an awkward arched position with the leverage of the crystal. She had impressive strength, I'd give her that, but I had an unyielding killer instinct that not even those cold blue orbs could comprehend. You will pay for every drop of blood you so callously spilled. The world stills, and I look down at my eighteen metre self in all her pale glory, the skin is stretched and slightly tearing in places but ultimately I'm more discreetly dressed than this bare muscled hussy. My long dark locks fall in front of my crimson eyes as I lower my jagged teeth to her cheek, and give another roar into her ear.

She growls.

She was a fighter, I'd give her that.

The dust settles, and capes appear in the corners of my eyes. If only they would let the adults play a little longer. It's only been a second and half maybe, but I do wish they'd hurry up with whatever they had planned. This might look easy, but this fiend is damned strong. I look to where Golden Boy stands with nothing short of a dumbfounded expression in place.

Surprise motherfucker.

I hiss at him, steam billowing from my jaws as I nod.

Do your worst.

"Fire!"

Ow. Son-of-a-bitch. God dammit this hurts. OUCH!

I hold tighter whilst they fire repeatedly, steel spears slicing into my flesh. They carve into me, straight through into our prey, where they stiffen joints, and hold true. The cacophony of searing metal only makes my growling whimpers echo more, and I hear a few grunts from our esteemed guest also. The fire of pain threatens to drown me as I endure. Damn it. I get it, you want us staying still. I think there's a thousand spears pinning us in place by the time the explosions stop, and smoke drifts away. My instincts scream, demanding I rage out, and yank these offending spears out of me to bring ruin upon my attackers. But oddly enough, they were also my allies. At least, I hoped they still were. So I calm my instincts, and send them to their room. Mumma needed to think. She didn't need them warbling in her ears.

The distant sound of hooves catches my attention, and I wonder if Eren will manage to persuade them I was still on their side. Then again did I want him to? By aligning himself with me, he endangered himself. That seemed detrimental to my protecting him. I mean, I had just assisted them, but perhaps Blondie Mcshitdick would interpret it as me trying to help this beastly killer. I stare into her, and I recognise the fear. It was the same that we had felt as a team, only moments beforehand.

Medicine is tough to swallow when it's your own.

I chuckle.

I may hate humanity for the filth it became, but this monster had slaughtered countless brave soldiers. She would pay. I glance behind her and see the freckled mouse, the one who stood up to me in the cafeteria. Only she isn't standing anymore. She hangs there, half plastered against the cold bark of a tree. That defiant mouth now stretched with eternal screaming. She never did find her boyfriend.

I hear someone zipping over.

I feel a chill run down both my spines.

I look over, and freeze as I lock gazes with Levi. Erwin is now smirking at me.

"Well done on leading her here, Captain. I'm more than a little impressed." Erwin says, his confidence returned as though never misplaced. I just stare at his arrogance. You have to be kidding me?! Levi bares his teeth a little, staring fixedly at the blonde in my grasp.

"We couldn't have done it without the rear contingency who died in getting us here. I don't intend to ever forget that, neither should you."

"That so…"

"I reckon this bitch is pissing herself right about now."

"Which one?" quips Erwin, sheathing his blades as his cold eyes cast their way over me. I hiss a little and hold my prey tighter. Perhaps a Titan shield would come in handy soon. Levi tenses again, his eyes meeting mine. My hissing stops. His eyes become less narrow, and his jaw not so firmly set. He seems confused. A couple seconds slip past us until he sigh tiredly, and shakes his head a little.

"You stupid brat." He turns to Erwin. "The situation is complicated, I'll deal with Senefold when we're back at base, for now, focus on your original target."

"And what do you mean by deal?"

"That's for me to decide, she's on my Squad after all, isn't she?"

"As you wish, Captain."

I look away from the two menaces, trying not to think about being put back in that cell. Those boots crunching into me. I shiver a little, but when I open my eyes I see those big blue pools are searching for answers. She doesn't know who I am, and I don't know who she is. But I know I'll kill her. Once they've gotten her out, taken her to those cells, and had their fun with her. I'll kill her. I was well aware of the fact, as a shifter, I was a rare breed in wanting to side with the Humans. Apart from Eren of course. But the simple fact was, these other shifters, I didn't understand the angle.

I didn't understand the point.

If they were trying to scare humanity out of complacency, fine. They'd done that more or less. But they'd killed the wrong people. Those in Wall Maria weren't to blame. The ones that needed shaking up, were those in the inner circles. The ones running the sham. Those bastards remained complacent, they remained wholly selfish and self-serving. These shifters were either in search of an entirely different goal, or they'd royally fucked it up. The way this woman was shielding her nape, tended to indicate some intelligence.

So I still didn't understand the point.

Levi draws his blades.

"Not quite yet Levi, a little more insurance is needed." Says Erwin, and I don't even bother to turn and see his sickening grin. "Second and third wing, fire!"

The fire engulfs my mind, and I close my eyes, only seeing my own agony reflected in those blue discs. Dammit Erwin we were secure. But I reckon the sick bastard was enjoying this, enjoying punishing my moment of weakness. I wonder if he had still suspected me of this, and had merely been surprised at my idiocy of actually giving in to changing. I hoped not. I hoped I'd scared the living daylights out of him.

But as I feel the steel once again, I wonder if I wasn't looking from the right angle. My eyes snap open, and swivel to focus on him. He remains calm under my gaze, but I see a sheen of sweat on his smooth brow. Perhaps he hated humanity just as much as I did. Perhaps he had realised, that in order to rise above monsters, and fight them properly, he had to abandon his own sense of humanity. His own idea of being human. Perhaps by being the sadistic bastard he was, he was the best hope of saving humanity. It was a dire situation, no matter which way you looked at it. This was as fucked up as it got, and I grit my teeth against laughing at the world's insanity.

Levi and Mike, the sniffy one, suddenly zip in for the kill. Or rather capture. They swirl as they go for her hands, but I hear a familiar crackling noise and internally cringe. My, my little girl, you're full of surprises. Their blades shatter as they meet crystal, and I groan a little. Things were never easy.

Levi suddenly lands on the blonde's hair and I jolt, shivering all over. I see a new desperation enters her cold gaze, and I feel a memory of that kind of terror. Even now I'm afraid of him, as I stand holding this blonde monstrosity in place, at a might eighteen metres tall. I'm trembling.

I grit my teeth, and dig my nails into her flesh, she growls back.

"Disengage from your Titan Senefold." Orders Erwin, and I pause. Could I even manage that? I can feel a wire running through my right thigh, and just across my left bicep. If they'd wanted me out, they could have aimed a bit better.

"Now Senefold. Or we tear you out."

All right, don't get your Golden knickers in a twist.

I concentrate, and feel the cold air whoosh past me. Back in reality, I hang there, connected by my legs, and my arm awkwardly held in place by the wire. I gasp at the icy air, and try to let my mind settle. But there's a lot of pain to think through. I see that they don't intend on helping me; either out of malice, or apprehension. So I draw one of my blades and cut the wires free. They retract quickly and I hiss at the friction.

Ow.

Once free, I latch onto the branch our esteemed Commander stands on, and zip over. I land in a small heap, gasping still as my body continues to burn. He's talking at me, but I just ignore him, trying to breathe deeper as my ribs refuse to unclench. My whole body aches, and my nose won't stop running this clear, red tinted liquid. That hadn't happened for a long time…

"You will answer for your actions at HQ, Senefold, that is a promise."

"Just shut up and deal with the real issue, Blondie."

"Cadet Senefold—"

"I'm not the enemy here, no, that would be the big Tit over there. You know, the one who just butchered all your soldiers, and actually did something wrong?" I grumble, lying flat on the branch, waiting for my swimming vision to clear. Transforming had always taken a toll, but it was worse the longer I waited in between. After months of stagnant human form, this was a bad one. My limbs feel like jelly, and the throbbing agony pounding into my brain is enough to make me scream. But I won't do that, that'd just be unladylike.

I spit the blood from my mouth, and watch Levi kneel down. I can only make out some of it, but the things he says to her, they make me shiver. Whoever it was in there, would be shitting it all over the place. It might even start leaking from her huge mouth. I giggle a little at the image. But as I hear him mentioning mutilating her actual body I sit up, she just drew a long breath. Don't tell me she can—

The loud call does nothing to help my headache.

Well done Levi, you poked the bear.

I get to my feet groggily, and force my legs to bear my weight.

"We have a problem."

"Explain yourself Senefold. Now."

"That lovely singing voice of hers does more than serenade Levi into loving her. Just wait, sniffer knows what I'm talking about."

Mike appears and relays the same thing, Titans are approaching and from all around. I doff my head to him and wink at Erwin. I'm not the only Titan you need to worry about right now, the other, rather less dignified variations are lumbering our way. And I'll bet they're hungry.

"Defend the Female Titan at all costs!" he orders before turning to me, and clutching my throat. "Why didn't you tell us—"

"I didn't know this was going to happen, remember Goldie? You kept me in the dark on this mission. And also, not everyone can do that, I sure as hell can't, so there was no way for me to know she could."

"How do you know it then?"

I spit in his face.

"Guess sitting down and talking with me, might have been an idea after all."

The pointless battle goes on for a few minutes as the soldiers attempt to keep her in tact. Erwin releases me, and turns with a groan as he realises the Female Titan is long gone. Eventually he pulls his pawns back. A little light leaves him, and I lean against the trunk of the tree. Levi appears next to us, and I give a weak wave, staying mainly still otherwise. Sudden movements seemed like a bad call right now. I look through the trees, hoping the rest of our squad made decent progress on getting some distance from all this. Just keep the kid safe. That was all they had to do.

"We've been bested." Says Erwin, and I almost feel sorry for the Golden Boy.

"Don't give me that shit, not now. Not yet." Levi almost sounds desperate, and I begin to shiver again. Desperation never went well when contained in that lithe body of his. I'd tried to help, I hoped he could see that.

"Think about it, the enemy was prepared to make sacrifices, immense ones."

"Just like us." I snap a little angrily, his voice seems to be edging towards glorifying this beasts actions. Like she was something to be admired. Fuck that. Sacrifice was made on both sides of this board. He looks at me, and sneers a little.

"Us?" He points to the steaming corpse as it is consumed, and the remaining black lances of mine that now lay scattered across the undergrowth. I flinch back from his accusation, but still feel it sting as he voices it. "How do we know you didn't do that in order to allow her that escape?"

"Because we're smarter than that." Says Levi, walking across the branch. I grit my teeth and look at his outstretched hand warily. His grey eyes burn with something; but I don't understand it. "I may not have yours right now, Senefold, but shit… you just earned my respect. You lying son-of-bitch."

What? I stare at him, and he nods without expression. That light in his eyes… that was respect? I shake his hand, and attempt a smile.

"J-just wanna keep you on your toes, Captain." I say, sniffing and wiping my nose as more liquid leaks out. Shit. His eyes narrow and glance down at the lances with a frown. His mind ticks.

"So what now?" I ask to distract from the obvious toll this had taken on me. I had his respect, and I wasn't about to lose it to pity. Fuck that. Progress was being made, and I didn't want to lose that if I could help it. "If we go back with our tail between our legs now…"

"Then Eren's right back in chains." Finished Levi with a click of his tongue. I look to Erwin and grimace a little.

"Or worse."

"Cut it out you two." Rumbles Erwin, eyes fixed on the disappearing mass of his target. His goal slipping further out of his grasp with every gnawing gnash of a Titan's inane grin. "For now we focus on getting back without sustaining further damages."

A flicker of Humanity appears.

I am thrown through yet another loop.

He looks at me, and adds with a frown.

"However we can."

I feel an order in those words, and give a small nod to him. Levi looks between me and his Commander and is about to say something, when I nod in the direction our Squad had fled to.

"Let's regroup—"

"No. Go with Levi to replenish his blades."

"What?" Me and the Captain say in unison, sharing a confused look. There wasn't time for that.

Levi sheaths his blades and bares his teeth at the suddenly re-composed blonde. There it is again, that damn tug of war in that sharp little mind. He has a duty, and an odd trust in that man, but underneath that is malice. Underneath that is a paradoxical mistrust and misunderstanding of motive. I look down at my bruised hands and smirk to myself as the two men argue; it seemed I had more in common with my Captain after all. My heart clenches a little. Having seen the Commander up close out here, I felt my original assumption about this regiments leader seem a little more possible. He was a bastard, but still had a heart to go with that.

"All right. I trust you." Says Levi, gesturing for me to follow him. I do so and glance back at Erwin, who stands with his head slightly bowed as he considers the failure of his day. How the mighty do fall.

****

LEVI POV

I guess that coin will have to stay spinning for the time being.

The decision can't be made right now, not after what she just did.

The stupid woman had put it all on the line back there, I really thought Erwin was gonna order me to end it there and then. I think it crossed his mind out of blind fear. Control was his forte, and being out of it, wasn't. He was driven to the point of lunacy, and didn't enjoy being kept in the dark. She'd fooled all of us for so long, and endured so much to conceal it. To only go and reveal herself now? To save us? I grit my teeth as we head for the supply wagon. This entire situation was bullshit, and I had the feeling it wasn't over. It didn't feel over. But really I didn't know what else I expected. Clearly she couldn't transform again, she was pale as death, and continuously bleeding from her wounds. It was disgusting, but also worrying. It took a lot to take this woman down, so clearly it took its toll on her in a serious way.

Dammit not again.

That old sensation I'd buried in the past flares up in my mind as I get new blades, and watch her focus on steadying herself as she refills my tanks. She's managing it, but barely.

The sensation feels different this time, not like with Farlan or Isabel. This is a different kind of ache, and I don't fucking like it. It's messy, and I can't deal with that right now. I just hope this idiot remembers her orders. She had to survive. I never got to understand a lot about this life, and I probably never would. In general I was okay with that, I regretted nothing. But with her it was frustratingly different, I felt I wanted to understand this.

I fix my straps across my chest, but still it's there.

Pull it together you stupid bastard.

Since when was I so damn human?

And since when was I so damn stupid.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun Dun Duuuuuuuun. Y'all know what time it is XD Female Titan time! Whoopedy... whoop whoop?
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy this, again your support and patience is appreciated wholeheartedly!
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: nope, don't own AOT, just love the characters!

Normal POV

As we refuel in silence, I think I'm doing a pretty good job at looking normal. I don't want to let him know the toll that just took; he might use it to his advantage when punishing me for my actions later on. Plus I didn't want him thinking I was fishing for pity. I never wanted that. As I fix the nozzles into place and sort the gas tanks, I feel a tremor run through me at the memory of what just happened. It had all gone to shit so fucking quickly, and yet even with me transforming, it made no difference. It wasn't that I was used to making a difference exactly, but I was used to feeling powerful when I shifted. Now I just felt useless.

I feel a cold sensation prickle at the back of my neck.

Having lived in the wilds for a long time, I'd developed something akin to an animal's sense of danger. At least that was what I'd summarised it as, to my squirrel friends. They'd tended to agree with me, so I surmised that meant I wasn't crazy. Again, they tended to agree.

The prickle stings my skin again.

I sheath the fresh blades and look around, the quiet only making the sensation intensify. I hadn't noticed, but I was holding my breath. I see Levi watching me look around, but he doesn't get the chance to demand what I'm doing.

We hear a far off pop. Then green smokes rises through a break in the canopy. It's our colour; the colour of comradery, of safety, of hope. Only now it makes me feel nauseous. That would have been our signal to the group when we'd refuelled, only we hadn't fired it yet. They wouldn't signal us, they were waiting on orders. I grab my handkerchief again and wipe my nose once again free of the leaking fluids. Someone else is trying to find them.

My mind moves like lightning as I realise the blonde had obviously had a lot of intelligence, and more skill. We'd seen her Titan eaten, but I for one hadn't seen her eaten. Maybe she was like me, able to keep moving about after having transformed. And if she was like me, and had been able to maintain her skills better than myself, she was likely able to shift again. And soon.

This wasn't over.

The fucking squirrels were right.

"Levi we need to—" another flare rises into the sky and I feel my stomach churn as the Squad gives away its position. They'd flagged down the grim reaper. My whole body tenses, and I hear Levi draw a quick breath. It's his equivalent of a panicked gasp, but I know most people wouldn't have even heard it. I turn to him and we speak at the same time.

"Shit."

"We need to get over there, like now." I say, getting my gear set. Levi fires off ahead and I follow him close behind. The momentum alone makes my head spin, but I keep pace. They weren't too far, but far enough to make my heart pound in anxiety. I didn't even know their last names god dammit. So why am I freaking out so much? I swallow hard. It seemed I'd grown a little too attached to human company. Shit.

"Stay out of the fight, brat." The Captain orders calmly, but I see him shoot me a glare. At first I wonder if he's concerned, but that glare hints rather more towards the fact he doesn't want me shifting again. This seems a bit of a contradiction; surely he'd love an excuse to kill me? And then I flinch a little, that was unkind. Sure that might have been the case in that cell, but recently he had been almost kind, almost comrade-like. My mind scoffs at my softy understanding.

"And let you have all the fun, sir?" I laugh a little faintly, "Not likely."

"You can barely fly straight. What use are you to anyone in a fight?"

"In this form? Very little." I say, gaining height in order to get a good velocity going.

"Don't you fucking dare, brat. You can barely walk, and I'm not looking after you."

"Not asking you to, Levi. Just do your fucking job. Just let me save them before you kill me." I hiss, readying myself. Levi growls as he zips up to my level, lips pursed into a thin line as he seems to toy over whether or not to say something else. His grey eyes flicker to mine and I shiver a little. "Please Captain, let me try out this 'helping' side to my character?"

"Just remember your orders." He snaps, heading back down where he can move faster with his technique. I feel my body ache and wonder whether or not it can really take another transformation so soon. But I don't have much choice. It was shift, or sit on the side-lines doing nothing but commentate and encourage. I was never the type for that.

And what did he mean?

Remember my orders…

I feel fire, I hear rushing wind, and I sense his unbridled rage as I transform and hit the ground running at full pelt. I cry out; the heat searing into my aching bones, but it just sounds like another feral roar. No one had to know. I glance back, the captain is falling behind, but that might allow me to do something before he gets in the way, or even gets himself hurt. I knew Levi had skill, I'd seen it myself, but it seemed like this blonde fiend was on an entirely different level. My kind of level.

I need to protect Eren.

I need to protect the team.

I need to protect my Captain.

My captain.

I grit my teeth against the pain in the back of my head, and push myself faster. I can smell the bitch already. I'd make her pay for all those soldiers already rotting into the earth, and I'd make her pay for anyone else she'd planned to hurt today. Not that she'd get the chance now.

As I approach the area of the signals I hear shouting. I look to the far right and see Eren is in retreat, he'll be doing as told no doubt. My god the kid really did trust them didn't he? I almost envy him that. Seemed they had it under control—

…

Gunter?

I keep running but have to swallow hard as I nearly vomit at the sight. Left to swing to and fro, glassy eyed and head askew from his shoulders, Gunter was dead. The blonde bitch must have done that in human form, the cut was too clean to be a Titan's work. It was one thing to be a Titan killing humans, but to do so in human form took real coldness. Soon enough I reach the battlefield, and I watch the amazing take down before me. Oluo and Petra take out her eyes, after Eld's already sliced her knees. Damn these guys. I was glad I'd never had to fight them. The beast falls against a tree, arms once again held over her nape. Damned coward.

I give a roar. The beast jolts, and the team swoop out of the way. There was no point in them getting hurt if I was here to take the brunt. It was what I was for right? I stumble slightly as the pain at the back of my head increases, but I just use it to propel myself forward and thrash the bitch against the tree. I go for the weakest points of her arms and begin tearing at her flesh. She's trying to protect her nape, but I won't let her get away this time. She forms crystal over her joints, but I keep snapping it away, it isn't as strong as before. I believe she's preoccupied with protecting her nape, and regaining her sight. She's tired. My hands are in little bits from clawing at the crystal, but I ignore it and focus on healing my claws. They were my best bet here.

I've got through!

Her arms fall down by her side, but suddenly her knee raises up with a crystal tip to it, and she rams me backwards, casting me away with a gaping hole ripped into my chest. I grunt against the searing pain of the steam, but before I can even try to get up, the team sweep in front of me. Eld gives a little wink as he passes me by.

"Good work Alexia, but we can't have you do all the work! Let's get this bitch!" he cheers sweeping in. It really felt like we'd become a team, and even with my newly made confession. I hold my breath as they go in for the kill, her arms are slack by her sides and she's breathing heavily. Go on guys, fucking rip whoever it was out into the open. Destroy her. "Let's get whoever this is and—"

"Eld!" they scream together as I feel my vision spin.

No.

Crunch.

I hadn't even known his last name… I hadn't even known…

His legs fall away to the ground, her one eye staring at us all in turn, as she spits out his other half in what seems to be disgust. He lands with an awfully dull sound and stares up at the clouding sky.

So quick, so heartless.

The other two are obviously caught off guard, and I can't really make out their panicked shouting. It refracts like a broken mirror, and I try and grasp onto what the hell is even happening. Petra is freaking out, she can't focus as fear turns her mind to mush.

Soldiers into children.

Nerves into jelly.

Life into death.

The Female beast lunges, arms still slack by her side as she creepily pitches forward. She chases down the flailing figure of Petra mercilessly, hungrily grunting against Petra's screams. I hear Oluo yell out, begging his comrade to come to her senses, to evade. But I know she can't. Of all the monstrosities I'd seen created by Humanity, this Female Titan was the worst. Perhaps worse than me. I'm still steaming from her previous attack, and the wind chills me as it swirls into the gaping wound, but nevertheless I plunge after them. I catch the beast's ankles and wrench her back before she can get a good hold of my comrade. The blonde gives a pathetic howl when I stomp on her spine, immobilising her. I then go to Petra who is sprawled against the ground, having only just missed impacting with a tree as she was propelled into the dirt. I think her wires broke.

I reach down and lift her to a high up branch as carefully as I can, my hollow breaths shaky as I desperately rein in my strength. So delicate, so small. She's breathing; it's shallow and forced, but it's there. She sobs a little, and shakes her strawberry-blonde head, her hair shining a little in the dim light of the woods. A pretty little thing. I hear the monstrosity coming up behind me, I nod at a bleary eyed Petra before I turn back into the fray. Ignoring the fuzz of my vision, I rugby tackle the beast before she can swipe out Petra and Oluo, who swung in to tend to his injured comrade.

The Female's under me for a moment, but right now her strength greatly exceeds my own. I'm basically just wanting to buy them time to escape, but I'm not sure they will. Too many people have died today to run away without retribution. The Blonde punches my gut, hand slipping inside the original attack's remaining wound. She flips us over, using the momentum to throw me into a tree. I hiss, steam billowing from my wounds as I try and regenerate as quickly as possible. Get it together Senefold. I reach out to grab her head, to bend it forward to rip out the nape, but her knee turns into a sharp crystal blade and she slices into my gut. She's so fast.

I sag to my knees.

Ow.

My claws rip at her flesh, but she keeps hardening it. Damn this woman had skill, and a lot more practise than me at present. I wish we'd met when I was in the swing of this, when I was able to transform multiple times a day, and barely break a fucking sweat. I'd have destroyed her then. When I had no humanity left. But currently that wasn't the case, currently I felt like a damn rookie, sweating my balls off in the first day of training. My head is on fire with pain, and it's trickling through every nerve I possess. It's been barely a second since I sagged to the ground, and in that second she has managed to heal one of her arms. She hardens the fingers and strikes at an odd angle. I feel it in my legs, my real legs, agony sweeping over me in a fresh typhoon. She's found my real body.

I fall back with a pathetic wail.

Oluo swings in as the blonde looks at her handiwork; yes, incapacitate her while she's distracted. Go on you stupid bastard, do it. Just don't bite you tong—

No!

She reformed the other arm already?

I ignore it all; the pain, and the need to regenerate. I had to get them out of here. She was fucking unstoppable. I pull her arm down as she swipes at him, I hear a crunch but can't stop to see the damage done to the man. I can't get distracted. I throw the Female Titan into the dirt and run. I grab Oluo and scoop up Petra as well, running full pelt towards where the Captain should be. I see him and give a call; it's strangled, but he knows it's me. My two passengers are shouting at me, but I just get to the branch, and lay them there, battered and bruised. But alive.

And then my legs give out.

No, not on their own accord.

They're taken out from under me, I yelp in surprise, hands dragging down the dark of the tree as she claws down my back. I see nothing but white as I feel her scrape away most of the nape, slicing my own back as well. I feel like I've been ripped in two, straight down the middle. I can't breathe. I wonder which way the coin is going to fall.

Another bolt cuts through the air and I hear a harrowing cry.

No, Eren, please don't.

The Female is clever enough to drop my sorry ass and turn to see the Beserker Titan bounding towards her. He wipes her out like a damn bug on the wall. They slam through the undergrowth, and I hear trees groan as they're snapped and damaged a little ways off. I also hear the zip of wires, and know that the Captain has arrived. He stands upon the branch with Petra and Oluo, conversing with them quickly. I hold onto the trunk as I try and focus.

"Senefold!" roars the Captain from above.

Yeah, yeah I'm on it… I think.

Instinct takes over, I grab onto the trunk and haul myself up. I can hear the thunder of Eren's battle with the beast, but I can't turn to look yet. If I do, and him failing, this will only be worse. For now I need to do something about the sorry state of my Titan. So much for being formidable. The cold air is swirling through my hair, and I feel it sting against my wounds. Had she actually injured my real body? I can't be sure. But I'm feeling colder with each second. I stand and step away from the tree, trying to think as I wobble a little.

"Get out of there, now!"

"I can do this!" I shout aloud, suddenly feeling myself snap back into my normal body's consciousness. gasp a little as I feel the full extent of what that thing did to me. I think she's sliced me from nape to tailbone… But I'm still attached to my Titan, I'm still in this fight. I look up at the Captain as he binds rags round Petra's torso, and I think she must be badly wounded. I swallow hard. He keeps glancing my way, face unreadable as ever.

"Get them out of here, Captain! I'll get the bitch! I'll get Eren out!"

"No, just—"

A sickening slicing noise halts everything.

We look over and watch the top half of Eren's Titan's head slide away, and the tree next to him has been decapitated also. This wasn't a choice, there was only one option. I swallow my cries as I grit my teeth, and let myself submerge into the muscle once more. It's beyond agony as it slides over my flesh, and I quickly form a make-shift shield of crystal over the gaping hole in my nape. It wasn't as good as full regeneration, but it was a lot quicker.

"No! Senefold stop!"

I ignore the Captain.

"Brat this is an order, stop and get yourself out! We can regroup and…" he continues to shout, but I just ignore his harsh voice. I stagger forward, trying to create some momentum of my own as she drops Eren's limp body into her gaping jaws. Ugly bitch. I shriek at her as I get into a decent run.

Just run.

Just get Eren out of here!

She's turned tail to scarper, but I'm hot on her trail.

There's zipping next to me; Levi, the She-Wolf and Oluo are on my left side. Where the hell did the She-Wolf come from? She wasn't anywhere near us. The blonde loops round and starts heading back towards Oluo and Petra, or perhaps towards the walls is her ultimate goal. Perhaps she didn't have anywhere to go out here, and had a plan to get inside the walls somehow. Well not so fast sweetheart. This is my kingdom.

I lunge and trip the beast.

I suppose the She-Wolf came of her own accord. She seemed bull-headed enough to do that, especially when realising something was up and it involved her Eren. I just hoped she didn't get in the way.

I latch onto the blonde's arms and groan loudly as I feel my body pound against my decision to use my crystal ability again. I send the black brittle tendrils into the blonde's arms and fuse us together.

Dammit.

Blood dribbles down my back from beneath the crystal covering.

She howls in pain and I feel a fresh surge of power, I was hurting her. Good. I hold tighter and look over to the branch. Captain gives out orders: Mikasa and him swing in, whilst Oluo keeps a distance at the perimeter. Oluo has his legs bound by sticks, brave bastard. Stupid, but brave. I know we're not far from Petra, having looped back a decent way, but I hope we're far enough that she isn't still in danger.

The Blonde writhes beneath me. She's struggling better than I'd hoped, I feel the crystal bend as she fights it, and I shriek as it sends flames along my nerves. Just stay still, you're beat! I ignore it and bend down, jaws agape as I go to each of her cheeks and slice them open with my fangs. Her mouth lolls open, and she stares with wide, frightened eyes.

Do I see tears?

"Hold her still, Senefold!" roars the Captain as he descends with the She-Wolf by his side. He dips in and grabs the unconscious boy; the kid fought so well. I hear them zip away, Levi hauling Eren to safety, albeit unenthusiastically.

Snap.

One side of crystal breaks and her great hand clutches my throat and begins to squeeze, trying to break the crystal barrier over my exposed self in the nape. Clever girl. But there's the sound of zipping again, as I feel the crystal begin to scatter over me. I feel cold. She grunts, and suddenly I'm swung round, against a tree, and I hear Petra scream from a little way off.

"Oluo!"

I turn as best I can, and see a smear of blood behind my shoulder. She just… she just used me to kill him. I grit my teeth and sink the crystal further into her. She freezes. I've caught her nape. I can kill her. I can do this! The Captain appears, and is about to attempt an attack on her nape, when I see the blue orbs swing round to him and feel her tense the other arm. No. Not him. Fuck you. I make a strange primal noise as I grit my teeth and try to send my crystal further. But I'm spent. I can barely breathe as I hold her still as possible so she can't swing out at him. Idiot man, get the fuck away.

"S-STOP." I choke out and Levi reacts instantly, swinging back and up. His wide eyes stare at me as he does as told, confused by the weird noise of my Titan voice. Even it sounds pained, and strangled. How fucking pathetic. I growl as I hold the Blonde in place, she makes little twitches as her arm aches to reach and snuff out another life. But I won't let her. She won't have my captain. I throw my head back and sob as I use the crystal to slice into her real body. The Blonde shudders as I do.

"A-Alex please!" sobs Petra, voice echoing through the tense air. I freeze, the pain and desperation in her voice wakening me from my slushed consciousness. "Just incapacitate her and get out of there! Please! You don't need to die, to prove yourself!"

Yes I do.

Don't you see that, Petra?

I've failed so many people in my life, and even now with this power, I'm still failing.

Shit.

I'm caring all over again, and I feel the human mess sink into my scattered mind.

I see Levi and the She-wolf regrouping a few trees away. They were actually going to try again? I hear Petra's sobbing, and I know Eren's still unconscious. This wasn't a fight I could win. My pride snarls at me, and eggs me on, but I slap the bastard down. I accept the fact I can't risk anyone else getting into range, as I know I can't protect them. I wonder if I'll even make it back to the wagons in this state.

But I have to try.

I gather what little I have left to give. I pull the blonde beast closer, knowing I can't use my crystal again without seriously leaning over to death's doorbell. I sink my teeth into the front of her throat. It shocks her enough to shift her uneasily. If this was to be my end, if I was going to get halfway to those wagons and simply cut out from sheer exhaustion, then I was going to make ensure this beast fucking remembered me. I wanted to etch my existence onto her soul, and make her wake every night in a cold sweat, howling for mercy. I crunch my fangs down until she goes slack, and then I get up. Somehow. I swing her body and discard it into the dirt with an unceremonious crash.

The world stills.

"She's down, move it, Brat!" I turn and nod to the captain, we regroup at the branch and whilst he carries Eren, I take up Petra whilst the She-Wolf keeps an eye out for any other trouble. They rush off, but as I feel Petra tremble in my hand and hear her soft cries, occasionally mumbling 'I'm so sorry Oluo.' I stop and return where he died. I delicately remove his crushed body from the tree trunk, cradling it like an injured bird. The wings upon his cape are soiled by blood. I shake my head against the spreading dark patches, and head to the original battle scene. Petra is still sobbing, but she's holding onto my thumb and nodding slowly, thanking me. Her gratitude makes me queasy. With the same hand holding Oluo, I collect Eld and Gunter. I'd left enough of them out here to rot. I had to make up for that somehow. I had to make up for letting them die… somehow.

"Stop it brat." It almost sounds like an order, but it also sounds like he's pleading.

I look at him with unabashed grief. I have no bravado left to cling to.

"You can't do anything for them."

I snarl at him and hold the dead in one hand, and my Petra in the other.

I'd get you home at least pretty thing. Just hold on.

Levi pauses, nods and gestures for me to follow him back. I do as told.

"That's it Alex, just keep going." I glance at the hand cradled to my chest, and I whimper a little as Petra's pale face lolls forward. "You're… doing… great…"

She lies there, curled into a small bundle as she seems to sleep. Only I fear for the depth of her slumber is now beyond my reach. The others are far ahead, and from what little I can still see through the growing darkness, we aren't far off from the wagons.

But I stop.

I have to know.

With a slightly shaky hand I hold her in front of me. She's so still. I listen, but there's nothing. No heartbeat, no breathing. How had this happened? She was talking, she was moving… I peer closer at the make-shift bindings the Captain used. I see the purple bruising. Internal bleeding. Perhaps she'd been crushed after all. Perhaps I'd been too late anyway. The ice clutches me tighter, and my hate dims as the fire is stabbed by the cold.

After all that, I still hadn't saved any of them.

What was the point?

What was the point in me?

The Captain lands on my shoulder.

"The hell is the hold up here, Senefold? Get yourself and Petra to the…" his voice falters. He walks along my arm, and stands over her body. His eyes are cast in shade so I can't see them clearly, but I can hear the slight shake to his breath. Slowly he kneels down and looks for a pulse, I pretend to not notice the tremor to his hand as he does this. My whole form is shaking, and he hasn't mentioned that, so it seems the least I can do.

He finds nothing.

He sucks a breath through his teeth.

"Get us to the wagons, Senefold. We can't afford to linger."

I walk forward, concentrating on remaining upright as we find the rest of the regiment. I kneel down once the cadets have cleared, and I lay the bodies in the cart, growling a little as the soldiers grimace at the crushed body of Oluo, and separate parts to Eld. I look to another wagon where Eren is laid, Mikasa tending to him as she looks my way and gives a firm nod. I take it as thanks, and small confirmation of him being alive. I give a doff of my head. The cold has died away to a strange numbness now and I straighten up, with the Captain still on my shoulder.

I'm still shaking though and I feel more blood trickle down between my Titan flesh and the crystal cap I made. I'm not sure what kind of pain I'll wake up to when I disengage from this form. If I can disengage, and if I can wake up.

"Your orders still stand, Brat. Don't do anything stupid." He mutters, I glance at him but consider the fact he can't move quite yet. He's as numb as me right now. It's a very full wagon.

I smell something and I tense, shivering halting all of a sudden.

"What is it?"

"TITANS." I growl, turning and dipping into a fighting stance.

"We need to go, you can't keep going like this. Get out of that thing, and we'll make a break for the walls."

And get everyone killed. Great plan Short-arse.

I chuckle and grab him from my shoulder, he struggles and snarls at me but I put him down on the wagon and begin to stagger in the direction of the scent. Leave me to die out here fighting. At least I'll do something in the end. My mind is a mess of pain and anger.

Cold, faltering anger.

"Brat!"

The wagons begin moving and I turn to bid farewell to the idiot. I'd always wondered why he wanted me to survive, guess it didn't matter now. I was a troublesome brat indeed it seemed.

"Senefold!"

Good bye Captain.

"Alexia!"

Good bye Levi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> See you next time!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Thank you to EVERYONE who reads, follows, and favourites as well. You're all awesome, I hope it was worth the wait!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Attack On Titan.
> 
> Enjoy!

LEVI POV

The wagon begins to move and I stand there watching her turn around and flex her shoulders. She's readying for battle even now? I don't know how the brat is even standing, let alone thinking of fighting. I see the long streaks of blood that have already run down her back, leaking from the crystal husk she created to protect herself. That isn't Titan blood either, it would have evaporated by now. That's her. The real her. She wouldn't last like that, no matter how well she fought. The smell of the blood would surely lead the Titans to attacking that spot immediately. Even those idiots knew how to smell surely? I see her sinking further into the thicket and my chest aches again.

Leaving someone out here.

I'd already done that. We'd already lost Petra, Oluo, Gunter and Eld… did I really have to lose everyone? Did I have to accept inevitability every fucking time? I'd already fought with the decision of abandoning comrades, I'd fought with that decision for too many years.

No more.

I turn and shout over to Erwin, my patience all but gone. He rides closer, considering me with cold eyes. He looks displeased, but I will no longer obey his damned commands. I can't. Not now. Not this fucking time. I was done with that, and I knew if I didn't do this, I'd regret it. That wasn't something I'd ever allow myself.

"We can't leave her." I state, and he glances back and gives an almost sorry shake of his head. Cold bastard.

"There's no helping her now, Levi. She's too far gone."

"As a weapon she's useful, she's willing to fight."

"We can't be sure of that."

"You've seen her handiwork first-hand. She should be considered as helpful, a damn sight more so than that brat there." I say with my mask in place despite the growing distance. Erwin glances over the where Jeager lies, unconscious and tended to. "You know I'm right."

"I know you believe yourself to be right."

"We can't leave her here." I say through my teeth.

"I cannot waste more men."

"She's worth a thousand soldiers."

"She'll make it back to the wall if she can."

"No." I turn to the end of the wagon and get ready to launch, I wasn't wasting more time on his nonsense. I'd already done that for too long. Just hold on Alexia, I'm going to get you out of there, whether you fucking like it or not.

"Levi!" Erwin barks, and I pause momentarily. "This is an order, stay your blades and stay in this wagon. I repeat, this is an order!"

"You made me lead someone else out here to die, remember Erwin?" I say, turning to glare at him over my shoulder. I ignore the concerned looks of our subordinates as he glares right back. "I won't let you do it again."

"Levi—"

"We'll get back to the wall on our own. Leave a couple horses at the edge of the forest. We'll return as soon as able."

"You can't save her." He says in that infuriating tone, as though he can read me like a damn book. The worst part is he can, but I just hold the blades tighter. "Even if she does survive her injuries, she's lost."

"The hell are you talking about?"

"She did all that to save her comrades, your squad. As far as I'm aware you, her and Eren are all that made it. She's lost. You really think that woman, so stubborn, will come back from that? Her pride will break her."

"Look at your own damn pride Erwin, then judge. I've never seen someone get up from a beating like her. If I can fucking make it, so can she."

"You over estimate her."

"You underestimate everyone." I snap, "Three days, Erwin, four at max. I expect decent horses."

I fire off and head to where I can hear howls and thundering movements. Just hold on Alexia, just be the stubborn ass I know you as for a little longer. Don't you dare make me regret, don't you fucking dare.

She stands in amongst eight or nine Titans, their messy movements make it hard to tell, but there's clearly already bodies littering the clearing. She's fighting well, but steam is rising, they're already gnawing on her. Her shrieking howls cut into me. Just get her out you idiot, then you can panic. It's obvious she's wounded, and it's clear that she isn't going to last much longer.

"Alexia!" I shout, unsure of her reacting to any other name, and right now I don't want to use anything else. Her blazing eyes turn my way, and she gives a strangled wail. Is that pain? Or anger at me ignoring her putting me in that wagon. She shakes her head at me as she sinks to her knees, clawing at another enemy. Even now, whilst losing, she keeps attacking. I'd never seen such stubbornness. Except perhaps in myself, though even I had my limits. But still, she is losing in this. But I can't let this happen on my watch. Nothing takes her down, and I can't allow this to either.

Go on big-Bro we're counting on you!

I shudder at the memory and slice through napes like I would slice into my morning roll. I attack until all I can taste on my tongue is filthy steam. It rises sluggishly from the pile of bodies. But it's done at least. As the murk clears, I land on a branch and watch her as she sits upon her knees, holding herself up on her hands. Her body shudders all over. In pain? I assume so. Her back is completely covered in crimson, and the crystal bubbles at the edges. Titan blood has clearly started to pool inside.

Shit, was the idiot drowning in her own blood?!

But suddenly she's upright. The fuck is she doing? She begins to stagger away from the scene of destruction, growling all the while. Her pace is surprisingly strong, and I know I won't keep up, not without wasting all my gas. I latch onto her shoulder and hold on as she stumbles, grunting as her breathing cuts in and out of existence. This is useless.

"Stop! You need to fucking rest, idiot."

"T… TITANS… SC…. SCENT..." she chokes, eyes half lidded. I look back and see trees shift beyond the gravesite. Would they gather there? Or does she mean her scent? If she means the latter, this running made no sense. She was shedding so much blood, Titans within a thousand miles would smell her. I slap her shoulder with the flat of my blade, ignoring her hiss of objection.

"Get out of that nape. I'll get some distance between us and this useless thing." She hesitates, still lumbering on. "Dammit brat, that's an order."

She jolts to a stop and shivers violently.

I wonder if she remembers my previous order.

She was to survive, surely she could manage something so simple.

Insubordinate idiot wasn't about to break that order, she would survive.

Slowly she nods and braces against a tree. The heat flashes over her skin, and I wonder if it's melted the bottom of my damn boots. Nothing happens at first, and I'm about to attempt cutting her out myself, when finally something cracks. It's like bones splintering. I hoist myself round to the nape and wait, ready to catch her if the idiot toppled straight out. I won't let that happen, I can't lose anyone else.

Not out here.

Not today.

Not again.

The crystal falls away, and she finally she is revealed. Hanging there she gasps as the steaming liquid glugs away. Her eyes look at me, but I'm not sure she actually sees me. With her looking at me I feel formality return to my mind, despite the relief I feel to see her still mainly in one piece.

"Senefold? You conscious?"

"Kin…da…" she gulps with a half-assed smile.

"Idiot."

I hold onto her waist, and tug her out of the scalding mess of muscle. She has no fight left, body like a dolls as she lies limply in my arms. Her head lolls onto my shoulder, I look and almost wish I hadn't. The gash runs from her real nape to just above the small of her back. Damn, she was lucky not to be torn in half, and amazingly I see no damage to the bones. I tug again and she finally disconnects. I retract my wires, and we land upon a branch. I set her down and try to better wrap her cape around her.

"Oi, brat, stay awake if you can."

"Mm?"

"If you meant they'll swarm round that carcass down there, you need to hold on so I can get us out of here. You're too damn heavy to carry on my own."

"Yeshir…"

"What?" I ask, holding her chin up and waiting for her blown pupils to at least slightly focus on me. I need her to stay awake, she needs to make it. It takes a few attempts but she manages it, pausing for a moment as a confused look passes over her paled face as tears start to fall. Shit, don't do that, I can't deal with that.

"Yes…" she gulps thickly, "Sir."

I nod and hoist her up, she's wavering, barely able to stand. I take her arms and wrap them round my neck, she holds as tight as she can, and I just hope it's enough. I push her head to rest against the crook of my neck, hoping to minimise the turbulence on her injuries, as well as allowing me to know she was still breathing.

"Now where the fuck do I go…" I mutter looking around, she grumbles a little.

"S-south… clearing… giant… g-g… p-pale—"

"Giant pale oak?" I finish and she nods as she begins to shiver violently.

I know where she means, and I set off, conserving gas as possible whilst gaining a decent speed. She's like ice in my arms, and I can hear far off Titan movements, but we encounter nothing more than a few startled birds, and a deer down below. I can't believe she actually lived in this damn tree. We'd thought she might, but surmised it'd be too obvious. That instead she would go for something that blended in. I almost smile at the memory of that discussion; had we known of her obnoxious ways, and stubborn attitude, we'd have checked here for sure.

"Hnn…" she whimpers quietly, but it's barely audible. I can tell she's trying to stay quiet, and really I'm thankful for it. There's only so much I can deal with at once. The sensation of her blood seeping into my clothing is bad enough, it makes my skin crawl, and yet I'm more concerned by how much she's still losing. With that wound on her back it wasn't surprising, but there still being any left in her body was. She should be screaming in pain. Is it her nerves that she's clinging onto, or is it simply she can't cry because she's too damn weak to? For once I hope she's being a stubborn jackass.

Please?

Finally we reach the clearing. It's full of white flowers, and their perfume is incredibly strong. I wonder if that was why the Titans didn't seem to venture this far, maybe the perfume put them off. If so, she was a clever little shit.

"The tree's just ahead, Senefold, we're nearly there."

"Gnh…"

As she replies her grip loosens. Shit. I put extra gas into our progress, and see a small structure near the top of the tree. I vault up there, gripping her with one arm as she becomes limp again. Shit, I already told you, you're too damn heavy for that! It was a lie, but it still throws me off balance.

Landing in a heap I lay there with her on top of me as I try to catch my breath. That had been too close. I retract my wires and quickly lay her down. I'm hoping to see her looking up at me, scowling at me, or even smirking at my slightly panicked demeanour. But there's nothing but the blankness of sleep. Peaceful, and pale. Only I feel like this might be more severe than a nap. I tap her cheek but there's no response, come on you damn brat. I lift her gently and check the wound on her back, shuddering at the deepness of the cut. It's still bleeding though. So she still has a heartbeat somewhere, but as I feel at her neck I don't feel much.

"Dammit brat wake up."

Nothing.

My chest aches again, and I hiss at the sudden pain. Dammit you stupid bastard, keep it together. Panic isn't going to help her. I try to swallow the sensation clouding my mind. But it just stays there, fogging me as I see those faces again.

Eld.

Gunter.

Oluo.

Petra.

I push Alexia's dark hair back from her face. It had been so short when we found her, but it's softer now, laying against her cheekbones and across her eyes. I see my hand shake as I push the clammy locks back. She's somehow colder.

Don't add your name to the list.

Eld.

Gunter.

Oluo.

Petra.

Isabel.

Farlan.

Alexia, don't you fucking dare.

"Oi! Brat! How many times do I have to say it? Wake up!" I shake her shoulders roughly, "you're not going out too! Come on, not you! Nothing takes you down, nothing you hear? Wake up now!" I shake her again, slapping her cheek. Finally she gives small gasps, but they're strained, painful sounding. I get rid of her straps, and remove her gear as carefully and quickly as I can. I ignore my own heartbeat as it thunders in my ears.

"Come on, brat, come back! Wake up!"

I sit her up, still slapping her face to get a response. Her breathing seems a little less strained sat like this. I clench my teeth and grab the bag of supplies. Even if she did wake up, which she fucking would if I had anything to do with it, I couldn't let infection set in. Then it'd all be pointless. I pour some cleansing fluid onto rags and peel back what remains of her shirt. It's a fairly clean cut, but the fact I can see the bone turns my stomach a bit. I press the rag in, knowing it should sting like hell, and worried by her lacking flinches. That clearly isn't her being a stubborn asshole either. I press the rag a little harder; partially to push the serum deeper, and partly to get a response. My mind is full of images; of her defiant figure chained to the wall, of her laughing at me as I loomed over her in that cell.

Where was the fire now?

Where was the damn fight?!

I refuse the memories, feeling like they're a prelude to saying goodbye. Not again. I'm sick of saying goodbye. Or not getting the chance to. It seemed to be all I was capable of. I look up but can't see much through the thick canopy. I guess it acted as a decent roof, the brat had brains; that was for sure. But the sky is still there, clouding over with sunset.

"At least give me one… just one? One person… just… one damn it." I curse as I hold her to my chest for a moment, simply because I don't know what else to do. It was the damn Glasses that did this medical shit. I hadn't tended to stuff like this since… I could barely even remember. I shuffle her towards the trunk, and prop her there, putting my cape between her and the harsh bark. Still no more movement in either her chest, or lips. She's breathing, but only just. I tug at what remains of her uniform, but it's not much as she's covered in cuts. But I need to get the rest of her bound up. I need to at least fucking try. I use as many bandages as I can, binding everything I can see. But still I'm not sure it'll be enough.

"Come on woman. Keep fighting me." I shout at her. "Go on, you still want to kill me right? You want to crush the life out of me don't you?" I don't know why I'm raising my voice like this, all I'm doing is annoying some squirrels.

She stirs a little.

I shake her again.

I feel like time is slipping through my hands, and so I let go a little. She isn't awake anyway. She can't use it against me. I kneel by her side and pull her to my chest again, it felt oddly soothing to myself. I tangle a hand in her hair, and speak loud and clear. I'm clutching at straws, and her life is the only one left to grab.

"Come on, regenerate… heal… wake up and be an asshole. Just don't make me regret. Don't you dare do that to me, you fucking… you fucking… damn it Alex… please."

She groans a little, her head slightly moving against me. I grip her hair tighter, holding my breath. I hear her whimper again, and she tenses the tiniest bit. To the pain? To the cleansing fluid? To me holding her? I guess it doesn't matter, as long as she's waking up.

"Come on, brat. I know you can do it, you're too fucking stubborn not to."

"Mm… sd… ff." She hisses through clenched teeth. It sounds like she's still in a lot of pain, but at least that meant she was conscious. I lean her back, cradling her kind of. I continue to slap at her cheek, I wasn't about to let up now. Not when I was so damn close. I lean down and hear her breathing get less frantic. Though it was only slightly, it was something. She's warmer too I think. I feel the bandages I wound round her, they're a little damp and warm; Titan steam? Or more blood? I don't have the stomach to look.

"Cptn?" she mumbles, I jolt a little and look down, seeing her eyes scrunch in effort. I sit her up a little more, knowing she won't want to be cradled.

"I'm here brat, come on, open your eyes. That's an order."

"Srsly?" she frowns, and I fight the laugh that occurs to me in my onslaught of relief. When the hell was the last time I felt that? I can't even remember. But I stop myself. No. Right now she needs her Captain, not some chuckling idiot. The ache in my chest has lessened with each sign of life, of potential recovery but I try and deny that fact a little. She isn't affecting me that much.

Not at all.

She gasps and I hold tighter – shit maybe she was then.

"Try and stay calm, Senefold. We're safe up here, I got you to one of your old hovels. In the pale oak."

I'm only saying this to keep her heading for my voice, if that was what she was doing, and also to distract myself from the silence. Usually the quiet was something I welcomed, but right now it made my head hurt. I reason with myself determinedly; she's focusing, trying to get her healing into high gear. It takes concentration. That's why she's quiet. And yet with each passing second of silence, I feel that straw slip from my grasp.

Fuck I was pathetic.

I look around to distract myself, and feel a twinge of guilt for using the word 'hovel'. It had two floors, built with sturdy planks of wood. Clearly indicating she had stolen several axes over the years, not to mention building materials. But holy shit she'd put them to good use. I think most houses within the walls were in worse state than this, and it hadn't been lived in for months.

"You really were free…"

"Mm?" she mumbles as her head slumps against my shoulder. At first I panic, but as I see her sleeping face I calm myself, she needed to rest. At least she doesn't look in as much pain this way. Whether that was simply an advantage for me, or she genuinely didn't feel the pain as much in slumber, I couldn't be sure. But I had to get a fire going, or we'd both freeze for sure.

"Don't suppose you'd have fire supplies hidden somewhere up here?"

She shifts a little, presumably still hearing my voice. I edge away, leaning her back against the trunk so I can search out supplies. Considering the well-built manner of her base, her having a decent amount of supplies hidden up here seemed plausible.

The canopy shifts, and I can smell rain, but we're pretty sheltered here so I reckon it should pass over without issue. There's tonnes of little nooks and hidden cupboards, it's amazing she ever found anything. But fucking hell is she well stocked. I internally thank past Alexia for being so well organised. It made sense though, I guess she never knew when a day would bring injury, or illness, and it wasn't as if she had anyone else to rely on. Eventually I find wood and build it up in the small pit on the main level where I left her sleeping.

Her breathing has improved, though still hitching as she shifts in her sleep. Her expression is calm, though occasionally twitching in discomfort. I know the only thing I can do is get this fire going, although as I edge round to double check her bandages, I feel the heat coming off her. It's incredible. At first I think to try and bring her fever down. But then I remember what she is. Eren always ran hot after transforming, especially when it had been taxing, Mikasa had told us that much. I just hope that's what this is. Her bandages are pretty wet at this point, blotched with blood, but mainly it seems to be the result of her healing ability. She's getting paler though, that much is clear.

She's forcing her healing, pushing herself even now.

Fucking moron of a woman.

"Oi, brat." I say by her ear, she shifts a little, a small whimper escaping. "Stop forcing your healing, give yourself time you idiot. I got a fire going, and hopefully you have some food stashed here. Just let yourself heal, you idiot." I say, pushing her hair back again. She whimpers again, but a small smile appears momentarily as well. I pause, watching the way her lips relax again and continue to gasp at the chilled air.

I could do this.

I could manage to keep someone.

Couldn't I?

The fire is soon crackling away and I search out some food. During which I can't deny her resourcefulness. The woman could have lived up here for years without so much as lifting a finger beyond. This explained her infrequent supply trips. I glance to her sleeping form, so unguarded and seemingly at peace. What the hell had made her run from the walls? Why would she come out here alone? For all the splendour of her home, and well stocked cupboards, I couldn't help but notice the lonely nature of the world around us. And I had someone with me. Albeit unconscious, bleeding and on the edge of death. But still, how had she not gone raving mad?

"The hell were you running from?" I murmur as I grab a couple jars of preserved goods. There was some meat, and even some jam. It makes my nose wrinkle at the very thought of how long these had lingered, but they're unopened and would stop my stomachs angry churning. Plus the brat would need to eat once she finally woke up.

If she woke up.

I pause on the stairs between landings and watch her sleep.

No.

When she woke up.

I settle down next to her, able to hear her breathing. Having already eaten my share I attempt to sleep, seeing no point in fighting my exhaustion. She was sleeping soundly, and the Titans couldn't climb up here even if they did turn up. But as I listen to the whirl of the wind, and the gentle rustle of the leaves, the only other living creature I can hear is a few birds twittering and a couple rodents squeaking. Otherwise it's all quiet. She had it pretty good. I frown as I realise what we had taken from her.

I remember watching her approach the wall, readying the squad as we waited for her to make the climb. None of us knew what to expect, and in all honesty we were shitting it. Well aware of the possibility of her being the Colossal. It seemed stupid now. But at that point, it was the only real lead we had. And we'd struck out hard to attain it. I run my hand over the part of her leg that my wire pierced when she fell. At the time I'd been glad to cause some pain to the bitch we had to find, but now I just grit my teeth. I'd done awful things to her. Yet somehow she didn't seem to hate me, she'd even admitted to respecting me. I pull the cape over myself slightly, and glare at her sleeping face. The hell was this woman's brain like? She was a fucking maniac that was for sure.

I think I've slept a couple hours when she starts convulsing and wakes me up. At first I feel irritable, wondering why the hell some shitty-brat was interrupting my sleep. But then I remember where I am, and why the hell I'm there. I turn to her and see the pained expression on her face in the dying light of the fire, she's white as death and sweating buckets. Her eyes flicker about, and her mouth shifts as she mumbles incoherently. I reach out to touch her forehead, but I retract it, feeling how the heat radiates from her skin. This couldn't be good, even for a shifter. I put my arm around her, and shift her forward, she whimpers something but doesn't wake. I check her wound and am amazed to see it partially healed – but then I'm pissed. This was why she was sick, despite my telling her to stop forcing it. Idiot was going to kill herself through exhaustion at this rate.

"Fucking idiot…" I sigh, leaning her back against the trunk and begin walking around, looking for some kind of water source in the dim light. I needed cold water to bring that fever down, but it's not like there's a fucking tap.

"P-Petra…" she murmurs, head rolling from side to side. Shit. My stomach clenches and I slowly stagger back over to her, unsure of what I can do. Do I wake her? But she needed rest. Did it even count as rest if she was having a nightmare? I have no clue. I know I always felt exhausted after a nightmare, but mine were pretty intense. Then again, as her breathing becomes forced, I doubt this was a mild dream.

"Gunter… Eld!... Oluo… shit… shit! No!" she's suddenly screaming and I'll bet she just relived being used to kill Oluo. I shudder at the memory myself, the woman had tried so hard to save them, and yet… none of it had made a difference. I kneel down next to her and watch her squirm. I reach out and touch her shoulder gently.

"N-No! Petra don't!" she cries out through clenched teeth, breathing even more ragged than before, "Captain please… I-I didn't… I only wanted to h-help, please understand… shit… no!" her body convulses as though she was just kicked in the stomach, and I swallow hard. Dammit. We'd just fought an eighteen meter monster, who had massacred countless soldiers, and yet she still had nightmares about me. The ache in my chest returns with a vengeance.

"Alexia… I—"

"Please believe me! Please!" she screams and I cringe back from the harsh noise, and feel hollow as tears begin to seep from her scrunched eyes. Holy shit what had I done?

"I… I only wanted… to help… t-to…" she's calming down now as I run a hand through her hair, trying to ignore its shaking. "I saved you… right?" she sobs and goes rigid for a moment before her eyes snap open and she's staring right at me. Having been stroking her hair, and monitoring her breathing I'm very close, and her pupils focus a little as she stares, her breath held in as I stare back.

"You're safe Alexia, try and rest." I try to keep my voice even, but I'm not sure it works.

"Y-you're… not…"

"I'm not going to hurt you." I sigh and lean my forehead against hers, my chest pangs as she gives a small mumble of confusion. Could she really not believe that? Was I really such a monster?

"You're nt ddd…" she groans, leaning against me more with a frown, I try and hitch her up a little, not understanding her. I tap at her cheek gently, and she blinks slowly, sinking back into oblivion. "You're…"

"I'm what?" I ask, stopping my tapping and instead gently stroking against her cheekbone with my fingertips. This makes the ghost of a smile appear before it becomes the strained look again. "Come on brat, spit it out, I'm what?"

"Not… dead…" she groans, the smile flickering again, "At least I saved… someone… decent…" and then she goes limp. When she slumps forward I'm struck dumb, her head lands on my shoulder but I can't move. She was so relieved I was alive. For a moment the ache dims, but as I feel her breath against my throat it returns tenfold. The hell was this woman doing to me?

"Shit." I hiss, gently laying her back and making sure the cape was covering her. She's still shivering with a sheen of sweat on her, but her breathing has calmed down again. "Just get better?"

She had fooled us all.

She had fooled me.

And I really was a damn fool.

****

NORMAL POV

"Son-of-a-bitch!" I cry out as I feel my body burn. I look around and see a smouldering fire in the middle of my landing, at first I just groan and roll over, assuming I fell over in my last supply run. What a weird dream.

"Finally awake then?" the deep voice makes me jolt and sit up too fast, head spinning as I lean against the trunk panting a little.

"Fuck…"

"Take it easy, brat. You're in no state to move."

I guess it wasn't a dream after all. Everything really happened. I really did fuck it all up.

"Captain?" I whisper peering through my lashes gingerly, was he going to beat me? Lash me? Was I to be dragged back to the walls and chained up again? How the hell did we even get here? My head continues to spin. "How… d-did we get hr?"

"You don't even remember? Typical." He huffs, sitting down by me and shoving some jam and dried meat in my direction. I nibble, though can't take much. "I carried your heavy ass here. You've been out a day at most, but you were a fucking idiot and kept forcing your healing. Despite my orders." He adds with a shake of his head. I give a meek smile and shift a little to relieve the tension in my back.

"Apologies I guess… though really… nngh… really you should be thankful, the faster I heal, the less you have to put up with my whining… gah." I hiss between my teeth as pain slices at my nerves. My spine was still not fully healed, but it was only muscles torn and flesh, the bones were all right. Somehow. "I guess I owe you, again."

"You don't owe me anything." He says a little coldly, getting up and brushing down his trousers. I look at the fire and frown, the echoes of death ringing in my ears as I see the Squad laid out in corpses.

"They really all died didn't they?"

"A lot more would have without your intervention, so don't go wallowing." He walks away for a moment, to reappear with logs that he feeds to the fire. I watch him work, his eyes focused on the flames.

"Why…" I draw carefully on my breath, ribs burning dully. At my hesitation he turns his head to me slightly, quick eyes watchful. "Why the hell are you here Captain?"

"Is that what you call gratitude?" he scoffs, finishing his work with the fire.

"I left you on the w-wagon… and now y-you're here… what the hell were you thinking?" I murmur, holding my ribs steady as they seize. He sees my action and frowns a little.

"You're a worthwhile ally. I mean, you're a lying piece of shit, but still… a lot more of my regiment would have died to that bitch had you not intervened."

"I guess…" I bite my lip, refusing the tears.

"I didn't fancy leaving someone else out here either."

"So I still count as human?" I laugh with a shake of my head, he frowns again, "Didn't see that coming."

"Of course you're still human, you idiot."

"Calling me an idiot now? My, my, that g-gratitude for saving some asses was short lived wasn't it?" I try to sit up, but just fall back down. "Fuck… this is… annoying."

"It's called healing." He says sitting down next to me.

"Oh and I'm sure… you make a great patient." I raise a brow at him and he just rolls his eyes, I know I'm right though. "Do you know if the rest got out?"

"Don't see why they wouldn't, your damn heroics saw to that."

"Now they're damn heroics… shit things are turning round quick." I rasp closing my eyes. "I-I…" I groan and cling to his arm suddenly, tears falling from my eyes as the pain mounts beyond my ability to mask it. Especially when this weak. "Shit sorry… gah…"

"Just breathe, Senefold… just breathe." He soothes as I suck in a quick breath, unable to fully catch it. "Focus, Alexia. Now."

"Yeshir…" I gulp, eyes rolling back with the agony. I'm sure my grip on his arm is painful, but he doesn't mention it. His kindness is unnerving to me but I just wait. I feel fucking helpless. I wonder how long his patience can hold out.

"All right, brat just breathe. In and out, even you can manage that."

"Shut up." I cough slapping at his arm, flinching a little when he gives a chuckle. "Why is it… you're being so nice? It's a bit… unnerving."

"I'm not." He snorts, still not taking back his arm from my grasp. "It's like I said, I'm getting sick of leaving people out here."

"Glad to know I count as people." I wheeze, and he tugs the cape closer round me. As far as I was aware, this counted as nice. So he could take those refusals and shove them back up his arse.

"We already covered that, brat. You're human."

"There's a difference… b-between people and human"

"The hell are you talking about now?"

"A human is a basic biological make-up of cells…" I cringe at a surge of pain, before licking my lips and continuing, eyes still closed. "A person, or people, is someone with a personality worth knowing. At least… that's how it works in my book."

"You sound like Glasses."

"I'll take that as a… c-compliment."

"Take it how you like." He shrugs, looking round at my home with something close to being impressed. "You had it pretty good here didn't you?"

"Wasn't b-bad…" I breathe, the world whirs a little with the pain. "By the way… I'm S-sorry…"

"What the hell are you apologising for? If you can talk, you can fucking survive. Got it?"

I find it interesting he thinks I'd be apologising for dying. There was a time when he'd have revelled in such an idea. It felt like a lifetime ago his boot had been so overly attached to my stomach. We had come a long way it seemed. But that isn't why I'm apologising. I smile a little and look at him with tired eyes.

"Yes… sir." I watch his frown deepen, a hand prodding at his chest. "Did you get injured?"

"That's sir for the time being, brat." He says with a quick glance my way, his hand immediately dropping away from his chest. I shrug a little at his reaction.

"No need… to get… pissy…" I gasp as my ribs flare. "When I said sorry… I meant… nngh…"

"Just stay calm, cadet. I've had enough dramatics from you."

"I…" I swallow hard and look him straight in the eye, which makes me feel a little cold. "I meant… sorry about the freedom." It's really starting to annoy me, the way my breathing is still ragged. But I was clearly on the mend, it was all progress. I can't quite keep the guilt from my look, being here was kind of rubbing it all in his face. I still didn't know who he had lost, and yet right now it was being underlined that I had survived out here so well.

"Never apologise for freedom." He finally says after a long pause, and I see something odd in his eyes as he sits there so close to me. I can't even begin to understand it. I shift uneasily beneath his gaze.

"I never… I never earned it."

"I think you're making up for that now," he throws a random twig into the flames and glances down at my arm which he has bound up. "Don't you?"

"N-not really." I shiver a little and tug the cape closer, he lays a hand to my forehead and sighs, shifting closer to me and pulling the cape over himself as well. It's remarkable how warm he is, I don't bother resisting to rest my head on his shoulder. I expect him to shrug me off, or make some curt remark, but he doesn't, in fact I feel him shift closer.

"It's better to keep you warm, you troublesome brat."

"Apologies again, sir." I mumble a little sleepily.

"At least you shifters seem to heal fast."

"Thought you were complaining about that before… no?"

"Only when you were causing yourself over-exertion..." he prods at his chest again.

"Figured it was better than making you linger… I already let the Squad die… least I can do is try and get you home sooner, rather than later." He turns to me a little more, and I just shy away from the heat of his glare.

"They fought well, they don't need your babysitting."

"Seems so judging by their continued survival." I sigh tiredly, eyes warming a little. I am wearied by this world. I am wearied by humans and their messy society. He tenses, but just sighs along with me.

"You tried, that is effort enough in my book."

"Oh really? Seems like a complete failure to me…"

"I think you're being a little harsh, don't you? Idiot." He says, and I chuckle at him coarsely, small coughs littered in between. "Laughing at your Captain, bold move, brat."

"I'm being harsh." I repeat, voice catching still. "What a way for… the tables to turn…"

"They seem to be doing that a lot lately." He murmurs, glancing my way with a frown again. I groan and raise my hand to prod his cheek. He leans away, but doesn't shrug me off. Something isn't right here. Something is weird. I prod his cheek again and he takes a deep breath through the nose.

"Hey… Captain?"

"Yes, brat?" he says quietly, through his teeth and I prod his cheek a third time. "Stop that."

"You're acting… strange." I flinched a little, but took note of his quick eyes scanning over me. Yup, something was going on.

"Says the woman prodding her superior officer in the face? Right… makes sense." He slaps my hand away when I reach over again. "And what the hell are you talking about?"

I stare up at him and his eyes narrow, I wonder if I'm being a complete idiot here. It's entirely likely, and possibly partially down to my blood loss. But his kindness is almost seeming like affection. Actual affection, perhaps beyond that of a comrade. Plus if I was wrong, and made a tit of myself, what was the worst that'd happen? He'd smirk at me and call me a fool? I'd had worse. And judging from my progress on the recovery front, I'd likely have worse again.

I slowly reach round to his other cheek and gently pull, and whilst I expected him to get annoyed and move away, he doesn't. In fact, he lets me do as I wish, turning his head to me and meeting my gaze. I still can't read those pale eyes of his, but I know what it means when his pulse quickens. The way my head is lain against him, I can hear it pick up as my fingers make their way round to run along his bottom lip. By the time I lean up till our lips are only an instant apart, with my hand having slipping down to rest against his throat, I feel like his heart is doing a hundred yard dash. Holy shit I wasn't wrong was I?

But I don't get to question it any longer.

He presses his lips to mine, and I watch his eyes slide closed, and allow mine to do the same. One of his hands reaches up to cover mine against his neck, and the other tangles into my hair, gently pulling me closer. I have no idea why this is happening, or even how. But I can't deny it feels good. No, it feels amazing. I edge closer, and shiver as I feel his tongue caress my lips, nervously asking for permission. I part my lips and meet him halfway, sighing slightly at the tingling sensation. Soon enough he gives a small sigh of content as well, a slight groan to the noise as he squeezes my hand and I tilt my head to deepen the kiss. All I can hear is my pounding heartbeat, and our shared ragged breath.

I don't know how long we sit there, but eventually we break apart.

I stare at him, and he stares at me.

The silence is heavy, but not entirely uncomfortable.

"Um…" I start, and he just continues to stare, seemingly unable to do anything else. Maybe he's in shock? Oh god, maybe he's having a stroke? Nah… I'm over reacting. He's just not sure how to react to human contact? Seemed the most likely. "So… that happened…"

"It did." He says a little huskily, and I hate the fact my body shivers at that. It's not an unpleasant sensation, but I don't enjoy being affected by him like that. For a long time I'd wondered if I felt something for him, but thus far I had managed to deny it. Humans were messy, but emotional connection was as messy as it got. Especially when with a man who had previously beaten me to a pulp and tormented me to the point of despair. Even for me that was a little twisted, and yet I remained glued to the spot, heart in my mouth as my body leans into him. Logic? Logic where the fuck did you go?

I frown at him and prod his cheek again, this time he smirks a little.

"So what exactly… was that?" I ask, watching the way his pale eyes soften.

"I know you lived on your own for ten years but—"

"You're gonna choose now to be a sassy bitch?"

"Following your lead." He murmurs leaning in and catching my lips again.

Humans were messy.

But it would seem that us two were a fucking catastrophe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, leave a comment or kudos etc. all appreciated. See you next time!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again!
> 
> Thank you to everyone still reading, I had kind of been giving up on this site as no feedback was ever really given, but a recent review has seriously pushed me past that. It really does make a writers day to hear from a reader, so thank you thank you thank you! 
> 
> Shall we continue?
> 
> Note: M category DEFFO relevant for this chapter, expect shenanigans.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.

I'll admit it right here, right now; when I wake again to a pale dawn I wonder if I had some odd little fangirl dream. But when I look to my left I see Levi sat there, slumped against the trunk next to me, I know it was real. Holy shit on a stick. We'd kissed. I frown at the long dead fire and give a small huff of a laugh. What the hell had I been thinking? I put my hand to my mouth and run my fingers along my bottom lip, the sensation an echo of tingles. I was fairly well practised in these things; I'd never shied away from attention as a kid, but I was pretty sure that had been the best kiss I'd ever had. I grimace at myself, what the hell? Then a shrug, bugger it, the man knew what he was doing. For a bitter little shit he certainly had a way with those lips… and that tongue. I shudder. Dammit. Not that I'd ever admit that to the prick, he'd never let it go.

But why had he done it?

I look at him sideways, not wanting to shift too much and wake him. He looks so peaceful and calm, softly breathing as his hair falls across his eyes. Damn he looked good. How does anyone look that good in the morning, after sleeping rough? I puff out my cheeks, this was a hard act to follow. But what exactly was I following? It was hardly a mad dash, declaration of undying love; I gag a little at the idea. But clearly this was something. I doubted he did this sort of thing very often, the man had about as much emotional capability as a retarded pig. This was an odd occurrence, and I doubted he had done it lightly. Then again, maybe I'm overthinking this? I thump my head against the trunk lightly. Of course I'm overthinking it. But really what else was there to do? For the past few weeks, I'd wondered if my respect had been moulding into something more. But I'd never imagined it was returned; I mean why the fuck would I?

"Petra's gonna kill me…" I whisper, throat almost closing completely as I clamp my hand over my mouth to smother to sudden onslaught of sobs. Shit. No, Petra wasn't going to do anything was she? She couldn't thanks to me. I close my eyes and let a few tears escape silently, a rough shiver rocking me to my bones. God dammit, that would take some getting used to. Apart from Eren, we were all that was left. And that was assuming the wagons had made it back to the walls. They had to have made it, the universe couldn't be that much of an asshole in one day. Even for the universe, that was pushing it. Holy shit… Petra, you kind little thing, you pretty little thing. I'm so sorry, I'm so very fucking sorry. I shudder, hand ghosting over my shoulder, I'm sorry to you too Oluo. I didn't mean to let anything happen to any of you. Eld and Gunter, you guys I barely even knew. Seemed my lack of contact with you made little difference in the end, I managed to let you down just the same.

Since when was I so attached to people I barely even knew?

Another shudder runs through me and I grit my teeth.

Fuck this.

I carefully edge away from the tree, and the slumbering Catpain. I need to move in order to think, to breathe, and of course in order to take a long overdue piss.

My body aches still, but I make decent progress in little time, only occasionally squeaking against the stiff sensation of my muscles. Ow. I hobble over to the small cupboard looking toilet I'd made, and give myself a seat.

This was quite easily the strangest situation I had ever found myself in.

And that was saying something.

Currently I was sat on my toilet taking a piss, Captain Levi Humanity's Strongest soldier was asleep on my landing, with us both in the wake of a fairly hefty make-out session, having lost our entire team to a maniac blonde Titan, with him now knowing I was in fact a shifter.

As Tuesdays went?

This was a doozy.

Wait… was it even Tuesday? He said I was out a day at least… ugh it doesn't matter really. Being out here always made those distinctions pointless, I counted the days, but I never kept track of which one I was on. What would be the point? It's not like I had a Thursday lunch-date or Saturday morning meeting to keep track of.

I begin to hobble to my water reservoir, pleased to find it hadn't leaked, and had been good enough to use the various overflows I'd designed. I smile a little proudly at my home, wondering what the Captain had thought. Had he even bothered to have a snoop? I wasn't sure if he was the snooping kind. I pour a decent amount to wash my hands, and face free of grime and left over blood, sighing at the sensation of slightly cleaner skin. I had to give it to Levi, he made a decent nurse, he had cleaned me up really well. I carefully prod against the various bandages, but it feels like little more than bruising now. Seemed my healing abilities had served me well as usual. I'd had a lot of weird dreams, but the one I remember clearest is imagining what I'd wake to. I let the water drain away, watching it swirl round the drain as I shiver a little at the images. I'd expected anger, suspicion, a new set of chains and a fresh cell. I'd imagined hate, and pain. And instead I was home, bandaged up, and sat before a well-tended fire. And to top it off, one hell of a kiss.

It was a curve-ball, the universe didn't usually give me many of those.

My home hasn't changed much, and thankfully it seemed the animals had remained respectful in keeping their god-damned distance. Little bastards knew better than to come and use my places as a toilet. I smile at my little haven, I had many dotted around, and this was smaller than the one I'd had beyond Maria. But this was the first of my hide-outs to properly feel like home. It was here I felt most comfortable coming and going, like this was somehow more constant. I swallow. There was something I had to do still, and I couldn't avoid it much longer. I hobble my way up, beyond the second level, and up the small spindly staircase that lead to almost the top of the tree. It was here that my only two possessions brought from beyond Maria sat and waited for my occasional visits.

"Hey guys… sorry it's been a while… then again, I suppose that's also a good thing?" I laugh, picking up the sharp chisel and heavy hammer, hobbling over to kneel down before the two large wooden panels. They were both shaped like tombstones, and both carved from the hardest wood I'd been able to find. Heavy fuckers they were, but they were my anchor. I run my hand over the many scars I'd already given each of them, my heart feeling a little heavier all of a sudden.

It was the one way I'd reminded myself of actually still being human, even on my worst days, these had served as both grim and happy reminders of my place in this world. Outside of the corruption, but still a fundamental part. My hand shakes a little.

"What're these for?"

"Motherfucker!" I yelp, spinning on my knees to where his voice suddenly appeared from. God damn NINJA! He's peering round the trunk with a frown, not understanding in the slightest. I wonder if that's because he hasn't had a coffee though, her certainly looks a little sleepy. I give a meek smile and shrug slightly, patting the floor next to me. He pauses, probably picking up on the slightly solemn atmosphere, but he has nerve and so does as told. He sits next to me, eyes glued to my two wooden chums.

"Seriously… what are they?" he whispers, hand grazing over the small marks on the wood. I retract my hand as his grazes mine, and wait for him to finish his little investigation, but dodge his eyes when he glances my way.

"They're…" I felt like saying it out loud would make them sound incredibly stupid.

"You don't have to tell me." He says gently, lowering his hand. "I don't mean to pry."

"Yes you do, or you would've asked." I laugh a little, and he shrugs with the slightest of smirks. "This one here…" I point to the one with neat rows of distinct groups of five tally's, decorated with wings every now and again. "This is for every soldier I've come across, every dead soldier." I correct myself with a frown, raising the chisel and adding our fallen squad whilst gritting my teeth. Only I put them along the top, joining the other four. He's staring at the wood, his eyes flashing wide for a moment before returning to composed. It was a lot of tally marks. It was a lot of death.

"Why? I thought you didn't care…" he murmurs, seemingly genuinely confused rather than intending to be hurtful. Nevertheless, the comment stings. I flinch a little, but hold back my automatic anger.

"I never said I didn't care. I said I hated what Humanity had become. There is a difference."

He gives an apologetic dip of his head, not able to tear his eyes away from the wooden graveyard.

"I put those left behind out of their misery, and no I don't give them all burials. I can't do that for everyone, so I don't want to only do it for some. I take note of every lost life, and note it down here. I guess it's my version of a burial…" I say, lowing the chisel again and blowing the debris free form the polished surface. He gives me an odd look, but I don't look at him properly in order to figure it out. This is weird and I don't know how to deal with it, I feel more human with each moment that passes between me and the Captain. That in itself fucking terrifies me.

"That's…" he pauses as his eyes ghost across the wood again. "Weirdly beautiful." He says it as though thoroughly confused by the word as it passes over his lips.

"Thanks."

"So why're these separate? They better not be ones you blame yourself for." he says shooting me a glare. I can see why he would think that, and whilst I did blame myself, and probably always would, it wasn't actually the case.

"I can remember people however I fucking like, Levi. Keep that ordering tone to a minimum would ya?" I mutter flipping the chisel in my hand absent-mindedly. He clicks his tongue at me.

"If you insist on being an idiot, I'll order you all I like, brat."

"They're the ones I can't let myself forget." I clarify with closed eyes, feeling him watch me and I hate the fact I sense pity. I could easily be mistaken, and dearly hope I am. My pride has taken enough of a beating; failing the squad was enough to floor me, so the last thing I needed was him treating me like a china doll. Fuck that.

"Why can't you?"

"Most fade into the background, becoming blurs, but those ones… they're the ones I can't let fade. It's just… I dunno… seems wrong."

"I know those four… I guess I always will." He murmurs, pale eyes tightening a little before he taps the other four gently in turn. "But who're the others?"

"So much for not prying…" I sigh, leaning back on my elbows. He pauses but nudges me.

"Indulge me?"

"I don't know their names." I breathe, frowning before I stand up and show him a long scar that runs from my armpit, and twirls all the way to the base of my wrist. He watches my finger, but remains blankly stoic as ever. "That was the first one. I'd been out here maybe a month when I came across him in the woods. I think he's been separated from his Squad, mumbling to himself. No idea if he'd gone mad from seeing too much, or from blunt force trauma. I tried to head over and get him up to the canopy, to see if I could help…"

"But?"

"But a Titan beat me to it. He started screaming and that was that, a four metre came, chomped and trundled on like it was nothing. Like he was nothing." I trace the scar again, setting my jaw as I speak through my teeth. "It was the first soldier I saw die that didn't have to. So yeah… when I tried to get out of there after killing his murderer, I got a little distracted. I collided with a tree like the elegant idiot I am, and woke to an eight metre looming over me. I got out without much issue, but I dropped a blade, slicing my arm in the process."

"Why is it you still have scars? Jeager doesn't have any after shifting. At least he doesn't seem to." As he speaks, he slowly reaches up to touch the pale scar, frown deepening slightly.

"I can suppress my healing ability, and I do that when I want the scars." I explain with a shrug, he wrinkles his nose but I just stare down his disapproval. "We all have coping mechanisms, Levi, don't go judging mine."

"And yet yours seem the most stupid." He scorns with a shake of his head, retracting his hand and brushing it through his hair. I laugh at him a little bitterly, his pale eyes snap up to me and his frown turns into a glare.

"Oh yes, and becoming an emotionless psycho with a cleaning fetish is so much better?"

"You were hardly sunshine and rainbows when we found you."

"Never said I was." I snap, and he sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. I count to ten, then touch the second strip, knowing that moving on would be the best course of action right now. We were both too easily riled up by each other; that much was clear as day. The second mark has a jagged look to it, and I remember how I'd been blinded by rage when I made that mark.

"Alexia—"

"Second one was a girl I found below my home. I'd hidden when hearing the regiment enter the forest so close by, I hid like a damned coward as the battle went on. I heard them screaming, I heard the Titans howling, and I hid. It was the first anniversary of my escape and… well I was scared stiff, like a rookie on their first mission I was paler than milk, and shaking like a damned leaf. It had been quiet for a while when I heard her sobbing, hanging there blood dribbling all over her. I looked down at her, and she looked up at me. She didn't even seem to care who I was, or why I was there, she just said it without hesitation." I swallow hard. "Kill me. I could see she wasn't going to make it, she was torn apart, I had no idea how she was alive at that point anyway. So… I did as she asked me to. I flung a broken bit of blade at her, and slit her throat. She was gone in seconds." I finish nail picking at the jagged line a little.

"Why remember her?"

"Because she looked right at me, understood I could have saved her, but instead asked me to kill her. She was scared of surviving." I sit down a little heavily and shake my head, digging the chisel into the wooden planks beneath. "It made me terrified of ever getting to that point. Of being so scared of facing another day that I'd wish for death."

Levi stares at the jagged line and purses his lips, whole expression darkening. He clicks his tongue again and slightly angles himself away from me. I just wait, not understanding this reaction but sensing my query would only lead to more silence.

"You wanted me to kill you." He says, eyes trained on that jagged line.

"Well yeah…" I shrug, and he frowns at me. "I'd rather die than give in. I meant if I wasn't in control of my life, Levi. Don't go thinking yourself as that fucking terrifying." I snort and for some reason that actually softens his look. He casts another glance at the tally mark and gives a tiny nod.

"I guess you demanding me kill you was you taking control."

"Too fucking right." I laugh shaking my head.

"Now who's the psycho?" he murmurs, eyes still darkened.

"Seriously Levi, stop with the sad-sack look? I get that suddenly you're feeling guilty because you're all about snogging me now, but really, I don't want little mister sad-face—"

"I just wish I hadn't been quite so vile about it, all right?" he snaps and I hold up my hands.

"All right, all right, don't tangle your cravat."

"God damn you're irritating."

"Well duh," I say with a quick wink, glad to have a slight lift in tone during this rather solemn discussion. I could deal with angry Levi albeit from a distance, and I was well accustomed to indifference Levi, but sad-sack Levi was plain weird. Not something I'd expected or fully understood.

"You still wanna hear the rest?"

"Yeah, go ahead." He leans against the trunk and waves off-handily.

"Well the last two are together actually…" I sigh, tugging on my ripped trouser to reveal the beginning of the scar that runs the length of my leg. I run my hand all along where it is, and his eyes follow, widening a little as my finger continues to climb and outline the broad wound.

"The fuck happened?"

"In all honesty I'm not sure. There was this huge storm, and frankly I don't know why the regiment was out in it in the first place, but there they were, boldly going where morons would go." I mutter, not enjoying this memory at all, but knowing that stopping would be worse. An odd expression passes over Levi's face, but I don't comment on it, I just assume he's listening intently.

"I couldn't help but go in once the storm had cleared, and the regiment had moved out. I had to see what the hell had gone on, and of course to see if there was anyone I could help. In all honesty there wasn't much of anything left… but in a clearing there was this huge Titan skeleton, it had to be an aberrant. There was just piles of corpses everywhere, it was awful…" I shudder, but press on, my finger tracing the top of my scar still.

"Most of the bodies were far away, kind of scattered y'know? Only two bodies were near the skeleton and I can't ever forget those faces…" I breathe with a long shudder, "A girl… I mean… she was so fucking young, she had these big green eyes, and spiky Auburn hair, I'd never seen such a waste. She was a real beauty. Her head was laying there, staring at me, and then when I turned away I saw this guy, or half of him… he… he had—"

"Blonde hair right? Bitten clean in half." Finishes Levi dully.

The shudder runs through me again and I stare at him a little in disbelief. He turns to me at long last, and I sink to my knees with the unbridled rage and guilt lingering in his eyes. It wasn't very often I saw past his mask, it was terrifying. And yet I was drawn to it. I feel like I'll regret it, but I reach out and brush my hand to his cheekbone, it's cold.

"That… that was them?" I swallow and his silence is confirmation enough. "I… I buried them… I buried them there, and that's their marks… it isn't much I know but—"

He's suddenly up, and holding his lips to mine, almost to a painful extent as he holds the back of my head. I don't fight it, I just follow his lead into the odd kiss. It's thankful, hateful, pitiful, and regretful. But at the same time I sense his relief. I don't understand it, but I know it's there. He finally breaks away and sits there, forehead pressed to mine as he pants a little, licking his lips whilst his hands shake.

"You're going to fucking ruin me." He rasps, letting go of my head and sitting back. His hand doesn't shake as he reaches over to touch the two lines, gritting his teeth. I stare at him, not quite knowing what the hell I'm meant to do. This was a side to Levi I also didn't know or understand. "Do… do you want to know their names?"

"Only if you want to share them."

"What?" he says, looking at me, hand remaining over the wounded slab of wood.

"I'm not about to demand you share everything with me, Levi."

"I offered."

"Yes but out of a want to share, or out of necessity?" I say with a squint of my eyes. "I mean seriously, I won't be sharing everything with you any time soon. But if you feel like sharing the memory, go ahead, it'd be nice to put a name to the faces that I see."

"You have a very strange way of thinking."

"Your talents of observation really are staggering." I say with a roll of my eyes, and he flicks at my forehead. "Sorry, I'll shut up."

"For once…" he mutters, clicking his tongue as his eyes drift back to the wood. He pauses, seems to really think about it, and then draws a long breath, meeting my eyes with a slightly calmer look than before, "Isabel and Farlan." He answers in a sigh, and it's almost as if he's pleased for someone else to know and remember.

"It was them you lost then?"

He nods.

"Good to know…" I say with a nod, leaning back, "It was you that took down the Titan right?"

He frowns, but nods slowly.

"How the hell did you know that? You said you didn't get there till after we'd left."

"I remember the skeleton had huge cuts into it. I knew whoever had killed that thing, though at the time I'd assumed it was a whole Squad, I knew they'd been angry."

"I tore that bastard apart." He nods slowly, letting the silence settle a little before looking back to the panels and tapping the other slab. "So what's this one?"

"That's my kill quota."

He blinks, sitting a little closer as he takes in the riddled surface. At the moment it sat at 506 marks, and that was a new slab in the past four years. He finishes counting and turns to me with confusion, slowly looking me up and down with a shake of his head. I wait for the amazement to die down, and I won't lie, I know he's impressed. Quite frankly he'd be a retard not to be. But then again, if he really thought about it, it only works out at like 2-3 a week at most. I think he does this calculation and his amazement dims.

"Why not go hunting more often?"

"I'm not one to tempt Fate, look what happened without me doing that?" I laugh lying back and rolling slightly against the wood, my back was definitely healing. I notice his quietness and look up at him with a raised brow. "What?"

"Will you keep the scar on your back?"

"Obviously." I shrug, rolling again before propping myself up on my elbows. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Just let it heal Senefold."

"Don't think I'll listen to you anymore because you talk at me like a Captain. Either way I'll fucking ignore you." I sigh, but squeak a little when he suddenly pounces on me and pins me down. "Uh…"

"You've suffered enough, you've fucking given enough, let it heal."

"No." I say simply, trying to ignore the uptake in my heartbeat as he hovers above me. His teeth flash into view for a moment, and he's glaring hard. "Use your scary face as much as you like, it doesn't change my answer."

"Why punish yourself more?"

"My body, my life, my fucking choice."

"Do you have to be so frustrating?"

"Do you have to be so neurotic?" I snap back, he huffs before getting up to head back down to the landings below as he shakes his head grumbling under his breath. But I'm not having that, fuck no. I leap up and chase after him, jabbing him in the back as I do.

"Oi! Don't ignore me, why the hell do you need me to heal so much huh? I'll be ready to head back to base soon enough, don't worry we don't be delayed by my fuck ups any longer than neccess—"

"That isn't the issue!" he growls, stopping on the landing and turning to me with something like anger. I square up to him and tilt my head up.

"Then what is? Stop dancing around the point like a prick!"

"Fine!" he roars, pushing me up against the trunk of the tree, crashing his lips against mine.

I gasp at the sudden change in tone, and he hungrily deepens the kiss. Apparently my body was more prepared for this than my head was. My hands latch onto the back of his head, fingers tangling in his dark hair as I eagerly invite his tongue in and caress it with my own. I even groan. I have no idea where this side to my nature came from, or where it had been hiding, but I can't deny it's enjoyable. In fact, a little more than that. I'd always teased him about wanting this kind of thing, but I'd never really believed it till now. And the way he presses me against the trunk of the tree, his strong hands roaming all over me as he groans into the kiss, I know I'll never be able to deny it again. Damn he feels good. I hitch a leg up onto his hip, and he immediately grabs the other, pulling my legs round him, and hands trailing up to cup my ass. I hold him close and tug on his hair to get better access to his muscled throat, I drag my teeth along and huskily gasp as his hands slide up my sides and massage against my hips bones with his thumbs.

"Direct enough?" he grunts, grinding against me roughly as he kisses along my collar bone and up my neck. I whimper as he passes over my pulse point, but grit my teeth against the stupid noise.

"Getting there." I mutter, tightening my legs, pulling him closer. He gives a grunting moan and lets us tumble onto the floor, pinning me in place as he makes short work of my attire. Man knew what he wanted apparently; and once again my hands work on their own accord. They'd already removed his shirt and are working on his belt as fast as they can.

"Fuck… Alexia…" he gasps against my shoulder, suddenly hunching over as I take firm grip on his manhood, attempting to hide my amazement. Fucking hell, it was a third leg! I'd be ripped in half… then again, what a damned good way to go. I latch onto his neck, kissing and licking as I begin to stroke strong but slow, hoping to make him desperate.

What can I say?

I'm a malicious bitch.

"/Captain/… nngh!" I purr, licking the shell of his ear, gasping as his hand makes its way southward and his fingers trace me. How could such a brute be so delicate? I barely have time to think before he begins to caress deeper, capturing my lips with his again as I wantonly mewl into him. I just roll my eyes at myself and give into the sensation, as I increase my pace along his length, refusing to be outdone.

"Nngh… fuck you…" he hisses, increasing his own pace and thumbing my bundle of nerves.

"I guess that's the idea here." I murmur against his shoulder biting down on his neck. "Come on Captain… you know what you want… and…" I shriek as he puts in another digit, "Give it to me."

"Give you what, brat?" he pants huskily, taking a breast into his mouth and sucking hard before biting down just as intensely. I claw down his back a little, vision blurring as my mind loses its ability to think. Dammit he knew what he was doing.

"You know exactly what, you teasing bastard."

"Come on Alexia," he growls into my ear, nibbling on the lobe, "Aren't you hungry?"

I quiver as he says my name, and grin as I remember all the times we'd teased each other.

Fuck, this had been a long time coming hadn't it?

"Come on Levi…" I whisper, rising to his challenge as I tighten my hold on him, grinding my hips against his a little. "Why don't you give into those pesky… frustrations."

He gives a growl and bites at my lip, patience seemingly giving out as he moves my hand away, holding my wrists above my head in a vice-like grip. In the next instant he aligns himself and delves deep into me, giving no warning as he fills me with his engorged self. My head snaps back and I scream, it dying away to a guttural growl as I grind against him, panting like a damn dog.

"F-fuck… Levi…" I snarl, somehow feeling like I lost that spat.

"Alexia…" he growls, resting his head against my shoulder as he pounds into me, hands suddenly gripping my hips as his bites down on my skin. I wrap my arms round his neck and hold on for dear life. Its amazing, mind blowing, and hip bruising. This would hurt a lot in the morning. Or the afternoon, as far as I knew it was morning.

"Ugh I hate you…" he groans, hands drifting across my body in slow, sensuous caresses, each sending fresh tremors through my nerves. He traces my curves, my scars, seeming captivated as his pale eyes follow his hands. "I hate what you've done to me…"

"And what's… that?" I mumble biting down on my lip as a weird sensation prickles in my chest, he pauses for a moment, fingers ghosting against my lip as he frowns. The prickling gets worse as this still moment draws on. Shit, don't do that, don't look at me like that.

"Don't do that."

"Do wha—" I was speaking through my teeth as they gnawed on my lip, but as he suddenly thrusts again I throw my head back again, moaning loudly. He chuckles, doing it again but harder making me pant with a whimper.

"Yes… that's it, let me hear you, dammit." He pants, resting his forehead to mine. "You know what you've done to me… you have to." He says through his teeth, and I feel that weird sensation in my chest burst.

Stop it, you can't do this to me, not you Levi… not you.

My whole body convulse as my moment thrashes my nerves.

"Fuck!" I gasp, and he holds me tighter, his movements becoming erratic, desperate even.

"Tell me you know…" he hisses, kissing me hungrily, I tangle my hands in his hair, feeling angry tears leak from my eyes as we both reach our moment together. "Tell me!" he pleads, going rigid for a moment before collapsing next to me in a panting mess. We lie there, staring at each other in the midst of a blazing afterglow.

Shit.

You fucking bastard.

"I-I know…" I breathe softly, meeting his eye to only find my heart picks up the pace as he stares back seemingly shell-shocked at my confession. "At least I hope I know what you seem to think I should know, y'know?"

"I'm going to say… yes." He pants, rolling onto his back to stare up at the canopy. I do the same and frown a little. What the hell had just happened? Was that some mad-dash declaration of—nope. No, no, nopedy, nope, nope. No one had said anything like that, so I am not reading into this like that. Nope.

"How is it you don't hate me?"

"How is it you're suddenly so talkative and emotional?" I ask, but when he doesn't respond except to clench his jaw I give a long sigh and shuffle closer to him, ignoring the way he angles himself away slightly. "Why is it you need to know why?"

"Stop dancing round the point like a prick."

"Answer my question then."

"I need to know because it makes no fucking sense." He spits through his teeth and I raise a brow and prod his cheek again. "I'm not fucking joking br—" I press my lips to his, and despite the way he tenses, seemingly about to throw me off him, I just hold on and press my lips firmer.

"You think too much." I sigh as I slowly break away, he swallows hard, nodding in agreement, but not taking back the question. I groan and rest my head against his chest, giving it a light thump. "I hate a lot in this world because of complacent assholes, and people corrupted by all the shit. But that doesn't exactly apply to you, does it?"

"I guess not…" he mumbles, apparently not entirely convinced. I give his chest another thump, though a little harder so he at least gives a small grunt.

"Wallow in self-doubt all you fucking like Levi, but fundamentally, past all your bullshit, you're a decent guy. Damned violent and scary as shit when crossed, but yeah… fundamentally good." I scoff, rolling and getting up to shrug my shirt back on. He stares up at me, sitting up with a look that seemed disbelieving. "What?" I laugh heading towards my shower.

He gets up and walks towards me, surprisingly brazen is his nude state. Not that I'm complaining, it's a decent view. But before I can make a joke, he puts a hand behind my head and pulls me into a tender kiss that catches me more off guard that his sudden lurch into lust. He kept blabbing on about me doing something to him, but as those damn prickles return to my chest, I feel I need to kick him in the nuts for doing this to me. Fucking hell. I shiver at the delicate touch, and my hands linger mid-air for a moment, indecisively wavering.

Shove him off and claim I was joking?

Deny this annoying sensation tugging me closer to him?

Or submit?

"Give in, Alexia." He breathes, momentarily breaking the kiss before soon resuming it and letting one hand drift to my waist where he pulls gently. I stumble a little, but as I let my hands lower, to rest against his chest, the sensation in me increases tenfold and I whine a little.

"Ugh I hate you…" I groan kissing back, sighing against my better judgement as his arms wind round me. I hear his chuckle rumble in his chest.

"I know." He chuckles again, and I promptly stomp down on his foot.

Laughing at me is never a good idea.

"Fuck! You heavy brat!" he curses, hopping a little. I snicker and head for the shower again, nodding over to him. "Where the hell are you going? Fuck." he grumbles, flexing his toes.

"It cannot have hurt that much, men are such babies."

"You're a heavy sod. I'll ask again, where are you going?"

"For a clean-freak such as yourself, I'd think you'd be glad of a shower after at least two days sleeping rough and a rampant sexcapade."

"Are you seriously trying to convince me you made plumbing?" he says tilting his head, "This place is impressive, I'll give you that but… plumbing?" he adds with a raising of his brow. I turn with my hands on my hips and raise a brow of my own. This was a very strange dynamic, but I was willing to play along for now. At least he wasn't wallowing any more, it felt oddly good to know I could distract him.

"No, I haven't got actual plumbing, but I improvised."

"Uh huh…"

"I was a savage woman living in a tree for ten years all on my lonesome talking to squirrels, but I know I need to bathe!" I huff beckoning him. He follows me, still looking unconvinced. I flinch a little as the muscles in my back twinge, either from injury or strenuous fucking. His hand suddenly appears where the muscle spasmed and I automatically lean into the touch, then immediately going the other way a second later. Get a grip woman.

"Is it still hurting?" he says, ignoring my leanings and keeping his hand there. He's warm.

"Funny how you didn't seem all that bothered when fucking me…" I murmur reaching up for the make-shift curtain I had. He ignores my comment, gently kneading my back. I sigh and let him do his work, sensing it made the strange little man happy. I say little, but my hips are not happy with me.

"How does this 'shower' work then?" he says, still working away. I turn, tug him inside the small cubicle like thing, and discard my shirt again, slightly confused by why I bothered with it at all. He seems surprised by my forward attitude but I just smirk at the faint blush that goes across his face as he averts his eyes. A gentlemen it seemed. Weird.

"Like this." I say pulling on a cord to douse us in the icy water, I had expected it so gasp at the exhilaration, pulling the cord again to cut off the torrent. He shrieked, sending a few birds squawking into the air gossiping about the rude neighbours. I can't quite stifle my laughter. It was a full on shriek, very manly of course, but a shriek nonetheless.

"Y-you fucking brat." He shivers and I snicker, reaching for some soap and chucking him some as well. "Some warning might have been nice."

"Yeah but this was a lot funnier for me." I begin lathering up and sigh as I run it through my hair, hanging it back a little as the smell surrounds me. "Sorry, I'm not so good as to have a hot water supply as well. Better lather up before the next—" ice water cascades over me and now I'm the one to vacate the nearby bird population.

"You're right, that is funny." He drawls, scraping his hair back out of his face after our second dousing. I won't deny he had a strange humour to him, but that doesn't stop my flicking his nose.

"Asshole."

"Brat."

"Prick."

"Titan." He says, raising a smug brow whilst my mouth slowly closes, my previously planned retort dying in my throat. I begin to blush a lot, trying to look anywhere but at him.

"Oh… right… about that."

"You have some explaining to do, brat. But first, get me a fucking towel."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed, action will be returning in the next one, but I figured a wee break would be fine? Right?
> 
> Thank you to everyone reading, following and reviewing, its so awesome to have you all!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own AOT.
> 
> Warning: From here there will be aspects of lore etc. from the Manga so yeah Spoiler alert, but if you're already reading fanfic, I'm guessing most of you are prepared for that? Anyway warning applied! Nothing explicitly outlined as being part of the manga, but it be there!
> 
> Thanks for reading, and for sticking with me! I hope this was worth the wait!

He wasn't happy with the horses they left for us. Shocker. Personally I was surprised they had left any at all, presumably he'd asked them to. I wonder how that exchange had gone; did Levi ignore an order? Or did Erwin tell him to come get his pet? I watch the road ahead as my head ticks it all over. He's been looking at me occasionally all the way through our journey, starting with our progress on foot from my hideout, all the way to here as we ride away from the trees. I won't lie; it's pissing me off. At first I wondered if he was just extra cautious of me, knowing the full extent to my shifting abilities now, but then I push that idea away. You don't fuck something you're scared of. Then again maybe he would… I snort a little to myself, perhaps even he wasn't that masochistic. So why the glances? Did he expect me to try and give him the slip? There was no way I could do that; on a good day I'd barely manage, and right now I was still healing up and recovering. There was no chance. So again I ask myself, why the fuck does he keep looking at me?

We get a few miles away from the treeline when I finally give in and flip the bird at him. He clicks his tongue.

"What's that for, brat?"

"For your fucking staring, sir." I clarify and raise a brow at him, he meets it with an unimpressed look which I just sneer back at. "Stop it, or I'm going to throw a blade at you."

"Not likely." He says blandly, but he doesn't deny the staring.

"But not impossible. Look, if I had known you'd end up being all weird like this I'd have never told you, god dammit." I grit my teeth and push my horse a little faster, still wishing I hadn't told him the damned truth. He rides faster, matching my pace and riding closer. I glance his way and glare. "Cut that shit out and all. I'm not about to run off, what would be the point?"

"I just wanted to get close enough to do this." And he smacks me on the back of the head. Hard. I look down at my gear, a fresh set left by a horse for me, and I wonder if I should just shave his damned head, give him something else to focus on that way. "I'm still processing your little sob-story all right, fucking liar anyway, you claimed to never have one."

"You remember my words a lot better than I do Levi, you weird little memory bank, but even I did say that? I will have meant it. Just because you've decided it's some heart-breaking lamentation about my life, doesn't mean I consider it that." I sigh and try to look at the horizon again, trying to ignore the continued scrutiny from the man. But there it is, that heat I feel when he's staring at me, or perhaps it's a glare?

"I feel sympathy, is that a damn crime, Senefold?"

"When it's coming from someone like you? I see it as pity." I tsk at him, and he laughs bitterly. It such an alien noise, but I don't react, I just hold the rein tighter.

"Fucking hypocrite."

"Say what not?" I demand angrily, and he smirks at me in that irritating fashion of his.

"Just because you see it as pity doesn't mean I do." He snickers and rides at a normal distance again. I admit it was annoying to have a mirror shoved in my face, but I was glad to know he hadn't become some whimpering numbnuts because we'd had sex. Not that I expected him to, but connection does weird shit to people. That much I did know. Still I didn't understand why it had happened, sure he was damn attractive in an angry pixie-slave-driver-bastard way, but why the hell had I risked it? I guess logic hadn't had much to do with it. One minute we were talking and the next… well… I sigh and try to clear my head.

"Fair enough, Captain. Touché and all that jazz, but can you stop peeking over at me like some paranoid mother?"

"I have a couple reasons to want to keep you alive now, brat. And not just because of your damned past, you know that, so suck it up."

"Kinky in the circumstances, but I've never done that on a horse—"

"For fuck sake…" he groans into his hand and I laugh loudly, "Just accept the fact I'm invested in your survival all right?"

"So romantic." I sigh with a flutter of my lashes and he rolls his eyes. We ride on in a weirdly comfortable silence considering how my head is whirring away. A couple of reasons eh? So was it that he actually gave a shit about me? Or was it all just orders from the top dog? Had this all been a ploy to get me back inside the walls where they could chain me down and study me? Or… and this seemed wholly unlikely, was it genuine affection? The idea of him actually having formed an attachment to anyone, let alone my sorry ass, seemed implausible. But perhaps not impossible.

In all honesty I hadn't been nearly as daunted about telling him the truth of my powers, as I had expected to be. I had expected to stutter the whole way, hide my face behind my hands and become the idiot of a tit that I so clearly was when confronting shit. But no. It poured out all matter-of-fact, and in all honesty I think that freaked him out more. Not that he'd admit it. But he definitely got a bit paler, which was interesting.

After we'd had our shower and the rather touchy elephant in the room had reared its head, there was no way of avoiding it. I sat him down and made us some tea, the amount of surprise on his face was getting a little old. Yes, I have tea and a kettle, my god how is this possible? It's easy enough to steal this shit… jeez.

"So come on then, you're a Titan shifter... details." He said as I handed over the tea and sat next to him. I'd been surprised that he hadn't shuffled away, or even seemed as though he wanted to distance himself whilst I explained it all. I'd sat that close to him out of curiosity, but no, he stayed put and watched me closely as ever. I knew then that it'd be a weird conversation. I set my cup down and crossed my legs.

"All right, but just… don't… I dunno… over-react."

"Yeah because I'm the one always flipping out…" he drawled and I just rolled my eyes at him. Of all the times for him to be a sass-ass he chose then? I quelled my anger though and drew a long, calming breath. I'd never spoken to anyone about how it all happened, I mean other than the squirrels, who the hell would I have told?

"How much do you wanna know?" I asked a little dumbly whilst I fiddled my hands together nervously. This was big even for an unfeeling bitch like myself. This was my life, this was my secret, and yet I was going to lay it all out there for him. Shit. When he didn't respond with a snappy comment, or a berating about me wasting time, I looked at him and stared a little. He was watching me closely, but he looked confused. I tilted my head. "Levi?"

"As much as you feel comfortable with me knowing, I guess." He shrugged, a look of affection glimmering in and out of existence. I nodded, it made sense, not that he didn't want to know, but that he knew if he demanded shit he wouldn't get it. He was a clever git, I'd give him that.

"I was eight when I was given the power… not sure 'given' is the right word... but anyway, a man had been coming to our family home periodically over the past two weeks or so, maybe longer. This wasn't out of the ordinary, my parents frequently got checked on by 'the family'. We weren't important, but still, blood was blood apparently. So they kept us with enough money to keep the roof over our heads, and a decent amount of alcohol keeping my parents docile in their uselessness."

"What do you mean, 'the family'." He repeated and I just shrugged, he didn't seem to trust that at first but really there wasn't much I could tell him.

"I don't know, it was something my parents would say all the time. 'The family' look after us, 'the family' expects things… I dunno what it was referring to, as far as I was aware we were about as important as a piece of dog-shit." I explained, and he had this odd look in his eye but he just shrugged again and waved at me to continue.

"So anyway, they talked to this man and at the end of the two weeks, he asked me to follow him outside. At first I didn't even move, he had never spoken to me before directly, and now I was meant to go with him? I wasn't the brightest spark, but even I had alarm bells ringing. My parents had a big bag on the table, I could hear gold moving around inside it." I frowned down at my hands, it felt weird to be going into the past like that. So open and calm. How was it I had got to this point with this guy? I fought tooth and nail over my damned name in that cell, and yet there I was, spilling my past out without a care. I looked at him and frowned; how had he done this?

"Take your time, brat, I'm in no hurry. I get not wanting to talk." He sighed, sipping at his tea without so much as a glance at me. There was no force there, not a single note of demanding. I didn't trust it, but at that point I didn't really see the advantage it would bring him knowing how I got my ability. It couldn't be used against me after all.

"When I didn't move, he got a bit impatient. He dragged me out to a wagon. It was all very legit as you can imagine, but I just went along with it after that. There didn't seem to be much point in fighting it."

"You didn't fight?" he scoffed, and I just shrugged, this seemed to bother him as he grit his teeth.

"I wasn't always so… opinionated, Levi. When I claimed to not give a shit about my parents, I meant it. Hating them for their uselessness would require me to be bothered about their existence, and I'm not. I wasn't back then either. Emotions take a lot of effort to maintain, and they weren't worth it. They didn't see me as worth it, so why fight it? I knew this guy had paid them for whatever was about to happen, so there wasn't much I could do."

"Please don't tell me he—"

"He didn't fuck me, no." I sighed, turning to him with a smirk. He paled a little then. "Why would I be telling you about the time mummy and daddy used me as a child prostitute? What does that have to do with me being a Titan?" I laughed at him, and he just swallowed some more tea.

"Get on with it then, damn brat."

"When went into the forest, like… a few miles in. Then he stopped and looked all pale and weird. All he said was 'I hope this works out all right, you better prove better than your damned parents…' to which I just kind of laughed. He didn't seem amused. Then he jabbed me with a syringe and I woke up however much later in the clearing."

"That's it?" he said with a grimace, and I kind of felt like laughing in his face. What had he expected some big ceremony, some call to grace by the lords on high? I was a small little shit stain in the wrong place at the wrong time, and I ended up being made into… whatever the hell I am. No glamour, no precession.

"That's it. When I woke up my head was pounding, and the wagon was trashed. The guy was gone, but he left a shoe behind weirdly… I don't really know what happened to him, but from that point on, whatever the fuck was in that syringe? It made me into a shifter. Unless I always was one and that stuff triggered it… I dunno…"

"Did you go home?" he asks, staring into this teacup. At that point I did laugh, I looked up into the canopy, wondering if he had imagined me living wild since I was a kid. Presumably he suspected me of lying about my time in the wild, thinking I had been here longer than a decade. But no. I hadn't.

"I was a kid, I had nowhere else to go. When I got back I found them counting their gold. I still don't know how long I was out there in the woods for, might have been days. Over the next few years I found it way harder to control my temper, and a couple times I ended up totally losing it, I'd end up boiling water by holding a cup… it… it was weird. It was real messy for a lot of years… then ten years ago I hit the road." I summarised with a shrug and he frowned, I smiled at him a little, trying to elevate that look. But he just continued to frown. I rolled my eyes. "What is it now? I'm not holding anything back, seriously."

"Why did you run?" he asked, and he shifted himself to make me look at him. The way his eyes seemed to soften made me want to recoil and run for the fucking hills. Why did he care? He saw my hesitation and rolled his eyes this time. It seemed neither of us had much patience for the other anymore. "Simple enough question, brat."

"I know it is… I just… why do you care?"

"Because I do, does there have to be a reason behind everything?"

"Generally speaking… kinda." I replied, and he gritted his teeth. I knew that look. It was like… I swallowed hard as I considered the possibility he really cared about me. And once again I wanted to mount that damn elephant in the room and ride for the horizon. Humans were too damned messy!

"I want to understand, Alexia. That's all." He sighed, scraping his hair back. And in truth I wondered what he meant by that and all. Understand me? Or understand why he wanted to know? I snort at myself again as I think about my answer, he really made this old brain think didn't he?

"I ran because… well the final straw was when they were trying to sell me off again, and I was sick of being their damn Christmas bonus. This time it was for marriage or something, I dunno, something to do with 'the family' again. But I was done. So I ran, and I kept running till I hit the wall, and then I ran past that as well. Never looked back. Instead I was dragged back." I lay back with a sigh and he nodded, putting the cup down and leaning back against the tree. "We should head back soon."

"Why?"

"Because fuck knows what kind of shit hit the fan after we were left out here." I said, and looked up with a frown at his response. Since when did he want to be out here? But I flinch as I find him to be once again staring. Only then it was in a weird way, his silver eyes seemed distant. What was he seeing? What was he thinking? Usually I found men very easy to read, and yet he was a bloody enigma. Why did I fuck an enigma? I groaned and got up, shaking my head, trying to dispel that moment from my mind. For all I knew that had been nothing but a ploy, a hot ploy that still made my tingle all over when I thought about it. But a ploy nonetheless. It didn't seem likely though, and in fact a small part of me really did trust Levi. But I couldn't help but be cautious, it was built in to me over the years, to deny it would be to deny my nature. And fuck that. My cards were being laid out on the table, and I wasn't about to be blindsided by a man who knew how to use his dick.

"All right, let's get some supplies together." He finally said, and I sighed clearly he was going to have his own little mind circus over it. And so he did.

And here we are, riding towards the walls. Towards 'home'. I wonder what will befall us once those walls pass over and seal us inside. Will I suddenly become a prisoner again? Will this sudden confession of mutual affection become wholly onesided and shown as nothing but a manipulative plot to keep me in check? I grip the reins tighter. No. The man who kicked the shit out of me in those cells was the same one here, and he was good at trying to fool me, but I always saw through it. I had to trust in that. He wouldn't use something like that to manipulate, he was as emotionally capable as a retarded duck. He couldn't manipulate with it.

"When you're done processing my story, can you go back to normal Levi?" I ask with a sigh, and he looks at me again, only now looking very annoyed.

"I have the right to find this a lot to take it, brat. So shut it."

"And I'm allowed to find that fucking annoying. It's not that big of a dea—"

"Not a big deal? Really?" he snaps, looking genuinely angry now. I flinch back a little from it, but he stays that way. "You realise that means that perhaps anyone could end up like you? That anyone could turn into one of those things?"

I have to admit.

That one hurt.

I swallow and turn to face ahead, denying myself the fact my eyes just go warmer. No. Fuck that shit. I am not giving him the satisfaction. Of course the second he's said it he groans, knowing what he's done. But I'm not about to turn, flutter my damn eyelashes and tell him it's all right. No way in hell.

"Senefold…"

I ignore him.

"Alexia please…" he sighs and I look at him, face blank and I think that hits him pretty hard. "I didn't mean—"

"Yeah you did." I shrug, "Titans are the enemy, I can shift into one, it makes me a grey area. However I would just like to clarify that there is a distinct difference between me, and one of those bulgy fuckers." I nod behind him and click some blades into place, he frowns at me and turns shoulders tensing. In the distance clouds of dust are being picked up by something big, and it's on the way towards us.

"Yeah there's a difference all right. Fucking hell Senefold!"

"What? We were talking, I wasn't keen on letting them interrupt."

We're still a decent way from the wall when it starts to rumble under our feet. Or rather the horses. The tell-tale shudder of the ground, and stilling of the world around us. Titans. But how many was it? I shudder and he looks round.

"Where are they coming from? Anywhere else?"

"I don't know, I'm not a damn Titan homing signal." I groan, looking round and shivering as I see the dust fly up from the west as well as ahead of us now. I point and he nods, pressing on harder than before. I frown but follow suit, my head automatically following his unsaid order of 'get a move on'. "We can take them Levi. There's no need to duck and run."

"I don't want to risk combat with you still healing."

"I can still fight, I'm not made of glass!"

"I know you're not, but I ain't made of bandages, and patience!" he yells and I'm about to yell back when he growls at me, horse taking over mine as he looks back with fire in his grey eyes. "I want to protect you, fucking deal with it!"

I'm struck dumb, before I grit my teeth and press my horse faster.

"Well that's a cute dream and all, but in case you hadn't noticed Levi, this world is fucking cruel. Nothing much we can do about it. So don't go all hero on my ass now. We can outrun them only for so long."

"Yeah, yeah, just keep moving."

Eventually we have to accept the fact combat is inevitable. I had already done so, but it seems the Captain felt like being slow on the uptake. Men could be so stupid sometimes, or no, actually it was humans in general, never mind the genitalia. In the end we have two abnormal Titans running at us, one from ahead, and the other form the west. There's a few ordinary bastards thrown into the mix as well. Or was it only two? They were so far away. This was so typical, but I don't have time to roll my eyes. We needed a damn plan. In all honesty, we probably needed a damn miracle.

As the battle begins I draw my blades, and the Captain does the same. Yes, it was four in total. Not bad, but not great. I was able to travel in my condition, but I knew I couldn't keep up fighting for long. I was still damned exhausted from my injuries, and despite being annoyed about it, I couldn't do much about it either. This would have to be quick or else I'd be spent and flapping about in one of their jaws in no time.

"What's the plan Captain?" I ask, gritting my teeth as the thundering makes my head spin. Panicking was not going to help, but it seemed like my body wasn't bothered about that fact. But he doesn't respond in time and I have to jump into action, if he was even going to suggest that I stay out of this, he could shove that right back where it came from. I was a fighter god dammit.

The first normal ten metre beast swings in and I jump, landing on its wrist and running up the arm. I hear my Captain yelling but I just assume he's keeping watch for another Titan. Little did I know he'd decided to try on some hero shoes after all. And they didn't fucking fit. He cuts the nape before I make it there, so I fall into a sort of jump and roll across the ground to dodge the falling Titan which he is riding down. What a damned prince, eh? He looks smug. The look quickly fades when I throw a lump of mud at him.

"I had that!" I yell at him. He dodged the dirt but still looks horrified at the fact I threw it.

"You were being reckless, again brat. You're still healing, let me deal with the bastards. And I swear if you throw more mud at me—"

"You're getting old dearie, you need some help."

"Don't push your luck woman."

I just roll my eyes and whistle for the horses. But as the thundering of their hooves approaches, another kind of thunder also gets closer. Oh yeah. We turn, we look, but when faced with two twelve metre abberrants and a ten metre Titan, no one really knows what to say, except for…

"Shit."

"Fuck."

"Fucking shit."

I turn to him and he looks around, his quick mind whirring away as he tries to decide what's best. I'm about to suggest I shift when he clamps a hand over my mouth and shakes his head. I nod and retract the idea from the table. Clearly not an option. I could shift yes, but I wouldn't be fit for fighting. Plus I had the feeling my shifting ability might be needed inside the walls. There was a lot of ground between us and the city where they'd have taken Eren once returned from the mission. I had the feeling I would need those long ass legs to get us there in time to help. So for now, I'd have to remain a short-stack.

"You take the aberrant from that side, I'll take out these two. Got it?"

"Yes, sir."

"That's more like it." He almost smirks as he fires off to deal with them. I wait till the aberrant is a little closer before making my move. And it's not something I can easily downplay; I was a fucking boss. Like a bird I soar into the sky, flipping past its lunging limbs and gnashing teeth, firing the remainder of my right blade into its eye to distract it, before reloading from my stash and slamming down against its nape. Steam floods all around me in victory. Take that you lump of meat. It was glorious. And a kill I felt with my own hands, it really did add a sense of occasion. But the moment is soon over as I hear a strangled grunt. I turn and swallow hard, feeling the need to try on my own pair of hero boots.

"Levi!" I yell, right before the Titan beneath me slams into the dirt.

His horse had been startled, messing with his landing after getting rid of the aberrant, and now the ten metre was looming over him hungrily. He tries to get the horse to move, but it's spooked. The ten metre lunges, misses because of his gear skill, but as Levi climbs to the nape, the horse is crushed in the clawing hands. The jostling messes once again with the landing, and Levi grimaces as his foot goes at an awkward ankle. Anyone else would be floored and screaming their head off, I'm fairly sure I heard the 'pop' from over here.

I ride over on my own horse whilst the Titan is of course floored by the relentless man. He had killed it obviously, but I didn't like the sound of that ankle. He rides the corpse down, stumbling a little as he grits his teeth.

"F-fucking shit." He growls, glaring down at the offending joint. It was like watching a cat grumble at a wounded paw. I trot over and pull my horse just short of where he stands looking incredibly angry. Whether it's at himself, the Titan, or even the horse, I'm not entirely certain.

"Come on, get on, we need to get to the wall before any others turn up." I offer him a hand and he begrudgingly takes it, hissing a little as he sits behind me and grips my waist. "I'll try and ride easy—"

"Just fucking drive this thing." He snaps and I push the horse as fast as it can go. Initially it's to punish his childish behaviour, but then it becomes more a case of just wanting to get inside those walls. Wanting to get him safe. And that in itself turns my stomach. I wanted to be inside the walls, and I wanted to keep him safe. This was already too messy for my liking, and that was without me having seen the blood seeping out the bottom of his boot. But I do notice it and I grit my teeth. No point in mentioning it, he'd only get pissy with me.

"Where do you think they'll have taken Eren?" I call back to him and he grimaces, "Come on Captain, you know that kid's in for it considering how that mission went down! That's our priority here!"

"I know all right? They'll have taken him to Stohess for retrial, possibly just to condemn him straight away."

"I can't let them do that. I said I'd protect him!"

"You and your damn promises." He snaps and I elbow him in the ribs, "The fuck was that for?"

"You're glad to have someone so tied to their word, fucking admit it."

"Whatever, brat. Let's just get inside the wall and see what we can learn."

As the gate comes into view, the Garrison soldiers recognise Levi and allow us passage. It felt very weird to be welcomed inside, to be going in voluntarily, to not be dragged in, or going over the top. This was plain weird. It doesn't take long to learn that he had been right, the regiment almost in its entirety had headed for Stohess district. It was two days ride away, or a few hours on the back of a very tall and light footed Titan.

"What do you mean you can alter the shape of your Titan?" he snorts as he saddles a new horse for himself, his foot being bandaged well by a nurse after I practically nailed him to the damn seat to let her work. Idiot of a man was almost as bad a patient as I am. "That sounds impossible."

"Yes because the impossible has been so out of reach lately." I laugh, and he nods, seeing no way of arguing round that fact. "I can make myself light and agile, and we'd get there in a matter of hours. Perhaps in time to actually help them? Come on Levi, you're intrigued. I know you are." I say with a waggle of my eyebrows. He looks at me with that same stoic look, and I sigh, but as I turn away I see the slightest smirk. I've won.

We ride out of town a little, into the wilds beyond, where no one will be able to do anything even if they did notice my transformation. We dismount and set the horses free, sending them back home with confused little whinneys leaving them. He doesn't look happy about the situation, but then again he never really looked happy anyway.

"You sure you can do this?" he says looking me up and down, either doubting my ability, or my recovery. I don't bother asking which. I bite my lip and raise my brows. He glares.

"Oh no I can't! Quick, run after the horses Levi, we better ride them instead… oh wait… we already set them loose." I scoff, "Give me some damn credit. Now stand back, don't want to fuck up your leg any more if I can avoid it."

"It's fine."

"Shut up." I sigh and I walk away, but I hear a grunt and I turn with a frown, "What're you..?" he tugs me over and kisses me, I stumble a little, but just fall against his chest in my clumsiness. Once again he has caught my by surprise, but once again my body goes ahead and betrays my resolve to resist. My arms go round his neck and I respond to every caress of his lips. God dammit body, I am a fricking independent... damn that feels good though.

"In case we get into trouble, brat. Keep in mind your damned orders."

"To survive?" I gulp a little, and he stares at me hard before nodding. I sigh and nod back, looking up with a small grin.

"What's the grin for, Senefold? I mean it."

"I promise, Levi." I say with a chuckle, and he smirks.

"Damn right you do. Now go do your thing."

I nod and head away towards the middle of the field. The grass tickles my outstretched hands, and the birds fly overhead without a care. It was a very nice cage, I had to give them that much credit at least. But it was a cage nonetheless. The wall looms up to the south, and I shiver. When would I be in those open plains again? Would I?

"Shut it Senefold, and do it." I hiss at myself, and begin to clear my mind.

I stand in the middle of a field and breathe out slowly, letting myself relax a bit with the midday breeze wafting against my neck. I crack my back, and flex my arms. It would be fun to feel the release after a few days dormant, but it was true that I was still recovering. This might not feel too great all over. But I don't let it show, I just look at him and smile. He's decidedly nervous, I can tell that from his wholly non-nervous expression. He was trying too hard to look calm. I wave and activate my ability, the whooshing air encasing me, a few flecks of fire sparking along my spine where the injury flared, but ultimately I'm fine. I sit there; one knee on the ground as I wait for the air to clear and reveal my form to him, to let him know all was well. I basically looked the same, I was just a lot lighter, with longer legs than usual. Built for speed.

"You damn beautiful brat…" I hear him sigh a second later and I pretend to not have heard it. I'm sure I wasn't meant to. He wanders over, being slower with his injury, but also staring up at me, frowning in slight disbelief. "You really did it. You all right brat? Or do I need to cut you out again?"

I just growl at him.

"All right, all right." He grumbles, and he gets onto my hand when I offer it. The image alone of him stood there in my palm, and then on my shoulder was quite amusing, though it soon passed when he fired his gear into my shoulder. I hiss at him but he just shrugs and gets himself secure. It was either that or I held him the entire time, and this way he could only moan so much whilst being flung about the place. In fact, this might prove most amusing indeed.

"Let's go Alexia." He shouts and I nod, bracing myself and beginning at a light jog, slowly building to a full pelt sprint. I could hear his quickened breathes as well, and I felt like we were both staring ahead just as intently. Both like bullets from a gun, racing towards Stohess, and the mess that was likely waiting there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reaidng, please subscribe or leave a review, or even both. I love to hear from readers and so far this is a VERY quiet site. So please feel free to speak up!! :) anyway, hope you all enjoyed.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers :D another update, another day. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: Don't own Aot.
> 
> Warning: Manga info will be throughout from now on, laced into bits here and there so ye have been warned. Here there be potential spoilers!
> 
> Trigger Warning: as usual with this fic things get rather dark, rather graphic, the usual. :D Enjoy?

I won't deny the fact that whilst it felt amazing to be running free again, in my Titan form just stretching out my legs, it was a little weird as well. Running along and hearing the surprised yelps pass by was a tad strange. Bells rang in the distance and I was well aware that I was probably creating mass panic throughout this region, but try as I might to not to enjoy it, I failed. It was fucking hilarious.

It felt like I'd been running for hours, and maybe I had, I wasn't sure. But the sun was definitely heading to its Western bed, the lucky fucker, as the Walls came into sight. I still failed to understand how anyone looked at those and felt good? They looked like pale tombstones leaning up against each other, making my skin crawl every time I had to look their way. Apparently my passenger didn't enjoy my little shudder as he smacked my shoulder with the flat of his blade again. I just growled in response. I was driving, and I would damn well shudder if I wanted. Backseat pain in my ass.

"Are you really going to manage climbing that?"

I just roll my eyes and keep going, he shuts up for now, but I can hear those little grunts of pain. His leg was most likely fairly mangled by now, but he could get medical attention once this was all done with. Once we knew what the hell was going on.

As the looming wall gets closer I speed up, and prepare myself for an incredibly inelegant jump. I lunge up and swoop up onto the wall, keeping crouched despite the lack of point in doing so. I was pretty sure I'd be easily noticed… but then again? There was plenty else to be looking at. I perch there, panting from the run, steam coming off my limbs from the exertion. But there's no time for rest. I'm far too wicked for that luxury. It seemed the party had started without us, and they were really going for a big blow-out spectacle. There she was, big as life and being tailed by the rage monster himself. For a second I wonder if I've slipped into some surreal dream as I watch that blonde beast run full pelt away from Jaeger, but the curt voice of my Captain brings me back into the present.

"Fucking shit-show like we thought. Get out of that Titan and let's see what we can do."

I just snort at him.

"NOT. LIKELY." I growl, burning eyes honed on that that mess of blonde hair flailing about as she runs.

She's heading here, and she's hoping to escape over this wall. It wasn't all that likely, not without me being dead and gone first. Did that thing actually believe she was going to manage to escape? If she did, she was a damned idiot. But then again I didn't mind much, idiots made for easier prey in the long run. As they head this way, Eren is clearly gaining ground, the kid is as determined as ever and I feel a swell of pride to be associated with such a dedicated mind.

And then I stop myself; sentimentality didn't help anyone on the battlefield.

Unfortunately the Female Titan wasn't actually a complete moron, and she turns to deal with Eren before he can lunge and catch her off guard. They have their little face off and I chuckle. It was true the Female clearly had fighting skill, I'd felt that fact first hand, but that didn't matter too much once she was exhausted. It hadn't been long since the previous attack, and whoever it was in that big ass shell, was probably still pretty burnt out. This wouldn't be nearly as much of a task as the first attack. Go ahead Jaeger, wear her down so I can fucking finish her off. That thing had a high bill to pay her dues on; I don't care why she did it, nothing justifies all that death. Nothing justifies the destruction of so many lives.

"Can you realistically fight like this, Senefold?" he slaps my shoulder again. "Looks like Jaeger has this."

But we both know Eren has that rather bad habit of just stumbling forth without much poise. His rage ruled him, and that was where the Bitch got her advantage point. Eren was determined, and brilliant at what he did, but his enemy was well trained and detached. It was the only thing we actually knew for certain.

In my current form, being built for speed and light travel, I couldn't do much of a battle with her normally. Not to mention the fact I'd been running full pelt for hours. But if Eren managed to wear her down, get her tired out, I could give a few finishing blows, crystal ability letting me slice into that exposed pink muscle like tissue paper. Then we would have some justice, and then we would have some damn respect from the rest of Humanity.

Again I stop myself, why the hell did I care what they thought of the Scouts again?

Dammit Alexia, kindly get a grip on yourself, or so help me I will slap you into next week.

This blonde thing was detached, cold and ruthless, it was a sharpened edge I would usually be able to match up to. Right now I feel like a damn butter knife. I take a long breath and focus, never mind what it meant for the damn regiment, but try as I might I couldn't forget that need for justice.

Dammit this was messy.

I couldn't, and wouldn't risk taking the time to retransform into a more battle ready Titan. After all, I wasn't even sure how long this one would hold up so soon after my rather overtly dramatic injury fest. But I could at least attempt helping like this.

I had to do something: Oluo, Gunther, Eld and Petra.

I had a long list of dues myself.

God dammit Petra, I'm so sorry.

"Senefold! Don't fucking ignore me, what is it you plan to do?"

"KILL. BITCH." I rumble and I hear the sigh, and can basically feel the momentum behind his eye roll. Yeah it was a simplistic plan, and yes I had failed to do it before. But come on, let a girl dream?

I can't help but chuckle as Eren flings the bitch into a building. It seemed that he was rather forgetting those buildings might be handy to the inhabitant of the city. Damn idiot would have the place levelled sooner rather than later. But still, he might as well go balls deep, this was their last chance really. If he was taken to the Capital, then he was as good as dead. If they could capture the Female Titan and have something to show for that disastrous mission, then they might be able to save him.

Perhaps that was why Erwin hadn't sent men after Levi when he came back for me?

Perhaps Golden Boy knew he would need me for this battle, and was willing to gamble his best soldier in order to save Humanities last hope?

As for myself, now that I was back within the walls, and back within clawing jurisdiction, he probably didn't care after this battle was done. He just wanted his fight won. Any way possible.

I realise now that any MP's worth a damn, who had managed to look up at the wall and not swoon from confusion, would know what I was. Fair enough they didn't know who the hell I was yet, but that was only a matter of time. And then that would be nice and neat for the Eyebrowed one. MP's drag my ass back to jail and he doesn't need to worry about me anymore.

Nice and neat.

My previous suspicions on whether or not this was all a ploy to get me back under wraps crops up again. I glance to Levi as he zips down onto the wall off my shoulder. Could this have been a ploy? Was he that good an actor? Was anyone capable of such loyalty to a commanding officer? Whichever way I sliced it, it wasn't looking good for me. Either I'd had myself won over by a man's dick and deft use of his lips, or I'd played right into the hands of a walking blonde Caterpillar Farm, who only needed me for one last push.

Either way it would seem that I, Alexia Senefold, was completely and entirely fucked.

What a day to be alive.

I push these thoughts away as I see Eren get thrown down by the Female and have his head smashed in. Well that good run was a little short lived. They'd been going at it a while though, she's running slower and moving with less precision. And she's isn't being as careful, stupid cow hasn't even looked up to see that I'm sat here waiting at the top of the wall. On and on she runs, getting closer by the second. I look back to where Eren sits steaming away, that kid was either out for the count, or about to make one hell of a raging comeback.

Knowing him, I reckoned the latter.

I don't need to act until the bitch is by the wall, no point in using more energy than I have to spare. And from here I could still scarper if I have to. No MP's have appeared on the wall with chains yet, but then again they were probably a little preoccupied changing their trousers after suddenly seeing their real enemy for the first time. Brown trousers would seriously make more sense for the MP and Garrison soldiers. Then again everybody shat themselves when they died so it kinda made sense for the Scouts as well. I'd have to file a memo.

"Nothing fancy, Alexia. Just take her out. Keep it brief." Levi orders from his new position and I nod, fully aware I needed to behave myself if I did enter this fight. Which I wasn't so much torn about as I was the idea of being in a damn cell again. I wanted to punish this murdering wench, I wanted to make her pay for every single drop of blood she had spilt. But at the same time, the jangle of chains makes me shudder. Once in this fight, I was at the mercy of the system again. But I just sigh, steam escaping my mouth.

I've become too much of a sentimental marshmallow to back out now.

I know I'll do it.

My humanity was far too returned to not give into the need for vengeance. God dammit Petra, you fucking pain with your big beautiful eyes, and irritatingly strong morals. Fucking hell this was a mess, but there it was, and I couldn't deny it. The choices I had made had led to here. Not much to do but go with the flow.

"Holy shit…" Levi says and I do a double take myself.

Jaeger went with the raging comeback option.

The damn idiot looks like a smouldering lump of coal as he bounds after her, limbs only partly intact. He looks like a demon, and she looks fucking terrified. Laughter rumbles in my chest as I grip the wall, readying to enter the fray. This was one hell of a showdown to watch, and I reckoned it would be even better to be involved.

Yeah you better look scared love, I know I would.

Eren's roar is feral and beyond enraged. It's gloriously demented.

"TIME TO DIE."

"You better be talking about her." He snaps before he heads away, zipping off on his gear to where I can see a group of MP's and Scouts have gathered. Presumably he was going to fill Eyebrows in on what had happened, on my condition, and hopefully plead my case to the MP's. It was either that or he was heading down there for a fist bump and cigar, waiting to throw the chains over me once again.

God dammit woman, shut up.

I was alone now, left to my decision. However I'm a little preoccupied by the enthralling spectacle of Eren barrelling down and throwing that blonde bitch into the dirt. It was amazing. He clawed at her face and he bit at her flesh, flames writhed off him and he was forever growling. That kid had definitely lost it. But he was clearly going to burn out, and that moment came a lot sooner that I thought. She strikes him back and lunges for the wall. I stand up and take one last glance to the plains beyond before I turn to my enemy once more.

Show time.

I look down at her as she starts to climb with those crystallised fingers. Slowly the realisation hits, and she notices the fact she's being watched. Cooey, I'm home honey! Her mashed up face gapes up at me in sudden understanding, blue eyes wide and gaping mouth wobbling with an unvoiced scream.

I wave.

Without hesitation I step off the wall, hardening my feet and landing on her shoulders. I ride her sorry ass into the ground where we land with a terrific crunching noise and a billowing plume of dirt.

Eren lays there next to us, steaming and growling as he fails to move at all. Good job kid, but don't go killing yourself for the likes of her. You had too much left to do in this world.

As the blonde writhes about pathetically, I snarl down at her whilst the dust clears and she gives this weird little whimpering mewl.

Is she expecting sympathy?

Did she wish for mercy to spring forth as we share in our plight of being 'different'? Sorry love but I didn't come here to attend a big Titan tit hippy convention. I'm not here to braid that yellow hair of yours, I'd much rather rip it out and shove it down your throat.

I came here for vengeance.

I have her, and I kick a hole right through her stomach, my feet still hardened boulders of purse crystal. It's oddly satisfying to watch her blood steam off the cobbles a good few dozen metres away. She shrieks in a strangled manner but I want more. I need more. I claw at her arms and rip them clean off, shrieking up into the sky as I think of my Squad, as I consider what she had stolen from this world. She wiggles and stumbles up to run off, but that's fine, I want her away from the wall. She had caused enough damage today.

I stalk after her, strides long and heavy as I growl. I reach out, grab her hair and fling her to the ground. My teeth become sharpened by the blackened crystal and I go for her throat, pinning her in place with my knees.

I'm nearly there.

I almost have her.

And then there it goes.

Fucking typical.

She starts convulsing, and I feel my energy further drained as our Titans begin to merge.

Shit.

I shriek at the alien sensation, it hurts like hell. I feel like my bones are breaking over and over again, splintering and reforming just as quickly. There's yelling all around us, chaos taking back the day as soldiers try and figure out what they're meant to do. If they could just shut up, that'd be bloody marvellous! I have to get away from this, I roar as I break away, growling as the pain echoes in my body. But I can't waste time, I desperately rip at her flesh till finally she's exposed. She lays there all innocent looking, a young girl with ice blonde hair and a sleeping face. The face of a mass-murdered; who'd have thought. But that isn't the weirdest part, the bit that makes me freeze and block everything else out, is the streams of tears running down her damn rosy cheeks. The hell was this about?

Not that I'd get my answer.

The world wasn't that kind.

A blinding light flashes out of her, and crystal blossoms up and out of her. With the searing heat it's suffocating me, and soon the blue crystal is choking me as it encases my shell. All the while it shrouds her in safety.

Shit. She's gonna kill me this time.

Then there's a silver flash to our right. I knew that idiot of a captain would get involved, even with his injury. Some people never learn. I now know I have to get myself out of this, or I really would end up getting him killed. And that wasn't a debt I'd be able to pay off for a long time. If ever.

I scream as I rip myself out of my Titan form just in time to avoid the crystal cage, and tumble down into the dirt below. I swear I hit every possibly scraggled bit of the crystal on the way down. That could have been a lot more elegant, and a lot less painful. I lay there, watching the steam billow on the evening breeze as I try and catch my breath. My Titan is fading away, and I look over to see the crystal fully encase that blonde witch. I lay my head back with a groan. Still no god damned justice.

Zipping sounds all around me and I look with bleared eyes as a wave of exhaustion slams into me. Was it Levi? Oh hell no it wasn't. Shackles jangle in my ears and I shiver, biting my lip to avoid crying out like a damn coward as I feel the familiar sting of chains.

This wasn't happening.

I'm wrenched to my feet and made to face a cruel looking man with shaggy hair, and a messy beard. As he grips my throat and starts mouthing off with a distinct smell of liquor on his breath, I'm not surprised to see he's wearing an MP uniform.

God damned Unicorns.

I smirk and accept the fact it was beginning all over again.

"So you're the little bitch they had hidden away?" he sneers, and I raise a brow, glancing at my fading Titan form and then back at him, squinting.

"Little? Asshole, you seen the size I can be?"

"Less sass might be a good idea."

"Oh but it's less fun, and I can see from that sadistic look in your drunken eyes, that I'm not getting out of this. So why not… enjoy it." I cough as I'm kicked in the gut but stay standing, he hit hard but nowhere near as hard as the Captain.

Levi, had you really set me up?

If not why weren't you here right now demanding this weird looking humanoid rat unhand me? Or at least throw a snarky comment into this ridiculous scene. Then again I might be placing too much emphasis on the fact he actually cared. Just because he had fucked me, and claimed to be 'invested' it didn't make it true. Actions usually spoke a decent bit louder than words.

And right now it seemed I was lost to silence.

I hear yelling across the way, but when I look up I just see that Jean kid slamming his gear blades against that crystal. Shockingly enough it does no good. But no one's looking this way, no one's bothered that the wild woman's back in chains.

"Levi did well to get you back to us."

Fuck off, not you don't.

Please don't do this to me world.

"Erwin sounded unsure that he'd manage it." He snarls, and I just stare at the ground, heart pounding in my ears as he kicks me again, and one of his men does the same in the small of my back.

I crumple onto the ground, breathing as best I can as I fight the temptation to believe them that easily. Nah, it didn't fit. This was a weak plan to break me, it was a stupid ploy cooked up by some soused Unicorns. That was all. They wanted me heartbroken, complacent, and willing to give into their demands. To be perfectly honest they were being a bit thick, it wasn't like I could do much right now anyway, so why bother breaking me? I grit my teeth against the idea they were speaking the truth, these guys never did that. No, they were lying, and even if the shackles were on, and I didn't have the energy to shift again, they were sick gits who wanted to make me suffer. I was stuck, no need to rub the salt in, but they'd do it anyway.

I close my eyes and let them drag me towards a wagon.

I hear Levi's voice, and he sounds angry. I glance over my shoulder and see him yelling at Erwin, he's waving his arms and seems to be yelling his head off. Perhaps he was fighting for me. But then Erwin shakes his head, shrugs and gestures towards me. Levi's voice dies away, he sighs heavily, and pinches the bridge of his nose. He nods with a shrug and walks away. There isn't a single glance back. Not one. I softly begin to laugh and as the Unicorns throw me into the wagon, one nudges me hard on the back of my head with his boot. I roll over and smile.

"What're you finding so funny bitch?" he demands.

"Good luck getting any info out of me, I got nothing to lose."

 

*****

 

The green canopy whirls past me, the big ass trees are my playground and I cheer as the air swirls around. This was my freedom, this was my home. My heart pounds in my ears as I swoop down, watching a seventeen meter Titan dawdle through the undergrowth. It lazily steps here, then lazily steps over there. It pays me no heed and I do the same to it. It exists, I exist. Simple. The world had enough conflict in it, so I saw no reason to pick a damn fight.

My base comes into view, my little haven and I grin, using a little extra gas to get there quicker. I can see him even from back here, and it still thrills me to know he's there waiting. He sits there brewing tea, breakfast ready and waiting. It was going on ten years we'd been here, and long may it continue. I aim and shoot the wire once again, getting ready for a fresh swing of momentum towards home. He turns at the sound, and gives a casual wave as the kettle gives a small whine. I give another whoop and another extra use of gas. I was like a bird, I was free.

But I was free and whole.

Maybe we could take that trip soon, have me shift and him keep track of the supplies. I was go glad we'd stolen that map from HQ, Erwin would be pissed when he realised. But it was our right, fighting for so long and losing so much. This was our time. Me and him.

Me and my Captain.

I wonder if we'd make it to the ocean in one go, or would it take a few weeks? I flip round, and sigh as the cold wind whips past me. We had strong wings, and even stronger possibilities. Yes, we would go together, and we would go soon. A smile spreads over my face as I sink below the canopy again, green flickering past my slightly ajar eyelids.

Bliss.

"Wake up."

Pain engulfs my mind. The trees and freedom; it's stripped away. I look up and see it all on fire, and the figure of my Captain stands there laughing amongst the flames. I'm falling, the canopy getting further and further away, blocked out by consuming smoke as I descend towards the unforgiving earth. It's all gone; my freedom, my wings, my possibilities. It's all smothered into darkness, and I feel blood spill down my chin.

Don't you know what you've done to me?

You must know.

I'm dragged back to reality, and know the stoic face of this cell's cold stone floor well. It was much like any other, only this one had a lot more of my blood over it. Droplets of my blood had turned into puddles, and they in turn had become pools. I'm running on fumes as I sit here against the cold mossy wall, hanging limply from rusted shackles like a stale cut of meat in a butchers shop. The cuffs bite into my raised wrists but I can't do anything but try to ignore the pain, it was a few days since they'd broken my legs for the third time and I'd given up on healing them. I withheld that power, in order to keep the rest of me going.

It wasn't like I needed them, after all, it wasn't like I was going anywhere.

"You awake yet?" the voice barks again.

"Well I ain't napping, and I ain't dead. So yeah… let's go ahead and call this 'awake'." I croak back and see a pair of shiny boots come into view, they make the blood ripple and the warped reflection isn't one I recognise. Not that it surprised me. I hadn't known a single face in the past four torture sessions. I don't know how long it's been since I was taken in, and frankly I'm starting to not care already. I know it had been a few days since the leg breaking, they'd left me alone when the bones didn't pop back and I'd started counting.

Unless I'd gotten lost after 345,895 seconds, I was sure it had been at least three days.

"Such a damn smart ass."

"Yup, that's me you damn fuckwit, and what do I call you? Other than fuckwit." I snort and brace as my ribs get a little smooch from the tip of his oh-so-well polished boots.

Felt like genuine leather.

"So you gonna tell us what we want to know?" he grumbles, and I sigh.

"What was that again? It's slipped my mind."

"What are Erwin's plans you damn beast?"

"Oh yes, that little golden nugget of a question…" I spit the blood that had pooled into my mouth, they 'tsk' at me and I smirk at the how much the sound suited no one but him. "I guess I'll just have to say it yet again, though really, could I get some parchment to write it down on?" I clear my throat, "I. Do not. Know. What. The flying fuck. You. Are. Talking about!"

"We ain't buying that shit today, any better than we did before." He snarls and I lay my head back against the stone wall.

"For the love of a wallist's nucksack! Me and Golden Boy ain't exactly what you'd call friendly. He didn't tell me shit. Doesn't tell anyone anything, keeps his sexy ambiguity going y'know?" I cough and then feel the familiar blade pressed to my chest. It's cold, its sharp, it's becoming an old friend with these frequent and lingering visits. "No matter how much blood you paste onto those walls or this floor, doesn't change the fact I don't fucking know."

"Yeah but it's still fun."

"Ah… forgot that bit." And on he goes, slicing into me and tearing those noised out my mouth. I hate them. I hate that I give the sadist the satisfaction. But avoiding those noises takes effort, and it's something I can't give right now. So on and on they go, pouring out of me in strangled cries, warbled shrieks and frustrated hisses.

It was frankly humbling to know how easy Levi had gone on me.

These guys weren't so merciful.

They knew I'd heal, so they had their fun.

They'd burned me with flames, and branded me with hot irons. They lashed me with leathered whips, and flayed me with rusted sickles. They tried poisons on me, and let their scientists see how I was built. On and on they go, chipping away a little more of my resolve with each slice, hacking off a bit more of my soul with each searing touch. How far could I break? How far back did they have to strip my body to understand they were doing this to a human being, and not an animal as they thought I was?

I see through constantly flickering vision, dark at the edges as I withhold my healing for all my worth. I hoped that a lack of healing might stay their hand. The bones had stopped them for those few days, and at least the peaceful solitude had been some kind of reprieve. But now? Even with shreds of flesh hanging from my chest, he keeps going. It didn't seem like he would ever stop.

The beast was in me, and I felt it's rage, I felt its hate, and yet my humanity held it back. Why? Why can't I just go back to that woman who didn't care, who didn't miss the company of a few suicidal bastards? It was a dark pit I lay in, and it would take a fucking miracle to ever climb back out of it. If I could.

"Ask her a new question at least you cretinously awful waste of space." Drawls a voice from beyond the cell bars.

Well that can't be good.

I look up to see a face I did know, but wish I didn't. I'd never spoken to her, but I knew that face better than my own. Hour after hour spent pouring over old sheets and break downs of The Family Tree. Her portrait was one I had scrawled over many times, giving her a very sporting moustache, or making those eyebrows a rather snazzy monobrow. It only seemed fitting she was doing this to me now, that was how Karma worked right?

"Yes m'lady." The man backs away slightly, bowing like an idiot.

"Less ass licking, more questioning. Get on with it." She barks with an eye roll. At least she had a bit of class to her I guess. The knife is thankfully withdrawn from my flesh.

"Where are your parents?" he asks and I laugh.

I laugh long and hard. I keep going until I suddenly feel something slap across my face. I hadn't heard her enter the cell, but there she is, holding her leather glove out to the man so he could now clean it free of my blood and sweat. Her brown eyes are almost black as they stare into me, her chocolate locks tied back into a prudish bun, and a sour look on her red painted lips. She wore an elaborate gown that screamed the Capital in all the best ways. It also made her tits look spectacular.

"Answer the man. Now."

"I only laugh because you seriously think I know?" I snicker again, and she raises a brow.

"Yes. I do." She speaks coldly, and I feel like those white teeth wouldn't mind biting my head clean off. I sigh and meet her gaze, she doesn't falter back like the guards did, and really I'm quite glad. It had been a while since someone had given me a decent challenge. Since him actually. I grin and I see the slightest of smirks pull at those lips of hers.

"If they weren't killed in Shiganshina, then look for the nearest pub to where the boats sailed to. That's where they'll be, or…" I cough, "Failing that, they'll have been long since dead in an alley. If you lot lost track of them, they'll have had no money for their habit."

"You truly think they're dead?" she asks, seemingly forgetting about the guard who was just watching now. I meet her eyes and sigh.

"Yes. In all likeliness. Why the hell do you even care?"

"I don't. The family does."

"The fuck does that even mean?" I groan and lay my head against the stone, she looks confused when I look at her. Slowly a cruel smirk pulls over her face and I shudder, that was exactly how my mother had done it. It makes my stomach turn. "All my life I've had that thrown in my face. The family this, the family that. What is the family?"

"Even with all your studying you never knew? You don't know who you are?"

"Not what I said at all sweet-cheeks." I croak and she takes a step back, tilting her head, I snort. "My family never gave a shit about me, I know who I am without a damn bloodline."

"And yet you seem so eager to know?" she purrs and I roll my eyes at her.

"Because it's annoying, not because I'm some sad-sack crying over a lack of identity. If I have any more identifying characteristics I'd have yet another personality to fucking deal with."

"I knew you'd be the interesting one."

"Good to know, now either tell me, or ask another question. Or no, better still, let me the fuck go." I say and she chuckles. My blood turns a little cold, I won't deny it. "Why do I feel like I ain't getting the last option?"

"You belong to the Family, and now that we have you… why on this pitiful little Earth would we let you go? Captain Levi was so good to bring you back in, such a good little soldier."

"Shut up."

"Oh did I strike a nerve?" she purrs and I bare my teeth at her, she tuts. "Now, now, and he said you were such an obedient little girl out there. Took your medicine good and proper, didn't you?" she winks and I feel sick.

No.

No it wasn't fucking true.

She then smirks that damn smirk and walks away.

"Do carry on soldier, I think she needs a little more wearing down."

It isn't true.

I wasn't played, that was real god dammit. I know it was!

.

.

.

.

.

.

Wasn't it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, hope this is up to standard! See you next time m'dears!


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Still don't own AOT but still love writing about it.
> 
> Warning: Graphic violence and dark stuff - it's this fic... what else do you expect? Enjoy my dears :D

3RD PERSON POV

"Levi there's no point to this!" yells Hanji, standing in front of Erwin's door with her arms spread out to block the riled up Levi's path. It had been three days since Annie had been captured, and Levi wasn't able to wait any longer.

As soon as the chains had been put on Alexia it had all gone to shit. No one knew what was happening, or why it was happening in the first place. Erwin wasn't the type to just allow the MP's have their way, neither him nor Pixis should have been standing for it. And yet the Scouts had to stand by and watch as Alexia was thrown into a wagon and carted off; like she was nothing more than supplies. Hanji had been tasked with getting Annie into a secure area and so she wasn't able to do much, but even if she had been able to demand answers, or plead for an explanation, she wouldn't have received them. No one had.

At first Erwin had managed to quell Levi's fury with an assurance it was all about timing, but as the days slid by with no word, nor any change to speak of, the patience of the Captain was slipping completely out of existence. Hanji had done well to keep him contained, and only had to dodge a few swipes to the face. They'd kept him busy with the transport of Annie from the city to a holding cell under the HQ. It was to keep her hidden, to avoid the MP's attempting to corral that as well, and to allow some peace of mind. It was a fair enough attempt the MP's made, arguing that Annie was in fact an MP and should be tried by them accordingly. However Levi had not agreed with that entirely.

"It's our men she slaughtered, so it's our men that'll be holding her prisoner and our men that get to punish her when she comes out. Want to argue? If you fancy living beyond this conversation, I suggest you don't." and with those grey eyes burning the way they had since he had landed from the wall, no one was going to dare push the subject. Hanji had never seen an MP give up on an argument so fast.

As soon as Levi had landed by the group after leaving Alexia to join the battle in her Titan form, he knew he had made a mistake. Both in returning to this place so eagerly, and in bringing Alexia with him. He went to Erwin to inform him of what had happened, to let him know of Alexia's injuries, her recovery and now her intent on helping them out again. But apparently it didn't matter. The Commander just watched the Titan's fight, a small simper threatening to break through his composure.

"The hell are you smiling about? Why isn't that bitch contained?" snarled Levi, looking back and shuddering at the familiar sight of the Female Titan as the battle raged on. A snort had come from Erwin, and that had been when the flames took to Levi's eyes. That was when he knew there was a heap of bullshit heading his way and there was no way of avoiding it. Erwin never made such derivative noises, it gave too much away. And yet there he was, lip curled and eyes cruel.

"Which female dog would you be referring to Captain?" he drawled and continued to watch the violence unfold before his eyes flicked down to Levi for a moment. "You did well to get her back here without much injury to yourself. You should get that leg looked at though, can't have you out of duty because of it. I'll get Hanji to—"

"The hell are you talking about?"

"You are in need of medical assistance Captain."

"You're acting like I did all this under orders, you wanted her left out there to die. What the hell is going on Erwin, this isn't like you, and I'm sick of this cold bastard who's taken your place." snapped Levi, hands flexing towards his blades, but remaining where they were. Old habits die hard, and for a lot of years he had followed this man's command without allowing himself the luxury of questioning. He had to at least hear him out.

"In exchange for getting hold of Annie Leonhart we can at least allow the MP's to exercise some kind of control in having Senefold. She can hold out a while, let them stretch their legs and have their moment in the sunshine. Then we'll get her back and our cause can continue." Clarifies Erwin with a small shrug. "I'm well aware the MP's would demand something of us, we already made fools of them when it came to Jaeger, their pride can only take so many beatings. So I'm choosing my battles and the lesser of two evils."

"You have no idea what they could do to her, they're animals."

"Were you so much kinder?" Erwin raises a brow at his Captain and Levi grits his teeth, slamming his mask back into place as he feels the unmoving resolve of the Commander bore back at him. This would do no good right now; that much was clear.

When the great light appeared they all looked, and as Levi watched the crystal form round Leonhart he felt himself grow hollow. The situation was mounting higher and higher in the hell scale. He couldn't understand it, how had it all turned to shit so damned quickly? When it came to the point that Alexia was put in chains and dragged off, Levi found his resolve shaken, he demanded Erwin reconsider.

"Don't you see how vital a weapon she is to your cause? Reconsider Erwin."

"She will be an even sharper weapon having endured the MP's cruelty." Shrugs Erwin, and Levi can see that he isn't getting anywhere. He knows he has to get out of there before he puts himself in a position that will render him useless to everyone; especially Alexia. He stormed off to help gather the wounded, and he stayed busy as long as he could, trying to burn through his frustration as he tried to think of a way out of this. For everyone.

That was where it had been left.

But now it was the third day without news or action and Levi was at his limit. He stares down Hanji and counts to ten to avoid simply ripping her arms off and being done with it. She had followed him the whole way there from the mess hall when she had to once again report no change. He'd shot up from his seat and marched over to Erwin's office, thankfully Hanji was able to keep up and throw herself between him and the door. Her glasses are sliding down her nose as she tries to make Levi see reason, but she can already see the signs it was a losing battle. Not that it was going to stop her trying.

"This isn't going to help her, or you. You just need to—"

"Need to what Shitty-Glasses? Wait till they start parading parts of her body around the damn town?"

"No but—"

"I'm done waiting on his games. I brought her back because she wanted to help, god dammit Hanji…"

He doesn't know if he should tell Hanji about Senefold's potential ties to the nobles. He doesn't know much of anything right now.

"She trusted me." He says it quietly, looking to the side as he can't stand being under the scrutiny of those big brown eyes. He had his issues with Hanji, but he knew she'd been kind to the Shifter, and right now he had a high respect for those that had. "I realise that means nothing to Erwin but…" he swallows hard, frowning as he finds himself admitting it to her. "But it means something to me."

"Levi…"

"I'm done waiting around." He says and meets her eyes once more, the fire remains but now it's calmer, and simply determined instead of raging out. Hanji moves aside with a nod. She knew he was right, and she also knew just how capable the MP's were of punishing those they felt were befitting of it. In three days a lot of pain could be dished out and endured.

"All right Levi, but don't say I didn't warn you." She pushes her glasses up and gives a very unconfident smile. He nods and looks at the door as he collects himself before raising his fist and pounding. There's a vague vocal command to enter and Levi steels his nerve. He has to try and keep a lid on it, but he doesn't have much faith that he will.

Erwin's office is as neat as ever, not a thing out of place. The Commander himself was calm too, doing paperwork and seemingly oblivious to there being anything to worry about or fret over. This did nothing to aid Levi's anger or Hanji's nerves.

"What can I do for you Captain? Squad Leader?" he finally puts down his quill and sits back in his chair, hands clasped under his chin and face a mask of composure. As always.

"What's happening with Senefold? How far have you gotten with organising her release?" asks Levi as he clasps his hands tightly behind his back to avoid the temptation of lashing out. Erwin raises a brow and then nonchalantly reaches for a file, opening it and flickering through without much interest.

"She's being held in the main MP headquarters where her ability is being studied. I'm fairly sure I already told you that, Captain. As well as the fact I would inform you of any changes to that situation. There are no changes." Erwin notices the way Levi's eyes flash, and his arms tense as he grips his hands tighter together. "So was there anything else, or can you please leave me in peace?"

"You told me it would only be temporary."

"It's been three days Levi, hardly a long endurance test for one of our resident shifters."

"One day is too damn long." Snaps Levi and Erwin just shakes his head, as though Levi were simply being hormonal.

"She can heal, and she can endure. It's basically what she was made to do." Chuckles Erwin. "I rather think you've gotten too attached Captain."

"I just don't enjoy watching my soldiers be wasted." Levi replies coldly and Hanji shivers a little at the fairly blatant referral to all the Scouts who were lost to the Female Titan mission. Erwin's eyes tighten a little, but he just gives a small nod and leans on the desk.

"She was always more of a prisoner than a soldier, Levi."

"Maybe to you." He says calmly but he still grips his hands together to the point of his knuckles turning white.

He'd lost his entire squad to Annie, ripped apart and thrown to the ground like discarded dolls. All he had left was that mad woman they'd found in those woods, that they'd made serve with them and that he'd gradually grown to care for. It was only her left and now she was probably being taken apart like a malfunctioning clock. His mind drifts back to that home in the canopy and he wishes he'd never brought her back, he wishes he'd let her stay there and set about moving herself somewhere new. Somewhere they couldn't find her. But then he returns to the room, knowing full well that would have never worked. For one thing she'd have refused not having the chance to take down the Female Titan for what she'd done. And for another he knew his own selfishness would not have allowed that, he didn't understand what the woman had done to him but he knew whatever it was, the effects would linger for a long time.

"They've had their fun, why are you dawdling on asking for her release?" asks Levi having allowed himself the time to calm down. Erwin can see the change in his Captain and he stands up, strolling over to the window of his office where he looks down at the compound. Many cadets go to and fro, a few training and a couple more cleaning their gear. Eren Jaeger stands talking with Artlet and Kirtschtein. All little cogs in the machine, only difference being they all knew how to behave and take an order.

"There is much we still need to learn about this Alexia Senefold, and frankly I trust what the MP's find a lot more than what she could ever have told us herself. She hid her true ability, and so who knows what else she was hiding. Have patience Captain, wheels are in motion." Explains Erwin and Levi just takes a long breath, Hanji watches as the ends of his fingers turn a little purple.

"What wheels, and where the fuck are they going?" he says through his teeth, Erwin closes the drapes over his window and turns with an icy stare. Hanji is holding her breath, looking round for any potential weapons that Levi could use to gut Erwin if the Commander pushed him to it. These two were as stubborn as each other, but what Erwin had to keep in mind was Levi had so qualms about being known as a raging thug. He had a reputation of ruthlessness too, but didn't need nearly as much poise as Erwin.

"You've never had a problem trusting my leadership before, Levi." Says Erwin as he returns to his seat and pulls out more paperwork to be done. Levi nods and smirks a little, eyes never leaving the disappointing figure of his Commander. Levi was on a steep learning curve of late, and it didn't seem keen on letting up anytime soon.

"And you've never been so careless in wasting a good soldier before, Erwin." He retaliates and Erwin chuckles a little, sitting back and stroking his chin as he considers the change having occurred within his Captain. It would seem Senefold had done more than ruffle some feathers, it occurred to Erwin that she might have made permanent changes. Whether they were positive or not was still to be seen.

"She's going to be back soon enough, and I'm sure she'll be just fine. I can no more rush this, than I could persuade you that it's for the best. So you'll just have to attempt trusting me one last time I suppose."

Blue bores into grey, and for a few seconds Levi seriously considers how well Erwin would manage sailing through the air after crashing through that window. But then again, without Erwin there really wouldn't be any chance of getting Alexia back, or any direction to the regiment afterwards. He was a bastard, but at least he was better than the rest. At least that was what Levi hoped was still true.

He nods and turns to leave, not bothering to wait on being dismissed or saying goodbye. He would accept it, and deal with it, but that didn't mean he liked it. Hanji just turns and follows him, a little ashamed at how little she'd been able to help.

"Levi I'm sorry… I just…"

"It's all right Hanji, he's a cold hearted bastard in need of a smack around, but he's still the Commander. I guess we'll have to just wait it out. I just hope for his sake she can wait it out as well. Find out what you can Hanji, got any contacts left in the MP's?" he asks, not pausing in his marching down the halls. Cadets stay well clear, an aura of danger radiating out from the fearsome man as he stalks along.

"A few, I'll see what they can dig up."

"Let's just hope it isn't Senefold's corpse." He mutters, gritting his teeth as regret sits upon his shoulder, waiting and readying itself to claim his heart once again.

*****

ALEXIA'S POV

Time is an old friend I have long since fallen out of touch with.

Those first three days feel like a couple lifetimes ago, and I'm sure I'm going to be grey haired by the time I see the sunlight again, either that or looking up from my coffin. Neither sounds out of the question, and neither makes me do more than a shrug by this point. Pain is my newest comrade and he's one hell of a clingy pervert; he licks all over my skin and nibbles on my nerves, he strokes my head and kisses my cheek, he slaps my resolve and pounds into my hope till finally it succumbs to crumbling beneath him. He has a hold of every part of me, and frankly I don't have the will to tell him about personal boundaries anymore. My mind, body, and wretched soul were his to claim, and claim he did every single day I was in here. However many that had been.

Today had been a test of how long I could scream for, and I think I made a new record in all honesty, the man looks genuinely impressed when my voice finally cuts out. I'm tempted to ask, but of course nothing but scratchy croaks make it past my chapped lips. He drops the cleaver in the latest puddle of my blood needing the big mop to be removed, and he starts wiping off his hands on a rag. His eyes are like that of a rats, quick and nervous as he peers at me through the gloom. I think he's wondering why I haven't shifted in all this time, but really I shouldn't expect him, or any of the others, to have the mental faculty to take into account I was running on no more than poisoned fumes. I can barely blink anymore I'm so weak. When was the last time I managed to stand and relieve the pressure cutting into my wrists as I hang here? I can't remember, my mind swirling in shadow and blood as I breathe the musky air.

Couldn't they at least shower before coming to see me?

I made the effort for them, being all grimey and covered in my own sweat and blood.

The least they could do is look at a bar of soap.

As he finishes up I hear the familiar clackity-clack of those damned high heeled shoes, and my heart stutters a little whilst I remain motionless on the surface. Things usually got worse with her around; the men wanting to impress her, and then women wanting to outdo her. But this guy had already done a damned good job, and I'd be happy to tell him that if he hadn't made my vocal chords hand in their resignation.

Click.

Clack.

Click.

Clack.

The door to the cells creaks open far off, and he turns at last as he realises who's approaching. Yup, the boss lady is coming sonny boy, better smooth back that greasy hair and hope she doesn't notice the spinach between your yellowed teeth. As the sharp noises strut closer I have to consider how badly this woman needed to think of her feet, such an odd angle couldn't be good for them. The poor dear would be crippled surely? Her dress swishes against the stone, and her lips pop as she rubs them together to ensure her lipstick is still even. I'm sure she'll look the same as always; a perfect doll sent in on silvered strings to try and get answers I didn't have.

Soon enough her smirk comes into view and I give a heartfelt wave of my middle finger, we had a love hate relationship. A couple of old birds forever taking tit for tat. Whenever she spoke there was always that fun moment I got to devise a new death scene for her. So far I'd gotten pretty creative, and had occasionally explained to her how I would do it, and whilst she suggested I write them down, she'd never supplied the parchment. But she probably has a lot on her mind, so I can forgive that oversight.

But today something is different.

Today that glint of teasing in those dark eyes is replaced with a hardness, a cold determination that makes my spine turn a little soft.

What now?

Or had the day finally come for her to hold a blade to my nape and slice it open?

I can't help the hope that rises like bile.

"Give her water." She says to the man, and he nods, letting me sip half-heartedly at the stagnant liquid that probably had algae growing on it by now. It tastes like iron as it slides down my throat and I wince as my vocal chords are soothed. "Now get out." And he does so, letting her stroll on in with a lantern in her hand.

She meanders over and sets it down on the small table where they usually kept the pointy things to stick me with. But she just pushes them aside, allowing them to clatter onto the floor, and a couple splash as well. I hope blood is as much a bastard to get out of silk as I imagine. Her dark eyes look like gemstones as the lantern flickers and she scans me over a few times, lip curling in disdain and then enjoyment.

"They have made quite a mess of you haven't they? Well as long as you can't talk, I guess I can say my piece without your idiotic responses. But I will require answers afterwards, so do try and find some remanence of that lovely voice." She says, pacing slightly, damn heels snapping on the stonework like lashes of a whip. I nod and she sighs. "To think all of this could have been avoided if you'd just listened to instinct and avoided that Captain Levi… I still can't imagine what came over you. I understand Erwin can charm anyone into almost any situation, but Levi? Levi Ackerman is hardly known for his charm, rather more for his lack of it actually."

"I'm an Idiot… I know." I croak with an eye-roll, having been through this a thousand times already. I got it, I'd been played and found the fool. The salt was already overflowing in the wound and yet she just kept on rubbing it in. I'll admit it took a long time for my foolhardy mind to accept the fact it had been played, uncharacteristic hope had held back that reality with the notion he might really care for me. But eventually the floodgates open and I had to accept my folly.

Whenever she said his name my head would take me back there to my home, to where he'd listened to my stories and helped me heal my wounds. To where he'd really shown his finesse as a conman. And then my stomach churns as I remember his lips on mine, travelling down my throat as his hands gripped me with what I was foolish enough to think was want. But it was only control. That was all he had ever sought out to have with me; who had I been kidding thinking I could shake the resolve of a man made of stone? He was a loyal dog to his Commander, and that wasn't going to be changed by some wild woman they dragged into a cell and slapped a pair of shackles onto. Time was no longer my acquaintance as I've already pointed out, and so I can only assume that's why my damned heart still aches when I consider how easily I'd been swayed.

Humans were messy and I was the filthiest of all apparently, so pathetically starved of affection that I had actually managed to convince myself he cared for me. Perhaps even lo—I swallow hard and refuse that word like it's a maggot infested lump of bread.

The clacking goes on as she chuckles into the shadows.

"Self-awareness is a key aspect of recovery my dear, you've half won the battle already with that can-do attitude." She glances my way and once again I just nod, throat itching after my attempts at speech. I flinch back as the water is once again held to my lips and I take a careful sip, watching her carefully as this alien scenario takes place. She never helped me, she never lifted a finger except to deal out a strike against my flesh.

Why was she doing this now?

Her dark eyes watch the water slide past my lips, and occasionally drift to my throat to witness me swallow it down as best I can. A smile stretches out her red lips and a sigh escapes them moments later.

"You've shown incredible resilience in this matter my dear, I'd have thought the healing would have given in already. You did so well withholding it from your legs over those few days, I thought the MP's wouldn't get much further with you at all. And yet here you are, steaming away as always." She chuckles again and I feel the familiar sting of her stiletto blade as it rests against my nape, so cold that it feels like it's burning into my feverish skin. Apparently the mercy was a short-lived flight of fancy. I shudder and she sighs again, only now it ends in a chuckle. "You wouldn't even mind if I did it would you? If I took this blade and dug out that special little area on your neck? But if I do that… you don't get your chance at revenge."

The purred word makes my skin become covered in goosebumps and I immediately try my best to lean away from the touch of her blade. That was right, despite the ongoing darkness of my thoughts, the healing kept going, kept reaching for that opportunity to kill them. To take them into my hands and watch the life dribble out of them like their piss. At least I wanted to kill Erwin, my bloodlust always wavered when I thought of those grey eyes watching me. Affection continued to dull that want despite me having already accepted that he had betrayed me. Why was that? And then I see Petra smiling, laughing with me and trying to make me see the bigger picture. Dammit Petra I went after the blonde bitch who killed you, wasn't that enough?

Stop haunting me.

Please?

The blade is removed and I breathe out, panting a little as I hadn't realised I was holding my breath. It seems I cared a lot more about staying alive than I originally thought. The blade is sheathed, slowly zipping back into place as she paces once again.

"With that want in mind I have a proposition for you, one that allows you to both achieve freedom, and get that revenge you crave so much."

I wait for the catch to be explained, watching her with half-lidded eyes that squint against the lantern's glare. The smirk remains in place as she enjoys her moment of enrapturing my attention. This woman needed to get some new hobbies.

"We want you to go back to the Scouts."

You've got to be fucking kidding me. I snort and chuckle hoarsely, focusing my healing on my throat so I can explain to her the idiocy of her and 'the family's' latest ploy. Inbreeding really didn't do well for IQ's clearly. What was the point in me doing that? Other than ripping some jugular veins out of some readied throats? She watches the steam rise from my mouth as I laugh and apparently she isn't as amused, her pacing stops and the smirk has settled into an unimpressed line of derision. I manage to quell my tittering and look up at her with fresh focus, shaking my head.

"Why would I ever want to go back to that bunch of festering fuckwits? All they'll do is throw me into another cell, rather like this charming place, and have some more sick fun." I snort and chuckle again. "You waited all this time to offer me that deal? Sorry love, but clearly you're not as smart as you look."

A slap to the face.

Well that's fair enough.

"Don't take too many liberties with me Alexia, keep in mind it's me holding your leash now. And I can tighten it as much as I see fit, the family trust me to act in their best interest, and that includes putting you down for good. A leash can make a good noose."

"So do it already!" I yell, voice thin as I leer out at her. "If all you're going to do is dangle shit in front of me, do me a favour and let me choke on it properly? Why do you even want me to go back to the Scouts? What's the point?"

"To keep an eye on Erwin Smith for us." She explains with a roll of her eyes, and I hang back on my chains, shaking my head in disbelief.

"Why not just kill him if he's so much trouble?" I breathe, wondering when the madness of this human world would finally peak and cause an implosion. The woman shakes her head at me, and a smirk returns to her lips once again.

"Timing is essential in all things Alexia."

"As is cryptic bullshit apparently…" I groan and look to the floor again as she paces.

"You want to be able to teach Levi a lesson don't you? You want that sweet, sweet revenge on him and Erwin?"

"Yeah, but I don't fancy simply swapping one set of assholes bossing me around, for another set. Which is all I would be doing by agreeing to become one of 'the family's' lackies." I mutter, letting my head hang down again.

"I said you'd have your freedom."

"And did you actually mean I could go live back out there beyond the walls?" I peer up through my hair, and she pauses long enough to give her answer loud and clear. "Didn't think so."

"Surely being in our service and doing your duty to your family is better than rotting down here with the rats?"

"My family are rats." Another slap to the face. "Go ahead, beat me to a pulp then scurry on out of here. I'm sick of deals being whispered through gilded bars." I sigh and once more the pacing picks up and I wonder if she will just wander off and leave me here to die in the dark at long last. I want my revenge, but more than that I just want to be let loose again. Let me soar over that wall and find my home again, let me exist for me, not some archaic bloodline with pathetic ambitions of power. I didn't want that, I just wanted to live.

The pacing stops.

A sigh is breathed.

And a tongue is clicked.

"What if I see to it you could go back to your horrible little hovel of a home?" she asks and I peer up again, watching for any sign of games. But there's none. It's apparently a legit question. I shrug as best I can.

"Then I'd go ahead and believe in fairy tales again."

"Either be serious with me or I really will abandon you to this." She snaps and I just look up with a bored expression. "If I was able to guarantee that once we had all the information we desired out of your efforts in watching Smith, that you could return to that wilderness you like so much, would you agree to help?"

"Will I get to kill the bastard eventually as well?"

"Pushing your luck aren't you?"

"Might as well go balls deep if I'm gonna get into bed with the likes of you." I laugh and she grimaces, taking a delicate step back.

"You really can be vulgar."

"Thanks. So will I or not? Answer the question my lady." I hiss and she looks down at me with an unimpressed look, but she finally rolls her eyes and nods.

"Once we have a replacement put into place, and all the cards are dealt… I don't see why not. Would save us hiring as assassin or trying to turn the Scientist."

"Efficiency is so important."

"So you agree to follow our orders and collect what information we need?" she then holds out her hand to me and I snort.

"Not exactly able to shake your hand right now dearest, but yeah, I'll do it based on those terms."

"Good to have you on board. And just think, every time you report back you'll get closer to getting to show Levi how it feels to have someone you cared for turn around and stab you in the back." she purrs and I just grimace at her words, leaning back from her hand as it reaches to stroke my cheek.

"Why the hell would he even care?" I ask bitterly, mouth tasting like ash as I remember the embraces we had shared. I see those grey eyes and I swallow down my pride. "He was just following orders right?"

"Indeed, but even he can feel something with his dick."

"Now who's being vulgar?"

"It'll still sting to have his little wild woman floozy turn around and take down his regiment. He doesn't need to be a love sick puppy to feel a bit of a burn when that happens." She laughs and heads out the door, I watch her go and consider that I've probably just been played again. But this time would be different, this time I had nothing to lose when risking it all. I could just make a break for it and hope for the best. This time I had knowledge about the terrain and the people I was dealing with. This time would be different. And he would know what he had done to me. He must know that already, surely? I'd make him say it, I'd make him admit to knowing what he had done. He had to know.

"What would you have done if I'd refused?" I ask as she relocks the cell door and tucks the keys back out of sight. She smirks and raises a carefully plucked eyebrow at me.

"I never imagined you would."

"How can you have been so sure that I'd help, you're too smart to be so assuming." I say with a shake of my head, and I expected a grin, a thanks of the compliment and cryptic bullshit before she walked off. But that isn't what I got. Instead, anger flashes over those painted features and I see something odd flash in those black eyes. Panic? Worry? It's such an alien sight I can't place it before it's vanished. She looks me up and down, and I realise she's doubting my resolve to keep my word. In all honesty that's exactly what I'm doing, but she has to no reason to have thought that. Unless the bitch is also psychic.

"Blood is blood, Alexia. Right now it's all you've got to hold onto in this wretched world. Your hovels are known and so can be tracked, your freedom is far beyond reach without our help, and the man you laid down like a thirsty dog for turned his back on you and sold you out. Options are not what you have. But a need for revenge is, and your family is all too happy to allow you that sweet moment."

"As long as I do the job as well." I finish for her, and she slowly nods. "When can I expect to get out of the chains then?"

"Patience is a virtue you have thus far practiced well. Continue to do so." She then turns and click-clacks away, the door slamming shut a few moments later.

I look down at the lantern she left behind and watch the flame dance about with its remaining oil. Keep on dancing little flame, sooner or later that oil will run dry, and then all you'll have to do is splutter and fade.

Keep dancing little flame.

One day you might just get to burn them all.

*****

"Oi, Senefold, wake up." There's a clang of the door and I shrink back from far too many lanterns bobbing towards me with the shuffle of army issued boots. I groan and squint but can't make out who the hell it is bothering me with this onslaught of fire.

"Fucking hell… lower the damn lights…" I grumble coarsely, and thankfully they do as they're told. Along with the shuffling feet, and jangle of what I can only assume is keys, there's hushed voices that I can barely make out. I look up and frown as I see a familiar flash of glasses and then teeth as a nervous smile is sent my way.

"Hi there…" the voice is soft, worried and makes my heart lurch with the hope that I might be getting out of here. Then I remember what I'm meant to be doing once free. If I have to kill you Hanji, I'll be sure to make it painless.

"Hanji?" I croak, licking my lips and trying to stand.

"Yeah it's me Alex, just hold still while we get the shackles off you all right? Erwin finally got your release sorted out, I'm so sorry it took so long." She breathes and I do my best not to make a sound as the shackles disappear from my lacerated wrists, and I slump into two sets of arms. They hold me up easily, but I don't bother to look to see who it is as Hanji works on the shackles at my ankles. It didn't matter who was carrying me, as long as they got me the fuck out of here, that was all I cared about. Eventually the chains have all fallen away and I'm helped to walk out of the cell. Seems like my Family's little messenger had already convinced them it as all Erwin's doing, just typical that the Golden Wonder would get the fucking credit.

I let them get me up the stairs and into a wagon, I don't even question it when it no one seems keen on lingering. Were the MP even aware of this new arrangement? I just go with it though, slowly allowing my eyes to adjust to that crazy thing called daylight. Gradually I'm able to open my eyes and I stare up at the passing sky above, all grey and clouded as we rumble along the dirt tracks. I glance down and see Hanji checking my wrists and then she notices my head movement. She shuffles closer and pushes my hair back, smiling a little too nervously still.

"Hey, try and stay still okay? We'll get you cleaned up." She says quietly, and I just nod, letting my eyes slide shut. There wasn't much point in asking anything; we were heading to HQ, that was obvious. And doing anything was probably out of the question anyway. So I just let sleep take me, wondering if I'd wake in another cell, or my quarters; or perhaps even the same cell and find I'd dreamt all of this. Right now though I'm lulled to sleep by the clatter of wooden wheels and occasional splash of a puddle. It had been raining. Who knew?

I vaguely feel hands move me some time later, and hazily I hear people gasp as I am carried inside. I don't know what I look like in all honesty, I hadn't been fed much but for all I knew it had only been a week. Or it could have been a month. I had no idea what they were gasping about, but at least they weren't laughing? Soon enough though there's a bed beneath me, and a cold towel pressed to my head.

Well if it was a dream, my imagination had come on leaps and bounds.

And then I hear that voice.

"The fuck did they do to her, Glasses?" he rumbles, and my fists clench as my jaw tightens.

"I think the more appropriate question would be what didn't they do… she's incredibly weak, to the point that I'm wondering when she'll wake up. You saw the state of that cell Levi… all those tools… all that blood…"

"Yeah it was disgusting."

"I wouldn't even think to do that to a Titan, let alone a person." She breathes, the towel being pressed more against my forehead. There's a shuffling of boots and a click of a tongue. It's him all right.

"She'll wake up when she's ready, she's too stubborn to let the bastards win."

Don't think you know me Pixie Dick.

"I just hope you're right Levi." murmurs Hanji, getting up apparently and walking to the door that creaks on its hinges from disuse. "Don't wake her up, okay? I know you've been waiting but… don't force it. We have no idea what they told her. Or what kind of state her head's in."

"She's no fool, she won't have believed their lies." He says, apparently standing by my head judging from the sound of his voice. My fists clench harder. I wish I could believe his lies. It's all right Levi, Hanji wouldn't tell Erwin on you anyway, you can drop the act about giving a shit.

The door snaps closed and there's a sigh, the pulling over of a chair and then he sits down. The wood creaks and his clothes rustle, I want to open my eyes and just stare him down. I want to bore that guilt into him and make him suffer. But then I realise he wouldn't give two shits about me staring at him. Wouldn't even flinch in all likeliness. He might have even laughed now that I think about it, thrown his head back and chortled at the feeble little thing laying before him. How pathetic.

"You still know what you did to me right?" he breathes, a hand going to my hair and brushing it back. "They didn't steal that did they?"

Ow.

How can that have hurt so damned much?

Stop lying god dammit.

But maybe they were lying?

"Alex?" he says quietly, his hand stopping its movements and I think he might even be holding his breath. Had I moved? I hadn't intended to, but I must have done something. "Can you hear me?"

Unfortunately yes Levi, I can fucking hear you and I really wish I couldn't. It hurts too damn much to hear all this noise coming from inside me. Who was lying, where the hell had the truth buggered off to and how did I find the prick? Shadows and blood. Shadows and blood.

God damn I'm confused.

Just make the noise stop, someone?

He sighs and the hand leaves all together as he sits back. I'm expecting him to get up and leave, to snort in disgust and move away. But there's no more sound other than our breathing. Why was he staying? Hope bubbles in my mind, but then reality gives me a smack on the back of my skull. He has to stay to make sure I don't just get up and go kill Erwin. This is just more orders, this is just more play acting. What else did I fucking expect?

God dammit Levi.

I hate you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there we go, i aimed for a longer update as i'm having such issues updating at a regular pace.
> 
> Leave a fav, follow and or review as they all make my day and keep me going! You're all fab and I'm very thankful for you all that take the time to read my nonsense!


	16. Refer to FanFiction.net

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Explanations and apologies

To all those that have read/bookmarked on here I thank you for your interest, however I would refer you to where I am uploading these fics from now on. On Fanfiction.net you will find all my stories, two of which are a lot further on within that site, than they are here. 

I have found myself continuously forgetting to upload onto this site A) Because Fanfiction was where I started and is where I get highest traffic. B) I understand their system a lot better. C) The Community is a lot more vocal and forthgiving with reviews and feedback. 

I like to have a dialogue with my readers, and thus far have only had a handful of reviews on here, if that. And whilst I am glad to have recieved those, thank you again to anyone that did take the time, the sheer amount of silent readers on here just does not make it rewarding for me as a writer, in terms of learning as well as motivation. Thanks for looking into these works, if you want to see them continued (both Chained Wings and Red Burnings Wings are VASTLY further along in their narratives by now) then please look me up on Fanfiction, I am under the same nametag and the stories are the same titles as well. I hope to see you there, and am sorry if I don't.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed!
> 
> If you like the Shifter side of the story, and want to read a GREAT shifter story, one that inspired me to go ahead and use the Shifter aspect of this story, check out Adishailan, and her BRILLIANT story "The Hunter" I'm BETA reading for it, and I'm having so much fun doing so. Really, she's a great writer, with a great concept. Check it out!


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